Camila is here. Ellie is in hair and makeup. How do I split myself in three so I can check on them and still be in this scene? Anna’s unpredictability makes me nervous. She shouldn’t be near Haven today. Ellie’s concerns echo through my brain. Of course, the situation isn’t safe. I should have asked Kyle to fly with Camila. Then I’d feel like I was capable of being in two places at once, and he’s good with my sister's mood swings. Almost better than me at talking her out of a rage.
“When are we moving on?” I call to James since he’s ignoring me to talk to other people.
“Whenever you get your head out of your ass and nail the scene,” James yells back before settling into his chair again. “Do you need me to give you a note or can you do your job today?”
Rage boils in me. I turn my back on him and suck in deep breaths. Today is not the day I blow it. Calm. I picture Ellie looking up at me, her face alight with a smile. Her dark eyes full of love for me. The anger leaves in a rush. She loves me. The rest of the world doesn’t matter. “Let’s get it done.” I make a circling motion with my hand for everyone to reset.
I nail the next take so hard I consider pinning the cut to the director’s forehead in triumph. He smirks, and I give him the finger. He’s such an asshole. Instead of escalating our feud, he eases out of his chair to prep for Ellie’s arrival on set.
Almost as though I willed it to happen, my lady love emerges out of the hair and makeup trailer. When she catches a glimpse of me, a grin breaks out on her face, lighting up my world. The tightness in my chest evaporates, and I can breathe again. Leaving the trailer this morning, I feared Ellie would talk herself out of us while I was gone. For ten years she’s been doing it, and I understand better than anyone how hard old habits die. Today I’ve been so on edge I could embrace those habits like an old friend. A drink. One Perc. A fingertip of coke. Nothing drastic. Just enough. The gum in my pocket knocks against my leg like the pill bottle used to. That has to be my “enough.” Taking out the packet, I pop a square into my mouth.
When Ellie reaches me, she wraps her arms around my middle and squeezes me tight. Her cheek presses into the down of my coat, and I nuzzle her neck. Her familiar scent is masked by foreign products, but below her ear, vanilla and flowers come alive. All I want to do is scoop her up, carry her back to the trailer, and pretend the rest of the world isn’t here.
“Don’t talk to Anna today, okay?” Ellie murmurs.
“What?” I draw back. “Did I hear you right?”
I’m tempted to sweep her hair out of her face, but she just spent an hour with the stylist. They’ll murder me if I mess her up.
“You did. We should problem solve. Maybe there’s another solution that doesn’t involve taking Jamal from Anna.” Ellie stares into the distance behind me. “She must love Jamal.”
Hello, Divine Intervention.
I don’t want to ask the next question, but I also don’t want to be caught off guard later. “Are you sure?”
She nods, but there’s no eye contact. “It’s worth a try. See if we can help her.”
“I love you, Ellie. You know that, right?”
“And I love you.” Her expression brims with sadness. “I’m not sure there are enough words for how much I love you.”
“This about-face on Anna can’t be easy for you.”
“Maybe if we put some effort into finding a solution, we can come up with something that’ll work.” She kisses me.
“Was Anna there by the time you left the trailer?”
“No. But I met Camila. I like her, actually. Makes sense how someone like her would have been good for you.”
She’s liked very few of the women I’ve associated with either before, during, or after our relationship. My high tolerance for women who weren’t genuine irked her, but I grew up surrounded by those types of people. I understood them. They’re easy to deal with.
Ellie mystified and intrigued me because her upbringing was so different from mine, but we got along so well. I only kept the women who came after Ellie around if they didn’t remind me of her. None of them were Ellie, and I didn’t want them to be.
“She’s still good for me. It’s why she’s still in my life.” Something occurs to me and I frown. “She didn’t say anything to you, did she? Is that why you changed your mind about Anna?”
“I had time to consider what I’d asked for this morning before I left the trailer. I don’t know Anna anymore. There might be other avenues.” She’s saying the right things, but each time she says them, she avoids looking me in the eye. Finally, when she glances up, her dark depths brim with tears.
