“Ah, hell, Liddy.” Austin took a step toward her but she stopped him with a lift of her hand.
The major’s face seemed paler. Lydia knew her attack was unwarranted but she couldn’t stop. Not yet. She wanted him to hurt. Wanted him to ache with the same emptiness that had eaten away at her for the past year—until she’d been able to turn that pain to hatred.
“You remember the marquess, don’t you?”
“I don’t think...we’ve...met.”
“Perhaps you haven’t. Now that I recall, it wasn’t Culbertson who was here that day you—” She stopped to let her silence emphasize her assault. “...left me, but his father, the Duke of Chisolmwood, was. Culbertson was probably at some important meeting at the Foreign Office.”
She sat on the chair beside the bed and gave him the sweetest smile she could muster.
“I’m sure you’d remember if the two of you had ever met. He’s ever so intelligent, and of course, rich as Croesus. Harrison tells me he even has the ear of the Queen. As the Duke of Chisolmwood’s heir, he’s bound to play an important role in the running of our government someday.”
“That’s enough, Liddy.”
She shivered at the fury she heard in Austin’s voice, at the threatening glare she saw on his face. He was angry and she suddenly felt the need to defend herself. “I want the major to know that if it hadn’t been for Father’s death and my year of mourning, I would already be the Marchioness of Culbertson. Thankfully, Father saw through the major’s greed and refused him.” She didn’t try to hide the bitter resentment in her voice. “At least I know the Marquess of Culbertson isn’t interested in me solely for my dowry.”
“Leave,” Austin growled in a low, hostile tone.
She rose from her chair before her brother removed her himself, but when she reached the other side of the room she stopped. Some vile, hurtful person had taken over her body. She didn’t like who she’d become, but couldn’t stop herself from flinging more barbed words in Gabriel’s direction. “I simply feel it’s important for the major to understand how necessary it is for a woman to be able to trust a man when he tells her he loves her. And to realize how much a woman detests being lied to and deceived. These were qualities the major didn’t understand a year ago.”
Lydia jerked the door open and stepped out into the hall. She didn’t slam the door like she wanted to, but softly closed it behind her and walked to her room.
She wasn’t proud of the way she’d behaved, didn’t feel vindicated like she’d thought she would. And, for the first time since she’d discovered Gabriel only wanted to marry her because of her dowry, she’d come to terms with a fact she’d refused to face until today. She needed to hate Gabriel Talbot.
She hated what he’d done to her. She hated what loving him had cost her. She hated that he made it impossible for her to trust a man enough to give him her heart.
She needed to hate him. But there were times when she wasn’t sure she could. And that frightened her more than anything.
She needed to reclaim her heart so she could give it to someone who would cherish the gift she gave him. Still, deep down she was afraid that might not be possible.
Because there was a part of her heart he still possessed.
…
“Drink it,” Austin said, holding the glass to Gabriel’s lips. “I don’t know why you didn’t take your medicine before. Not only would it have numbed the pain to your body, but maybe it would have dulled my sister’s sharp tongue.” Austin tipped the glass to let him drink. “I’m sorry, Gabe. She had no right to say what she did.”
Gabriel took a long swallow of the laudanum-laced wine then dropped his head back to the pillow. There was a generous amount of the opiate in the drink and Gabriel welcomed the relief he knew would soon come. “Don’t blame her,” he whispered. “She didn’t deserve what I did to her.”
Austin threw the rolled-up bandage he’d been holding onto the table and walked away from the bed. “How the two of you have suffered because of what Father did. I know it’s not much consolation, but Harrison estimates that in five years he’ll be able to buy back the notes Chisolmwood used to blackmail Father.”
Five years.
He tried not to think of all that would transpire in five years. Liddy and Culbertson would be married, she would have presented him with at least one heir, perhaps two. Society would clamor to receive invitations to Lady Culbertson’s affairs, the same as they anticipated invitations to the Biltmore Ball. And perhaps, if he were lucky, in five years knowing what he’d lost wouldn’t hurt so much.
“I know it’s important to Harrison...to be able to pay off the debt. I’d feel the same. But the damage...is done.”
Austin paced back and forth at the foot of the bed. “I’ve thought about this a lot, Gabe. What do you think was so bloody important about Lydia’s dowry that Chisolmwood would force a marriage on his son? Southerby Manor is a fine estate, but not nearly worth what it cost him.”
Gabriel had to concentrate on what Austin said. The laudanum was beginning to take effect. “I’ve wondered the same thing. Is there anything special about the land? Its location?”
Austin shook his head. “Southerby has been in my mother’s family for hundreds of years. It was bequeathed to one of my maternal ancestors with the stipulation that it can only be passed down through the female line of my mother’s family.”
“So, even if the Marquess of Culbertson marries Lydia...”
“...he can never gain possession of Southerby,” Austin finished for him. “It will go to Liddy’s eldest daughter.”
Gabriel let his body relax into the mattress. “There must be another reason he wanted the marriage then.”
