‘Yes. And it’s still as true today as it was when I first learned that harsh lesson for myself. But let’s not pretend it was any great victory, either.’
Bliss raised a hand to silence any retort, calling for a calm and methodical approach to piecing together the evidence package for the CPS. ‘However I or anybody else judges the outcome, I’m proud of the way you all went about your business. This was a tough case, one we might never have made any ground on. But you all stuck to it, you all did your jobs, and you can all hold your heads up high.’
‘We will if you will, boss,’ Bishop said. His implacable face told Bliss his DS did not intend to change his stance. ‘You led from the front as always. We’re a reflection of the hard graft you put in every single day. We either all win or we all lose, but whatever the result, we do it together.’
Bliss was grateful for his colleague’s kind words, but he knew togetherness could only reach so far. He had no doubt that Bishop’s statement was from the heart, and to a certain degree it was accurate. But not when viewed from above; to them, a win was one for the team, a defeat a loss for its leader. Whatever this was, Bliss alone would be left to pick up the pieces. He thanked Bishop, told his team once again how grateful he was for their efforts, then said he was going home and didn’t want to be disturbed by phone calls. He bid his goodbyes as if it were any other day.
As he drove away from Thorpe Wood, without once looking in his rear-view mirror, Bliss asked himself where all the understanding and acceptance he’d given his team had been earlier. His outburst at Feeley had been unforgivable, though he remained furious with the decision to place him on leave. The Chief Superintendent’s intransigence proved everything he had ever felt about the brass, and the whole encounter left him feeling nauseated. But so did his reaction to it. He had shifted like lightning from smouldering to molten in half a second, and his characteristic lack of filter had almost certainly talked him into a worse punishment than he might otherwise have expected to receive.
Worse still, he had insulted two fine women he respected. For that, there was no excuse.
Forty-Eight
Rather than head home to either the garden or his music – his usual preferences for clearing his head – Bliss decided to find his centre again on the boat. The sky was dense with cloud cover, which left the day warm and sticky, but at least he would not burn. The city was in need of a storm to freshen the air and flush away the grime, and Bliss hoped it would come soon. He parked the car and trudged along the towpath, realising with every step that his was the tread of a man in despair. He felt it gather at his throat, almost choking him.
In the boat’s tiny fridge he had two bottles of beer left. He uncapped one and sat in the pilot’s chair, attempting to reassemble his thoughts. When DCI Warburton called, he sent it to voicemail; minutes later, he did the same to Fletcher. There was nothing left to say – not today. If he was sorry, an apology was surely already too late. But Bliss wasn’t even sure how repentant he was. Reacting the way he had, branding the three of them as cowards, was wrong, unprofessional; he accepted that. As for being remorseful about it, especially where Feeley was concerned, the notion required greater thought. And a lot more beer.
As Bliss got into the second bottle, his mind drifted. He didn’t know where it had taken him, but when he blinked to moisten his eyes, it came as no surprise to see Chandler walking along the towpath towards the Mourinho. Bliss helped her aboard and she virtually fell into the chair beside him.
‘Sorry I have nothing to offer you,’ he told her, waggling the bottle. ‘This is my last one, and my need is greater than yours.’
‘I wouldn’t be quite so sure about that,’ Chandler said. Her voice was small and anxious. ‘I’ve just come from a short but illuminating meeting with DCI Warburton.’
‘Ah. She told you, did she?’
‘She said you’d been placed on temporary administrative leave. About which I made my feelings clear. I told her I thought the decision was outrageous. To her credit, the DCI agreed. She suggested I tell you that when I saw you, and to also let you know Fletcher feels the same way. Feeley, however, is adamant about there being repercussions.’
‘The man’s a fool.’
‘Quite. But from what I’m told, it looks as if that’s where it would’ve ended had you not erupted and branded them all cowards. That did not go down well, Jimmy.’
‘I don’t imagine it did. So, are you here to tell me my admin leave has been upgraded to suspension or dismissal?’