“Hey.” I bend to graze her forehead with mine. “Ellie . . .”
“I want you and the kids safe. If we can do that, then we can help Anna too.”
“But you’re crying.” I kiss her forehead. “It doesn’t seem like you’re okay with your suggestion.”
“I cried a lot last time I was pregnant too,” she says. “I thought it was because of you.” She shrugs. “Maybe I’m just a hormonal mess.”
At the mention of the last time she was pregnant, I gather her closer. The whole experience will be different this time. If I have to watch her cry and give her tissues every day for the next six months, that’s what I’ll do.
“You’ll tell me if your feelings become more than that, right? You asked me to watch out for you, but I can’t do that if you’re not telling me the truth.”
“I don’t want Anna to die.” Her tears have left streaks down her face, ruining her makeup.
“Die?” Inside, my anger simmers. “So Camila did talk to you.”
“Wyatt.” Ellie frames my face with her hands when I go tense.
“She shouldn’t have done that.”
“Maybe not. But if you want honesty from me, then I need it from you too. When I asked you, instead of acting like you thought Anna might do something to herself, you should have been firm.”
“I don’t want to put my sister’s choices on you. If you need Anna away from our family to feel safe, if you think Jamal’s in danger being with her, I need to listen. And then I need to do something about it.”
“If doing something leads to Anna’s death, you’ll never recover.” Ellie grips my winter jacket in her fists.
I stare out at the snow-covered ground, and the evergreens surrounding today’s location. Camila didn’t hold back, apparently. “You can’t decide that for me.”
“So you’d be perfectly fine if she died?”
“No, of course not.” Frustration leaks into my voice. “But I don’t want to lose you.” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat. We’re building a family, and I’m not sacrificing her or our children for my sister and my nephew. We’re surrounded by curious crew, and any second James is going to amble over here to put us to work. This isn’t the right place for this conversation.
“And what I’m telling you is that you won’t.”
“I can’t guarantee Anna will ever be clean.” We might end up in the exact situation she didn’t want: Haven exposed to an erratic addict.
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Maybe not, but I’m trying. Don’t talk to Anna until we have a chance to come up with some ideas. There has to be a way to make this work.”
“All right, lovebirds, break time’s over,” James yells from across the set.
I grit my teeth.
She pats my arm. “This isn’t the first time you’ve worked with him. You must have known.” She nods toward James.
“The last time I worked with him, I wasn’t sober or clean. Apparently, I liked him a lot better when I couldn’t see his sharp edges.” The phrase reminds me of Isaac, and a pang of sadness hits me. “I don’t want Anna to end up like Isaac. But I can’t fathom how to stop her.”
“We’ll figure it out.” Ellie rubs my arm. “Together, okay?”
“I like the sound of that.” I won’t lose Ellie and our k
ids a second time, and I need to protect Jamal. But the other outcome is also true. If Anna killed herself and I had a part in leading her there, I’d never forgive myself. We all need to make it out alive.
Chapter Forty
Ellie
Present Day
My feet ache. I’m exhausted, and every time I’m near Wyatt, I long to curl into him. Luckily, I can do that whenever I want. The one high point of our otherwise exhausting day is my proximity to him.
During our extended break, we checked on everyone in the trailers. Anna looked better after a shower and fresh clothes courtesy of Camila. She was on the floor playing with Jamal as though the day before hadn’t happened. She was even civil to me. When we left, I felt better about trying to figure out a way forward together. Stable Anna wasn’t that bad. Stacy, Nikki, and Camila were keeping a careful watch on the kids. Everyone was fine.
“She seemed good there, almost pleasant.” Snow crunches under our feet on the way back to set. Wyatt grabs my hand and links our gloved fingers. My relationship with Wyatt has to work, and if Anna is part of the package, I have to find some bright spots.
“I used to be able to function pretty well some days too.”
There were days when I would have sworn he was sober. When he dabbled in combinations he knew well, he managed himself with precision. I suppose Anna’s the same.
