He clamped his fingers to his thigh and rubbed his aching muscles. His movements stopped at the knock at the door. He turned to see her standing in the open doorway.
He stared at her in silence while he waited for the rapid beating of his heart to slow.
“I came to make sure you were all right.” She took a step into the room and closed the door behind her.
She was dressed in white, a white robe over a white nightgown, and her hair was tied back at her neck with a white ribbon. She was more beautiful than the visions that haunted his dreams.
“I’m fine. Go to bed.”
She turned and opened the door several inches. “Very well. Is there anything you need before I leave?”
He hesitated. Yes, there were a million things he needed before she left and every one of them involved touching her, holding her, kissing her, loving her. Which is exactly why she should leave his room. Now.
If he were smart, he’d tell her that. Maybe it would scare the hell out of her and she’d run from his room.
Instead, what came out of his mouth was, “Why the hell are you still here? You promised you’d leave when I didn’t come back.”
His words were sharp, his voice harsh. Anger was important right now. Any other emotion would be his undoing. From her reaction, irritation wasn’t the emotion she needed or expected from him.
The door closed with a solid thud and she turned to face him. The look in her eyes seared him with a fury that seemed to match his own.
“I’m here, Major Talbot, because for some reason I don’t understand, I was concerned for you. And, if you remember, I didn’t promise to leave when you didn’t return, I promised to leave when I was certain you wouldn’t return. I wasn’t certain of that fact that first morning.” She marched toward him. “With obvious good reason, because here you are.”
She swiped her hand through the air and faced him with her fists anchored on her hips. “Besides, only a fool would try to move Austin and the marquess. Neither was in any condition to travel.”
She was right, but pride and some other emotion he couldn’t put a name to refused to allow him to admit that to her. What he started to say was lost to him the minute he opened his mouth.
An intense pain grabbed hold of the muscles in his leg and refused to let go. He clamped his hand around his thigh and kneaded the knotted muscles, but the white-hot pain increased until he feared he might become ill.
He growled out one agonizing moan after another while he rubbed at the gripping pain in his thigh. Nothing seemed to help. Of all the times his muscles had knotted on him, this was the worst.
Suddenly, he realized his hands weren’t the only ones kneading away the pain. Liddy’s were there, too, pressing down on his flesh, rubbing against the hard knots, touching him where he’d dreamed of having her touch him.
Together they worked until the pain lessened. Then, he realized his leg wasn’t the only area of his body that was affected.
“Is it easing?” she asked when he straightened.
“I need to walk.” He pushed himself to his feet and took his first step. He stumbled and nearly went to the ground.
“Here,” she said, and rushed to his side. She placed her arm around his waist and he had no choice but to drape his arm across her shoulders. They walked from one side of the room to the other.
“Is it better?” she asked.
“Yes,” he answered, but his heavy, ragged breaths weren’t at all convincing.
“Keep walking,” she said, and tightened her hold around his waist.
His fingers dangled dangerously close to her breast, and with each step he thought that if he’d move his hand just a fraction closer, her breast would fit in the palm of his hand. A drop of perspiration fell from his brow.
“We need to stop,” he uttered with the little breath he had left.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!”
Liddy stopped, then stepped in front of him. She looked up at him with eyes that were open wide and filled with confusion. Her gaze locked with his as if she was as aware of the connection that had always bound them, then she moved her gaze to his lips as if she was suddenly aware of where his thoughts had taken him. He wanted her. He was desperate to have her. To hold her. To make her his.
For several days he’d doubted he’d survive this mission. And he knew that even if he did, when he returned to Jean-Paul’s, Liddy wouldn’t be there. She’d have gone back to England where she’d be safe.
But she hadn’t gone back. She was here, in his arms. The one person he knew he couldn’t survive without was here.
“Ah, Liddy,” he whispered as he pulled her close. He knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life, but he couldn’t stop himself from making it. Then, when he held her so close she was a part of him, the heat from her body set him on fire. Every part of him ignited with a desire he couldn’t control.
He moved his hands over her body, touching her, feeling her, gathering her to him. For this moment in time, this was where she belonged. Where they belonged—together.
He cupped his hands to her cheeks and tilted her head. The expression in her eyes was that of longing, of submission, of…desire. He knew he should step away from her, but didn’t have the strength, didn’t have the will.
He looked into her eyes and waited for a sign of fear. There was none. Only an intense desire that matched his own. He waited one more second before he brought his mouth down on hers and kissed her with all the passion he feared he’d never have a chance to share with her again.
Her mouth opened beneath his, her tongue skimming his lips, begging for entrance. Her fervor was more than he could take. More than he could battle against. He opened to take her in and let her find him.
Their mating was explosive. The seeking, searching, finding, exploring—all of it more powerful than anything he could have imagined. It must have been for her, too. She pressed harder against him and held on tight, all the while kissing him with an open-mouthed hunger neither of them could satisfy.
“Liddy,” he whispered, gasping for breath. “Tell me to stop.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. “I can’t.”
