by Iris Taylor
As I drove home, leaving a miffed Jessica behind, I decided I was going to purge my life of all things bad. I was going to tell Adrienne I wanted out, and stop her from hurting Cara any further. I was going to come clean with Cara, as soon as the time came. I hoped she would forgive me. And if she didn’t, well, that was something I refused to entertain. I had never had a girl say no to me, and I prayed like hell this wouldn’t be the first time.
“SO YOU THINK YOU’RE just going to go and apologize to her and what, beg for her forgiveness? After all that you’ve done? And hope she goes back running to you? What do you think she is, stupid?” Adrienne’s low, derisive tone would normally not faze me, but her words hit home, hard. It was, in truth, an accurate summary of what I planned to do and was hoping would happen.
Her harsh laugh rang out deliriously. “Oh my god, you are planning to do that. You don’t have any better ideas, do you?” I heard her mutter idiot under her breath. “What is up with you and that girl anyway? You’ve turned into such a pussy because of her. Stick to the plan, Vic. You had your way with her, and it’s over. Get over it. There are more girls out there to hit on, god. It’s almost time for the finale, so focus.” She sighed. “Or wait until everything’s over before crawling back to her. It’s not like she’s going to want you back anyway.”
Her hurtful words slashed across my consciousness and cut me open. Adrienne was right. No one in their right mind would want to take me back. Not after all that I had done. But she doesn’t know everything, my traitorous mind supplied. I shook my head. That was beside the point. I was going to tell her everything. It was the only way – I had to come clean. I wouldn’t be able to be with her and keep some things in the dark, hoping she never found out.
I gritted my teeth. “No. I’m out. This has gone too far. We’ve hurt her enough. She’s been through too much - more than you and I know.”
Adrienne looked at me with annoyance. “You haven’t had her yet, have you? Is that what this is?”
My stomach rolled at how she viewed me. Was I really like that? All about getting into a girl’s pants? “Stop it. Life’s not about sex. I’m being serious. We have done too much. You’ve had your fun. Now just stop already.”
She flipped her long hair back. “Like I said, it’ll end soon. Whether you’re in or you’re out doesn’t matter now. The girl needs to be put in her place. We can’t let her think she has an advantage over us, ever.”
Oh my god. “You’re out of your freaking mind. It’s not about who’s winning or who has more power at school anymore, is it? You’re taking it personally now. The girl’s been standing up to you and you can’t take it. Well – newsflash: it’s becoming inhumane now. And I want no part in it. I’m out and no one’s going to stop me.” I kicked the chair so hard it flew across the classroom and let out a string of curses.
Adrienne rolled her eyes and didn’t say a word. I left her to her own devices – I had had enough of her ploys and tricks over the years. They were fun, yes, once upon a time. Not too long ago, too. But whilst they gave us all some source of entertainment over the years, they seemed wrong to me now. They hurt people who were already at their lowest in life, and buried them deeper into the unforgiving ground. People who worked hard, like that girl April’s mom, who had been unfortunate enough to have caught Elijah’s dad’s eye, or those who stood out from the crowd, like Lucia and her neon glasses and distinct sense of style. And then there were the girls Elijah had a taste for. The practically pre-pubertal ones. I shook my head again. My choice of friends were questionable, really.
I hadn’t been faking it when I was impressed with Cara. From day one, her feistiness had shone clear. She was a breath of fresh air, walking into school with her head held high, not only keeping herself together but laughing in the face of trouble. I smiled remembering how she put Jessica down that day in the cafeteria after she tripped. She had hit the nail right on the head when she had said Jess liked her legs spread open.
And now she was the unfortunate target of Adrienne’s baseless scorn and disparagement. Just because she was the new girl and it was what Adrienne did with the new kids. It would have stopped had Cara not retaliated – but now it had blown out of proportion, and I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.
I didn’t understand Adrienne. Not fully. She had everything a girl could want and it seemed nothing kept her happy. Not her heiress status - that would secure her future and several generations after her - and not her love life. I was the only one who knew about her and Elijah. They had been a secret item since forever – definitely well before Adrienne started dating Noah. Now she had the both of them, and you would think that would be enough for her. Noah was faithful to her, that I knew. Whatever she and Elijah had was completely messed up. Their bond ran much deeper than most, that was for sure. I didn’t know why they just didn’t come out and date openly already. Noah had no clue that his girlfriend was secretly seeing his good friend, and Adrienne also didn’t seem to mind it when Elijah dated around. It was a complicated situation, one I had no desire to replicate. I was always a one-woman kind of guy, or at least at any one time. The problem before this was that I hadn’t met her yet. Until Cara. And I had lost her before I had even gotten her, because of my sheer stupidity and foolishness. You deserve it, my mind told me gleefully.
I was going to fix this. I just prayed Adrienne and her wily ways wouldn’t come stabbing me in the back. You would deserve it though. Traitorous mind.
