by L. B. Dunbar
“I’d love to rebuild the resort for him, but I don’t have that kind of capital.”
“But you know how to find buyers or investors. Could you help him out?”
“I don’t know.” She sets down the fork and looks up at me. “Think that’s a possibility for him?”
“I think Old Sam might like the idea.”
She beams, and I swear my home doesn’t need electricity when she looks at me like that. She lights up the whole place. “I could trade him. His story for my help.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I lean forward again and pick up my fork.
“Of course, that’s near Appleton, two hours away.”
The silence stretches between us.
“What happened to your nanny?”
“Oh…” She turns red, playing with her food again. “That didn’t work out.” She closes her eyes, keeping them closed as she licks her lips. “Actually, I didn’t have a nanny lined up.”
My fork clatters to the plate. Did she lie to me?
“Then I did hire one, and…I didn’t like it. I didn’t like her being in my house and dealing with Finn. I want to raise Finn, not share him with someone else.”
And we’re back to this.
“I remember.”
“No,” she says, reaching across the table for my wrist. “Not like that. It’s that I don’t want to share him with a stranger. I want to be home for him. I want to give him a family.”
“I think you need to back up a bit. What about your job?”
Her hand slips from my wrist, and I watch it retreat.
“I quit my job. I put the condo on the market.” She shrugs. “I guess I just leaped, and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll figure out something after I finish Mr. Calder’s story. I have enough savings to last me a year.”
I stare at her. Just like that. She left it all behind. For me? For us?
“Letty, let’s be straight here. What were you hoping?”
She looks away and brushes at her cheek. If she cries, I’m a goner, but she turns back to me, dry-eyed.
“I was hoping you’d say yes to me…to Finn and me…but I don’t want to pressure you. I know I made a mistake. A big one. I didn’t think I was being fair to you, so I set you free. Only my heart wouldn’t let you go. I was hoping…but…I can see I’m too late.”
She stands, lifting her plate. Stepping forward, she goes to walk past me to the sink, but I catch her forearm.
“Who said you were too late?”
Finn drops his cup off his booster seat, and we both look in his direction. He smiles over at me, and Letty pulls free of my grasp. She sets the dishes by the sink and then returns for Finn’s cup.
“Cricket,” I demand. She didn’t answer me.
“I think we should talk later.”
Yes, talk, but I have other plans as well.
+ + +
Letty gives Finn a bath, and then he wobbles around my cabin, holding her fingers, stretching his legs, and cooing as he goes. When he starts rubbing at his eyes, Letty gives him a bottle, and he falls asleep against her. It’s a vision I want to see every night. She disappears into my room to set him in the portable crib and then returns to the front room.
“I only have beer,” I say to her, rising from the couch and heading for the fridge. “It’s a summer blend. I have one that’s made with lemonade, our Summer Shanty, and one that’s more berry, Berry Brew.”
“A Summer Shanty would be fine.”
I return quickly, finding her sitting on the couch, her knees tucked under her as she faces me.
“Thanks,” she says, taking the beer from my hand. I fall onto the cushions next to her. We remain silent for too long, and I feel forced to fill the quiet. She’s the one who chirps, but she’s surprisingly not speaking.
“So,” I huff out.
“So,” she whispers.
I exhale. There’s so much I want to say, ask, do, and I’m afraid if I don’t, I’m going to lose her forever.
“I got a very cryptic email from Marcus a few days back.”
“Marcus?” she shrieks, and I watch her swallow hard.
“He said something about you being free, and the courts ruled in your favor. I assume since you’re here, the adoption passed.”
“Well, there was a bit of a hiccup, but it’s all settled now.”
I stare at her, telling her with my glare she needs to speak.
“The birth mother was located, and I panicked. That day you called offering to adopt Finn…I had gotten the news earlier in the day that I might lose him. It was the only thing on my mind.”
I sit up straighter, focusing on her as she looks down at her beer, chipping at the label with her nail.
