Athena kept running, even as her lungs began to give out. She dove into the forest, leaving Edgehill behind her, running past her favorite clearing in the forest, going farther than she'd ever been before, as if running would somehow help her. The forest grew thicker, and the sky grew darker. Athena tripped over a branch, but she quickly got up, scrambling away, without so much as a look at her bloody knee. By now her dress was in tatters, irreparable. Laguna would have a fit, but that didn't matter.
Where are you going, Athena? Athena sprinted through the forest, her feet cracked and already blistering. She felt like she'd faint, but it didn't stop her. Fainting would be a welcome relief. Maybe it would provide a restful sleep, free from nightmares. Her breath grew ragged and strained, her heart pounding a million miles a minute. Where are you going? her mind repeated.
“Away,” Athena managed. “I'm going away.”
Why?
“To escape.”
You can't escape, Athena.
Finally, Athena fell to the ground, her lungs empty and her body in pain. She began to cry, gasping for air, wishing that everything would be normal. But you were never normal. Wishing everything would be okay. It won't be okay. Wishing everything would disappear. Wishing you would disappear.
Even in the moonlight, the forest was somehow beautiful. It was cathartic, the only place Athena could ever really escape to. She didn't recognize where she was, but she could see the trail she'd forged, crushed plants and broken branches were strewn in almost a straight line. “I wish I would disappear,” she said out loud, staring up at the trees. “I want to disappear!” she shouted. But her mind was taunting her. You're stuck here, Athena. There will never be an escape.
“Am I strong now, Grandfather?” Athena yelled. She heard leaves crunch and branches rustle as the woodland animals scurried away in fear. An owl swooped past her, cooing sadly. “Am I strong?” she asked again, through tear-filled eyes. The owl situated itself on an overhanging branch, tilting its head at Athena, looking at her as if to say, “You're not strong.”
How could it be that all these years had passed, and Athena hadn't known even a shred of the truth? How could the people she loved most hide it from her? She pictured her parents, straining to remember them, trying to picture the moment the mercenaries murdered them. Though she had no recollection herself, her mind created images; gruesome, horrific images. She could practically hear the screams and smell the blood.
Athena pictured King Landgrave, the man most people revered, wallowing in his greed and lust. She could see him smiling sadistically at the thought of her parent's deaths, and then she could see his grin contorting into a look of pure disgust, furious that Athena was still alive. She wondered just how much he wanted her dead. Had he been after her all of this time, without her knowing? Had Faramond and her grandparents really kept her safe?
And of course, Athena wondered about “The Guardian of the Kingdom.” If anyone saw her right now, sobbing on the dirt, clothing torn, body bloody and battered, they would not think she was a hero. They'd think she was a victim. I am a victim. Athena didn't ask to be the guardian. She didn't want it. She wanted to be an ordinary girl. Even the thought of becoming a housewife was infinitely more appealing than saving the kingdom.
You asked for adventure, her mind said. Athena almost laughed. Adventure was exploring the land, discovering new places and people. Adventure was simply wandering away from Edgehill every now and then. Adventure was not risking her own life for the lives of millions. It was not facing a malevolent king and an unknown shadow. It was not being lied to for eighteen years.
Athena did not understand how she could be the guardian. Perhaps it was all some cruel joke. Or a careless mistake. Maybe she was completely ordinary. There was nothing special about Athena. She didn't have any powers, she wasn't raised to be anything more than a lady, and even that Athena had failed at. She wasn't a leader or a hero. Her only friend was Tobin, and he was always the more confident one, the stronger one. If anyone could be the guardian, it was him.
You're strong, her mind insisted. “I'm not,” Athena said. But you are. You're trying to save Edgehill. And you're succeeding. This time, Athena did laugh. “Success? What success? Edgehill is starving. Edgehill is going to shrivel up until nothing is left.”
You provide hope, Athena. You work tirelessly to save the people you care about. You've already done more than most.
