by Sienna Skye
I jumped when there was knock at the door. I stared at the door, my feet glued to the floor. After a few futile attempts at taking some calming breaths, I walked to the door and pulled it open. I damn near passed out when I saw Sarah standing there with Hunter. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. When I opened my eyes, I pulled the door wider and gestured with my hand for them to enter. I couldn’t speak. Hell, I couldn’t even formulate a coherent thought.
Sarah broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Julia…I had to tell him. I promised you a few days.”
“I’m not mad at you, Sarah.” At myself. At fate. At life. At this whole fucked up situation, yeah. She was unwillingly shoved in the middle of a difficult situation and she did what I should have had the guts to do years ago, come clean and tell the truth.
“Julia, why didn’t you tell me? You could have come to me. I am at such a loss here. I must have failed you big time if you didn’t feel comfortable enough to trust me to tell me what was going on. I would have done anything to help you.”
“Hunter, please. You have never once failed me. You’ve been the one solid in my life I have been able to count on. I’ve said this so many times, I am sick of hearing myself say it, but it was all so damn complicated. Everything got so out of control so quickly and I just got so lost and caught up. I didn’t want to put you in the middle It has haunted me every single day that I kept this from you and….”
The sound of a car screeching to a halt, its door slamming, and heavy footsteps running to the door cut me off. Both Sarah and I looked at Hunter with the same shocked look.
The bell rung four times in quick succession followed by pounding on the door. I stood there frozen. I felt like I was going to vomit. Oh no, no, no, no, no!! Everything was spinning out of control. It was so odd in that moment, how time seemed to move so slowly, yet so quickly all at once. It was the strangest feeling.
Hunter glanced over at Sarah and then put a hand on my shoulder.
“He’s my brother. I had to tell him. And this needs to be sorted out. You all…we all…need to figure out how to move forward from here.”
I was frozen and mute. Hunter walked over to the door and opened it. Morgan barreled through and headed straight for me.
“Tell. Me. This. Is not. True. Tell me, Jules!” He was yelling and angry. No, he was livid. I’d never seen him like that before.
I stood there staring at him. I still couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. I fought back tears and a sob that was fighting to escape. I felt lightheaded. I struggled to find a way to gain some kind of control over things, but I was at a loss.
“Answer me!” He was visibly shaking with rage.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I closed my eyes and in a moment of insanity hoped that when I opened them, he wouldn’t be standing there, and this would have all been some horrible nightmare. But, when I finally opened my eyes, he was still there. Towering over me, looking straight at me. I took another breath and tried to push back a wave of nausea.
“I can’t.” The words came out in a pained whisper.
“What the hell, Jules? How can you have my child…our child…and not tell me? Not tell me for more than three fucking years! Were you too busy? Did it slip your goddamn mind? Forgot to put it on your calendar? What was it, Jules? Because I am pretty sure I have the right to know.”
There was so much I wanted to say. Sure I needed to admit my guilt, but I also needed to call him out on his part in this. He abandoned me. And her. No matter how hard I tried though, I couldn’t collect my thoughts. I was only vaguely aware that Hunter and Sarah were still in the room. I hadn’t noticed, but at some point, Hunter had come closer to us, ready to step in if needed. He was letting Morgan have his say, but I could tell he was taken back a bit by Morgan’s anger.
Once again, I tried to speak. “Morgan…there’s a lot we have to talk about...”
“Oh, ya think? I’d say we are a little far behind on conversation, don’t you?”
He had been yelling so loudly, I should have known what to expect, but I was caught lingering in some alternate universe somewhere. Until I heard my daughter call for me. The yelling woke her up. There was some underlying fear in her voice when she called out to me.
“Mama? Mama!”
Morgan made a move like he was going to head in that direction and that is when my brain and body snapped to attention. I placed myself between him and the hallway and put my hands up to stop him.
“Don’t! You do not go to her.”
“Christ, Jules! What the fuck do you think I am going to do to her? She’s my daughter. “
“Yes, she is your daughter. But she does not know who you are…”
“And whose fucking fault is that?”
“…And you are too angry to go in there. You will scare her.”
“Mama!”
“I’m coming baby. One minute.”
Hunter stepped up. “She’s right, Morgan. That little girl has no idea what’s going on here. We need to protect her from this.”
I knew there was no way I was going to let Morgan get by me. Sure, he dwarfed me in size, but that was not going to stop me from protecting my baby. Now that I knew Hunter was on the same page, it gave me an added confidence, allowed me to breathe a bit easier.
“I agree with Hunter and Julia. She doesn’t need to hear this. Why don’t I take her to the park and give you guys the chance to talk and calm down? She shouldn’t see the two of you at each other’s throats. Would that be alright with you, Julia?”
“Yeah. Thank you, Sarah. I would appreciate it and I’m sure she would love that. Why don’t you come with me? You can take her out the back door.”
As I turned to bring Sarah down the hall, I looked over at Hunter. I gave him a small nod and he followed behind me.
When I walked into my little girl’s room, she was sitting up in bed, her big green eyes wide and unsure. Her chubby little hands were trying to push her hair out of her face. I sat on the bed with her and smoothed her hair.