“The biological mother reneged her rights. My liaison said it would have been a difficult fight if she wanted custody as they found her in a drug house on the southside of town. There was no way she could have taken care of a child, but there was still a risk…”
I stare at her. “Why didn’t you say something? I could have helped you. I could have been there for you.” What was she thinking?
“I don’t know how,” she says, lifting her eyes to me and blinking at unshed tears. I don’t know how I would have helped her either, but I could have been there for her, been moral support or physical comfort.
“It hurt, Letty. Hurt damn bad when you let me go.”
“I’m sor—” I hold up a hand to stop her from speaking. I need to get it all out, and then she can chatter away at me.
“I want to say I understand why you did it, why you pushed me away, but I don’t. I promised you I was all in and committed to making it work.”
“And I didn’t think it was fair to you. I didn’t want you to feel trapped. I didn’t want to be trapped—not by you, but the process—and I didn’t want to drag you in. I didn’t want you asking to share Finn because it seemed like the only way. And on that day, I didn’t even know if I’d have Finn to share with anyone.”
“Because you don’t want to share him.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“Then tell me what you did mean.”
She sighs, and I’m expecting little white lies, but she’s surprisingly honest. “I want it all, and it didn’t seem right to ask it of you. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to take on Finn when you’ve already raised your children.”
“You didn’t ask me, though. I offered, and you took the choice from me.”
“What was I supposed to say? Gee, Giant, that sounds awesome. I want you to adopt my son, but you hadn’t mentioned marrying me. I mean, I want to marry you because I love you, and I’m pretty sure my son loves you, and I think you’d be a great father and a good husband. But it seems like too much…” Her voice drifts. She looks over at the chimney.
“Yes. Yes, you were supposed to say those things if you wanted them. But you told me marriage wasn’t in your plan, that sharing Finn wasn’t in your plan, Letty.”
“I’ve always wanted it. I told you, love and marriage, and a baby and happily ever after, but I didn’t want to ask...I wanted it to happen.”
She swipes a hand through her long, chestnut hair, and I want to wrap it around my fist. I want to tug on it until she gives in to me, until she sees she robbed us of months together.
“I want all those things too, Letty, with you and Finn.” Her head turns back to me. “But I’m angry right now. I want to forgive you and punish you. I want to hate you and love you.”
“Want me to beg? Want me to play Naked and Afraid on the mountain? Want me to kneel before you?” she snaps, and my irritation grows.
“Yes.”
She takes a long pull of her beer and uncrosses her legs to stand from the couch. She walks to the fireplace, places the beer bottle on the mantle, and then turns to face me. The light has dimmed in the room as the sun has dipped. I don’t have a fire burning as it’s just warm enough, and my heart heats anyway with adrenaline and frustration. She pulls off her T-shirt, standing before me
in a pink bra. Then she shucks off her jeans, exposing a matching panty. She wasn’t wearing shoes or socks. She lowers to the bear skin rug on both knees and places her hands on her thighs. Holding my gaze, she looks vulnerable and scared, and my heart races both guilty and thrilled at her position.
“I asked you to marry me today, and you refused.”
“I did no—”
“It’s my turn to talk. I’m sorry for what I did to us. I’m sorry for saying there wasn’t another way or not believing you loved me or loved Finn enough. I didn’t want you to feel pressured into something you’ve already experienced. I was scared of losing Finn, so I pushed you away.”
“But my experiences haven’t been with you, and I want them to be,” I say, sitting forward and setting my beer on the floor at my feet. She holds up a hand.
“My turn.” She rubs her hands down her bare thighs, and my mouth waters. “I’m sorry, Giant. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks, and I can’t take anymore. The sorrow in her eyes. The vulnerable position. I lunge for her, catching her before she falls back.
“Where’s the ring?”
“What?”
“The ring you offered me earlier.”
“In my jeans.”