Athena shook her head. “Hunting and baking bread isn't going to save Edgehill.”
But you haven't given up.
That was true. Athena stared at her feet. They had been calloused from almost constant use and little rest. Now they were blistered, bleeding, and black with dirt. Her hands were in an equally rough condition, cracked and split from holding them out to shield her face from the branches as she ran. Her skin was pale, making the circles under her eyes appear even darker than normal. Her brown hair had grown thick and unruly, like a mane. Leaves were caught in it. Athena had been completely neglecting herself for the sake of others. She was already giving up her own life to save everybody else.
“That doesn't change the fact that Edgehill is still suffering. This whole kingdom is suffering. Whatever I do isn't enough.” Athena could slave away all she wanted and it wouldn't matter in the long run. Eventually the Shadow would spread, bringing an impossible evil. Galbar would be cast in darkness, and then, that would be it. All hope would be lost. “What could I possibly do to stop the Shadow?”
Good wins in the end. Good prevails.
“You know that isn't always true.” Athena could think of numerous cases in history where evil had prevailed. Of course, in school it was glossed over in favor of the good. People didn't like depressing stories. They wanted happy ones. No one wanted to hear about villains winning. Only heroes could win. And Athena had always agreed, pushing the sad stories to the back of her mind.
It seemed that now, evil was winning. King Landgrave was building an army to fight for the Shadow. He was stealing innocent men from their families to fight for his unjust cause. Those men were likely never to return. Thousands of men were walking to their deaths. Thousands of families would be grieving and mourning. And eventually those families would perish too. If famine managed to strike, Galbar would become a tomb.
Maybe Athena's destiny was not to fight the Shadow or Landgrave, but to save the kingdom during the winter. She could train the women to hunt and forage. She could educate them on all of the jobs their husbands had once done. She could build their strength and boost their morale. If all of the women worked together, Edgehill could build itself back up and things could be normal. Or at least as normal as circumstances permitted.
Or perhaps Athena could infiltrate the army. She could disguise herself as a male and spread the truth about the king. The army could turn on him and slay him. It didn't sound too impossible. It certainly seemed more plausible than the whole “chosen one” thing. Yet, as Athena thought of different scenarios, as she wondered what alternatives there were to being the Guardian of the Kingdom, she became more and more dejected. It seemed that no matter what she thought of, everything ended with her playing the main role. She couldn't sit on the sidelines and allow her kingdom to fall apart. Her heart forced her to be the hero.
Why?
It was the ultimate question. Why Athena? Why the baker's granddaughter who spent hours in the forest with her thoughts? The girl who could never seem to sit still for too long, who never combed her hair, who always had stains or tears in her dress, who hunted and plowed fields instead of sewing and knitting. Why her?
Athena kept repeating to herself that she was just a girl. A normal, ordinary, regular, even mediocre girl. Not a guardian, a chosen one, or a hero. Just a girl. But her stupid mind kept insisting that she was more. She could picture Tobin and Jermyn telling her how strong she was. And no matter how much Athena wanted to dismiss it, she couldn't.
You're the strongest person I know. Those words rang in
her head over and over again. It was incredibly hard to believe, but perhaps someday Athena could live up to those words. Perhaps she could prove herself. You have nothing to prove, Athena. You're already a hero. Stop fighting with yourself and just accept it.
“I'm not ready to accept it,” Athena whispered into the moonlight. “I'm not ready.”
She continued to wrestle with her thoughts, ruminating over everything that had taken place that night. Contemplating the guardian idea, thinking about her parents, about the King and the Shadow, about Faramond, about absolutely everything. And yet the more Athena thought, the more overwhelmed she became.
Somewhere along the way she'd stopped crying, her face now caked with dried tears. She reached up and touched her cheek, realizing that her fingers were ice cold. Athena had been so preoccupied with everything going on that even after her lungs had long ago regained air, she still didn't feel the cold. There was definitely a winter chill hanging in the air, the kind of chill that would last perpetually until the sun finally decided to chase it away.
