“Human incubator?” I repeated. “Can you please never refer to me as that again?”
“Sorry.” She dipped her chin. “I know you are more than that. Sometimes my mind is far too…clinical for the comfort of others.”
“Really?” I said dryly.
Seeming to miss my sarcasm, she nodded. “The King being the father lessens some of my concerns over what risks you’ll face. I would even be willing to suggest that the pregnancy might continue to be viable.”
Viable.
I was beginning to dislike that word. I looked down, realizing I was still wearing the fluffy white robe. “What…? I mean, will this pregnancy be different from a normal one?”
Luce appeared to think that over. “It’s hard to say. Not many Ancients have impregnated a human before. But I can tell you what a pregnancy for a fae is like.”
Unsure if I really wanted to know, I nodded anyway.
“Pregnancy terms are about the same as humans. Nine months. Not many fae are born prematurely without there being a physical cause, like an injury,” she explained. “Most fae only experience sickness during the first two or so months.”
The vomiting spells were suddenly brought to a whole new light. I’d thought it had been the trauma and my stomach adjusting to food.
“The threat of miscarriage also usually only exists in the first two to three months,” she went on. “We are extremely lucky compared to human women in that sense.”
Yes, they were.
“The progression of the fetus is relatively the same as it is for a human.” Luce loosely clasped her hands together. “Come to think of it, our pregnancies are rather uneventful compared to humans’. I imagine yours will be too.”
I slowly became unaware that my hand was pressed to my lower stomach. I hadn’t realized that I’d even placed it there. My stomach felt flat—flatter than it had ever been.
Luce studied me like I was some strange creature she’d never come into contact with before. “You’re handling the news well.”
“I am?” A brittle laugh parted my lips. “I think it’s because none of this seems real, and I… after what I’ve gone through? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve truly processed any of this.” My gaze shifted to the closed door. “It’s not like there’s anything I can do about it.”
“There are options, Brighton.”
My head jerked back to her.
“The same ones available to human women,” she added quietly.
Shock flickered through me. Not because of what she was suggesting. I was relieved to hear that fae women had a choice, but I was stunned that she would even bring it up, considering who the father was.
But then I thought of how her face had paled when she first asked if the King could be the father. “What will happen if the King doesn’t take a Queen?”
The only visible reaction was the tension around Luce’s mouth. “He would be dethroned, and since he’s ascended to the throne already, his brother would not be able to take it. We would be without a King.”
“And the entire Court would fail—would become vulnerable to the Winter fae,” I said.
Luce inhaled sharply through her nose and then nodded. “It would be very…catastrophic for all if that were to happen.”
Tatiana hadn’t lied.
Then again, I hadn’t thought she had.
“Is that why you’re telling me I have options?” I asked, knowing that Luce had no idea that Caden had already ended his engagement with Tatiana. “Because the child and I might get in the way of Caden marrying a fae?”
Her eyes widened slightly. “I’m letting you know you have options because, as a healer that is my duty. What I personally feel has no bearing on what you decide to do.”
I believed her. Luce seemed too, as she said, clinical “But do you think it will get in the way?”
“What I think is not a part of my duty, Brighton.”
“But what is happening could impact your future,” I persisted.
She looked away, lips pressing into a flat line. She was quiet for so long that I didn’t think she was going to answer. “I believe that our King knows how important it is to the entire Court. He will not fail us.”
My heart did a weird thing. It swelled because even knowing how important his duty was, the King had chosen me. Then it sank all the way to the pit of my stomach because he was going to fail them.
Her gaze slid back to mine. “Tatiana was here before I arrived. I imagine she has become more than aware of the King’s feelings for you. I do not believe he has spent more than a handful of minutes with her. I also imagine it was she who filled you in on what would happen if the King doesn’t choose a Queen.”
Seeing no point in lying, I nodded.
“Did she tell you that while some fae choose to be monogamous, we are accepting of relationships which do not start with one person and end with a second. Especially for someone like our King, whose duties may not align with his heart.”
“She did, but…” My mind was all over the place. “But you’re suggesting that Caden could marry a fae while keeping me and…and our child in the picture?”
“Yes. However, he would also need to provide an heir,” she said. Before I could question that, she added, “I’m sure your child with him will be a full-blooded fae, but only a child between the King and Queen would be recognized as a Prince or Princess.”
“This is some medieval bullshit nonsense,” I told her.
She lifted her hands helplessly. “Be that as it may, would that kind of arrangement be suitable to you?”
“Basically, being a mistress with a child that wouldn’t be recognized—”
“I am sure your son or daughter would be welcomed warmly and would be loved and taken care of,” she interceded. “We are not that medieval.”
Never in my life did I think to even answer a question like this. “No,” I said, and it rang true. “It’s not like I think unorthodox relationships are wrong. I couldn’t care less. It’s just not something I could do. I couldn’t even try.”
Luce opened her mouth and then closed it. Several moments passed. “You don’t have to decide anything right now.”
