by Jean Moran
‘And my daughter?’
‘She will not be coming with us. She is no longer yours but the daughter of the Groblers, who will baptise and educate her as they see fit.’
‘I don’t want her to be adopted.’
‘She lives apart from you or she dies. That is what I have decided. Luli will no longer be your servant. Following our return here, my grandmother will come and administer to your needs.’
Rowena felt like one of his birds, trapped in a cage. ‘But your grandmother—’
‘She will do as I tell her. It is her place to do so and she is sorry she took you away from me.’ He laughed. ‘As a punishment I took her walking stick from her. At one stage she could barely stand, so went down on hands and knees and crawled everywhere. Yes, she knows she did wrong. But now you are back and I can resume where I left off. You will no longer pin up your hair. You will wear only the clothes in the colours I wish you to wear. Your life is mine. Your child’s life is mine.’
‘How could you be so cruel?’
‘I can do whatever I want. I am master in my own house. In the interim I am moving you from your present room into the one adjoining mine. I want to watch you fall apart before I put you back together.’
‘You’re not human!’
‘I thought you were going to say that I was a monster. No, my dear, I am not human. I am better than human. I am a human who orders the lives of other humans, from the opium addict making me rich from his habit, to the Chinese general who wishes bribes paid that will make him a warlord or the Japanese commander who relishes the comforts of life.’
She searched around for an excuse to keep her distance from him.
‘But that’s Koto’s room.’
‘I have tired of her moon face and her tiny feet, which, incidentally, I instructed her to bind. The exercise was only partially successful. Her toes are still straight and whole. She is no longer challenging, whereas you, my dear Rowena...’
‘I am not your dear Rowena. I am Dr Rossiter. You can’t keep me here. I will be missed. Someone will come looking for me.’
‘Nonsense. Your relatives in England will think you’re dead. There will be many posted as missing once this war is over. There is also little chance of escape. You would find it hard to escape with a child. And even if you decided to escape alone, I would spread the word that she is half Japanese. At best the Chinese to whom I told her parentage would treat her cruelly, at worst they would kill her. Gossip travels fast. Anyway, the Groblers have offered a good price.’
‘You’re selling her! But I’m her mother!’
He shrugged his lithe frame and eyed her speculatively, all the time his hands running up and down the arms of the silk robe.
‘I have noticed you are not in the habit of showing her affection. Could it be that your ordeal at the hands of the Imperial Army has left you traumatised? Discard her along with your past, your education and your free will. I am your present and immediate future.’
‘But eventually, once I’m what you want me to be, you will discard me just as you will Koto.’
He spread his arms wide. ‘In the lap of the gods. We people of the Orient set great store in what the gods want for us.’
‘I can’t do it. I cannot abandon my child and I cannot believe you would kill her.’
‘No. I would not kill her. Not personally. The vengeful Chinese would kill her once they were made aware by whom she was fathered. But I am not a monster. You may have her with you for the next seven days until the Groblers have paid the price in full. They are not the most generous of people – or the richest. But she will attend the mission school every day with the other children. Make the most of it. Be as you were before. Do not touch her. Do not cling.’
She shivered as his long, sensuous fingers drew circles at the nape of her neck. With grim determination, she bunched the silk robe at neck level so her skin was hidden. The time for escape had come and so had restraint. He must not suspect what she was planning.
*
Day after day, night after night, she went through the process of living, her mind whirring with escape scenarios, some of which were extreme, others half formed.
It gave her no pleasure to move into the more opulent room next to Kim’s, which had been occupied by Koto. She thought she now understood the woman’s sour expression. Kim had insisted her feet be bound, that she endured the pain because he wanted her to. Sometime in the past she must have been a happy, pretty woman but Kim had taken her mind and warped it to suit his own selfish desires and fed her opium.
On her first night in that room she saw her clothes strewn all over the floor, the red dress that Kim so loved cut into shreds. Luli saw her smiling as she fingered the fine silk and tucked her chin deferentially into her chest. ‘I am so sorry, madam.’
Rowena circled the room, eyeing the destruction. ‘Koto did this?’
Luli nodded.
‘Tell her she did me a favour.’
Luli frowned.
‘It’s Kim’s favourite dress, not mine. I hate it. I just don’t understand why she bothered.’
‘She is unhappy. Her feet are painful, as the master wishes them to be, and she walks as those who really possess lotus feet, but she is very unhappy.’
‘Please tell her that it was not my idea. I don’t want her room. I don’t want to remain in this house. I want to go home.’
Luli looked surprised. ‘No want room?’
‘No. Where’s Dawn?’
‘Gone to the mission school.’
‘I see.’
He’d said seven days, but she should have known better. Making a promise, building up hope, then breaking it apart was how he intended controlling her.
That evening she awaited the return of the bus with the other women, peering over their shoulders as the ramshackle vehicle pulled in to decant the eager pupils. It would have been full length at one time, but perhaps through accident or design, it was now only half what it used to be, an odd clumsy thing that bounced along the road as though suspended on broken bedsprings.
