“How are you?” they both said in unison and then laughed.
He cleared his throat and said, “Well, I’m fine. We’re fine.” “Oh! Yes, so are we,” Tristan replied.
There was a far from comfortable silence on the phone.
Tristan finally blurted, “So um, we had a nice time, the other day, and Emma is fantastic.”
“Yeah. She’s awesome. So is Samantha. She’s absolutely amazing.”
“Yes. Yes,” he echoed. “She’s the best.”
“So, umm, yeah. I was thinking… I want to see Emma again, and I’m sure you want to see Samantha. Right?”
He didn’t say anything, wanting to see where this was going.
“I’d like to keep seeing her. So we kinda need to figure out how that will work.”
Nathaniel finally sighed with relief. He was so glad he and Tristan were on the same page. He did want to see Samantha again, but he needed Tristan to be of the same mind.
Neither of them needed things to devolve into custody and court cases.
So he finally replied, “I’d like to see Samantha too…”
When Tristan didn’t reply immediately, he wondered if the man felt as thankful as he did.
“It was a lovely Saturday. Maybe we could set up another playdate during the week,” he said, extending an olive branch.
Tristan voice changed. He wasn’t sure why or what he’d said wrong.
“I work during the week,” he replied…
“Oh! Yes of course, well, maybe. Perhaps. If it’s possible. You could. I don’t know if you’ll feel comfortable dropping Samantha over here on your way to work. There are lots to keep them busy,” he rushed to add.
If his staff could hear him, they’d wonder what happened to their boss, he thought contemptuously about himself. Where was his backbone?
There was silence on the other end of the phone for so long he had to check and make sure they hadn’t been disconnected.
Tristan finally replied in a tight voice, “What day did you have in mind. I could move things around. Delegate to my other bakers or something.”
The light bulb finally went off. Tristan wasn’t ready to leave his daughter alone with him.
“Well, Emma has an appointment on Tuesday; we could do Wednesday or Thursday.”
“Thursday works for me,” Tristan replied.
“Great,” Nathaniel said.
“Great,” he replied.
We were both learned men. Why couldn’t we have a conversation for crying out loud!
Before he could question himself, he said, “You can come on Tuesday. For the appointment,” he clarified. “If you want.”
He didn’t know why he did it. But he wanted him to say yes.
“Oh!” Tristan replied, clearly taken aback…
He guessed he’d shocked him. He smirked at the thought.
“Yes. Yeah, I’d like that. Just text me the details. I’ll be there.” Tristan responded.
“Right. Great.” He smiled.
“Okay. Thank you for inviting me, Nathaniel. I’ll see you then. Goodbye.”
Before he could even reply, he’d hung up. Still, he said “Goodbye, Tristan.” Even though he couldn’t hear him.
His last thought before finally shutting his brain off was, this was a mistake that could never be rectified. And now, somehow, two people who had just met, who barely knew each other, had to find a way to co-parent. People who chose to spend their entire lives together, loved each other, had a grueling time of it. But somehow they had to make it work. With just their kids binding them together. Two strangers had to make it work. What could possibly go wrong?
16
Tristan
He thought back on the phone call he had with Nathaniel when he’d invited him to this appointment with him and Emma.
Tristan had called Teo immediately after getting off the phone, ranting to him about Nathaniel’s audacity. He went on and on about him trying to steal his child because he picked a weekday, knowing full well that he worked. He may have even implied that Nathaniel thought he was a bad parent for leaving Samantha and going to work. Tristan had said Nathaniel thought just because he worked from home, he thought he was better.
He’d said a lot of not so nice things. Teo had just let him rant as usual and spill his crazy thoughts, and when he’d tired himself out, Teo said, “Tris, is it your own guilt talking?”
He couldn’t even let me have my rant. Being all zen and logical. He was all “Stop projecting your feelings about being a working single parent on the poor guy. He probably just invited you on the first day he thought was possible.” What a Bloody Traitor!!