“But I do.” I closed my eyes briefly. “I mean, I already have. I will keep the b-baby.” I rose swiftly on unsteady legs, causing Luce’s gaze to turn wary. “I’m pro-choice and pro-mind your-own-business. But I can’t do that.”
And I couldn’t.
I looked down at the fluffy robe as a knot of raw emotion choked me. I was pregnant. This was my child. This was Caden’s child. Our child. And he or she would be the only thing I would have of Caden. A small, beautiful piece of him. Proof that our love for one another was real, even if we hadn’t the chance to explore it.
Because I could not risk the world.
Not even for love.
Chapter 2
Luce watched me as if she expected me to topple over at any second, which was possible. As I started to pace in front of the couch, I felt as if each step were as uncertain as a child learning to walk.
Something that I would have to help this child learn.
Oh God.
I would need to teach the child how to eat, brush their teeth, sit up, and—
“So, what are you going to do then?” Luce asked.
That was a good question. What was I going to do? Who could I even ask? I had very few friends, and none of them had any baby-making experience. But I knew I couldn’t stay. Leaving here would be hard. I’d never been anywhere before, but I would have to move. Where? No clue. I felt pretty confident that the Order would approve a transfer, especially after everything that had happened. Then what? I’d be a single mother to a full-blooded fae?
A single mom who may or may not lose control of her senses?
That would be problematic.
Rubbing my brow, I continued pacing. “I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, but I can’t…I can’t stay here.”
Her brows lifted. “During your pregnancy?
I imagine that the King would want you to stay with him—”
“Caden can’t know.” I stopped walking and lowered my hand.
Luce blinked once and then twice. “You’re not planning to tell him?”
My heart thumped against my chest. “No. I can’t.”
“Do you think he wouldn’t be receptive to news of a child? I don’t know him well at all—”
“No. It’s not that.” Honestly, I had no idea if he would be amenable or not. It wasn’t like we’d had a chance to talk about any of this.
She frowned. “I know this is shocking news, and on top of everything else. You have to be experiencing a lot of confusion.”
I was definitely feeling a decent amount of confusion, but I knew one thing for sure. Caden couldn’t know. “I’m not confused about this. He can’t know. You’re just like a human doctor. You told me that what I say to you and what my condition is stays between us. You won’t tell Caden.”
“I would never betray a patient’s trust by doing so, but I also won’t betray my King,” she stated, and pressure clamped down on my chest. “You want me to hide his child from him?”
The judgment and disbelief in her tone were evident. “You just said what you feel has no bearing,” I reminded her. “And you’re obviously feeling something right now.”
“You’re right.” Luce rose with the grace of a trained dancer. “But if you’re planning to keep this child, bring him or her into this world, you cannot expect me to keep that from the King.”
“But you would keep an abortion from him?” I challenged.
“I never said that.”
My mouth dropped open. “I don’t think you understand what patient-doctor confidentiality means.”
“And I don’t think you understand what being the subject of a King means.”
She was right. I didn’t. But that didn’t change anything. I needed to convince her to keep her mouth shut, and that wasn’t easy when I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. “Just give me a moment. I need to think.”
“You need to take more than a couple of moments, Brighton.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I raced over the possible options like I did when I mapped out the best possible routes for Order members to take when they were needed. “I don’t plan to keep the child from him forever. I wouldn’t do that,” I decided, and that was true. “That wouldn’t be fair to Caden or the child.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” She crossed her arms. “But that’s very contrary to stating that he cannot know.”
“He just can’t know right now.”
“Brighton—”
“You don’t understand, Luce. He can’t know right now. Okay? I will tell him, but not now.”
“When will you?”
“When the time is right.”
Luce stared back at me, and then her gaze lowered as she nodded. “All right.”
Instinct flared. I knew she was lying. Everything in me said so. She may not go straight to Caden, but she would whenever I passed whatever time limit she set. I was angry that there was really no confidentiality here, but I also understood that I had no grasp of what it meant to have a King or to be fae. Human norms couldn’t be expected. I still needed to stop her, and I only knew of one way.
“He’s already ended his engagement,” I told her.
“What?” Her gaze sharpened.
“He already ended his betrothal to Tatiana.” I sat down, suddenly so very tired. “He…he chose me. Only me.” My voice cracked as I scrubbed my palms down my face. “He’s already made his choice.”
Luce stumbled back a step and then plopped into the chair. Any other time, I would’ve laughed at seeing a fae being so ungraceful, but there was nothing funny here. She understood what I was saying.
“Tatiana told me. That was why she came here. She didn’t come out of jealousy. At least it didn’t appear that way to me. She was even open to me being a part of his life so long as he married a fae—any fae.” Tears blurred my eyes. “No one else knows. Caden wasn’t going to announce it until after Tatiana had left.”
Her lips parted.
“I knew then that I…I couldn’t let him do this. I love him—” I sucked in a sharp, burning breath. “I want him. I want to be his only choice. But I can’t be the reason the entire world goes to hell.”