One by one, boys and girls alighted, clothes askew, their happy faces displaying their delight at being home, tumbling into the shady interior of the old house, with its smells and superstitions, the women following them.
Rowena craned her neck. All the children had left the bus except one. ‘Where’s Dawn?’
Overcome with panic, she ran along the side of the bus, looking through the windows until she came to the open door where the driver was preparing to pull away. ‘My daughter. Dawn. Where’s my daughter?’
He said something, shrugged his shoulders and, encased in a cloud of dust, drove out of the compound.
She was left to stare after it until, assured that no magic would make her daughter appear, she spun round and looked for Luli.
The girl was standing next to Koto, talking to her avidly, which resulted in a frown. Koto spoke just as avidly back to her and both held their hands over their mouths as though they were sharing a secret.
‘Luli. Where is Dawn? Why hasn’t she come back?’
Luli started. Hesitantly she explained. ‘She stays with the reverend.’
‘Stay?’ She grabbed the girl’s shoulders and shook her. She was angry, scared, desperate, and totally lost control. ‘What do you mean, stay? She’s my daughter. Don’t you understand? She’s my daughter!’
Luli looked terrified.
Realising she was hurting her, Rowena let go of her shoulders. ‘It isn’t your fault, Luli. I’m sorry.’
Luli ran back into the house, Rowena following behind her.
Koto was waiting for them, standing in the middle of Rowena’s new room.
The girl Luli exchanged a brief glance with Koto that was difficult to interpret.
Rowena repeated her question. ‘Luli. Where is the master?’
‘Home soon.’
Ripped clothes scattered around her, she sat there, not attempting to pick them up but seething with a rage that would not b
e subdued. She recalled Maretha Grobler informing her that she had found the child she wanted to adopt and that child was Dawn.
So far she had been careful in what she said to him, aware that a serpent writhed beneath his elegant exterior, but the time had come for her to act in whatever way she could to reclaim her child. She had to take action. Even if she had to kill him, she would fight all the way to keep her child.
Dusk was falling and outside lanterns bobbed into light when Kim walked into the room looking pleased with himself. With deep loathing, she wondered what violence he had done that day, how many people had suffered at the hands of his agents and the delirium caused by the opium he traded in.
His self-satisfied smile disappeared on seeing the torn clothes scattered all around the room. He frowned disapprovingly. ‘This is a mess.’
‘So am I.’
He ignored her pointed response.
‘Where’s Dawn?’
He looked totally unfazed. ‘Forget her. She is no longer part of your life.’
‘She’s my daughter. You told me I had seven days.’
‘I changed my mind. You will do as I say and be the human being I wish you to be.’
‘I won’t be happy.’
‘I do not need you to be happy. I want you to be unhappy.’
She eyed him fiercely. ‘What do you have in mind?’
Tucking one leg beneath him, he settled on the end of the bed looking thoughtful.
‘You will be the woman I presented to the Groblers. The opposite of a physician who cures disease. I will make you a woman who spreads disease.’
‘A whore.’ She said it in a hushed voice tinged with disbelief and horror.
‘In another life I would have been a scientist, one who experiments with the human psyche, for I revel in making people what I want them to be. It is very challenging – and very interesting.’
She willed herself to keep a cool mind, to take charge of this situation, to plan steps that would remove her from this horror, from this place.
To protect Dawn was paramount. It would be easier to escape alone but she couldn’t do that. Kim was insane, that much was clear, but perhaps many criminals who ordered killings as a matter of course were insane and considered themselves superior to their fellow men.
Suddenly he noticed that she’d pinned her hair up when he’d specifically told her not to.
His mouth grim, he reached out, clenched her chin with one hand and plucked out a pin with the other. ‘I told you not to pin your hair up. I do not like it.’
As her hair fell, he slapped her so hard that she fell across the bed.
‘No!’ she shouted, thinking he would fall on top of her and take what he wanted.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘Tonight no food, no drink.’
*
Those next few days were a nightmare and her dreams were nightmares. She couldn’t eat and her eyes were red-rimmed.
‘This is so desperate,’ she whispered to herself, to the night, to her tear-stained pillow.
It was three days later, and only two before he would take her to Kowloon, that Luli and Koto came knocking at her door.
Luli was feverishly excited. Koto had a bruised face.
Luli quietly closed the door behind her.
They looked at each other as though sharing a great secret, their movements slow and careful, their footsteps light, as though they were walking on eggshells.
‘What is it?’
The two women exchanged brief looks.
‘We have a plan to help you escape.’
‘I’m not going without my daughter.’
Koto said something.
Luli translated.
‘She says she quite understands. She would not wish to be parted from her son.’
‘Is Koto his wife?’
She shook her head. ‘She was number one until you came. He will send her to the House of Women in Kowloon if you stay. She does not wish to go. She wishes to be with him.’
‘And she wants me gone.’
Luli translated for Koto and they both looked extremely happy that everything was so clear. ‘She says she wants her room back.’
‘And Kim – the master? She wants him back too?’