“I don’t want to worry about how we’ll manage her or us.” We’re outside the hair and makeup trailer. “We’ll figure it out.”
Her ability to quit and her determination to get better—we have no power over that. I was powerless the day I asked Wyatt to quit too. In the end, the only thing I could do was leave. Neither of us wants to cut Anna out, but at some point, we might have to. I won’t suggest that again until we’ve exhausted other avenues or until it’s clear the kids won’t be safe with her around. I rise on my toes to kiss him.
He tugs me closer, going for a second, deeper kiss. The fire that burns for him bursts to life. I want our break in filming back. An empty trailer. Him. Me. A lifetime will never be enough.
Kelly, one of the makeup artists, catcalls us from behind.
“Ignore her,” Wyatt murmurs against my lips.
When other people join her, heat rises to my cheeks. Sometimes, it’s easier pretending to be someone else. In character, it’s routine to hide my real emotions. But right now, I’m pretty freaking glad to be Ellie Cooper. He breaks the kiss and gives Kelly an annoyed glance over my shoulder. “I’m making up for lost time here, Kel, and you’re interrupting.”
“Wyatt Burgess and Ellie Cooper, reunited. Myths and legends are made of this.” There’s laughter in her voice. “#TrueLoveReturns is trending on Twitter today. The two of you are the leads. #Wyllie.”
My attention hasn’t left Wyatt’s face. I could stare at him all day, every day, for the rest of my life and never wish for a different view.
“True Love Returns is the name of this movie.” He laughs.
“Just sayin’.” Her sassy grin is visible out of the corner of my eye. She’s flirting with him in front of me about his relationship with me. “The press is unreal.”
Unease flutters in my stomach. I let my social media manager follow Wyatt across our social media platforms this morning. He followed me back. Perhaps that was a bad idea.
“It’ll die down.” He senses my mood and kisses my forehead. “It always does.”
“I shouldn’t have let my team follow you.”
“Made me feel good to see those notifications roll in. Unfollow me now and people assume we’re fighting or indecisive. Ride out the curiosity. It’s been a while, but it’ll fade. I promise.”
Before this, I hadn’t done anything gossip-column-worthy in several years. If we’re forging a relationship, I’ll have to get used to the attention again. Maybe it’ll fade, but last time the extreme interest in my life didn’t vanish until I left Wyatt and moved back home to Bermuda. My saving grace was my island hideaway where I was the only high-profile famous person, and it wasn’t worth the cost for paparazzi to send their people there on the off chance they might see me. No one got a photo of me until long after Haven was born. The perks of having lots of family on the island to run my errands and shield me from curiosity. I could disappear then, but being back with Wyatt has tossed me right back into the center of the hurricane.
Reluctantly, I disentangle myself from him to walk to Kelly’s trailer. My stomach squeezes at the way she watches him saunter away. Everything about him attracts attention—something else I’ll have to get used to again. His magnetism makes him hard to resist in real life and when he’s on a screen, big or small.
“So the rumors are true,” Kelly says when I slide into the makeup chair to be touched up.
“It seems so.” Someone who has such an interest in following social media trends gets few details.
“The press is loving this reunion. Secret child. Reunited lovers. I mean, the two of you, when you were together the first time, you owned Hollywood.”
I laugh a little and suppress an eye roll. “It was fun then, for a while at least. Before most of this social media hoopla. Now I can’t walk down the street without someone taking a video of me or asking for a photo.”
“You don’t like it?”
If it was once in a while, I might not mind. Back then a lot of our fans seemed to think that they owned us or that we owed them something other than the movies we made, the interviews we did, or the photospreads in magazines. They wanted to consume as much of us as they could. Paparazzi wanted the money a single controversial shot would get them, and they did anything to achieve it. Leaving the house meant being switched on. I haven’t missed flipping that switch. “Would you?”
“I have no idea.” Kelly rocks back on her heels and tips my face around. “I guess the attention might be a bit much. Personally, I wouldn’t enjoy the bad photos.”
