by Sienna Skye
In the restaurant, there was a bridge over a little pond. The pond was filled with Koi fish. Hunter and Sarah took Sophia to go look at the fish. I saw Jules watching them with a smirk.
“What’s that face for?”
“Oh, just watching Hunter and Sarah with Sophia and wondering how soon before the baby bug bites them.”
“I hadn’t even thought about that. A word to the wise though, if you want to be an aunt any time soon, do not send Hunter in to help Sophia make wardrobe choices.” I rolled my eyes and Jules chuckled and shook her head.
She looked like she was deep in thought for a moment before she spoke again. “They’d make beautiful babies. They would be wonderful parents, too.”
“We made a beautiful baby. Seriously Jules, I am in awe of what a terrific mother you are. I may be mad at you for not telling me about her, but I am thankful you decided to have her even though you thought I was against it. I wouldn’t have been, you know. I would have stood by you.”
She looked up at me as if judging my sincerity. Then she looked down again and circled the straw in her drink. She only did that when she was nervous.
“I’m serious, Jules. You are obviously a great parent. It couldn’t have been easy for you. It wouldn’t have been easy for us to take this on together, but I would have done what I could to make it work. Look, I was wondering. When we get back to your place tonight, I would like to stay a bit. Help put her to bed. If she is going to be with me, I need to learn.”
I saw her go tense and it took me a moment to read her expression. When I did, it upset me. I reached over and put my hand on top of hers.
“Jules. Look at me. I may be pissed off, but I have absolutely no intention of trying to take her away from you. I wouldn’t do that to you or her. But, I do intend on being in my daughter’s life. That is not up for debate.”
I saw her body relax. “Of course I want you to be in her life. We just have a lot to figure out.”
“I know we do and I would like to start tonight. There’s been too much time lost already. Maybe after she is in bed, we can talk and begin to work on things.”
She smiled and nodded her head, but I noticed the straw circling again in her glass.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Morgan
When we got back to Jules’s place, Hunter pulled the both of us aside. He made plans with us to go and confront our parents. Hunter wanted to know if we planned to tell them about Sophia. I asked Jules what she wanted to do.
“We can tell them. I know it might not seem like it because I kept her a secret for so long, but I have never once been ashamed of having her.”
“Nobody thinks that, Idg. It’s clear how much you love that little girl.”
She looked pointedly at me and then Hunter. “The one thing I do know is neither of them will ever get near her.”
“Agreed. Hunter, are you with us on that?”
“You shouldn’t even have to ask me that, Morgan. I’m definitely with you.”
While they were never the caliber of parents that Jules was with our daughter, we realized that cutting them out of our lives altogether was still a big deal. Jules said she didn’t care, she had made that adjustment long ago. I knew I would never forgive them for manipulating my life and having a hand in keeping my daughter away from me. I would never choose them over my daughter, so my decision was made. Hunter on the other hand was just starting out with Sarah. They would eventually have a family. I told Hunter I wanted him to think about that before he made the decision. He told me that he and Sarah had talked about it in the car on the way to the restaurant and on the way back. They both agreed my father and Victoria were a poison they didn’t want in their lives.
After Hunter and Sarah left, I helped with the bedtime routine. Actually, my contribution was reading a bedtime story, but I fucking rocked at it. Sophia was a little wound up from all of the excitement, so it took her awhile to finally settle down. The kid was wearing me out. Once she was finally asleep, Jules and I headed into the living room.
“Would you like a glass of wine? I have red and white.”
“Sure, if you are planning on having some.”
“Honestly, I’m think I am going to need it.”
“I get that. I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
She disappeared into the kitchen for a few moments and emerged carrying two glasses of white wine.
“Red still makes you sleepy?” I remembered red wine would always knock her on her ass.
“Yep. I have a feeling this might be a pretty late night and I feel kinda tired from everything.” She gestured for me to sit on the sofa. “You were the one person who I could always talk to about anything and now I find myself at a loss as to how to start this conversation. I am sure you have questions, maybe we should start with you asking one.” She sat down, a cushion away, and half turned to face me.
I didn’t like the awkwardness between us. Jules and I shared a history and now we shared a kid. I knew she was right, though. We were bound to open some old wounds and probably create some new ones before the night was over.
“I thought of something during dinner. I was surprised it hadn’t crossed my mind earlier, but I guess there was a lot to take in.”
“Go ahead.”
“You were on the pill. How did you get pregnant? Did you forget to take it? Did…” I stopped myself short. I was about to ask if she planned it, but in my heart I knew she wouldn’t have done that. She knew me well enough to read my thoughts and I saw disappointment spread across her face.
“I didn’t plan on getting pregnant. I would never do something like that. I’m pretty sure I know the exact day it happened.” A blush crept up her cheeks as she smiled at me. “It was July 4th. Do you remember it?”
“Of course I do. You had been so sick with that stomach virus and that day you were finally feeling more like yourself. We had the place to ourselves and we made love. A lot.” I pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear as I replayed that day in my mind.
