“Thank you, no. I prefer to get some fresh air.”
Culbertson smiled. “Of course. Being confined indoors is often difficult for a military man. We’ll talk later?”
He nodded, then watched Culbertson lead Lydia and Lady Emmeline across the room.
His leg ached with more vengeance than before and he stood cautiously. He waved away the footman who stood nearby in case he needed assistance, then steadied himself on his canes and limped to the double doors that led out onto the terrace.
The air was crisp and cold, the terrace empty. In warmer weather couples would stream outside for a breath of fresh air or a secluded walk down one of the garden paths. Tonight was too chilly for anyone to venture out.
He was glad he was alone. Alone to evaluate his feelings for the man with whom Lydia would spend the rest of her life. He wanted to dislike him, wanted to consider him the enemy. Instead, what he felt was...admiration.
He rested his canes against the stone balustrade and placed his palms flat against the cool railing. He should be relieved that she would marry someone who was a perfect match for her. And he was. Culbertson was honorable and well respected, and his father was a duke. Which meant that—
Gabriel dropped his head between his hands and closed his eyes. It meant that one day Lydia would be his—
“Are you all right?”
Gabriel cast a slow glance over his shoulder to where she stood in the doorway. “Yes, I’m fine. Please, go back inside before you catch your death of cold.”
She didn’t leave, but took a step onto the terrace and closed the door behind her.
“I was certain I’d find you out here. Austin used to get the look I saw on your face earlier. Within minutes he could be found outside.”
Gabriel looked up into the nighttime sky. “I remember a time when we both considered the out of doors enjoyable.”
“Yes, well, some things change.”
“Yes, they do.” He wished she’d do the sensible thing and leave. Being this close to her sent waves of desire through his body.
“You accomplished a great deal tonight.” She stepped toward him.
“I just brought a great travesty to the proper people’s attention.”
“Then it was worth attending the Duke of Chisolmwood’s affair.”
“Was it?”
She wasn’t wearing a shawl or anything else to protect her from the cold and Gabriel noticed her shiver. Why didn’t she just go inside? He wanted her with an intensity that drove him wild. He’d always wanted her, even after he knew he couldn’t have her.
She made no move to leave so he removed his coat and placed it around her shoulders.
“Thank you.”
She pulled the material close beneath her chin and their fingers touched. Even though she wore gloves, there was a warmth to her touch that traveled through him. “You shouldn’t be out here.” He dropped his hands from her and was thankful when she didn’t step away from him. He wanted her near. Wanted to take in every perfect feature, wanted to breathe in the clean lilac fragrance he’d always associate with her. Wanted to have her near him for a while longer.
“Why did you come out here?”
She pulled the lapels of his jacket tighter and held them with clenched fingers. “I wanted to speak with you privately.”
“You shouldn’t be here. Someone might see you.”
“No one will see me. No one is foolish enough to come out in the cold except you.”
“And you.”
The expression on her face strengthened, the look in her eyes more determined. “I wanted to thank you for coming. For bringing the hardships our soldiers endured to everyone’s attention, and...” She paused. “For forcing the Duke of Chisolmwood to relinquish whatever he gave Harrison when we arrived. The expression on Harrison’s face said whatever it was meant a great deal to him. I wanted to thank you before you left Etherhouse.”
“What makes you think I’m leaving?”
“Do you deny it?”
He smiled. “No.”
“When?”
“In the morning.”
“Will you be all right?”
Worry lines etched her forehead and he wanted to brush his fingers against them to erase them. He wanted to touch her just once more, run his fingers over her features to reaffirm each small detail he’d filed to memory. He wanted to take her in his arms one last time and kiss her.
But he couldn’t. One kiss would never be enough. “I’ll be fine. Will you?”
His question surprised her. “What?”
“Will you be fine? Will you be happy?”
She inched away from him. “Of course I’ll be happy. I’m going to marry the Marquess of Culbertson and have the home and family I always dreamed of having.”
“And love?”
The expression on her face hardened. “Yes, I’ll have love. More love than I would have had if I’d married you.”
He staggered under the weight of her words. He couldn’t let her think that. He couldn’t let her think that he didn’t love her.
“That’s not possible,” he ground through clenched teeth. “No one can love you more than I did. More than I do.”
Her eyes filled with a sadness that broke his heart. “You’re too late, Gabriel. A year ago you could have had all the love I’m capable of giving any man, but not now. I don’t love you anymore.”
He closed the distance between them. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. There’s only room in my heart for one man and you aren’t him. You never will be.”
Her words acted like a knife to his heart. “If I could undo everything that happened a year ago I would. If I could take back what I said—”
It was too late. Even as he said the words, he knew it was too late. He could never win her back. But he didn’t want to leave her without holding her one more time. Without kissing her one more time. Even though he knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life, he pulled her into his arms and held her close. Then, with a ragged breath, he pressed his lips to hers and kissed her.
She didn’t respond and he moved his hands over her body, slowly, tenderly. Down her back, then up and over her shoulders. He cupped her head in his palm and nestled her even closer.
