by Ellie Thomas
The countdown to Sebastian’s departure continued irrevocably. When the dreaded day came, his trunks packed, he stood before Jonathan while putting on his gloves, looking as beautiful as ever, but colder, more remote. “Of course, you can stay here until the end of the month, when the lease ends. Everything is paid in full,” he said dismissively, in a matter of fact manner that was so at odds with his usual impetuous warmth.
Jonathan had stammered something incoherent, desperately trying to express his devotion, thanks, indebtedness, loss, and regret.
At that, Sebastian had turned to him, looked him fully in the eyes for one last time and saying, “Well, you have made your choice. I wish you happy with it.” And then finally, with savage bitterness, “I now comprehend that you just didn’t love me enough.”
Those final words were like a frozen dagger through Jonathan’s heart. For the remainder of his time in London, the apartment seemed empty without Sebastian’s vibrant presence and those last hurtful words echoed through his head again and again.
He settled his meagre debts and remaining town accounts easily enough and set off for the remote property where he threw himself into rebuilding the farm. The fact that one evening before his departure, a casual friend had told him that Sebastian was not alone in his travels, just increased his misery.
He took a reflective sip of brandy. I buried myself in my work, my home, my family. But in retrospect, was that such a bad decision? Duty and responsibility could be hard taskmasters, but they had their own rewards. He had a flourishing farm with a soundly rebuilt house, his cousins were thriving, and his aunt had a more than adequate income through his efforts.
On the outside, his life was fulfilled and even modestly successful. He drew great satisfaction from his dogged endeavours. So why do I feel so very empty? he thought, swirling his glass again, the remaining drops of brandy clinging to the sides.
He had heard news of Sebastian from time to time over the intervening years. Just casual snippets from mutual friends, thrown in along with other gossip of the university crowd. As far as Jonathan was aware, he was still travelling abroad with a succession of ever-younger male companions. Jonathan wondered if he was content in his unsettled existence, journeying restlessly from country to country, with a stream of fresh faces and new lovers passing through his life?
He truly hoped so and wished him no ill. He only wished that one day his own heart would stop aching for what he had lost. Perhaps Sebastian was right, and this purgatory was fit punishment for carelessly having thrown their love away.
He sat there lost in thought for a while longer until he heard the distant slam of an outside door and the ring of youthful voices. He dragged his mind back from the sorrows of the past to the enjoyment of the present and roused himself out of his comfortable chair to join the others.
Chapter 6
The next few days were a social whirl, with many more local people, young and old, joining the existing crowd for nightly parties. The spacious reception rooms were increasingly crowded and rang with laughter and chatter. As many of their guests were leaving before the New Year, the Grants made this an excuse for an excess of jollity in the week following Christmas Day.
Jonathan was obliged to make up a four in the card games with the older visitors in a downstairs parlour which had been designated as a card room, at least for an evening or two. Although he did not mind this at all, it did mean that he was unable to get his chance to engineer Mr. Hammond and Belinda to have a dance together.
Rather than lingering amongst the dancers, Mr. Hammond cheerfully joined his elders. He was buttonholed to partner a rather crabby and profoundly deaf dowager which he did with grace and humour, never seeming to tire of shouting in her ear when she ordered him to speak up or of taking the blame for their subsequent losses.
The more time Jonathan spent in his company, the more he realised what a very nice man he was. He was resolved to try and ease Mr. Hammond into the group of youngsters where he felt sure, after initial bashfulness, his good nature would be appreciated.
However, on the third night, when he was not required in the card room and he returned to the main reception room, Jonathan saw that the atmosphere had changed amongst the dancers, as a result of the influx of young people from the neighbourhood. The Grants had responded to this by bolstering their helpers amongst the guests, so it felt like New Year’s already, when servants mingled freely amongst their masters.