Athena also became more aware of the state of her body. She'd noticed the blood and bruises, but the pain hadn't quite sunken in until now. Every inch of her was in pain, and when she tried to maneuver herself so that she was standing up, it felt like she was stepping on hot coals. Her feet were in agony. Athena winced, trying to take a step. Suddenly she wasn't just concerned about the future of her kingdom, but she wondered if she'd even make it back home before perishing in the middle of the forest. Death felt closer than ever. Heaven felt closer than ever.
It had been hours since Athena had any water or food. Any nourishment had long ago disappeared. Her stomach growled, sounding almost angry. Athena knew food wasn't the priority. She could last days without it, but without water, death would claim her swiftly.
You're strong, Athena's mind said as she slowly took another step. She cried out, the pain searing, almost unbearable. You're strong, but why did you run outside with no shoes? Athena bent down and yanked a piece of cloth from her already ruined dress. She wrapped it around one of her feet, using a stem leaf to tie it on. Gingerly she took a step, finding the pain much more manageable. Grabbing another piece of cloth, Athena did the same to the other foot, proud of her makeshift slippers. She was still very much aware of her wounds, but the pain had dulled significantly.
Athena looked around, trying to find some source of water. There were no streams or ponds around. Though Athena knew that, she couldn't help but look anyway, hoping for some kind of miracle. Unfortunately, she didn't have much luck. The forest was barren. The only liquid around was in poisonous berries. Athena's forest sanctuary was letting her down, not providing protection, but making it all the easier for exposure to kill her.
I have to get out of here. Athena willed herself to keep moving. Years ago, Athena had spent a particularly perilous night in the forest. A summer rainstorm had produced a flash flood, water gushing into the clearing she spent so much time in. The water moved swiftly, scooping Tobin and Athena up, pushing them in a current straight towards a group of trees. Both of them would have been killed if not for a giant branch that blocked the water from moving through the trees, causing it to slow to a standstill. Athena and Tobin floated in the stagnant water until the storm subsided and the water sunk into the grass. For weeks afterward, they were too afraid to go back into the forest, thinking it was dangerous.
Eventually Athena was the first to go back in, deciding that the risk was worth it. She loved the forest, she loved nature. She decided that if anything were going to kill her, it would be nature.
Now, Athena had changed her mind. She couldn't let nature kill her. She had to go back to the bakery. She had reasons for living. Tobin, her grandparents, and her kingdom. Edgehill needed her. Galbar needed her. Athena couldn't die, not before she had truly lived.
It was time to go home. Athena could see the moon waning in the sky, dawn approaching. It was time to go back to Faramond, to hear him explain everything once and for all. She wasn't going to run away again. Whether a victim or a hero, chosen one or not, Athena wouldn't allow herself to run.
Running was for cowards. Running was for weaklings. As Athena limped through the forest, very carefully avoiding any movement that would upset her wounds, she felt stronger than she had in weeks. Despite the dried blood and tears, despite the pain her body was in, and despite how broken she was, she felt real strength. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, willing her to go on. The forest would not be her tomb, and Galbar would not be a tomb for its people. Athena still wasn't sure what to believe, but she did believe in hope. Hope was the singular light in the darkness. The one thing that kept the darkness from engulfing Athena.
Chapter 10
Plodding along as the sky began to lighten, Athena made her way towards town. She must have ran miles, as the entire area was unrecognizable. She was lucky she wasn't getting lost. It would have been yet another burden on Athena's breaking back.
The sun broke over the horizon, shedding brightness over the forest. Hundreds of trees dotted the landscape, going on forever into the distance. It seemed as if Athena would be walking endlessly, her tired feet straining more with every step. By the time she reached her favorite clearing, she was in desperate need of rest.