“Whatever the reason, it was something Father couldn’t live with.”
“You don’t know—”
Gabriel heard the thud of Austin’s fist as he hit the window casing.
“I do know,” he said. “You forget. I was the one who found him. He didn’t die in a hunting accident like Liddy believes. Father took his own life and Chisolmwood was as responsible as if he’d pulled the trigger himself.”
Austin pushed himself away from the window and sat in the chair beside the bed. “I think Father couldn’t live with the thought of Lydia married to Chisolmwood’s son. Killing himself was the only way he could stop the wedding from happening. At least for a year.”
Gabriel turned his head on the pillow and looked at Austin. His vision was hazy, which meant the laudanum was working well. “Has Chisolmwood’s name ever been linked to any scandal?”
“No,” Austin retorted, the frustration obvious in his voice. “In fact, I can’t think of anyone more highly regarded.”
“What about his son?”
“I wish I could say the praises Lydia extolled were exaggerations, but from what I’ve heard, even what she said doesn’t do him justice. He doesn’t simply have the Queen’s ear, he’s rumored to be instrumental in much of the government’s policy-making.”
Gabriel fought to keep his eyes open. “If the reason isn’t Southerby Manor, then...that only leaves Liddy.”
“Liddy?”
“Yes. For some reason the Duke of Chisolmwood chose Liddy for his daughter-in-law and did whatever it took to get her.”
“But why would knowing his daughter would be a duchess be so difficult for Father to accept?”
“Did something happen...between Chisolmwood and your father?”
“Hell, I don’t ever remember Chisolmwood’s name being mentioned in our home.”
“Maybe there was a reason...his name was...never mentioned,” Gabriel said, knowing his words were slurred.
“If there was, I’m not aware of it. I’ll ask Harrison.” Austin was silent for several seconds, then said, “I received a message this morning.”
Gabriel closed his eyes. “From whom?”
“From Thorn.”
Gabriel struggled to open his eyes and fought to make his way back through the haze. “Why t
he hell didn’t you tell me before you poured laudanum down my throat?”
“After Lydia finished with you I didn’t think you could stand much more.”
Gabriel fought to stay alert. Thorn was the agent who issued their orders. Whatever Austin received had to be important.
“I have to return.”
“When?”
“The end of next week. There’s a ship leaving on the twenty-third.”
Gabriel experienced a wave of unease. “I’m afraid you’ll have to make this trip by yourself.”
Austin laughed. “Are you worried that I’ll get lost without you?”
Gabriel answered him on a lighter note than he felt. “There’s always that possibility.”
“Hardly, my friend. If I do, Thorn will find me. He has that uncanny knack.”
Gabriel blinked twice as the haze clouding his eyes grew thicker. “Do you know what I regretted when I thought I might not survive? That I was going to die without knowing Thorn’s identity.”
Austin laughed. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? For more than a year we’ve taken orders from a man we’ve never met.” Austin leveled a serious expression at Gabriel. “Do you have any idea who he is?”
Gabriel shook his head. “All I know is...the man’s phenomenal. He knows exactly where to send us and what we’ll find when we arrive. He knows when every meeting is going to take place and what orders are going to come down before our commanding officers know. He’s got to have connections.”
“Do you think he’s a member of the nobility?”
Gabriel had already considered the possibility and knew he probably was. “That would explain how he has access to information only a very few in England have.”
“Is he the reason you knew about the papers the Russian general had?”
Gabriel nodded. “I got a note...with a thorn.” He wouldn’t be able to stay awake much longer. Austin must have realized it too. He reached over to squeeze Gabriel’s shoulder, then stood.
“I’ll give our mysterious Thorn your regards if we meet.” He extinguished all the lamps in the room but one. “Now, get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Gabriel watched his friend take another step out of the room and stopped him. “Will you do me one favor before you sail?”
“Anything. What do you need?”
“A place...to live.”
“You’re not ready to leave. Harrison won’t hear of it and neither will I.”
Gabriel wanted to laugh but couldn’t. “It won’t be today, but—” He paused. “...soon.”
“It’s Lydia, isn’t it?”
“Staying here isn’t good for either of us.”
Austin stepped back into the shadows on the far side of the room. “Damn Chisolmwood for what he did to you and Lydia. Damn Father.”
“Things worked out for the best, considering. You and I would have gone to the Crimea. I would have come back...like I am.” Gabriel rubbed the ache in his leg while he waited for the laudanum to completely take over. “At least now...Liddy will have a partner...to dance with at all those balls she’s so fond of attending.”
“And what will you have?”
Gabriel breathed a heavy sigh. “I have a small estate...brothers are managing while I’m gone. When I’m well enough...I’ll go there. I always intended to...live in the country.”
“But that was when you thought Liddy would be there with you.”
Gabriel considered his solitary future and closed his eyes. “Get the hell out of here. That blasted poison you poured down my throat is clouding my mind...can’t think straight.”
Austin stepped through the door and closed it behind him.
