by S Williams
Jay broke into consciousness and became aware of her body like she’d gatecrashed a bad party: she immediately wanted to leave. She tried to open her eyes but then gasped as the light hit them. A river of pain burst its banks in her chest and leg. She wanted to get up, to flee, but she thought if she moved she might vomit.
‘What injuries?’ she croaked.
‘Excellent!’ the male voice said. ‘Welcome back to the land of the living, Ms Starling. Please don’t try to move or open your eyes. Would you like some water?’
‘Thank God! I’m sorry, Jay, but you’ve been in the wars. You were knocked unconscious during the attack. The doctors have said that there is no permanent brain damage, but you’re going to feel a bit battered for a few days.’ The female voice again. Not a doctor.
Jay kept her eyes closed, trying to place the voice. Her head felt like it had gone through a tumble dryer. She was having trouble making connections.
‘Where the fuck am I?’ she said, then winced. Her throat felt like it had been sandpapered. She felt a hand behind her head, lifting it. A few moments later a straw was placed in her mouth. She sucked gratefully, feeling the cold liquid ease the pain. After a few gulps it was removed.
‘Slowly. You’ve been nil by mouth, so we’ll have to wean you back on. Liquids, to begin with. My name is Doctor Malik. Do you understand what I am saying to you?’
Jay ignored him and moved her fingers, feeling the hospital bed beneath her. At least she guessed it was a hospital bed. She definitely wasn’t at home. The sheet was thin and scratchy, and felt like it would combust if she moved her hand across it too fast. She breathed in slowly, through her nose.
‘Yes, I understand you. Jesus fucking Christ, I hurt,’ she rasped. The water had helped, but her mouth still felt like someone had stored a vacuum cleaner in it. Switched on.
‘Try not to talk yet. We’ve been swabbing your mouth to keep it moist, but even so it will feel strange.’
‘No fucking shit,’ said Jay, ignoring the voice’s advice. She was pleased to find her own a little stronger.
‘Also, try not to swear. I’ll leave you in the nurse’s capable hands and come back when she’s settled you. I’ll do a proper assessment then.’
‘Where am I?’ Jay licked her lips, feeling the cracks.
‘Leeds General, love. How are you fettling?’ A third voice. Female, but different. Kind. Northern. Leeds vowels. A nurse, Jay guessed. Too kind to be a doctor. ‘Brain a bit big for the skull, is it? Just think of it as the Devil’s hangover!’ The woman cackled, the sound slightly wheezy.
Definitely a nurse. The familiarity of the language. The dark humour. The tiredness at the edge of her voice like a tide coming in.
Jay nodded carefully, her vision clearing with each second. ‘I can do that. Could you bring me a vodka? That’s what I normally do to cure it.’
Her weak joke earned her a chuckle. ‘Try not to move, love. Your face looks like it’s been clogged on.’
‘A boot will do that,’ said the other woman.
Inspector Slane, Jay’s battered brain supplied the name. Her boss. The police inspector who ran her undercover operation.
Jay turned and looked at her. The woman’s face was full of concern.
‘What do you remember, Jay? When we arrived the uniforms were already there. They had received a 999 and broken down the door.’
Despite the blurred vision, Jay could see something off about Slane. Like she was annoyed rather than concerned. Like she was only just containing her anger.
‘I don’t know; it’s all jumbled up.’
Images swirled in Jay’s brain.
Daisy beating up the therapist.
Her mother angry at her when she’d been suspended from the force, Jay unable to tell her it was a subterfuge.
Barefaced lying to her work colleagues when she’d gone undercover for Slane.
All the deceit with Daisy.
The phone with the mermaid image lying broken on the woman’s living room floor like an insect that had been stamped on again and again.
‘Daisy,’ she said.
‘Missing. When the emergency services broke down the door she’d already gone out of the window.’
‘What?’
Jay finally focused on her boss. The woman stared down at her, tramlines of worry on her face.