Then again, that was why he had called him. Teo always called him on his crazy BS. He had always been the sane, logical one of the two of them.
He was a total crazy person. Jealous of Nathaniel for staying home with his kids. Not that he couldn’t. It wasn’t like they needed the money. But he truly loved his job; he loved creating; he loved taking a sketch and bringing it to life in cake form. They were his edible sculptures. Ever since he watched Cake Boss when he was younger, he had known it was what he wanted to do.
Baking was his passion. He was so proud of what he had achieved. He was proud of the company he built. And he knew Shay would be too. The fact that it was a middle finger to his parents thinking he’d never succeed, well, that was just icing.
Sure, he’d never be an almost billionaire like Nathaniel, but he thought back on a conversation he had with Shay.
“Why are you even going to college, Tris? All you’ve ever wanted to be is a baker,” Shay’d said.
He’d sighed. “Yeah, but having a degree is the better option,” he said to her while munching on pizza at one of their brother-sister movie nights.
Even when she was at college, she’d made time for them. Their sibling time.
“It’s not the better option, Tristan. It’s the safer option. Why won’t you just do something for yourself, something that makes you happy.”
“You’re in law school, Shay. Why can’t I get a degree too.”
“Tris, be honest with me. Are you doing this because you think it’s what our parents would want? Do you think getting a Yale degree will change things?” she’d asked, hitting the nail on the head.
“I just want them to be proud of me, Shay. If I go to Yale they will be. If I do the baking thing, it’ll just be one more way ‘to show the gay,’ as they call it.”
Shay’d put her arms around him. “Listen to me, butthead. I’m your family, and whatever you want to do, I will support your decision. If you go to college, I’ll be the loud one cheering for you at your graduation. Same goes for culinary school, but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. You’re an amazing artist and baker. There’s nothing wrong with that, Tristan. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, not even the donor and the womb,” she’d said, using her not so affectionate name for their mom and dad.
“I went to law school, cos that’s what I wanted. It’s always been what I wanted, regardless of what they want. Any college you want to go to, even culinary school, is paid for by the trust. Do something that makes you happy, Tris. Something you are passionate about. I just want to see you be happy with your life.”
He’d found himself thinking more and more about Shay since this whole ordeal started. He didn’t know why that particular memory came to mind right then, but just like with everything he did, he wanted Shay to be proud, and he really hoped she was.
Tristan knew he would never be Nathaniel. He would never make the choices the man made. So there was no point comparing himself to him.
The worst part was he couldn’t get the man out of his mind. From the long blond hair to the beard. Add in all that lean muscle and banked power. He found himself wishing Nathaniel had gotten in the pool with the girls that day. So he could see him with his shirt off. He could imagine him all wet and those abs he’d spied glistening.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the man
. He was haunting both Tristan’s waking hours and his dreams. In a completely not PG13 kind of way. And he always woke up hard and wanting. He’d had to beat off almost once a day since meeting the man. He sighed. This was so not the time to reminisce about said dreams. He didn’t need to walk into the doctor’s office sporting a chub, he thought while looking for a parking space.
He was so glad he hadn’t had to wait long to hear about the test. It would have been a different kind of torture. When he’d called the hospital after speaking to Nathaniel to see if they could give him and Nathaniel the results at Emma’s appointment, they agreed, and wasn’t that just a relief. They could take care of two birds with one stone that way.
Tristan found himself praying to every deity he could think of that he was a perfect match. His mind just couldn’t process the alternative. Because unless the surgeons fucked up, Emma was looking forward to a long and healthy life. And he planned to be part of it with Nathaniel at his side. Strictly as co-parents, of course, nothing else.
He wasn’t willing to look too closely at the idea of Nathaniel at his side. Because then he would remember how domestic they had been at his house that day at lunch. And then he would skip ahead and imagine them living together and sharing not just their kids but their lives. But that wasn’t something he thought about. Not at all. In fact, it had never even occurred to him.