“Get it.” She crawls to her pants, and my gaze follows her. I lick my lips, watching her ass in the air. She pulls the ring from her pants. “Set it on the fireplace edge.”
Her brows pinch, but she turns on her knees and does as I ask. After placing the circular band on the concrete ledge, I crawl up behind her, and she stills when my hand rubs down her spine.
“Giant?” she questions.
“Stay just like this.” She nods without looking back at me, and I rise to quickly undress. When I kneel again, behind her, I unhook her bra, allowing the material to fall down her arms, then cup both breasts. I tug her back to me, up on my lap, against my thighs. I nip her neck like I did earlier. Hard. And her back arches as she hisses my name. She presses her breasts into my eager hands while the back of her head lands on my shoulder.
“Don’t ever take my choice from me again,” I whisper into her ear as my nose traces up her neck. “Never take yourself from me again.”
“Okay,” she yelps as I bite her again.
“Shhh. We don’t want to wake Finn until I’m finished.”
“He’s almost ten months and sleeps for several hours.”
“Hours?” I tease. “Won’t be enough time. I need days. Months. Years.”
I squeeze both her breasts, tugging them forward to pull her nipples to tight peaks. I twist the firm nubs, and she whimpers, bucking back at me, my bare dick hitting the seam of her covered ass.
“Lean forward. Hands on the edge.” She does as I say, placing her hands flat on the stone ledge. She’s on her knees, and I slip mine under hers, so she straddles me. With one fierce rip, I tear the material of her cotton undies down the middle, tugging them to the sides to free her two globes of perfection. I cup them each, lifting her a little to bring my hard length against her center.
“So wet,” I hiss as my tip brushes her core. I flinch at the connection. We’re hot, wanting, ready. She kneels upward, positioning me at her entrance and then slams down, drawing me into her. We both let out a loud groan, and I cover her mouth with my hand while pressing my head into her shoulder. She stills to hold me in her depths. I’ve never felt this before. Not like this. Only with her.
“I love you, Letty.” I speak low and deliberate at her ear. “Don’t ever take that from me again.”
“I love you, too, Giant. So, so much, and I’m so sorry. I was scared you wouldn’t want what I want.”
“The only thing I want in my life is you.” My hands come to her hips, and I lift her forward and then tug her back down on me. Her hands balance her, and I repeat the motion until we form a rhythm. She bounces over me, up and down, up and down, and I watch as I disappear into her. My hand snakes around her hip, finding her clit and flicking at it. “This will be fast and hard, Letty, but next round, I’m taking my time. This is the punishment. Round two, I’ll forgive you.”
“Punish me,” she whispers, and I take control, rubbing her clit and guiding her with one hand on her hip. We’re sweating and sliding, skin slapping and suction sounds, and then she hums, and I slam her down on me, holding her still as she clenches around me, milking me hard, as I release months of pent-up frustration and desire.
“I love you,” I repeat into her shoulder, my mouth open and sucking at her salty skin. While I’m still inside her, I reach for my T-shirt behind me and slip it under her. It’s going to be a mess when I pull out. She giggles as I release her, but I hold her hip as I reach for my jeans next. I dig in the pocket and then place something next to her ring for me on the stones.
“Giant,” she whispers.
“I had it back on Valentine’s Day. Cliché, I know, and then you were so sick. I wanted it to be a good memory for you and me, but nothing is going to top you getting on one knee in my yard and asking me to marry you. So maybe we can promise that from this day forward, we’ll do things together.”
I reach around her while she still kneels naked before me, and I pick up the ring I placed next to hers.
“I didn’t say yes earlier because I wanted us to say yes together, Letty. It’s always been yes for me.”
“Giant. I…I’m so…Are you asking me to marry you?”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
She chuckles, and I realize it isn’t exactly what I said. “Yes,” she says. “Yes, it’s what you said, and what I say. Yes. To us. To all of us.” She spins without taking the ring and cups my face, giving my lips a tender kiss of acceptance. When she pulls back, she reaches for her ring for me and holds it up.