‘What do you remember, Jay? Daisy beat you half to death. Did she find out you were a police officer? Is that why she did this and ran?’
‘What?’ she said again, her thoughts snagging on images and half-memories. ‘Daisy didn’t… she was telling me… she couldn’t…’
The words dried up as the image of Daisy astride the therapist returned.
Slane held her gaze. ‘I’m afraid she did. So badly the paramedics actually thought you were dead. And we’re worried that she might hurt somebody else: has already done, in fact.’
Jay couldn’t process. The more she came to, the more pain she was in. ‘Fuck,’ she whispered.
‘What?’ Slane. ‘Do you remember something?’
Jay shook her head. Slowly. ‘Sorry. Everything is still messed up. Daisy was a mess. The therapy session had really upset her.’
Slane snorted. ‘Not as much as she upset the therapist. I’ve seen the footage. If you hadn’t pulled her off we could be looking at another murder.’
Jay was hurting. Her body felt like someone had used it for scrubbing down an abattoir. Her ribs hurt and her head hurt and her heart simply couldn’t relate to what her boss was saying. That Daisy had assaulted her for some reason. That she had… what, had some sort of episode?
Daisy’s words came back to her. I have these blackouts. Like I’m sleepwalking or something.
Jay turned and looked at Slane. ‘What do you mean, another murder?’
Slane glanced at the doctor and nurse, clearly uncomfortable. ‘It seems that Daisy might be responsible for the murder of a homeless man a month ago. Possibly the murder of the witness to the murder too.’
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Jay flatly.
Slane said nothing, merely stared at her, concern on her face.
‘Right!’ said the nurse, brightly, slipping a rubber sleeve over Jay’s arm. ‘This might feel a bit tight.’ She flicked a switch and Jay felt pressure as the tube expanded. ‘Used to have a load here back in the nineties. Always very polite. Just wanted a better world,’ the nurse said amiably. ‘The way it is now I think they had it about right. Maybe it’s time for them to make a comeback.’
She paused while she looked at the machine. Then smiled at Jay. ‘Only maybe with more personal hygiene. All good on the blood pressure front!’
‘Sorry, but what are you talking about?’ said Slane. There was a slight sneer to her that the nurse chose to ignore.
‘Crusties!’ She beamed, pointing at Jay’s dreads, with their metal skull sleeves. Then she looked at Slane and stopped smiling. ‘Now the officer’s awake the doctor will want to do a full assessment and judge what pain management she requires. I’ll let you know when she is well enough for visitors.’
‘I don’t–’ began Slane, but the nurse was having none of it. ‘My ward, my rules. No more questions until the doctor has seen her. Girl’s had a nasty head trauma! Ribs prob’ly cracked too. Not to mention the knee. Lucky to be alive and still with most of her marbles, she is! Let her rest, let the specialist see her, and then we can make a visiting plan. Till then back off, okay?’ A steel timbre had come into the nurse’s voice and her body language seemed to have weaponised. Not just any nurse, thought Jay. Head nurse, or maybe Sister. Jay silently thanked her, wondering how much compassion she could convey with a few blinks and a wiggle of her dreads. Enough, apparently, because the nurse winked at her and began shutting the curtain around the bed.
‘Just make sure you think of what happened that night, when Daisy hit you. Try to remember, Jay. It’s important,’ said Slane. Getting the last word in before the curtain closed.
‘She wouldn
’t,’ Jay whispered again, but this time not out of doubt, but gentleness. She thought of the way Daisy had lain down next to her, pressing herself against her like a second skin.
Jay opened her eyes, remembering the last thing Daisy had said to her.
Did you lock the door?
Jay thought back, through the jumble. Through the fog of the beating and the weirdness of the drawings and the horror of what Daisy was telling her about her childhood. Thought back, catalogued, separated and dialled into her actions.
Jay blinked.
‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘But I don’t think so. I don’t think I did.’
Then she closed her eyes and went to sleep.