She fell into the grass, nursing her wounds. She ripped new pieces of cloth to pad her feet, the old cloth already fraying, revealing her injured feet. Athena lay back, closing her eyes against the sun. For the first time in hours, she felt real peace. Warmth radiated over her, washing away the frigid night air. Her mind was clear. No distractions, no fear, and no worry dared sneak towards her.
Of course, it was only fleeting. The peace never lasted.
Suddenly, someone came crashing through the trees, tearing through branches and crunching leaves. Athena bolted upright, forgetting her soreness. She winced, but she was completely alert, picking up a nearby branch to use as a potential weapon. Paranoia quickly managed to settle within her as she pictured mercenaries with drawn swords ready to attack. She would have no chance of getting away, incapacitated like this with her injuries. She may as well have been a sitting duck, a giant target.
“Athena!” It was Tobin. Not a mercenary. Tobin was not holding a sword. Athena dropped the branch, tossing it to the side.
Tobin was breathless, heaving loudly. He gasped for air, face red as if he'd been running nonstop. He looked as tired as Athena felt, his sandy hair more unkempt than usual and his eyes pink like he hadn't slept. Athena reached towards him, clasping his hand. She pulled him downwards, to sit next to her. “Tobin, what's wrong?” she asked, her voice stiff after hours without water. He didn't say anything, chest rising and falling rapidly. She could hear his heart beating, and she wondered if her own heart had been thumping like that the entire night. “What's wrong?” Athena asked again. “I...” Tobin trailed off. He had regained enough breath to speak, but he seemed almost paralyzed, unable to say anything. He opened his mouth again to say something, but no words would come.
Though Athena asked again, she already knew what he was going to say. She'd been dreading it for months. It was inevitable. Now that it was here, she found that she only felt empty. There was a hollowness in her heart, like a piece of it had been taken away.
Athena hugged her friend, wrapping her arms tightly around him. She kissed his cheek as he sunk into her embrace, holding her. They were silent for several minutes, just holding each other, neither wanting to break apart. Athena never wanted to let go of him. Tobin was a part of her, her best friend, and perhaps someday he'd be more. Looking at him now, there was only love between them. How could she possibly allow him to go to his death? How could she say goodbye?
“You already know, don't you?” Tobin finally asked, still holding her. “I've been dreading it,” Athena whispered in his ear.
“A soldier came last night. Mum and my sisters were asleep. I didn't want to open the door. I nearly jumped out the window.” As Tobin spok
e, his voice began to shake. He was trying to fight his emotion. “But the soldier just kept hitting the door, like he wanted to break it. He yelled, and I knew I couldn't hide. I couldn't run, because I'd get caught and then I'd be dead. Then I couldn't even say goodbye to you.”
Athena felt a tear fall from Tobin's eye and onto her shoulder. She touched his face, trying to calm him. He closed his eyes as her fingers brushed against his cheeks. “It's going to be okay, Tobin.” Athena didn't believe her own words, but Tobin did, smiling slightly. Athena's heart ached, knowing that she wouldn't see that crooked smile many more times. At least, not for a long time. Not until Galbar was saved.
“The soldier told me I'd been summoned to the king,” Tobin breathed, taking both of Athena's hands in his. “I asked him when. He gave me four days. I nearly lost it, right then and there. You should have seen me, Athena. I wanted to rip that daft soldier's head off. I told him that wasn't enough time. I had to make sure my family could run the farm, and I had to stock up on food for Edgehill. He told me that four days was more than most of the men got. Sometimes they'd be summoned and they'd have to leave that very same day.”
“You're one of the lucky ones,” Athena said.
“I don't feel lucky.” Tobin's ocean eyes were filled with pain. He was going through just as much as Athena right now. Both of their lives had fallen apart. Everything they knew was changing. For the worse.
“The soldier actually laughed at me. He said I was stupid for not being excited to go and meet the king. He told me that being a part of the royal army was the greatest honor there was. It doesn't sound like an honor to me, abandoning everyone I love to go and fight for something I don't even understand. I wanted to punch that soldier. Instead, I just slammed the door.”
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