Her words stunned him, the impact of her admission stormed through him like a fire raging out of control. Her meaning was as dangerous and deadly as the feel of her hands on his flesh.
She loosened his shirt and pushed it from his shoulders, baring his chest to her. And she kissed him again.
He should stop her, but he couldn’t. He should fight the baser needs that ran rampant through him, that consumed him. But he could no more pull away from her than he could stop his hands from loosening her gown and letting it fall to the floor. With his mouth still pressed to hers, he slid his hands across her flesh, touching her soft skin and cupping her breasts. She gasped when he held her and he took her sound of surprise into his mouth.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her cheek, then moving lower, down her neck to nuzzle against the tender spot just below her ear. “Oh, so beautiful.”
Her earthy moans shot burning flames through him and he kissed the hollow of her neck.
Her chest heaved with passion, her breathing harsh and labored. He knew he should stop, but heaven help him, he couldn’t. He needed to touch more of her, to suckle her and feel her tremble in his arms.
He nearly lost his composure when she arched her back and cried out his name.
“I love you, Gabriel. Even though I know I shouldn’t—can’t—I love you.”
He kissed her mouth again, his kisses hot and wet, her response frantic and desperate. “I know.”
He kissed her again and she kissed him back. Again and again he took from her—and gave to her, until both of them were beyond stopping.
If Liddy realized the risk she took, she chose to ignore it.
If she realized how impossible it would be to live with what they were about to do, she chose to disregard it.
; With a desperation he couldn’t restrain, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to his bed, praying that tomorrow they could both live with what they did tonight.
Chapter Sixteen
Lydia wanted to blame Gabriel for what they were doing, but the fault wasn’t his. She played an equal role in what was happening. She’d known the risks when she entered his room. But she needed to see him. Needed to know he was unharmed.
When he kissed her, she told herself she would stop him. Told herself letting their passion go further was futile, even dangerous. Told herself she was in control of her emotions enough to stop him whenever she wanted. That she only wanted him to hold her once more before he was no longer a part of her life.
For a long time neither of them moved. Finally her breathing calmed to match his. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. She knew he wanted to speak, but words had no place between them. They would only destroy the perfection of what they’d shared.
She pressed her finger to his lips to trap any words from escaping. “Kiss me again,” she whispered.
And he did.
…
Lydia opened her eyes and looked at the man sleeping beside her. His breathing was slow and even, and he seemed relaxed.
He was handsome in ways other men could only hint at. Even with the scars on his body and the limitations of his leg, he was perfect. She knew what she’d done had been foolish, but in her heart, she knew something no one else knew. Especially Major Gabriel Talbot.
She loved him.
Her body warmed when she thought of what they’d done, of what they’d shared, and her heart thundered in her breast. Loving him was so complicated.
And hopeless.
He would never be hers. She belonged to the Marquess of Culbertson. For some reason she couldn’t understand, he’d handed her over when the duke had come to see her father. Handed her over as if he hadn’t been given a choice.
She slid from the bed and slipped into her gown and robe, then sat on the straight-back chair near the bed. She wanted to understand why he’d told her he didn’t love her when her heart told her he did. It was her name he’d cried out the night Austin brought him home. It had been her voice that brought him back when he’d given up and wanted to die. But most of all, her body and heart he’d claimed for his own.
She looked down to make sure he still slept. She should regret what they’d done. And perhaps she did, but not for the reasons she should. Not because she wouldn’t go to her husband a chaste maiden.
She stared at the hands that had touched her with such passion, that had worked a magic that had driven her almost to a point of madness. Hands that had taken her to heights she’d never imagined.
No, she didn’t regret what they’d done. She only regretted that they would never share such passion again.
She lifted her gaze to his face, and the depths of his midnight blue eyes jolted her back to reality. He was awake, studying her as intently as she studied him. Looking at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.
She couldn’t hold his gaze and turned toward the door. “I have to go,” she said taking a step away from him.
“Wait.”
She stopped, but couldn’t force herself to turn around.
“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.
Her cheeks grew hot. “Yes.”
She heard him move behind her, knew he was up, getting dressed. She felt him come near her more than heard him. Her body grew warm. His nearness always affected her like that.
He stood behind her, his body pressed against hers. He wrapped his arms around her chest and brought her even closer.
This is what she’d always remember—their bodies molded to each other—his taller, stronger frame wrapped around her to form a protective cocoon—his lips close enough to touch her cheek. She tucked away this memory, to be able to bring it out when she needed to remind herself that she’d been loved, truly loved.
After a long moment he broke the silence. “Liddy, what happened last night was my fault. You weren’t to blame. I should never have let it go that far.”
She took a deep breath. “Do you regret what we did?”
He hesitated and she turned in his arms. “The truth, Gabriel. I deserve the truth. Do you regret what we did?”
His eyes clouded with something she didn’t understand. Perhaps his inner struggle as he decided what answer to give her. His shoulders lifted and she knew he’d made his decision.