30
28th October
‘Hello, Jay. My name is Doctor Hall. How do you feel about me removing the strapping around your ribs?’
‘I don’t know, Doctor Hall. How do you feel about me screaming in agony, then hitting you?’
The specialist, who looked about twelve to Jay, laughed nervously.
‘Really, Miss… um, Jay, as I’m sure you know the hospital comes down very hard on the mistreatment of its sta–’
Jay smiled at him.
‘Oh, you’re joking,’ he said, his tone mildly disapproving.
‘Yes, sorry. It’s how I relieve tension. Tell me. Are you quite blurry in real life?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘My vision,’ she explained. ‘Everything’s still a bit fuzzy, doctor.’
‘Oh, I see! Of course! Well, you received a blunt force trauma to the side of the head,’ he tapped his own head, just above the temple. ‘So it’s only to be expected, really. You’ll find that in a day or two the vision should settle down and you will make a full recovery.’
Jay felt relief flush through her. ‘Thank fuck for that.’
The specialist wrinkled his nose at the cussing, but let it pass. ‘Actually, you were very lucky.’
‘Really? I don’t feel lucky. I feel like I’ve been run over.’
Jay touched her head, feeling stitching and ripped flesh. The lump felt enormous under her fingers.
‘Oh you are!’ said the doctor happily. ‘If the blow had been any harder there is a good chance you would have been dead.’
Jay stopped feeling her head and looked at him. ‘You’re shitting me?’
‘Please don’t swear. And no, I’m not. That particular area is a weak spot, and one good kick can traumatise the brain to a fatal degree. Whoever did this to you had serious intentions on your life. You really are very lucky.’
An image of Daisy, barefooted, drawing on her whiteboard, flashed through Jay’s mind.
‘I’m sorry for the swearing. I’ll try not to do it again. Can you tell what size?’
‘Size?’
‘The shoe. Is there an imprint or something on my head? Can you tell what size boot it was that kicked my head in?’
‘Ah, I understand.’ The specialist looked at Jay’s head thoughtfully. ‘That’s not the sort of question we normally get asked. Will I have brain damage? How bad is the scarring? Those are more the sort of thing.’
‘How bad is the scarring,’ she asked, interested. ‘Am I going to have like a cool sci-fi rip in my head?’
‘Do you want a cool sci-fi rip in your head?’
‘Who wouldn’t? The girls will go wild.’
Doctor Hall blinked, then smiled. ‘Let’s check the ribs out first, shall we?’
‘You didn’t answer my question. About the boot size.’
‘Right.’ He looked at her head again. ‘From the head trauma I can only really tell you about the front of the boot. It must have been steel-toe-capped because of the damage. I can’t tell the size though.’
Jay sighed.
‘However, as whoever attacked you also stamped repeatedly on your chest, cracking your ribs, I can safely say the indent formed is around an eight.’
Jay blinked, seeing Daisy’s small bare feet again, no more than a size five.
‘Maybe a nine.’
She turned and treated the doctor to a dazzling smile.
‘You’re right; I am lucky. You can remove the strapping now, I promise I won’t hit you.’
‘The doctors say the leg isn’t broken and that you should be able to walk without the crutches in a day or two. Three at the outside.’ Slane was pacing the room, occasionally glancing at Jay.
‘Fab, then I’ll be able to lurch around the room like a zombie. Where’s Daisy?’
‘I’ve already told you, Jay, we don’t know.’ Slane spoke slowly, as if talking to a child. ‘When the uniforms arrived she had already gone.’
‘But if she’d done this…’ Jay pointed at her injuries. ‘She must have been covered in blood. There would be biological data points all over the window. The fire escape. You must be able to tell where she went.’
Slane shook her head, clearly frustrated. ‘You’d think, wouldn’t you? She went out of the window; it’s the only explanation. The door was not only locked but bolted from the inside. The officers had to use a battering ram to break it down. So the only way she could have left is through the window.’