‘Yes. She loves him.’
Rowena shook her head. ‘I’m amazed.’
Green tea was brought, with little sweetmeats. Judging from Koto’s exclamations and hand signals, she’d made them herself.
Feeling a little more hopeful, Rowena remembered she hadn’t eaten much in days and she really needed to keep her strength up. To her mind the only chance she had of escape was going to Kowloon with Kim, where she hoped an opportunity would present itself. She expressed this to Luli. ‘But how do I get Dawn there with me?’
The two women talked excitedly in Cantonese delivered as swiftly as machine-gun fire, then silence as they considered problems, then back to rapid Cantonese before Luli translated into English.
‘It is agreed. We will get the child to you.’
In a mixture of English and Chinese, they rattled out the details. As planned, Rowena would go with Kim to the house in Kowloon. Luli reminded her that she had been educated by the Groblers and knew the mission very well. ‘While you are with Master, I will go there at night. I know where she will be sleeping. I will climb in and take her. Koto’s cousin is a rickshaw driver. He will take me there, then take both of us into Shanghai. Other relatives will hide her until we can get her to Kowloon. Then to Hong Kong.’
Rowena nodded, though until this point she’d had made no plans as to where she wanted to go.
They went on to discuss further details, making contact once she was in Kowloon.
‘Then I will have to get to wherever you are.’ Rowena thought about the grandmother’s ruse of going out for a drive in the car, then transferring to a rickshaw. Their eyes lit up when she related the details. ‘It might be easier if I could escape from the house in the walled city and hide in Kowloon until you get there.’
Luli nodded sagely. ‘Do you know somebody there who will hide you?’
She thought of the face she’d recognised at Connor’s Bar: Yang the barman. ‘Yes. I believe I do.’
‘When I get there, I too will go on to Hong Kong, perhaps even Australia.’ Luli grinned cheekily. ‘I would like that.’
‘You won’t come back here?’ Kim had already told her that Zu Mu would take Luli’s place but she decided not to mention it to Luli.
As it turned out Luli had taken that into account. ‘Koto will say I planned it all so no blame falls on her. That is best. I do not want to stay here or in Kowloon with the old grandmother, who likes to beat me with her walking stick. I want a new life in the new world that will come to be when the Japanese go home.’
Overcome with gratitude, Rowena gave Luli a hug, then the same to Koto. ‘How can I ever thank you both?’
Collusion was evident in the looks they gave each other.
‘Koto says no need. She will have everything she wants when you are gone.’
Rowena doubted Koto’s life would return to what it had been. It shook her to think that Koto was not merely subservient to Kim: she loved him.
As with all travel, there would be costs involved.
‘I haven’t any money. I’ll need some.’
She looked around the room. All she had here belonged to Kim and there were only dresses. How far would a torn red one get her?
‘This.’
It was the one English word she’d ever heard Koto utter. The other woman held a small silk package in a nest of long, painted nails.
She explained her intentions to Luli, who translated: ‘She says you are to take this. It is jade, very old and very valuable. She says it belonged to one of her ancestors, the favourite concubine to a great warlord. It is yours now.’
‘I can’t possibly…’
Koto’s hands folded over hers. ‘Yes.’
*
‘A few days and we will begin your educat
ion.’
She resisted the urge to tremble and didn’t protest when he ordered her to sit on a low stool, circled her and told her which days of the week he would allow her to eat, and those days when food and drink would be denied her.
Adopting a look that was winsomely sad, she dined with him, only eating those things he allowed her to eat and even then in very small quantities.
She sat with eyes demurely cast down when she accompanied him in the car along the grand avenues of Shanghai where many world banks had their headquarters. She was not expected to have a will of her own. There was only his will that must always be obeyed.
Acting had never been of great interest to her – she’d never had any desire to be a movie star – but she had some idea of how it was done.
That night she held back the threatening shiver as he lay next to her, teasing her as to whether or not he would make love to her. Either way she had no choice but to give in, let him do anything he wanted to her or have her do anything to him. Everything was at his pleasure.
He joined her, his naked loins against her back, his arm around her neck so she had no choice but to stretch her head back or she wouldn’t be able to breathe.
His hand explored the front of her body, shoulder, arm, breast, ribcage and over the curve of her hip until it finally rested on her belly.
‘You will smoke the pipe?’ he asked suddenly.
‘No. I can’t.’
‘I want you to.’
‘I’ll be sick.’
Suddenly he kicked her. ‘Get out of this bed.’
Not understanding, she held onto the covers. ‘No.’
‘Out!’
His kick was violent and before he lashed out again, she was out of the bed.
Kim spread himself across it.
Rowena headed for the divan.
‘No. You sleep on the floor.’
He didn’t deny her the cushion she pulled down from the divan or the discarded dressing-gown.
She lay there shivering but wouldn’t dare disobey. He had to think that she was becoming what he wanted her to be and she vowed never to be that. The cold concentrated her mind, and as her hatred for him grew, she thought of happier times in the past when she’d sung in a bar with a big bluff Irishman.