‘I wouldn’t know about that. There would have to be a disciplinary panel, and Diane didn’t know if Feeley was up for the fight. She and Fletcher tried to stamp out the fire, but they don’t know how successful they were. You pissed the man off and embarrassed him, Jimmy. And you did it in right front of two less senior officers. This time you might have brought about your own downfall.’
Bliss waved a careless hand. ‘So what? Fuck them. I’m sick of the bullshit, Pen. I’m tired of playing their game. I’m bored with it.’
‘So, what? That’s you done? Out of Major Crimes? Out of HQ? Out of the job? Is that what you want, Jimmy?’
He breathed out slowly. ‘Right at this moment I’m not sure what I want any more. The job keeps me awake at night, but it also keeps me sane. I hate it sometimes, but I love it most of the time. And sanity is overrated. On the one hand, I get to work with fantastic people like you and the rest of the team, but I also have to put up with snidey little pricks like Feeley who’ve forgotten what it’s like to run an investigation. Besides, after what I just did and said, I doubt my future lies in my own hands. Sometimes you dig a hole too deep to fill.’
‘Give it time. You left a few open wounds back at Thorpe Wood, and they’ll have to heal before those affected reflect more clearly.’
‘Hark at you, oh wise one.’
Chandler gave a self-deprecating laugh. ‘I’m not so sure about wise. I certainly don’t feel competent enough to put together a prosecutable case against Andy Price. Not even with Bish’s help.’
‘Then let DCI Warburton step up. She’s earned her rank – let her prove it to you.’
‘But you’re the one with the insight as well as the know-how. Besides, I thought you didn’t like leaving loose ends.’
Bliss took his time to think about it. He realised Chandler was already attempting to lure him back in. Finally, he said, ‘I don’t. But this one doesn’t feel important enough for me to get bent out of shape about, so I’m happy to let it go.’
Chandler sighed and shuffled over between the two chairs towards him, perching herself on their padded arm rests. She leaned across, inviting him to wrap an arm around her shoulders, snuggling into him when he did. Bliss smiled to himself and closed his eyes. His friend felt warm tucked up in there. She felt right. Bliss could smell the fragrance she wore, the light citrus of her shampoo. Both familiar to him. Both comforting in their own way. He handed her the bottle, a quarter of its contents still inside. She took a sip and gave a raspy sigh of pleasure.
As they gazed up river, a voice came from behind. ‘You know, if I were the jealous type, this little scene might be worrying.’
They both jumped, startled out of the cosy embrace, and turned. Emily stood there with a huge grin spread across her face, one hand resting on her hip. ‘Fortunately,’ she continued, ‘I know how close you two are, and I don’t feel at all threatened.’
‘Nor should you be,’ Chandler said, pulling away from Bliss and clambering up out of the chair. ‘I’m way too good for him, and he’s way too old for me. So he’s all yours, Emily. Perhaps you’ll be able to talk some sense into him.’
Bliss was now also on his feet, and looked between the two women. ‘You’ve already spoken to Emily,’ he said, the accusation ringing hollow.
‘Of course I have. Told her what a stupid bugger you are and how I don’t want to be breaking in a new boss.
’
He rolled his eyes. ‘And you knew she was on her way over?’
‘I did. That’s how I knew the cuddle was safe.’ Chandler winked at him, which made Bliss smile.
He pointed back along the track. ‘Get your bony arse shifting in the direction of home. You’re a born troublemaker, and we don’t take kindly to your sort around here.’
As was her custom, Chandler flipped him two fingers, then she embraced Emily for a couple of seconds and marched off down the towpath back to her car without another word.
‘She’ll be the death of me,’ Bliss said, watching her go.
‘If not her, then definitely me,’ Emily responded. ‘What the bloody hell have you done now, Jimmy?’
About to explain himself, Bliss was saved by his ringtone. This time he answered gladly. ‘Hey, Molly. How are you doing? Enjoying your new phone privileges?’