Chapter Nine
Simon had his arm around my shoulder as we walked back to his car. It had been a good afternoon, albeit a brief one, since Kitty hadn’t had much to say to my show of thanks. I had bought her a gift voucher from a local electronics store that Simon assured me she would appreciate – and we had delivered it together to her place. After nodding and allowing me a hug - which she returned stiffly - I had blurted out my heartfelt thank you and we had left. It was an expensive purchase but one that was, for me, important to give to show how grateful I was for what she had done for me.
“Where to next?” Simon asked, adjusting his sunglasses. With his spiky gelled hair and well-dressed good looks, I could see girls fawning over him if they didn’t know he preferred guys.
“The police station,” I replied. I had decided I was ready to speak with them, and had set up an appointment for today earlier in the week. His eyebrow raised, he nodded and saluted me. “Aye aye, captain.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. For someone who appeared to be a flight risk – he was forever unavailable to hang out with the girls and I, or had to leave early – he was proving to be a good friend and chauffeur, offering to accompany me to various places. It was definitely much better than bringing my mother, who was very slowly coming to terms with what had happened, or bringing Brody, who had also offered to help me several times. I guess I wasn’t comfortable enough around Brody yet, considering the circumstances in which we met. It would definitely have been better if the first time we met was over something innocuous, like dinner. But fate had a way of arranging things. We had seen each other several time since he had been back, mainly around our parents.
“So, how are things between you and Connor?” I asked. He hadn’t spoken about him in a while, but then again, my life events had superceded most things. I felt like a bad, selfish friend, and it was time to fix that.
He cleared his throat before answering. “We’ve decided to take things slow.” I nodded, trying to understand. His eyebrow dipped, and the corners of his mouth turned down.
“Connor’s probably going across the country for college, and I plan on staying here. So...we’ve decided we probably need to take a step back and take some time apart. Maybe start seeing other people.”
The crack in his voice made me turn to look at him. I hadn’t realized they had been that serious to begin with. “Was this his idea or yours?” I asked softly.
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. He’s right. We were falling for each other too fast, too deep.
It’s not healthy.”
The pain in his voice made me wonder. I had never fallen in love before, and the closest I had ever been to falling for someone was with Victor – and look where it landed me. What did it feel like to actually have someone love you as much as you loved them? And why would anyone let go of that, even when the fear of losing yourself threatened you? I bowed my head. I was in no place to judge the decision Connor and Simon had arrived at.
“If you need anyone to talk to, I’m always here okay?” I said gently. “Not that I know anything about falling in love, but you know, I can be your sounding board.”
His laugh sounded forced and choked. “It’s only been a few days and I feel like I’m dying without him. I thought it would get better, but it hasn’t. I miss him so much.”
I took his hand and let him squeeze it as he wiped his eyes with his arm. “You don’t always have control over what your heart wants.” I knew that firsthand.
“Thanks. I know that but it’s good to hear I’m not being crazy. I’ve deleted his number but of course I have it memorized by heart.” He rolled his eyes heavenward. “What about you? How are you coping?”
I didn’t have to ask him to know he was talking about Victor. I shrugged. “My heart may want him, but my brain’s not stupid. I’m just hoping I’m strong enough to resist his apologies. He’s come up to me twice now, and I’m not sure I can keep on denying him the chance to explain.”
“In every other situation, I would tell you to give the guy a chance, but you’re right. Not him, and not after what he’s done to you.”
I nodded in agreement. I was doing the right thing. Even though my heart missed him badly, it was okay. Puppy love – it was what I was calling it now – was something that could be overcome over time. I was doing the right thing by pushing him away. Victor’s actions and siding with his friends had been explanation enough.
The trip to the police station wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It seemed that repeating the story over and over again helped detach me from the horrors I had experienced, making it seem like I was recounting something someone else had had to go through, or like a parable to be narrated again. It was almost therapeutic too, knowing I was finally letting it all out, that I was doing myself and the world justice by highlighting yet another sexual abuse story.
I was assured Sam would remain behind bars for a long while, and that they would also contact the Winsley police department and see what they could do about Billy and the others. They had the videos as evidence now, and despite my reservations about people watching them, I was glad I had proof. Somewhere down the line I had started to worry that people would not believe me if I came forward. The seriousness with which everyone handled the matter, the grave look on their faces as I recounted my past, reassured me that none of this was my fault, that I was truly the victim and not simply someone seeking attention or deserving of the repeated violation of my body.
Afterwards, Simon dropped me off at home. It was late in the afternoon, and as I entered through the porch door I saw Brody sit at the kitchen table. I guess I had to get used to his presence in the house, since it was either him or Julian to accompany my mom while I was gone.
“Hey.”
He glanced up and nodded silently before returning to his phone. I guess I should have been thankful that he was around when he didn’t need to be, really. He did only just meet my mom. I wondered if Julian and my mom were more serious than they let on. Maybe I needed to ask her about it outright.
I walked past him to see if my mom was in the living room but he stopped me when he said, “She’s having a low grade fever. Dad’s just running to the store to get her some Advil.”