“Ah, yes. The cellulite catches. ’Cause, you know, we aren’t human.”
“Was there a bit of a commotion last night? Wyatt tore hot Rick from security a new asshole this morning. Something about his sister coming on set? I thought they were close. Her kid’s here, right?”
“Everything’s fine.” I keep my attitude breezy. She’d be the type to sell details.
“I’ve seen photos of his sister. She used to be so pretty.” Kelly dabs my lips. “Pretty is too mild, maybe. Stunning. A lot like her brother.” She winks at me in the mirror.
She hasn’t been this chatty about Wyatt any other day. Annoyance tugs at me. Odd to have him back, mine again, and still have to share parts of him with everyone else.
“I bet he’s also stunning in—” Kelly stops when the trailer door flies open, slamming against the wall.
Nikki appears in the entryway, her complexion ashen. My stomach drops to my feet. Something is very wrong. Nothing ruffles my sister. “It’s—it’s—” A sob spills out of her. “We called 9-1-1. They’re on their way. It’s Haven.”
“What?” I tumble out of my chair and grab my coat. “What?” My brain stalls on Haven’s name and 9-1-1.
“Come.” Nikki latches onto my arm. “Wyatt—he’s—he’s on his way to the trailer.”
Everything shuts down in my brain, and nothing makes sense while we run across the thick snow to the trailers. Wyatt sprints ahead of us. His presence, even from a distance, offers a strange reassurance. Whatever has happened can be fixed. Wyatt and I are creating a family. We’re a family.
Nikki cries and runs. Occasionally, she whispers, “Oh, God,” in a voice I’ve never heard from her.
I can’t bring myself to ask. Was it Anna? Will Haven be okay?
Wyatt yanks open the door to my trailer, and I say, almost to myself, “Why’s he going in there?”
“That’s where Haven is.” Nikki’s voice catches on a sob. “Camila is with her.”
“In my trailer?” When we left them, they were at Wyatt’s. Anna stayed in my trail
er last night. Irresponsible drug addict Anna stayed in my trailer. “Why? Why was Haven in our trailer?” My voice rises on a wail.
Nikki doesn’t answer because we’re at the door, and I’m throwing it open. Before me is a sight so haunting, it’ll stay with me forever. Wyatt is doing CPR on Haven while Camila assists beside him.
“No,” I whisper, clutching Nikki’s arm. “No, no, no, no, no, no.”
Wyatt glances up at me with unconcealed panic. He counts compressions. I rush to Haven’s side, the one he’s not on, kneel and grab her hand. It’s warm, so warm. Warm means alive.
Nikki’s sobs echo through the trailer.
My daughter is so pale, so still. The scene in the trailer is filtering through mud. I can’t grasp what’s before me. This isn’t possible. I must be dreaming. We left here not even an hour ago, and everyone was fine. Haven was fine.
Wyatt pauses his compressions for Camila to breathe in Haven’s mouth. “Anna—Narcan! Did you find it?” As soon as Camila backs off, Wyatt presses down on Haven’s chest in a hard, fast rhythm.
Her little heart. Her poor little heart.
“El, Ellie,” Wyatt says in between compressions.
My body is carved out, hollow. This can’t be happening. A dream. I’m dreaming. No, a nightmare. For years, I dreamed of Wyatt coming. Then I dreamed this. My worst fear. The reason I couldn’t stay.
His features are set in a look of determination. In between counts, he says, “We. Will. Save. Her.”
“She’s almost ten.” I squeeze her tiny hand. “Her birthday’s in a month. She’s gonna be ten.” Nikki’s arm circles around my waist. She kneels beside me, and I notice a tiny rip in her jeans, just on her thigh. Sirens outside the trailer grow louder.
“The Narcan!” Camila calls to Anna, who is still in the bathroom banging around.
“I can’t find it!” Anna’s panicked voice catches on the last word.
Isaac, if you’re out there: Don’t let her die. I’m not ready to let her go yet. We need her here. We need her.
Isaac?
Isaac?
Are you there?
When Stars Fall Page 29