‘Of course.’
‘Glad to hear it. So, to what do I owe this honour? Did you call me just to chat, or was there something specific?’
‘Both. I’ve been watching stuff about you on the telly, Jimbo.’
‘I see. Look, don’t worry yourself about any of that old cobblers. It’s all over now. We got the bad guys.’
‘No, it’s not that. I figured you would. I just wanted to tell you something. See, it got me thinking about when I was doing all that crazy shit. I never once thought about how it affected your lot. We were always taught to hate you coppers, to think of you all as barely human scum who just wanted to get us off the streets. But once I got to know you and Penny and Bish and the others, I realised you’re all just people. The things you see, the douchebags you have to deal with – it must be hard on you.’
Her insight took him by surprise. ‘Well, I’m not going to deny it. But we’re trained to deal with all kinds of situations and all types of people. We’re experienced, and we have the law on our side. It’s not such a big deal.’
‘That’s just you being modest. I heard all about what’s been going on with these body parts and shit, and, like, I can’t imagine how that stuff must screw with your head.’
Bliss laughed it off. ‘Molly, I’m way past it screwing with me in any way. It doesn’t get to me any more.’
‘You sure?’
‘Sure I’m sure. But thank you for caring.’
‘Of course. Like I wouldn’t. So, when are you coming to see me again?’
‘I don’t know about that. I’m due a bit of a break, so it might be sooner than you expected. Only this time I may bring somebody with me.’
‘For real? You mean, like, a woman?’
‘No, not like a woman. A woman.’
He could almost hear Molly’s eyes rolling in their sockets. ‘That’d be okay. It’s not Penny, is it?’
‘No, it’s not.’ Bliss chuckled at her enthusiasm. ‘Would you like to see her again?’
‘Yeah, of course I would. I still think you two have got something going on, even though you’re an old man and it’d be so gross.’
‘Thank you for that little pearl of wisdom. Okay, well let’s wait and see. I have one or two things to tie up first. Perhaps I’ll bring two women with me. Because that’s just the way I roll these days.’
‘Two women? Wow! Jimmy B, cruising with his hoes!’
This time Bliss’s laughter echoed around the marina, his stomach aching by the time he was done.
‘All well in Molly’s world?’ Emily asked, after Bliss had hung up.
‘Yep. She’s great. But I think she just called you my “ho”.’
‘I wondered what made you laugh so hard. How sweet.’
‘If it’s any consolation, Penny’s one as well, apparently.’
Smiling, Emily said, ‘It isn’t.’ She patted the seat beside her and held out her arms.
The two sat together in the boat, watching the sun struggle its way through the clouds to add colour and life to the still waters of the river. She cajoled him through his version of the morning meetings, but this time when he spoke about his reaction, he felt no tightening of his chest.
‘What do you think it means?’ he asked her. ‘Why did I go off on one so badly?’
Emily rubbed his bare arm, running her fingers through the fine hairs. ‘I’m not sure, Jimmy. Perhaps you genuinely don’t care what happens any more.’
He nodded. ‘That’s what I thought. And I don’t know how to feel about it. My mind keeps coming back to that stupid bloody dog under my porch, the lab I told you about the other night. Honestly, it looked as if it had given up and was waiting to not exist any longer. I got the feeling it sensed I was going to keep on feeding it and giving it something to drink, which forced it to stir and slope off rather than prolong its time. I can’t explain it, Emily, but I think it had given all it had to give and then had no idea what to do next other than roll over and die.’
‘A random dog is not you, Jimmy. It was just a stray. You’re reading more into it than it deserves.’
‘Yeah, that’s what Pen said as well. I understand what you both mean, but… like I say, I don’t know how I feel about either the damned dog or my job and the crap I just took all over it.’
‘You don’t have to feel anything right now. Give it time. It’s not as if you don’t have any to spare.’