“Well, one of those times produced our little girl. I like to think it was when we were making love in the grass under the fireworks. It sounds better than when you bent me over the patio table.” She quirked an eyebrow at me. “After the home tests I took came out positive, I made an appointment with the doctor. I told her I had been on the pill and we talked about what could have caused it to fail. She said I was vomiting so much the pill probably never made it into my system. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that at the time.”
“It never crossed my mind either. I kind of had a one-track mind that day. Shit Jules, you must have been scared out of your mind when you took that home test.”
She huffed out a breath that told me that was an understatement.
“I took five home tests. I refused to believe the results, but each one came out the right color, or with a plus sign, or the right number of lines. Finally, when the one spelled out ‘pregnant’ across the window, I knew that was it.”
I asked a lot of questions about the pregnancy. It sucked to think I missed out on all those doctor’s visits and ultrasounds. It had to suck for her too. Facing everything alone. She decided to find out the sex of the baby because she needed to buy things. She knew because of the situation, she didn’t have family to throw her a big baby shower. She had made some friends at school, but they were college students too, so they threw her a small shower. She shrugged it off like it didn’t matter, but I knew it did. I had more money than I would ever be able to spend in my life and she was struggling to buy things for our baby. I wanted to shake her for being so damn stubborn.
Thankfully, her aunt had been there when Sophia was born. She told me she was scared when she went into the labor. She had gone so far as to dial my number, but then chickened out and hung up. Jules answered every question I asked with stark honesty. She didn’t spare my feelings or hers.
A thought popped into my head and I was hoping she would answer it as honestly as she answered everyt
hing else, even at the risk of it pissing me off.
“Hunter told me you and Jace kept in contact.”
“Yeah, he’s been great. He really helped me get my act together in the beginning. We talk often, hang out sometimes.”
“Does he know about Sophia?” I knew Jace and Jules were friends. When I found out where she was living I wondered if they were more than that. But, he was my friend too and if he kept that secret from me, I wasn’t sure I would be able to forgive him.
“No, he doesn’t. He went overseas before I started to show. Sophia was born by the time he came back. I didn’t think it was fair for him to know about her when you didn’t. But, I also felt guilty not telling him, because we’re close. I need to tell him. I really hope he understands.”
“It will work out. Jace is a great guy.”
“He’s the best.”
I just nodded. I didn’t want to think about how much she cared for him.
We hit a point where we both needed a break. And more alcohol. I went in the kitchen to grab the bottle of wine. I poured some in her glass and she glanced thoughtfully at Sophia’s closed bedroom door. Jules was always a lightweight when it came to drinking and I could see her debating whether she should drink more. I had a feeling that she didn’t get to kick back often, so I decided to give her the push she needed.
“Drink. I’m here if she needs something.” I was dead serious about that. I intended to take an active part in Sophia’s life.
She nodded and drank some more.
“I have to thank you Morgan. I know you are angry and hurt, but you are being much calmer than I thought you would. I know you are doing that for her and I just want to let you know how much I appreciate it.”
“I am angry. Very angry.”
“I know.”
“And hurt.”
“I know.”
“I kind of want to shake you.”
“Oh.”
“And put you over my knee and spank the living daylights out of you.”
“Ummm, yeah well, I appreciate you resisting the urge on both of those things.” She slugged back a large mouthful of wine.
“You are right, though. We have to do this for her. I plan on jumping right into this Daddy thing. Physically, financially, emotionally. Whatever it takes. She’s got half my DNA. I don’t take that lightly. And I don’t hate you Jules. I don’t think I could ever hate you. I’m just angry, and hurt, and sad. And angry. Really fucking angry.”
I saw tears well up in her eyes and she just nodded at me.
“Do you know what hurts me the most…what really makes me sad?”
She looked up at me with questioning deep blue eyes.
“That despite what went down in the end, you believed that I was capable of sending you a check and turning my back on you. You had so little faith in me…in us…that you thought I would be so cold and heartless not to step up and take responsibility in some way. Not have a conversation with you. Shit, Jules. Even if we had decided to terminate, I would have gone with you. I wouldn’t have let you go through any of it alone, regardless of whatever decision was made. Even if you believed that I didn’t want you anymore…and I do get that I wanted you to think that…I think you still could have found a way to get to me.”
“Tell me something, Morgan,” she spoke softly, but I could hear hurt and bitterness in her voice. “You told me that you were going to tell me the truth when the money for my education was no longer an issue. Yet, you didn’t. How hard did you try when you couldn’t find me in North Carolina? Did you even try reaching out to my aunt to see if she knew where I was? You’re an IT and software genius. Do you honestly expect me to believe you couldn’t track me down if you really wanted?”
She had a point. I wasn’t going to lie and deny it. We both held some responsibility for what happened. The fact still remained, I lost out on three years of my daughter’s life and that was going to take a really long time to get over.