Luce said nothing.
“The moment what Tatiana said sank in, I knew I had to…I don’t know, make him think that I didn’t want to be with him or something. I knew that I needed to leave.” I brushed a fat tear off my cheek. “Having his child can’t change that. It can’t, Luce. And I really don’t think him learning that he’s about to become a father is going to push him in the right direction.”
She remained silent.
I took another breath that went nowhere. “So, once he c-chooses his Queen and is married, then I can tell him about the child. I swear I will. Because, like I said, it wouldn’t be fair to the child or to him.” My heart felt like it was cracking and splintering. “I didn’t want to say anything, but you have to understand why he can’t know right now. Please tell me you understand.”
Luce stared at me.
Seconds ticked away, and I started to worry. I sat back. “Are you…are you okay?”
Finally, she moved—well, she blinked, but that was definitely better than sitting there and staring at me. Then she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. “You’re his mortuus.”
My heart skipped a beat. I was Caden’s mortuus. His heart, his everything, and his greatest weakness. Through me, all manner of things could be done to Caden. Aric had only realized what I was when he figured out that Caden had given me the Summer Kiss. “Why would you say that?”
“It’s the only reason he would be willing to forsake his entire Court.” Luce lifted a trembling hand, smoothing down hair that was already pin-straight. “That goes beyond love, beyond what most of us can even fathom.” Awe filled her pale eyes. “It’s a connection of two souls and two hearts. It’s rare for any fae to find their mortuus, but to do so with a human? I…” She trailed off and then gave herself a little shake. The shock cleared from her face. “No one can know what you are to him. That kind of information is far too dangerous. You’re safe here, but if it were to get out—”
“I know.” Aric could’ve told Neal, who was still somewhere out there. And if someone from the Summer Court was aiding him, he could’ve told them. Aric might have told me that he told them. Perhaps I simply didn’t remember. The feedings…
I pulled myself out of those thoughts.
Luce was now really staring at me, like I was some sort of new creature. “Fate can be so cruel sometimes.”
“It really can,” I whispered.
She lowered her gaze, falling silent.
“Am I wrong?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Am I wrong to walk away from him? To keep this from him until he marries?”
“No, you’re doing the right thing.” She rose and then sat beside me. A jolt of surprise went through me as she picked up my hand. “You are quite admirable, Brighton. More than most fae could ever be. You’ve survived what I am sure many have succumbed to—too many to count. And to put my people before your own needs, to sacrifice what you must feel for the King for people who will never know what you were willing to give up? That makes you as brave as any warrior, if not more.”
Speechless, I blinked back tears. I didn’t think she knew what that meant. So many people didn’t. They didn’t believe in my competencies or strength, that I was capable of acts of bravery. The Order didn’t. Not even Miles, who ran it. It took me getting captured and surviving for even Ivy to realize that I was no longer the quiet, shy Brighton who was only good for research.
Luce squeezed my hand and said, “I won’t say anything, and I will help you in whatever way I can. But, Brighton, I must be honest.”
I tensed.
“I don’t know if it will be enough. I fear that what is done is done.”
Unease blossomed. “What do you mean?”
Her gaze locked onto mine. “I don’t think you’ll be able to walk away from the King. That there will be anything that you can do to cause him to choose a Queen that is not you. You’re his mortuus, the other half of his soul, his heart. And it is very unlikely that he’ll give you up. Ever.”
Chapter 3
After a drawn-out battle of wills between Luce and I, she promised not to protest my leaving Hotel Good Fae as long as I agreed to stay for the remainder of the week for observation and met her at the clinic she worked at next week for an ultrasound and bloodwork. Since it was Monday, that meant five days before I could go home. Five days where I would be in the same building with the man I loved but couldn’t have.
I wasn’t exactly happy, but I relented. My body had been through a lot. So had my mind, and with the latest development, I needed to be somewhere Luce could easily check in on me.
Relief that she was going to stay quiet overshadowed the irritation of being stuck here. But what she’d said sat heavily on my chest as I pulled on a pair of loose sweats and a shirt Ivy had left for me.
Could Luce be right? Caden would never let me go?
My hands shook as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. Part of me was thrilled to hear that Luce believed Caden felt that strongly for me. That he wouldn’t let me push him away. That was the incredibly selfish part of me that was doing jumping jacks at the prospect of Caden fighting for me. For us. The other half was terrified over what was at stake.
Stopping in the middle of the room, I looked down. I’m pregnant. A wave of shivers skittered over my skin. Hands still trembling, I reached down and lifted my shirt. I tried to see past the way my stomach caved in and the old, pale scars left behind from Aric’s first attack as well as the fresher, angry red cuts that covered nearly every inch of my midsection. There was a…a baby in there, right now, growing. My child.
Our child.
A wealth of emotions rose, so many that I could barely decipher the unexpected excitement from all the fear of the unknown and what needed to be done.
The Summer King Bundle: 3 Stories by Jennifer L. Armentrout Page 38