I nodded and went upstairs to my mom’s room when I saw that the living room was empty. After quietly knocking on the door, I peeked inside. My mom was lying in bed with a pillow covering her eyes, the curtains in the room drawn, leaving it quite dark and stuffy. It was an uncanny reminder of the time right after my father died, when she had withdrawn from the world and stayed bedbound. Please, not this again.
I trudged towards her, apprehension filling me and gripping me like a vice. Reaching for her, I found her forehead warm to touch, and she opened her eyes and gave me a weak smile.
“Sweetie. I’m just down with the flu. How’d today go?”
I exhaled a quiet sigh of relief. Her eyes were filled with curiosity and an alertness she had never had when she was depressed. Having Julian around was definitely a good thing.
I filled her in about my trip to the police station. She didn't know about the videos or the bullying, and I preferred it that way. Knowing about Sam was already too much for her, and I spared her the nitty-gritty details and the troubles I had been through since we moved to Ravenshaw Falls.
She held my hand as I spoke, and I watched as her eyes welled up with tears again. I summed everything up and I knew she saw I was trying to play it down for her, but she stayed quiet and squeezed my hand at various points of my story.
There was a knock in the door and Julian poked his head in and gave me a smile. "May I come in?"
We both nodded. He walked in carrying a steaming mug of tea and some Advil, placed it down on the nightstand and gave my mother a kiss on the forehead. I was filled with warmth watching them interact - they looked like an old, married couple. It was obvious how much they cared for each other, and it made me glad we had moved to Ravenshaw Falls, even if it hadn't given me the same treatment as it had given my mother.
Excusing myself, I headed to my room to unwind. Schoolwork was beginning to build up, and I didn't have the comfortable one week's worth of advance studying that I usually did. I had also had to miss a few shifts at the bookstore with everything that was going on, and I vowed to get back on track and soon. Sam, Billy and all the bullies in the world weren't going to stop me from my end goal of going to college. Neither was the bittersweet betrayal by a certain grey-eyed boy, whose kisses were forever ingrained in my mind, never to be relived again.
Chapter Ten
Victor's POV
I waited for everyone to leave the room before approaching Cara, who I had been quietly eyeing throughout English from my new seat well at the back of the classroom. She hadn't said a word to me in almost a week, and ignored all my attempts to catch her eye. It was painful, and no one deserved her silent treatment more than me. The thing was, I wasn't even sure if she was even doing it on purpose anymore. It was as if I had fallen off her radar, like I didn't exist, and the feeling of loss and emptiness inside me was something novel. I had never needed to catch anyone's eye before, or even tried to.
As I walked somewhat hesitantly towards her, watching as she packed up her notes into her binder, unaware of my approach, self-doubt came over me. What if she blew me off like the last few times? The anger and hate I saw in her eyes had stayed with me ever since, amplifying my already gargantuan amount of self-disgust. Was I ready for more?
I didn't have time to backtrack however, because she looked up just then, and her exquisite emerald eyes widened just a bit. She looked...vulnerable and sad, and at that moment I forgot everything that had transpired between us, and almost rushed to her to envelope her in a protective hug, away from all the pain and monstrosities in her life. Her uncle and his friends, her father's death, Adrienne and her scheming...the old me. I was willing to drop to my knees for forgiveness if I could have a minute of her time.
Almost, until that fierce glint in her eyes returned, and her lips straightened in a tight frown.
"What do you want?" The icy-cold tone in her voice made me freeze in place, an arm span away from her. Her guard was up, her face a mask of bitterness and hostility, her arms crossed in front of her. Or perhaps it wasn't a mask and she did hate me that much?
I didn't allow myself to think too hard. My life was empty without her and I hated myself enough for the both of us already.
"Cara. Can we talk?" My voice came out low and steady, surprisingly. It certainly didn’t ref
lect how I went to hell and back these past few weeks.
"I have nothing to say to you," she snapped. She adjusted her bag over her shoulder and moved to walk past me. Pain seared me, a powerful, crushing emotion I had no familiarity with, and had no right to regret feeling. I reached out to hold her arm, the softness and warmth of her skin calming me. For as long as she existed, I would protect her.
"I'm sorry. For all the things I put you through. I-" and my voice cracked, but I needed her to hear me out, to see how sorry I was, how desperately I needed her, "- I was so stupid and blind...it was all just another game to me, until I realized you were hurting, really and truly hurting. It’s killing me, how I’ve had a hand in hurting you. It’s killing me.” My voice was shaking now, all the self-hate and sleepless nights coming to the surface. I had been looking down at where my hand was clutching her forearm, willing her not to walk away. Now I chanced a look into her eyes, and the softness of her gaze blew me away. Was she finally going to forgive me?
“Victor.”
That one word, with all the gentleness behind it. So much promise. I stepped closer to her, my breath held in trepidation. She was so beautiful, so strong, despite everything she had been through.
"Yes?"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I accept your apology." She moved to walk past me then stopped and turned around. "It'll take a while for me to start talking to you properly again, and, to me, actions speak louder than words anyway."