Still, I didn’t want this conversation to turn ugly and if we continued down the path we were on, that was exactly what was going to happen. I asked a lot of questions about Sophia. You know, the typical stuff. What was her first word? When did she start walking? Jules filled me in on all of Sophia’s milestones, her likes, her dislikes. As we sat and talked, she texted me a variety of pictures of Sophia, from when she was born until recent stuff. I really missed a lot.
We were on our third bottle of wine. Jules was definitely a little more than tipsy. I was still holding my own, but it was time to slow down. I had a question I shouldn’t ask. It really wasn’t any of my business and the smarter part of my brain told me I didn’t want to know. The liquid courage or maybe it was liquid stupidity pushed me to ask it anyway.
“I can’t imagine it was easy for you to have a social life being a single parent. Were you able to get out at all? Spend time with friends. Date?”
“It was really hard while I was still in school. I needed to spend time with Sophia and I had class and studying. I got to go out with my friends from time to time. I went on a date or two while I was in college.”
I nodded and took another sip of my wine. A date or two didn’t sound too serious. I got some strange satisfaction over that. Yeah, I was a hypocrite. I certainly hadn’t been a monk all those years.
“I was seeing someone, I guess kind of seriously, the summer after I graduated college. I mean serious enough that I was sleeping with him.”
Oh shit. Why did I even ask? I did not want to hear this. But, the alcohol laden part of my brain had other ideas.
“Hmmm, so what happened? You kick him to the curb?” Say yes. It would be so much better if she called things off.
“No, he ended it.” She paused shaking her head while she rolled her eyes to look up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I am considering telling you this.”
“You can tell me anything, Jules. That hasn’t changed.” What the hell was wrong with me?
She let out a sigh before continuing. “Once things started to get a little more serious, I told him about Sophia. I was not at all ready for him to meet her yet, but I knew I needed to at least let him know I had a daughter. I thought he was okay with it.”
“Buuutttt… he wasn’t?”
“We were in bed one night…” she paused, taking a sip of wine, a look of embarrassment on her face. “…I mean it wasn’t even like it was the first time we had slept together…and he just stopped right in the middle of us fooling around. Like right in the middle. He said that he was having trouble with me being a mother and when he looked at me naked, it just reminded him. He got up out of bed, said he was sorry he had to go, wished me well, and left. I just sat there shocked. Shocked and totally humiliated.” Jules picked up the bottle of wine and poured another glass.
“Wait. What? The dude was in the middle of having sex with you and then just got up and left? Like still hard and just left?”
“Kinda. No. And yes.”
“Huh? You lost me there.”
“We were in bed, you know, naked and doing, you know, stuff. He wasn’t hard. He told me looking at my body freaked him out.”
“What the fuck are you talking about your body freaked him out?”
“Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t know because the last time we had sex, we were both clothed and standing up against a wall. Your body can change when you have a baby, Morgan. And when you breastfeed.” She pulled on the neck of her shirt and looked down at her own boobs with a concentrated frown on her face. Oh yeah, she was lit. “I mean, my boobs are still pretty great. I guess that’s lucky too, because those suckers got huge when I nursed. But, I have a few stretch marks. When you look at my belly, it’s pretty easy to tell I had a baby.”
All of a sudden, she stood up. Apparently a little too quickly for having drank as much as she did, because she fell back in her chair. Some hair flopped in front of her face and she blew it out of the way before getting up again. I was surprised to see what she was doing. She unzipped her jeans and
pulled up the hem of her shirt. She shuffled in front of me.
“See. Stretch marks.”
“You do realize that was all about him not wanting to become involved with someone who already had a child, right? It’s totally on him. It had nothing to do with your body...” I lifted a hand and ran my fingers over the marks on her flat belly.
She waved her hand in dismissal and tried to step back, but stumbled and fell back into her chair again.
“Oh yeah, sure I know that is what it was about. I get that. It just really sucks when one minute a guy has you naked in bed the next minute he gets up and walks away.”
“He was one guy. You are an extremely beautiful woman, Jules. And very sexy. You turn the heads of both men and women when you walk in a room.”
She took a few more sips of wine while nodding. I watched as she tried hard to focus her eyes.
“Wait, women too? Shit. This I did not know.” She looked pleased as punch with herself, but then blinked a few times trying to bring everything back into focus.
We talked a little bit about her column. I told her some of the ones that I remembered reading. Her words started to slur a bit and she was starting to make less and less sense.
“Morgan, are you swaying back and forth?”
“Nope, darlin’, I’m sitting still.”
“Drunk, I am.”
“Yep, Yoda. I would say so.”
“I think I am going to go to bed. You okay on the couch?”
“Yep, don’t worry about me.”
She stood up and held on to the arm of the chair for a second.
“There are extra pillows and blankets in that closet.” She pointed at the front door and then twisted the top half of her body, still pointing until she found the closet in question. Then she looked like a thought crossed her mind, she looked down, looked back up at me, this time her finger pointing at me. “My boobs are still fucking phenomenal.”
“You won’t get any arguments from me. Go to bed, Jules. You’ve had a long night.”
She went to leave but stubbed her toe. She cursed as she shook out her foot and then stumbled, almost falling over.
