by Tina Beckett
She didn’t answer for several long seconds.
“Garret, I am so sorry.” Her hand reached out as if she might touch him, but then changed her mind. Maybe because he hadn’t made any effort to meet her halfway.
Halfway to where?
The test stick had landed upside down, but to turn it over seemed beyond his abilities. Doing so might mean the very thing he’d vowed to avoid had managed to track him down. And he wasn’t sure he could hold himself together if that happened.
A million flashes of firsts shot through his skull, each more painful than the last: Leticia’s birth, her first baby tooth, her first steps, her first day of school—and the last breath she ever took.
Hot daggers assaulted the backs of his eyes and he struggled to make his tongue form words.
“We used—” His voice cracked and he had to start over. “We used protection.”
“I know we did.” A gaze awash with compassion met his.
“Then—how?”
“I don’t know. Any number of things can go wrong.”
Go wrong. That was an understatement.
He finally reached for the stick and flipped it, even though he already knew what he’d find. And there it was. A pink plus sign.
Why was it that those commercials always showed everyone giddy with happiness and excitement? He had been too, at one time.
But not now. It was as if he were trapped in a surreal world where things never quite worked out as they should. Where no one was giddy or happy.
Where there was nothing left to do but drop flowers onto a headstone. And he hadn’t even been able to do that.
“You’re pregnant.”
“Yes.”
He didn’t ask if it was his. His brain might be screaming at him to find a way to escape, but his heart knew better than to listen to it.
She’d come here to—
Actually, he wasn’t quite sure why she was there.
“What do you want me to do?”
That seemed to confuse her for a second or two. Then she stood a little straighter. “I’d like to know how you feel about it.”
How he felt about it? He was pretty sure she wouldn’t like his answer to that. So he rephrased and tossed the query right back to her.
“Maybe I should ask you that question, since you’re suddenly putting in a lot of overtime again.”
Her mouth opened. And closed, teeth coming down on her bottom lip. Then she tipped her head to one side and stared at him. “That’s all you have to say? That I’m working too much overtime?”
“Can you take another test?”
“I’ve taken five. They’re all identical. Do you want me to pull them out and show you? This is real, Garret. I have no reason to make something like this up.”
“I didn’t say you made it up.” It had to have been from that time at her house, because they had only been at his house a couple of days ago, not long enough to register on a test.
“Did you know this was a possibility when you came to the auction? When you let me take you home afterward?”
She averted her eyes, and he knew. Before she even spoke the words. “Yes. I knew.”
She sank into the chair he’d offered her moments earlier.
“And you said nothing.” He swallowed. “That whole time.”
Maybe she had. She’d whispered something in her sleep at his house. Something he hadn’t caught, but she’d seemed distressed, stirring until he pulled her back against him.
Hell, how had this even happened? He’d lost one child already. Wasn’t that enough for one lifetime? Surely she didn’t expect him to take on another one. He couldn’t. He even remembered saying that to her, sometime after that first night they’d spent together.
And still she was here. Wanting some kind of answer. One he didn’t think he could give her.
His gaze went to her midsection and then slid back up to her face.
Just two days ago, he’d been envisioning spending more time with her. Had even started thinking about the future.
But now that future would include a crying infant, a toddler’s tendency to get into everything in sight—and the worst thing of all: a small human who would capture his heart.
And he’d worry—every second—about the millions of things that could go wrong. Just like Addy’s comment about that condom.
Any number of things can go wrong.
His stomach churned up bile that frothed and burned inside him.
She slid a hand on his desk, her palm up. “You’re right. I suspected I might be pregnant and didn’t say anything. I should have, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to face the possibility.”
Any number of things can go wrong.
Those damned words wouldn’t stop pounding in his head. They just kept looping around over and over and over, reminding him of the reasons he didn’t want to father another child.
“I can’t do this, Addy. Any of it.”
She sat there for a second and stared at him as if waiting for him to say something else. Anything else. But he was completely blank. Completely empty. Except for that single drumming phrase that wouldn’t let up.
She withdrew her hand and let it fall into her lap. Up went her chin. “Then don’t. Don’t do this. Don’t do anything.”
With that, she got to her feet, drew her lanyard over her head and dropped it on his desk.
Something about that registered in the back of his head, but he couldn’t quite make sense of it. He couldn’t make sense of anything.
“Goodbye, Garret.”
He didn’t move. Didn’t argue with her. Just let her slowly climb to her feet and walk toward the door. And then she was through it, shutting it behind her. Only then did the words finally slow to a stop.
Any number of things can go wrong.
Garret was pretty sure something had just gone very wrong. And he had no idea how to make it right. Or if he should even try.