‘Why were they even there?’ said Jay. ‘The uniforms? If Daisy assaulted me and then ran, why did she call the police?’
‘She didn’t,’ said Slane, surprised. ‘The call was phoned in by a neighbour. He heard screaming, a fight he thought, and dialled 999. Why would you think she called the police?’
Jay touched her head, shaking it slowly. ‘I just assumed. I can’t believe she’d–’
‘I’m sorry, Jay.’
Slane stopped pacing and sat by her bed.
‘It’s my fault. When we recruited you for surveillance of Daisy I never realised she was so disturbed. I should have, of course. God knows after what was done to her it’s not surprising, but we just didn’t understand.’
‘And what was done to her, exactly? She was beginning to tell me that last day. About the house she was kept in when she was a child. The Fishermen.’
Slane gazed intently at her. There was an eagerness in her expression. ‘So you said in your last message. The one you sent before…’ Slane nodded at Jay’s injuries. ‘Can you remember what she told you? Did she remember any of the cult members? We think she must have seen one of them; someone who survived somehow. We think that’s what must have ignited her psychosis.’
Jay shook her head. ‘Sorry, I can only remember snatches. Daisy drawing a mermaid. Something about a song.’
Slane sighed and nodded, standing. ‘Well, hopefully, as you recover, more of your memory will return. Until then you should rest.’
‘Why is there a guard outside my door?’
Slane wrinkled her brow in confusion. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘The policeman. I see him standing there when the doctors and nurses come in. Why is he there?’
‘Grant? I know you don’t want to accept it, Jay, but Daisy is a very sick woman. She nearly killed you, and we have no idea where she is. The fact that she had evaded us for so long means she’s resourceful. There is a chance she may come here.’
‘You think I’m in danger?’
Slane took a step forward. ‘Jay, we’ve already messed up and put you in jeopardy once. I don’t intend to do it again. Once you’re fit enough we’ll move you to a safe environment. Until then…’ She smiled and shrugged.
Jay nodded. ‘Do you know what happened to my phone?’
Slane paused and looked at her. Jay thought there was a slight calculating coldness in her gaze.
‘It wasn’t with you. We think Daisy must have taken it.’
‘And the other phone? The one she threw against the wall?’
‘We’re having our tech guys analyse it. See if there is anything salvageable.’
Jay nodded and sighed, closing her eyes. ‘I’m tired now, and my vision is blurred. I’d like to rest, if that’s okay?’
‘Oh, of course you must be. I’ll leave you now. But if you do remember
anything…’
‘I’ll let Grant at the door know.’ Jay smiled wanly.
Once Slane had left, the smile slipped off Jay’s face like it had been pushed.
With great effort she climbed out of bed and limped to the little sink, leaving her crutches by the bedside table. She tried a few gentle exercises, holding on to the sink. Her knee hurt, but it was bearable, especially with the pills the doctor had prescribed her. Gritting her teeth, Jay walked to the bed and back, limping badly, but still mobile.
When she got back to the sink she poured a glass of water and sipped at it thoughtfully, looking at herself in the mirror. After a few minutes she limped back to the bed and sat down. She opened the bedside drawer and took out her smart pocket watch. Slane had said her phone had gone, presumably taken by Daisy, but the woman clearly hadn’t known she had an ancillary unit. She supposed she wouldn’t associate the fob watch with a connected device. Had she known, she would have understood that Jay could read any texts that had been sent to or from her phone.
She reread the message sent just before the police had come. The message sent from her phone while she lay unconscious in a bolted flat.
my name is daisy and they’re going to kill me.
not just me. the policewoman. Jay
999: we have a fix on you. If you are in danger please find a secure place to hide
* * *
so much blood. where can I hide?
* * *
999: somewhere safe. Can you state your name?
* * *
daisy. please come. I think she is dead
* * *
999: who? What is the emergency?
* * *
I don’t think she’s breathing
* * *
999: is there someone with you? Are you in danger?