It was a delight to watch a young lady with an ancient title laughingly dancing with the son of a cowherd, and other such refreshing ease of social norms. Jonathan could not help but notice the attractive farmer’s son, adeptly serving refreshments or joining the dancers, without needing any direction from the Grant family. In the bustle, Jonathan could glance a little longer at his form and his bright smile privately, without anyone noticing his appreciation.
Once he had accustomed himself to the new crowd, Jonathan noticed that amongst the young ladies was a striking redhead. Her vivid colouring, lively manner, and elegant figure made her immediately popular amongst the young men. Jonathan noted that Freddy turned his head towards her in admiration more than once throughout the evening and eventually managed to affect an introduction.
During the next night of festive dancing, Freddy actively sought her out and danced with her more often than was truly discreet. Also, when supper was announced, rather than looking for Belinda, he eagerly took the lady’s arm to lead her to the refreshment table.
Although she could not help but notice this new preference, Belinda seemed as calm as ever and not remotely put out. In fact, to the keen observer, she even seemed faintly relieved.
Jonathan made sure to secure a dance with her before the end of the evening to gauge her reaction this sudden abandonment of favour. Belinda treated him like an old friend, chatting happily with him during the dance, and throwing the odd amused glance towards Freddy and the redheaded young lady, who seemed to be delighted at all the attention she was garnering.
Belinda’s genuine lack of distress at potentially being thrown over someone new and shiny made Jonathan react with quiet amusement at this dance of changing flirtations. Rather than resolving to take Freddy to one side for a dressing down on his poor manners, he decided to do nothing. Let nature take its course, he thought with a grin.
Chapter 7
That week, the days settled into a pleasant pattern, with long walks around the estate, talking with Mr. Grant and his older sons, and listening to his sensible advice on land management, with Mr. Hammond chipping in thoughtfully. So much fresh air and unexacting exercise in the daytime and laughter and convivial company in the evening suited his constitution more than he could have imagined. The days outdoors and jolly evenings passed equably and at night, he slept like a log, undisturbed by haunting dreams of lost love.
When he did manage to get a word with Freddy, the main words on his lips no longer were of Belinda’s fair charms, but instead all about divine Corinna. Now that the young lady knew she had his attention, she seemed to enjoy playing him off with her other admirers.
Jonathan privately thought that she was made of much sterner stuff than Belinda and would present a challenge to Freddy, which was no bad thing at all. That young man is used to getting his way far too easily and this might be a timely lesson for him, Jonathan thought with a wry smile.
He also noticed Mr. Hammond joining the crowd of dancers, or at least lingering on the outskirts of the crowded dance floor, his good manners when noticing young ladies without dance partners overcoming his natural diffidence. He was a surprisingly nimble dancer, light on his feet and familiar with the patterns. Jonathan noted him in a brief conversation with Belinda, eliciting a smile before she was addressed by a partner not too shy to ask her to dance.
Mr. Hammond’s chance came when Jonathan was on the dance floor, already partnered for the next dance. Belinda, for once, was unaccompanied but still standing up, as though eager to join in. Mr. Hammond was near her, bu
t unfortunately looking in the other direction.
Jonathan glanced over in helpless frustration, not wanting to abandon his young dance partner in the middle of the floor just as the music was about to start. As he again looked from one to the other, he caught the eye of the handsome farmer’s son. He was serving refreshments amongst those who had taken part in the last set of dances. He followed the direction of Jonathan’s scrutiny clearly with a sharply-raised eyebrow.
As if receiving intelligence, he nodded at Jonathan decisively, put down his tray on a side table, and eased the few yards through the gaggle of couples approaching the dance floor to tap Mr. Hammond on the shoulder.
Luckily, just then the music started and Jonathan saw his expressive face indicating a social dilemma. He nodded towards Belinda and then pointed to the momentarily abandoned tray as if explaining why he could not partner the young lady for himself. When all had been made clear to Mr. Hammond, he received a grateful smile from the young man, as though Mr. Hammond was doing the favour. He then turned back to collect the tray and offered the contents to the thirsty crowd.