CHAPTER TWELVE
DAMN GARRET STAPLETON for making her care. Why hadn’t he walked away after that first kiss on the beach?
Why hadn’t she?
She didn’t know. What she did know was that the night of the auction, after Garret had given his last speech and had headed her way, something profound had happened inside her. Something that had nothing to do with the new life she carried.
He was charming and sexy, and had a heart as big as the whole state of Florida. Only that heart had no room in it for a child. His child. He’d said so himself.
And that hurt more than she’d believed possible.
The baby she’d never dreamed she’d have was suddenly a very real possibility. And she was already in love with him or her. If she had to raise the child to adulthood on her own, then so be it.
Except she didn’t want that. She wanted the entire glorious dream, not just part of it. And that included Garret.
Oh, he’d tried to call her after she’d walked out of his office. Three times, actually, over the last two weeks.
She had finally attempted to call the hospital yesterday afternoon on the off chance that he’d changed his mind, but when she’d asked to speak with him, she’d been told he was out of town.
A shiver had gone through her. “Do you know where he went?”
“New York City. He’s not sure when he’ll be back.”
Or if.
The operator hadn’t exactly said it, but it seemed to hang in the air.
Had he actually left permanently?
The pain in her heart threatened to overwhelm her.
She’d made a huge mistake by not telling him at the auction that her period was late. But she’d told herself that it was probably all a big mistake. That the timing was just off due to stress.
Only it hadn’t been stress, and when she’d dropped that test stick
on his desk, she might as well have dropped an anvil on his head. Maybe she had. She just hadn’t been able to think of a better way to present it. All options seemed to lead to the same disastrous end.
And now he might be gone forever.
She’d quit her job over it, hadn’t she? Was it so surprising that he might choose to do the same?
No, it wasn’t. She could imagine him wanting to get as far away from the problem as possible. Just as her hurt and anger had driven her to walk out of his office.
Except Addy didn’t see the baby as a problem. Not anymore. She’d come to see it as a blessing.
The fact that Garret didn’t view the situation through the same lens had nothing to do with her.
She’d just have to learn to live with it. Somehow.
Until then, she could try taking the advice she’d given Garret all those weeks ago. She could try doing a little surf therapy. And hope that it really could work miracles.
* * *
Garret stood over his daughter’s grave, unsure and alone. He could turn and walk away, and go back to life the way it was. Life before Addy’s revelation. Or he could make a change. Turn a corner.
Except he couldn’t see what lay around that corner. And that was where the fear came from. If he could see the future, it would make his decision a whole lot easier.
Only he wasn’t a prophet. And neither was Addy.
What if she decided she couldn’t raise a child on her own and did something about it?
His gut twisted. Was that what he wanted?
No. It wasn’t. But was that really fair to her? He didn’t want any part of what she’d told him, but he expected her to figure it out and make the best of it. While he turned a blind eye to everything and pretended it didn’t exist.
Only it did.
He knelt beside the granite marker, laying what he’d brought to the side. He then touched the name engraved in the stone with the tip of his finger.
“Sorry I haven’t been here in a while, sweetheart.”
A while? That was an understatement.
He dusted a blade of grass off the stone. He’d needed to come here. Had needed to think.
He picked up his offering and laid it in front of the headstone. Daisies. Leticia’s favorite flower.
And his too.
“I’m not sure what I should do. Or if I should do anything.”
His head had been filled with nothing but Addy for the last two weeks. With the terrible sadness he’d seen in her expression when she took off her lanyard and placed it on his desk. He hadn’t realized the significance of that act at first. He’d been too hung up on that pink symbol on the pregnancy test to care about anything else. Until the door had closed and he’d realized she’d just quit.
He’d quickly stuck the test strip in his desk and done his best to forget about it.
Only he hadn’t been able to. Every time he’d opened that drawer, it had stared up at him in accusation. She’d trusted him enough to tell him she was pregnant, and he’d thrown it back in her face. And now as he sat in the spot where his life had changed forever, he wondered if he’d been the biggest fool on the planet.
Oh, he had been. Of that there was no doubt.
“Oh, Letty. You wouldn’t be very happy with me right now.”
He glanced at his ruined hand, lips twisting at what he’d done to himself all those years ago. What he was doing to himself all over again. What he was doing to Addy.
Addy.
He stared at the stone, a thought coming to him. He’d just thought about making a change and turning a corner. Except the fear of what might lie around that corner was keeping him from moving forward.
He forced himself to stop and look at the corner, to envision what might be waiting for him around that bend in the road.
Oh, hell. He swallowed as a realization pushed up from somewhere deep inside him.
It was Addy. She was what was around the corner. She and that tiny creature she carried inside her.