When the room was dark and quiet, Gabriel drifted to that place the laudanum took him where nothing was quite as it seemed—even the pain.
Starting tomorrow, though, he swore he wouldn’t need as much of the opiate as he needed today. And the day after, he’d need even less. He had to get well enough to leave here.
He knew he’d never be strong enough to stay under the same roof with her and not die a little every day because of what could never be.
Chapter Six
Lydia sat on the window seat in her bedroom and looked out onto the small flower garden to the rear of the house without noticing anything in particular. She hadn’t been to see him for nearly a month. Even when word came that the war was over, she hadn’t gone to his room to tell him.
She wanted to forget him, but that didn’t happen.
With a heavy sigh she leaned back against the cushions and dropped her hands to her lap. How many times would she have to relive his painful words, his brutal rejection, before she could exorcize him from her thoughts, her mind, her heart?
She squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to forget the emotions that continually surfaced. Even after all this time, he refused to fade from her memory. How could she allow him to consume her like he did? She had her future to consider.
She was promised to the Marquess of Culbertson. Even if the announcement hadn’t been made public or the date set, the agreement her father had signed just weeks before his death was as binding as any legal document. As the future Duchess of Chisolmwood, she couldn’t afford for there to be a hint of scandal associated with her name. She owed that to her family as well as her future husband.
Lydia looked down at the crumpled letter in her hand and felt an unquenchable burning inside her. The message arrived from Austin just this morning and he’d asked that they share it with Gabriel. But that didn’t mean she had to deliver it. Harrison could. Or one of the servants.
She looked at the letter again. What was she afraid of? He meant nothing to her. Nothing! She intended to prove it—to herself and to him.
She bolted to her feet and turned toward the door. “Hannah,” she called over her shoulder and her maid came in from the dressing room. “Come with me.”
She walked down the hall and rapped twice on his door, then opened it when he beckoned. He wasn’t in bed like she’d assumed he would be, but was sitting in a chair by the window. He looked much improved. Almost back to his former self.
Her heart raced the instant his gaze met hers. Dark lashes and brows framed his ebony eyes and although his bronzed complexion lacked the luster it had before he left, his handsome features still possessed a powerful pull that tugged deep inside her.
She stomped down her errant emotions and ground them beneath an imaginary heel before she crossed the room to where he sat. “You’re out of bed.”
He smiled. “I’m improving every day, thanks to your staff’s excellent care. I’ll be out on my own in no time at all.”
She frowned. He was better, but she noticed he sat with his injured leg propped on an ottoman. He’d been rubbing his thigh when she walked in but lifted his hand to the arm of the chair as if he didn’t want her to notice. “You won’t leave until you’re well enough,” she said. “Harrison won’t allow it.”
His smile faded. It was almost as if he dared Harrison—or anyone, to stop him.
“How is your leg?”
“Improving.”
“I’m glad.” She sat down in a chair beside him. “I have a letter from Austin. I thought perhaps you’d like to hear it.”
His head snapped to where she sat. “Yes.”
She unfolded the letter and began.
November 22, 1855
My Dearest Family,
By the time you read this, the last details of the Paris treaty will have been executed and this dreadful war will finally be over for me, as well.
I can imagine how you must have celebrated when you heard the war had ended, but Gabe alone will understand when I write that I cried. I wept not only for those who are fortunate enough to go home alive, but for all those who will never return. So many lives affected. So many families changed forever.
The war lasted a mere twenty-eight months and according to the latest tallies, nearly a million men gave their lives for their countries. I will wager that two
out of every three deaths were due to disease, starvation, or exposure. If nothing else, I pray to God we have all learned a lesson from such a travesty. If we have, our country will be the stronger for it.
I wish I would be writing to tell you I am on my way home, but I am not. Her Majesty has need of me elsewhere, although I’m not at liberty to say where that might be. Just know that I am well and miss you more than you will ever know. Stay healthy and happy until I return.
Forever yours,
Austin
Gabe—Harrison tells me you are improving more every day. When I return we will go to the country.
I do so long to be there.
She lowered the letter to her lap and looked up at him. His eyes were filled with tears and it was nearly her undoing.
“I miss him terribly,” she said, her voice husky with emotion.
“I know.”
“Do you have any idea where they sent him?”
He shook his head.
“You and Austin aren’t just ordinary soldiers, are you?”
She noticed a fleeting hint of detachment.
“We are both officers in Her Majesty’s Army.”
“And what exactly do you do that makes you and Austin so indispensable?” She folded the letter and placed it in her lap. “I know you relieved a Russian officer of some important papers that contained information vital to the outcome of the war. How did you happen to discover he had them?”
Gabriel remained focused on the scene outside the window. He obviously intended to ignore her probing questions. Except, she had no intention of giving up. “I overheard Austin say you were wounded in enemy territory. Are you and Austin spies?”
His brows arced. “We are soldiers,” he said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to discuss something else. Harrison tells me you intend to keep him busy every night this week attending one function or another. Who is hosting the ball you cannot miss tonight?”
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