There was only his thin linen shirt to separate them, yet he wasn’t cold. His body burned as if on fire. Just having her this near him was like living a hell more unbearable than the anguish the war had forced him to endure.
Her lack of response threw him into another hell.
Her lips were cold and unresponsive beneath his and he deepened his kiss. He opened his mouth over hers, his tongue outlining her lips, but she refused to open to him. He pressed a finger against her chin but she held firm and didn’t yield.
Realizing she shared none of his passion jolted him with the force of a two-fisted punch. He lifted his mouth from hers and looked into her eyes.
“Are you finished?” She wiped her mouth with her gloved fingers and met his gaze.
Tears filled her eyes, pooling together until one wet drop silently slipped over the edge and tumbled down her cheek. With trembling fingers, she wiped it away the same as she had the imprint of his kisses.
He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t find the strength to order his heart to continue beating, his mind to form the correct thoughts. “Yes, my lady. I apologize for my behavior. This will never happen again.”
She didn’t acknowledge his promise, but pulled his jacket from around her shoulders and handed it to him.
Their fingers touched when he took it from her and she jerked her hand away as if even through her gloves his touch burned her.
Something inside him died at that moment. He wanted to say her reaction to his kiss hadn’t bothered him, but it had—more than he thought he could live with.
He took a step away from her, then stopped when a voice from across the terrace interrupted them.
“There you are. Allow me to escort you back inside, Lydia.”
The Marquess of Culbertson stepped toward them and claimed the woman he’d been given to be his bride.
When they left, Gabriel stood in the cold December air and relived another time when he’d lost everything.
Chapter Nine
He was gone.
It had been three weeks and she should be glad he wasn’t there as a constant temptation. Glad he wasn’t there to consume her thoughts every second of her day. Glad she was free to concentrate on her future with the Marquess of Culbertson.
Except in the twenty-one days since he’d moved out of Etherhouse, she’d been able to concentrate on nothing but Gabriel. And the night he’d kissed her.
Her mind constantly relived the feel of his lips against hers, the warmth of his body pressed against her, the swirling passion she almost hadn’t been able to resist. It had taken every ounce of determination and willpower not to give in to him.
Oh, how she’d ached to wrap her arms around his neck and return his kisses.
She walked over to Harrison’s copy of Bleak House and ran her fingers across the gold embossed leather. She started to take it off the library shelf, then pushed it back in frustration.
Why had he kissed her? What did he hope to prove? That she still loved him?
She doubled her fist and slammed it against the bookcase. She hoped he was satisfied. He’d ruined everything. She’d spent the last year convincing herself she hated him, that she would never feel anything for him except disdain. And with one kiss...
She leaned her forehead against the cool leather spines and swallowed hard. The second his lips had touched hers, the earth had spun on its axis. A heat unlike anything she’d ever felt spread through her and her lungs couldn’t take in enough air to breathe. Damn him! She’d been so sure she’d destroyed every emotion she’d ever felt for him. So sure she’d be just as disappointed with his kisses as she was with the Marquess of Culbertson’s.
But she hadn’t been. His kiss reminded her of what she’d lost. His kiss forced her to realize that her life with Culbertson would be filled with the granting of every earthly request, yet remain devoid of the passion she could share with Gabriel.
She pushed herself away from the bookcase and pressed her hands to her burning cheeks. She fought the self-loathing that consumed her. She still loved him. No matter how hard she tried not to, she still loved the man who’d given her up when he discovered she wouldn’t come with a dowry.
She touched her fingers to her lips. She could still feel the touch of his lips against hers. Could still feel his arms holding her, his hands touching her.
God help her. When would it go away? When would she wake up without Gabriel being her first thought? Or go to bed without him being her last? When would she fall asleep without being consumed by dreams of him? When would she—
“Are you ready, Lydia?”
She caught her startled gasp and turned around. Harrison stood in the doorway dressed in his finest. He was such a handsome man that she was confused as to why he hadn’t chosen a wife. It wasn’t for lack of eligible females throwing themselves at him.
“Yes, I was just...”
“I know,” he answered when she didn’t finish and she knew he was aware of whom she’d been thinking.
He took one step into the room and stopped. “He’s fine, Liddy.”
She put on a bored expression and prayed her brother couldn’t tell how rapidly her heart was beating. “Of course, he is. Why wouldn’t he be?” She brushed at an imaginary wrinkle on her gown. “Have you heard from him?”
“I dropped by the flat where he’s staying to see if he needed anything.”
“Did he?”
Harrison shook his head and closed the door behind him. They were alone now and she knew what Harrison was going to say before he started.
“You have to forget him, Liddy.”
She put as sincere a smile on her face as she could. “I have. I’m just curious. I wasn’t sure he was ready to be on his own when he left.”
Her brother walked across the room and stopped before the blazing fireplace. He braced his outstretched hands against the mantel and stared into the fire. “Chisolmwood came to see me today. He wants to formally announce your engagement.” He took a deep breath and turned to face her. “I think that’s wise.”