Wasn’t knowing that enough? Did other people gain any more insight into their future than what he’d been given?
He didn’t think so.
If he chose not to turn that corner, one thing was certain. He was going to lose her forever. Lose a chance at happiness. Was he willing to pay that kind of price to protect himself from pain? Wouldn’t doing that just cause a completely different kind of pain?
He loved her. With all his heart. On some level he’d realized that back at the hospital and had tried to call her, even though he hadn’t been sure what he was going to say. But she’d evidently not been ready to talk to him. Maybe she’d never be ready.
He’d never know if he didn’t try.
But first, he needed to finally close the door on his past. A past he couldn’t change, but one he could hopefully learn from.
“I think I know what I need to do.” He scooted the daisies closer to the stone. “If things work out the way I hope they will, I might not be back for a while, but you’ll have flowers on every birthday. I promise.”
He kissed his fingers and touched them to her name. “You’re going to be a big sister. God, I hope I do you proud as her father.”
A rush of moisture blurred the writing. “Until next time, baby. I love you.”
With that, he stood, praying that somehow Addy was still waiting. Just around that corner.
* * *
He sat on the beach for the third day in a row, his board beside him. He had no idea if she would even come, but he could hope. The hospital said she’d called once while he was in New York, but that she hadn’t tried again.
He’d left her a voice mail on his way back from the airport asking her to meet him at their spot. He could only hope it wasn’t too late.
If she didn’t show up soon, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Her house was empty, a For Sale sign planted in the yard.
That worried him.
The sun was hot and a trickle of sweat ran down his temple. He lifted his forearm to swipe it away. She evidently wasn’t coming today either.
Just as he started to get up, he spied a familiar movement off in the distance. A flash of red. A gentle sway of hips. A surfboard held to her side.
A dream?
The vision kept coming, and he swallowed when he realized she was very real. She wore the same red bikini she’d worn the first time they came here.
She stopped in front of him and dropped her board, fin-side up, on the sand. “You’re dry. You haven’t been in yet?” There was no smile on her face. No clue as to what she was thinking.
“I was getting ready to leave, actually.”
A frown formed. “I thought you asked me to meet you here at three.”
“That was two days ago.”
“And you’re still here?”
A ghost of a grin found its way to his mouth. “Maybe I should have camped out.” The smile disappeared. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
“I was in court finalizing my divorce when your call came in.”
“And yesterday?”
“Doctor’s appointment. Right at three.” The words had a wary sound to them.
What kind of appointment? A trickle of fear slid across his heart. “Is everything—?”
“Yes. Still pregnant. Sorry.”
Reaching up, he gripped her hand. “I’m glad.” He patted his towel. “Can you sit down? I have a few things I want to say, starting with I’m sorry.”
There was a momentary hesitation and then she eased down beside him.
“Sorry?”
“Yes. For all of it.” He gazed out toward the sea. “I was shocked. And frankly terrified. I never expected to become a father again.”
“I know. I was pretty shocked and terrified too at the way things happened. Only I can’t run away from the reali
ty of what’s happening inside of me, like you can. Like you did.” She stared at the sand. “You hurt me.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. I went to visit Leticia’s grave.”
She looked up. “That’s why you went to New York?”
“Yes. I needed to make peace with my past, and wanted time to work through some things about myself.” He took her hand again, grateful when she didn’t jerk away from him. “I also took her some flowers. Someone I care about very much made me realize how important that is.”
“Oh, Garret.” Moisture appeared in her eyes. “I’m so glad.”
He threaded his fingers through hers. “I told her she’s going to be a big sister. And that I would bring him or her to visit.”
She didn’t say anything for several long seconds and a different kind of agony went through him. Then her fingers tightened around his, squeezing as if she needed something to hang on to.
“Does this mean that you want to be a part of the baby’s life?”
“I want more than that, Addy. I want to be a part of your life. If you’ll let me.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. “I love you. More than you can know. Can you forgive me for taking off like I did when you told me?”
“But you didn’t. You sat right there in your office and barely moved. Barely looked at me.”
“It may have seemed that way, but inside my head, I was running. The second I said ‘I can’t do this,’ I was out of there.” He covered their joined hands with his damaged one. “And now I’m done running.”
She shifted her body toward him. “You need to be sure. Very sure. I don’t want someone who will be there for a while and then start drifting away when things get hard. Or a crisis happens. I’ve done that once. I won’t settle for it a second time. And I don’t want that for our child.”
“I’m very sure. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m even thinking of weaning away from some of my administrative duties and moving back toward medicine itself.”
“You are?” There was no mistaking the shock on her face.
“I’ve been researching diagnosticians in the field of neurology. It’s actually a thing.”
“That’s wonderful.”