It was neatly done, with Mr. Hammond now obliged by his very good manners to ask the young lady to dance. Mr. Hammond braced himself and made his way to Belinda, face flushed with embarrassment as though expecting a rebuff. Instead, he received her hand and a warm smile. Jonathan didn’t realise he was holding his breath until the couple reached the floor, unimpeded.
After a hectic country dance, Jonathan and his puffing partner retired from the fray. He was satisfied to see Mr. Hammond and Belinda remain on the floor for the next set of dances, conversing with apparent ease. As he looked at this with a feeling of pleasure, a glass of sparkling wine was placed in his hand with a murmured, “That was a good notion.”
He looked around in surprise to see the farmer’s son right next to him. Close up, his eyes were very blue indeed and his wide mouth was curved in that increasingly familiar smile. Jonathan felt as tongue-tied as Mr. Hammond had been previously in Belinda’s presence as he stiffly thanked the young man for his assistance. He seemed unfazed by Jonathan’s constraint.
“Just call me Cupid, or rather Nicholas, or even Nick, if you prefer,” he said with another dazzling grin, before turning gracefully to serve refreshments to the guests behind Jonathan.
Chapter 8
The next day after breakfast, when taking a short stroll around the gardens, Jonathan was surprised to hear himself hailed by a familiar voice. He turned to see Freddy striding towards him, hands in coat pockets, looking glum and without a crowd of young people trailing in his wake.
“Hello Freddy,” Jonathan said, trying to keep the surprise from his voice as his cousin fell into step beside him. “On your own today?”
“Hmph,” Freddy replied, evidently out of sorts. “The girls have planned some amateur theatricals tonight and so everyone is arriving to join in.” He added to this somewhat grumpily, “They’re all buzzing around Corinna in the drawing-room.
“Ah,” Jonathan said with a raised eyebrow, assuming ‘they’ referred to Corinna’s myriad other swains. “Then you were very clever to leave them to it,” he affirmed, knowing full well Freddy would have left the room out of pique rather than a wise withdrawal.
“Really?” Freddy replied, looking startled by this alternative reading of his actions.
Having got his notice, Jonathan continued, “Absolutely. There’s no point in fighting for someone’s particular regard when they are basking in such a great deal of general attention. A tactical retreat was a very sensible move. Now, Miss Corinna will wonder where you are.”
Freddy’s normally mobile features were completely still, as he took that in. “Oh right,” he said, a little uncertainly, turning to face Jonathan. “So you think I should stay clear of her for a bit?”
Jonathan smiled inwardly, thinking that Freddy hadn’t asked for anyone’s advice, let alone his older cousin’s, for more years than he could remember.
“We wouldn’t want the young lady to think you were sulking,” he said, even though that was exactly what Freddy was doing. “By all means join in when you are ready, but just don’t show a particular preference for her company.”
Freddy trudged alongside him, absorbing this undertaking. “I rather enjoy play-acting and was looking forward to playing the role of the hero alongside Corinna’s heroine,” he mused. “But all the others will be fighting for that part too.”
“Let them,” Jonathan said. “After all, that way, you may get the chance of a better and bigger role.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Freddy, ingenuously, the idea of temporary theatrical stardom evidently appealing to him. They walked along a little further in silence, Jonathan leaving Freddy to ponder his way through this new strategy.
When they had completed a turn around the house and had reached the front door again, Freddy cleared his throat and said, “Well, I’d better be heading in before all the best parts are taken, then.”
“Yes, indeed,” Jonathan agreed mildly. “Thank you for your company, Freddy.”
His cousin gave him a slightly preoccupied smile and Jonathan watched as he walked through the entrance door with the spring returning to his step.