“Together.”
“Love and marriage. A baby and happily ever after, Cricket.”
We slip the rings on each other, and I like the look of hers on me. A black titanium band sized large enough to fit my big finger. Hers is a sparkling solitaire diamond on a silver band.
“It fits,” she says as I squeeze my hand and then flatten my palm.
“You fit me best,” I say, surprised at the comfort and the feel of the ring. I look up at her and bring her lips to mine with a hand on her jaw. As I kiss her, relief washes over me. She’s going to be mine. No more leaving. No more distance. All mine, all the time.
I pull back but continue to hold her face.
“Letty Pierson, I would love to be your husband and a father to Finn.”
“Thank you,” she mouths. “I would love for you to share this adventure called parenthood with me and be my partner in all things.”
My mouth crashes hers again. She has nothing to thank me for. It’s going to be my honor to love and cherish her for all the days of our life.
37
Fatherhood
[Letty]
Finn wakes while we kiss at the fireplace, and I chuckle when we break apart. Happiness fills me to my core, but I also feel a little silly being caught naked. Not that Finn’s old enough to see us.
“Here.” Giant hands me my T-shirt, and then he reaches over for his boxers. He destroyed my underwear, and I marvel at his strength and the sexiness of it. Lumbersexual. He redefines the term.
“You get him. I’m gonna grab a few things.”
Giant follows me into his room where I search for clean underwear and then pick up Finn and nestle him against my shoulder. He settles in, not really needing a nighttime bottle. Giant rustles around behind me, and then he follows me back into the main room. The light is completely gone from the day, and the evening temperature has settled in. Giant starts a small fire and spreads a blanket over the bear skin rug.
He tosses two pillows on the blanket.
“Lie down with him.” I do as Giant asks, setting Finn next to me as I curl on my side. Finn remains asleep, and Giant perches on the other side of him. Up on an elbow, he looks down at Finn and then over at me.
“I love you bo
th,” he says, and my heart leaps. He reaches for my left hand, pulling the diamond to his lips and kissing over it. “So to be clear, we’re getting married. You’re moving in with me, and…I’m adopting Finn.”
“Yes,” I say, keeping my eyes on him. His smile grows, and he leans over Finn to kiss me too quickly.
“Everything I’ve been wanting is right here.”
“What about your girls?” I whisper, not wanting to break our bubble, but they are his family.
“That would be awkward.” His brows rise, implying they wouldn’t really fit in the space around us.
“Giant,” I hiss, knowing he’s teasing me.
“Okay. Let me try to explain this. I love my girls, but I can’t go back. I can’t redo what I didn’t have. We have a relationship now, and it’s good. It works, but we jumped in when they were adults. I want another chance.” He looks down at Finn. “I want to be better.”
“Honey, I’m sure the girls think you’re the best.”
“And I think they are. But Finn’s going to be a best, too.”
“He is,” I whisper, gazing down at my boy. Our boy. “Finnikin Harrington.”
“You’ll give him my name?” Giant’s brow rises.
“I’ll be taking yours, too.”
His smile grows once again, warmer than the firelight. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Giant lies down, his arm coming over both Finn and me, and we stay there for a long time, just staring at one another.
+ + +
When it seems Finn has settled, Giant pulls the portable crib into the front room, just outside the door to his bedroom.
“What are you doing?” I ask groggily.
“I can’t make love to you with him in the room.”
“Oh,” I say, sitting up, my back creaking from being on the floor for a bit. I scoop up Finn, hoping not to disturb him, but he’s in that heavy, dead-weight sleep. I place him in the pack and play with a kiss and then follow Giant into his room. We leave the door open to listen for Finn but quietly slip into the sheets.
“Forgiveness fucking,” I say as Giant climbs in over me, naked as can be. My legs spread, taking his wide hips between my thighs.