She felt her cheeks warm but refused to back down from her brother’s intense gaze. “We will,” she said with a smile on her face. “We just haven’t discussed that. I’m sure that in time—”
“Time isn’t your friend. It won’t change anything.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do you think I want anything to change?”
He narrowed his gaze. “Gabe will never ask you to marry him. He can’t. Father signed the papers betrothing you to the Marquess of Culbertson. There’s nothing you can do to change that without causing a scandal.”
Her heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach. “That was cruel, Harrison.”
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant to be cruel. I meant it in the kindest way possible.”
“Then you don’t need to worry. I don’t want to marry Major Talbot, and he doesn’t want to marry me. He made that quite clear a year ago.” She walked toward the door. “Now, if you’re done explaining my duty, I think we’d better go. The crush at the Biltmore Ball will be impossible if we’re late.”
Harrison crossed the room and opened the door for her. She silently walked through the foyer to where Hannah and their butler waited with their cloaks. The weather had turned colder this week but it wouldn’t be long until spring.
She pulled her red velvet cloak closer around her neck to ease the heavy weight that pressed down on her. A painful breath stabbed inside her chest. Harrison was right. Thinking about Gabe didn’t help her. In fact, it hurt her.
“Perhaps if Geoffrey is there tonight,” she said as the carriage rumbled over London’s cobblestone streets, “the subject of our betrothal will come up.”
Harrison laughed. “What do you mean, if he’s there? Of course he’ll be there. He always attends the functions at which he knows you’ll be in attendance.”
“Unless he’s away on government business,” she added, knowing she couldn’t put off giving the marquess an answer any longer. Knowing she didn’t want to.
“Yes, there is that,” Harrison said as the carriage came to a stop in front of the Biltmore town house.
Every window was aglow with the brilliant lights from the huge chandeliers that hung from the ceilings in every room. She hoped the festive ambiance would replace the dread she suddenly felt. Why wasn’t she brimming with excitement? Why wasn’t she giddy with anticipation? She would see the marquess again tonight.
She stopped at the top of the stairs and looked around the ballroom. Her gaze focused on Culbertson and her good friend Emmeline, swirling in perfect unity to a waltz the orchestra played.
It was hard to miss him. His tall physique and striking appearance made him stand out in a crowd. Add to that Emmeline’s grace and beauty and only someone blind could overlook them.
She smiled. The marquess held his partner in his arms and looked down into the warm, open smile on her face. Liddy watched for several moments, wishing her own heart would race when she looked at her future husband. Wishing she’d feel something other than the unsettled turmoil that had been there since Gabriel had reentered her life.
She stared out onto the dance floor and gathered her resolve. She’d survived losing Gabriel before and she could do it again. Her father had exposed Gabriel’s greed and chosen a man of exemplary character when he’d chosen the Marquess of Culbertson. No matter what feelings she still harbored for Gabriel, she wouldn’t go against her father’s wishes. Harrison was right. She’d avoided the inevitable long enough.
The orchestra stopped playing and she took Harrison’s arm and stepped down the stairs into the ballroom. The moment Culbertson noticed her, he brought Emmeline over to where they st
ood.
“Lady Lydia. Etherington,” he greeted, and Lydia greeted them in return. They talked for several minutes about nothing in particular and when the orchestra struck the chord to begin the next set, he asked her to dance.
He held out his arm and she placed her hand lightly upon it, praying she would feel a shiver of excitement when she touched him.
Telling herself it didn’t matter when she didn’t.
Chapter Ten
The carriage Harrison had sent for him stopped in front of Etherhouse, and Gabriel slid to the edge of the seat. It had been several weeks since he’d left, weeks since he’d seen her. If Harrison’s message hadn’t sounded so damned urgent, he’d have ignored it. He wasn’t ready to see her again. She’d made her feelings obvious the last time he saw her. He could still feel her cold, still lips beneath his. Still hear the disdain in her voice, the rejection. She wanted nothing to do with him and he vowed to honor her wishes.
He descended from the carriage and stood for a moment until he could gain his balance. He’d improved a great deal since he’d left Etherhouse, and the intense pain that gripped his knotted muscles when he demanded too much from them wasn’t nearly as severe as it had once been. He was confident the day would come when perhaps he’d even walk without a cane. Never without a limp, but perhaps without a cane. But not yet.
He took his first step, then made his way up the walk. An intense wave of unease washed over him as Ruskins opened the door. From the look on his face, something was definitely wrong.
“Good day, Major Talbot.” There was a hint of strain in his voice.
“Good day, Ruskins.”
The frown didn’t leave Ruskins’ face and as he helped Gabriel off with his cloak, the butler’s usual staid and steady slowness seemed hurried.
“Lord Etherington is waiting for you in the library.”
He followed Ruskins to the study door and walked inside.
Harrison stood by the crackling fireplace, his posture unnaturally rigid, his hands clasped behind his back and a deep frown darkening his features.
“Gabe.”
He would have brushed aside the worry he felt if the strain in Harrison’s voice hadn’t been so obvious. “Harrison?”
Heroes of Honor: Historical Romance Collection Page 63