“Hey there, sleepyhead. Did you have a nice nap?”
She had been eyeing Hunter speculatively but turned her attention back to me for a moment.
“I heard loud talking Mama. Mad voices.”
“Nope baby, everything is okay. Nobody is mad. But, hey, I do have a surprise for you!”
“Surprise?”
“Yes.”
“I like surprises!”
“I know you do. Do you remember this nice lady?” I gestured toward Sarah.
“Ahhh huh! She helped me with my boo boos.”
“What a good memory you have. I did help you when you were sick.”
“Nurse Sarah.”
“Well for most people she is Nurse Sarah. But guess what? She is your Aunt Sarah. And this very big guy right over here- he is your Uncle Hunter.”
“Aunt Sarah and Uncow Hunter.”
“That’s right, baby.”
Hunter had been standing quietly behind Sarah. His expression was one of amazement. He cautiously stepped forward, realizing his unfamiliarity and size might be a bit threatening to a little person.
“She is so beautiful. She is the best of both of you, Idgit.”
“Idgiiiitttt?” She giggled like that was this silliest thing she ever heard and wrinkled her little nose.
“It’s silly isn’t it? Uncle Hunter gave me that nickname a very long time ago. Who knows, maybe he will give you one someday.”
“Ohhh, will you Uncow Hunter?” she was bouncing up and down on the bed now.
“I bet we can come up with something!”
“Yay!!” she clapped her little hands together. “Do you like hugs, Uncow Hunter? I like hugs.”
I saw Hunter swallow a lump in his throat and blink back tears. I felt like a total ass to have kept them away from each other all this time.
“I happen to love hugs. Do you think I could have one?”
She stood up on the bed and held out her arms. Hunter picked her u
p in a big embrace. The tears started to flow from my eyes and I felt Sarah’s hand rub my back. When I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes too.
“Well if you two sillies are done being hug monsters, Aunt Sarah would like to take you to the park. Would you like that?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, go potty and then you guys can go play.”
“Sarah why don’t you hang out here and let me go with Julia to the living room for a second?”
Hunter led me by the hand back to the living room. Morgan was pacing the floor and stopped short to look up at us when we entered. Thankfully, Hunter took control over the situation.
“First of all, Morgan, your daughter is amazing. But this is how this is going to happen. I am going to walk Sarah down to the park. It’s only a block away, so I won’t be gone long. You two are going to stay in your individual corners and keep to yourselves. When I get back, we will all talk. If everyone is nice and calm when it’s time for Sarah to come back, then Morgan, you can meet your daughter.”
Morgan looked irritated that Hunter was telling him what to do and he started to protest.
“No, Morgan. You are listening to me here. In the two minutes I have known her, I have already fallen head over heels for that little girl and I will do what is right for her. If that means going head to head with you, then that is what I will do. Are we all clear now?”
We both nodded our heads and Hunter headed back down the hall.
I nervously paced the floor as I waited for Hunter to return. Back and forth. Back and forth. I alternated between running my hand through my hair and chewing on my finger. I was trying to gather my thoughts. There was a lot that needed to be discussed and it wasn’t like Sarah could stay at the park all day. Unable to help myself any longer, I looked over at Morgan. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, his head hung down, with his elbows on his knees, and his hands in his hair. As if sensing that I was watching him, he raised his head and looked at me. The pain and hurt in his eyes tore at my heart.
“I don’t understand how we got to this point, Jules. Not you and me. This is just so incredibly fucked up.”
“I know it is.” Tears started to stream down my face as I looked at the man who was once my everything. Who gave me the most precious thing in my life. The man who despite everything, I still loved and who probably hated me now.
For the briefest of moments, I saw his face soften and it looked like he was about to come over to me. Then his expression hardened again, and he silently shook his head. Fucked up did not even begin to cover it.
Thankfully, Hunter returned at that moment. I had a feeling he was the only way we were going to get through this without too many casualties.
“Everyone in one piece here?” Neither one of us answered. He blew out a breath as if bracing himself. “Okay. Before we go any further, let’s try to keep in mind that there is one goal I think we all share. We want to make this as easy as possible for your daughter. So, with that in mind, I ask you both to try to not rip each other to shreds while we do this. This is not going to be easy and it’s likely going to be painful for both of you. For all of us.”
“Before we hash this out, I need to ask some questions about my daughter. I know nothing about her. Shit, I am the only one who doesn’t even know what she looks like.”
“Morgan, she is the best of both of you. I told that to Julia. It’s like if I had to pick out of a crowd which child belonged to the two of you, I would choose her in an instant.”
“She is loving and very sweet. She can be really silly. When she is deep in concentration, she makes that same little frown that you do. And she is so incredibly smart. It’s almost scary sometimes.” I watched as Morgan took in my words with rapt attention.
“When is her birthday, Jules? Were there any problems when she was born? Is she healthy?”