‘All the time in the world, I expect. I don’t think they’d have me back now even if it was what I wanted.’
‘Perhaps that’s how things were meant to be. But Jimmy, don’t kid yourself. You feel this way now, and you may feel the same way tomorrow and even the next day. But I give it a week before you’re busting a gut to get back to it.’
‘Am I so obvious?’
‘It’s not just what you do, Jimmy. It’s who you are.’
‘If true, how sad is that?’
Emily looked at him for a long time. Then she leaned in and kissed him on the lips. ‘It’s not sad at all,’ she said. ‘In many ways, I think it’s noble.’
He laughed, but cut it off quickly. ‘Nobility is not usually a trait people would list among my attributes.’
Both arms wrapped around him now, Emily looked deep into his eyes and said, ‘I think you’re wrong. I think they would say that about you. And if they didn’t, it would only be because they don’t know you.’
‘And you do?’
‘I wouldn’t say that, exactly. But I’d like to, Jimmy. I really would.’
Bliss nodded as Emily rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Yeah,’ he whispered. ‘I think I’d like that, too.’
Author’s Note
Regular readers will note that I’ve gone for something slightly different again with this one. Although the 1994 unsolved murder case lies buried within the main plot, Slow Slicing really only features a single storyline. I kept it this way because I felt it was complex enough. Having a major sub-plot would have added word count and made the book unwieldy overall. For me, doing something different, even if it’s only slightly, keeps it fresh.
The entire story began inside my head with that opening chapter. Can you imagine all that imagery stuffed inside my brain waiting to come out? Initially, I saw it as the start of a whole new series, but Jimmy Bliss is seldom far from my thoughts. I began editing this book just as COVID-19 took us all in its grip, and I debated long and hard as to how I would approach such a worldwide event. In the end I decided to ignore it altogether. This is a work of fiction, after all, and although I usually prefer my fictional world to have an authentic feel, I didn’t feel like trying to entertain by mentioning real suffering and misery.
I’ve dedicated this book to the key workers who allowed the rest of us to get on with our own lives as best we could, and of course I mourn the lives lost to this terrible pandemic. The year 2020 will be one so many of us will want to forget, but if my work has brought even the tiniest drop of comfort to some, then believe me it�
��s my honour and, as always a privilege.
Acknowledgements
This being my second self-published novel, I stuck with the exact same wonderful team as I used for my first. So, once again I am delighted to offer my deepest gratitude to Alison Birch for improving this book no end with her edit, Cherie Foxley for another magnificent cover, Sarah Hardy for putting together a wonderful list of bloggers for the tour, and to Caroline Vincent for the beguiling promotions.
The members of my ‘Forder and Friends’ Facebook group kept me going with their uplifting support whenever I got down. The bloggers and reviewers who were so kind to me at the release of Endless Silent Scream inspired me to work through the complications this new book threw up – believe me, the timeline surrounding who knew what when and how, almost drove me insane.
I hope those of you who yearned for Emily and Jimmy to get together are pleased with what you read. I wouldn’t get carried away thinking about wedding bells if I were you, because knowing Jimmy Bliss there are a few bumps in the road ahead. But for now his life has turned a corner – personally, if not professionally. And if you’re wondering how he’s going to get out of this latest little fix, believe me… so am I. But I do have an idea that brought a smile to my lips when it occurred to me.
I couldn’t help but bring Molly back, albeit as a peripheral figure in this one. I’m still not quite sure why she wormed her way into my heart, but she’s there now and I’m not about to let her go. I hope you approve.
As ever, I want to thank each and every one of you, my readers. I don’t know where you all came from, nor what exactly it is about these characters and stories that keeps you coming back for more, but I could not be happier nor more grateful that you do.
Finally, please don’t dwell too long on the dusty contents of Jimmy’s ball sack. He wouldn’t want that to be your abiding memory of this book.
Slow Slicing (DI Bliss Book 7) Page 35