Chapter 9
After a day spent outdoors with the gentlemen, mainly avoiding the chaos of the upcoming production, Jonathan was quite looking forward to the drama that evening, which apparently would take place before the usual round of dancing. In all honesty, he felt he would get at least as much entertainment from the rivalries between the players, given all the emotional undercurrents, rather than the performance itself.
He sat amongst the audience in the morning room, now an improvised theatre, as the performance commenced, and noticed with amusement that Corinna was indeed accompanied onstage by one of her most fervent admirers. However, despite being the female love-interest, that young lady did not look as pleased as she might be, as the roles of the lovers were quite small and her hero was rather wooden in his actions and spoke quite haltingly.
Freddy, on the other hand, had garnered the part of the villain which he portrayed with evident relish. This scene-stealing evoked a thoughtful pout from Miss Corinna. Belinda and Mr. Hammond, as suited their less flamboyant personalities, were helping with the properties table and seemed to be in admirable accord as they handed hats, shawls, and implements to the actors about to go on the makeshift stage.
He glanced over to Belinda’s cousin, who was smiling at this show of togetherness. Jonathan was pleased she was not adverse the idea of the replacement for Freddy as a suitor for her young charge.
However, at least for Jonathan, the real star of the show came as a complete surprise. It hadn’t occurred to him that his Cupid (or Nicholas, as was proper) would be involved in the play. He had evidently been roped in at the last minute, to act out several minor characters that were left remaining in the piece.
He was clearly an old hand at this, as he slipped from the role of a quavering and bent old man to a prim servant, then an out-of-breath messenger and so on, with practised poise. In the darkened room, with only the stage area lit, Jonathan could admire him without any secrecy or self-consciousness. His swift carriage, lean limbs, and elegance of movement made Jonathan’s pulse quicken every time he appeared.
When the play was over and the cast took their onstage bow together, Nick looked straight into Jonathan’s eyes and smiled as if he had performed for him alone. Later that night, after he went to bed following the dancing, Jonathan’s final waking thoughts were no longer of lost love but of that smile which seemed so full of promise.
Chapter 10
A number of the guests were due to depart the next day and the household was in a state of bustle. Indeed, Jonathan had planned to leave before New Year to spend that occasion with his aunt and family, but as events on the romantic front were changing rapidly, he waited on Freddy’s plans.
After the play, Corinna had been quite subdued and had not paid much attent
ion to her bevy of suitors. Her eyes flickered often to Freddy, as he laughingly lapped up praise for his enthusiastic performance and did not bother to glance her way. If these were tactics, rather than heedless vanity, then he was obviously biding his time as Jonathan had advised.
Freddy had also been quite attentive to Belinda during the evening, which concerned Jonathan a little, given her new understanding with the hesitant Mr. Hammond. However, he noted this was not particularly marked as Freddy seemed determined to share his favours equally and escort all the ladies in turn onto the dance floor.
Later on, Jonathan saw Mr. Hammond and Belinda dancing and talking together in amity. He knew he could rely on Belinda’s sensible nature to avoid any misapprehension right when she and Mr. Hammond seemed to be reaching some sort of understanding.
He reckoned that Mr. Hammond had just the right amount of steadiness that Belinda had said she desired in a husband and that she was thoughtful enough to see the real value of the man behind the relatively plain façade. Now the ice had been broken, the rest was up to them, Jonathan concluded with a degree of satisfaction.
After so many departures, the evening entertainment was less organised and more informal. Rather than the need for hired musicians, there were plenty of volunteers from the assembled company. To start off the evening, one of the Grants’ daughters was playing the pianoforte and Freddy and a few others sang along to her accompaniment.
As he was not really required as a dance partner, and pleading a slight headache as an excuse, Jonathan retired to the library with a brandy and a book. Since the visit would soon be coming to a close, he was glad to be relieved of social duties for one evening at least. It would be a nice change to have a little solitary relaxation before the busyness of his aunt’s home and then the return to his own laborious existence, where evenings were only for eating and sleeping after working outside all day.