“Yes, she is very healthy,” I smiled. “She was born on April 12th, about two weeks late. The pregnancy went well. I had a few weeks of some pretty intense morning sickness that pretty much lasted all day. I spent a couple of days in the hospital with an IV because I was dehydrated, but she was fine. She was a chunky little thing at birth. Eight pounds, twelve ounces.”
“Did she sleep through the night or did she get up a lot?” I understood that he was trying to catch up on three years of her life, but there were so many bigger things to discuss and I knew our time was limited. Still, my guilt was getting the better of me and I couldn’t find it in my heart to deprive him of the information he so desperately craved.
“She wasn’t too bad, I guess. I nursed her for the first eight months and breastfed babies tend to need to eat more often, but she usually only got up about 2-3 times a night. I was still able to get sleep which was important because I was still in school and needed to be in class during the day and study at night.” I wanted to inject some gentle reminders about how we came to this situation to try to put him back on track.
“Who watched her while you were in school? And I guess you had to work, who took care of her then?”
“My Aunt Claudia. I tried to take as many online classes as I could, so that helped. My aunt wanted me to have as much time with the baby as possible, so she covered all our expenses. Even health insurance for both of us. I know she is financially stable, but that was still an incredible gesture on her part.”
“So, Claudia knew…”
Here we go…
“Yes, I went to her shortly after I found out I was pregnant.”
“Did you know before you left, Jules? Did you know that you were carrying our child?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Why would he ask me that? He knew the answer to that. Something wasn’t adding up.
“No, I did not know until after I left. I was about six weeks pregnant when I found out. I was so devastated when you said you didn’t want me anymore…and after I found you with Jackie…well I spent a lot of time crying, not sleeping, and not eating. I really didn’t think much of it at first when I didn’t get my period. I figured it was stress.”
“So, because you were pissed at me, you went to your aunt for help and didn’t think to tell me.”
“Morgan, what in the hell are you talking about? I tried calling you dozens of times, but you never answered or returned my calls…”
“Okay, maybe I was a dick and didn’t answer calls, but you could have found a way to get to me, tell Hunter it was important. Something!”
“Morgan! Why are you acting like you never knew I was pregnant?”
“Because I didn’t know, Jules! You hid that from me!”
“No. I hid the fact that I gave birth to her from you. I never hid the fact that I was pregnant. You were the one who said you didn’t want her. For the love of God Morgan, you sent me a check to cover terminating the pregnancy.”
“What the fuck, Morgan? You didn’t tell me that.”
“Because it’s not true, Hunter! It’s not fucking true!” Morgan’s voice was high, his tone exasperated.
The room felt like it was spinning. I couldn’t piece this all together. Hunter rubbed a hand over his face and then held his chin for a moment before he spoke.
“There is something obviously very wrong with this picture. I’m just trying to figure out the truth in all this. Julia, you say that Morgan wanted you to have an abortion. When did he tell you that he didn’t want the baby?” He held up his hand to silence Morgan who was getting ready to interject. “Did you speak to Morgan?”
“No. I did not speak to him…”
“See!” Morgan threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
“Morgan, just knock it off. You will get your turn. But we need to get to the bottom of this and I think we need to take this apart piece by piece to get there. Alright Julia, you did not speak to him. Explain it to me then.”
“Like I said before, I had called Morgan dozens of times. Left dozens of messages. I texted him and told him I needed to speak to him. I emailed him. I never heard a word from him. I wrot
e him letters and mailed them. The first three told him it was important for him to contact me. Finally, I didn’t think I had another choice but to write another letter telling him I was pregnant. A few days later, I received an email from Morgan telling me that he read my letter and there was a response coming back to me via messenger. That seemed strange and I couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be, but the next day, it arrived. There was a typed note that said it would be better for both of us if I terminated the pregnancy. Then we could both move on. With the note was a check for $1000. I couldn’t do it. There was no way I could get rid of a child that was part of the both of us. I figured he would do the math and realize that I was getting close to the point where termination wouldn’t be possible. I cashed the check quickly so he would think that I had the procedure. I never used the money. I still have it.”
Morgan’s mouth was hanging open. His expression one of utter disbelief. Finally, he spoke.
“I never got any letters. I never wrote a check. Jules, even if I had wanted you to end the pregnancy, I would have come to you and talked to you about it. I wouldn’t have been so cold and heartless.”
Either he was telling the truth, he had lost his mind, or he had amnesia. He wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t have been able to fake a reaction like that. Hunter’s eyes were almost wild with bafflement. The three of us kept looking at each other as if waiting for someone to blurt out an answer. If the situation hadn’t been so damn screwed up, it would have been comical.
From the day I met Hunter, I don’t remember him ever being at a loss of words. He was a master negotiator and mediator. He was a natural born leader and teacher. It was no accident that he was CEO of his own company. Yet, I watched that man try three times to formulate a sentence and fail.
In a moment of clarity, I had an idea.
“Hold on!” I ran to my room, grabbed my lock box and its key, and came back out to the living room with it. I opened it and dug down to the bottom. I pulled out a sealed envelope and opened it in front of them both. In the envelope was a thousand dollars in cash, the typed note that was sent to me, and a copy of Morgan’s check.