“If I were any kind of man, I would. God help me, I would. But I don’t.”
His answer shook the foundation of the fortress she’d built to protect herself after he’d left her. The fortress around her heart so his betrayal didn’t destroy her. Now, she wasn’t sure of anything. And she needed to be. She needed to be sure of something, at least.
She locked her gaze with his and refused to allow him to ignore her. “Why did you lie to me when you told me you didn’t love me?”
He hesitated, then started to speak. She stopped him with a wave of her hand. “No lies, Gabriel. What did the Duke of Chisolmwood say or do that made Father refuse your offer?”
He shook his head and walked to the window. “Don’t, Liddy. Don’t look for things that aren’t there.”
“What’s not there? The fact that you love me, but won’t say the words? Or is it that you can’t say them? What happened that day that destroyed our future together?”
“Don’t torture yourself like this.” He locked his gaze with hers. “I know you’d like to believe there is a way for us to have a life together, but there isn’t. I can’t ask you to marry me because I have nothing to offer you. Even if I did, you couldn’t accept because you’re not free to do so. Your father wanted you to marry Culbertson. He chose him for your husband. It’s too late to think things can be different.”
His words slashed through her like sharp knives that shredded her heart. The pain was suddenly more than she could bear. “What if I told you I would leave this all behind and go anywhere with you if only you’d ask?”
He reached out and clutched his fingers around the corner of the small table beside the window. It was as if he needed it as an anchor to stay upright.
“Would you ask me, Gabriel? Do you want me enough to ask?”
She stared at the tortured expression on his face. She prayed that his hesitation meant he considered her offer. Because she was serious. She would go anywhere with him. She would give up everything to be with him. She loved him that much. “Do you?”
His face paled and when she looked into his eyes, a haunted emptiness stared back at her.
“No,” he whispered, and the bottom fell out of her world.
On legs that threatened not to support her, she made her way across the room and left.
This time forever.
…
The following week was torture. Gabriel spent every minute of his days trying to forget the time he’d spent in Liddy’s arms. Then, he spent every night pacing the floor so he wouldn’t have to relive how his words had hurt her.
From her pale complexion and the dark circles rimming her eyes, he didn’t doubt she lived the same torture. Thankfully, their wait would soon be over. Austin was nearly well enough to risk the journey to Rouen. Just a few more days.
He walked down the hall and knocked on Austin’s door. When he opened the door, he found Liddy sitting beside Austin’s bed, along with Culbertson.
Gabe avoided more than a glance at Liddy. They were both too adept at reading each other’s looks. Instead, he looked at Austin. “How are you feeling?”
“Better each day. I was just telling Liddy that if I feel much better I’m going to run the inn short of food.”
Gabe smiled. He was glad Austin was improving. Glad there was almost a smile on his face—almost. He wasn’t sure what had happened to his friend while he was in prison, but it hadn’t left him unscathed. Hopefully, some day he’d want to at least talk about it.
“H
ave you decided when we’ll leave?” Culbertson asked.
“In a few days. That will give us enough time to reach Rouen, without having to hide too long outside the city.”
Culbertson nodded.
“I hope you’re not putting off leaving because of me,” Austin said. “I’m fit enough to travel. The longer we stay here, the more danger for Jean-Paul and his family.”
Gabe shook his head. “My hope is that LeBrouche will think we’ve already left the city.”
“Maybe he’s given up his search for us,” Liddy said. There was a hopefulness in her tone, but Austin dispelled any chances of that happening.
“LeBrouche will never give up his search for Gabe,” Austin added. “When we were in the Crimea, LeBrouche offered an illogical suggestion for an offensive maneuver. LeBrouche’s commanding officer asked Gabe what he thought of LeBrouche’s idea and Gabe explained why it wouldn’t work. After listening to Gabe, the French commander announced that he wished he would have at least one intelligent officer like Gabe to work with instead of the imbeciles France had sent him.” Austin looked at Gabe. “LeBrouche is too proud to let that insult go without exacting revenge. You’re lucky he didn’t recognize you when he first saw you.”
“Thankfully, the beard I had in the Crimea served a useful purpose—other than keeping my face warm in the winter.”
Austin sank back into the mattress and closed his eyes. “When we return to England, I’m going to go to the country and live like a hermit. I intend to let a beard grow so long I’ll frighten the neighboring children if they come too near.”
Everyone laughed good-naturedly—except Liddy. “You wouldn’t, Austin.”
A slight smile lifted his lips. “No, Liddy. I was only—”
Austin halted his words at the sound of footsteps rushing toward their room. Gabe and Culbertson rose and looked toward the door as it swung open and Jean-Paul entered.
“I’m afraid your visit has come to an abrupt end, my friend. LeBrouche and his soldiers are combing the area. They’re not far away.”
Gabe and Culbertson helped Austin to his feet, but before they could move with him, two of Jean-Paul’s friends had him and were almost out of the room with him.
Heroes of Honor: Historical Romance Collection Page 70