He would just have to focus on important things like saving Shay and Nathaniel’s kid. He really hoped the blood and tissue crossmatch had come back compatible. After all the blood they had drained from him, it had better be.
It wasn’t until much later he started wondering when he started thinking of Emma as both Shay’s and Nathaniel’s.
He sighed as he walked into the doctor’s waiting room looking around for Nathaniel and Emma. He spotted both of them and walked over. He wasn’t sure what to say when he got close, so he simply cleared his throat to get the man's attention.
“Oh. Hello,” Nathaniel said as he got to them.
“Hi,” he replied, waving awkwardly like some socially inept human.
He looked at Emma, and the resemblance hit him again.
“Say hello to Samantha’s daddy, honey,” Nathaniel told Emma.
“Hello,” she said, looking around. “Where’s Samantha, Mr. uh...” “Tristan.” He choked out, “You can call me Tristan if that’s okay with your dad?”
Nathaniel looked at him while saying, “It’s okay with me, honey.”
“And Sammy is with her grandparents today, sweetie.”
Nathaniel looked at him with raised eyebrows. He was probably thinking back to what he’d told him about his parents. So he filled in the blanks for him.
“She’s with Teo’s mom and dad. They’ve basically been parents to me for the past eleven years. And they’re the only grandparents Samantha knows.”
Nathaniel looked almost wistful for a second, but it was gone so quick he thought he may have imagined it.
“Sonya and Ben love Sammy,” he said to Nathaniel. “They treat her like their first grandchild. Which to them she is because they never made me feel like anything but theirs. Even though there was never any formal adoption.”
“They would have even paid for college if I had needed them to, but luckily my grandparent’s trust set aside money for that,” he babbled on. “Anyways, what I’m trying to say is they love Samantha and they’ll love Emma, and knowing them, they won’t treat her as anything less than a grandchild.”
“They can’t wait to meet her, but they understand it may be difficult under the circumstances. Of course, we could introduce them as Sammy’s grandparents, but anyways, they won’t push. They know we need to figure stuff out, so they’re willing to wait. Albeit impatiently.” He laughed, thinking back to Sonya’s “I now have two granddaughters!” comment this morning.
It occurred to him he had been talking Nathaniel’s ear off, so he promptly shut up and looked at him sheepishly. But the man just smiled and said, “They sound like lovely people. I’m sure Emma would love meeting them. It’s just us, Emma, Wyatt and me, so no grandparents from me.”
“Well, not for much longer,” he said without thinking. Nathaniel looked at him intently for a second, then simply nodded without replying.
They lapsed into a not so comfortable but not quite uncomfortable silence. But he couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief when they called out for Emma Alexander.
17
Nathaniel
He was glad when Emma’s name was called. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable around Tristan; it was just that he wasn’t completely sure how to act around him either. It wasn’t a feeling Nathaniel was accustomed to, and he found he wasn’t fond of it.
Despite the awkwardness between them or maybe part of what led to the awkwardness between them was his body’s visceral response to Tristan. Or maybe it was just his hormones, or whatever made a man want a man. He hadn’t felt the stirrings, the need, the inclination to touch someone else in an intimate way so strongly in so long, and never like this, if he was being completely honest.
That he felt it now, with this man, made zero sense and complicated their situation even further. As long as he could keep control over his emotions and actions they would be just fine.
He tapped Emma on the shoulder and mimicked taking her headphones off. “It’s our turn, sweetie,” he said while collecting her tablet and headphones and putting them in the bag he still carried around for her.
She held his hand while they walked towards the area leading to the doctor’s office. They were almost at the door before he realized Tristan hadn’t followed. He looked back and saw him sitting and looking at them uncomfortably, not sure what to do. Nathaniel simply nodded at him, and he quickly jogged over to join them.
As he reached where they were waiting, he said, “I wasn’t sure if I should follow or not.”
“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have invited you only to have you sit outside.”
“I don’t know if they told you or not, but I called ahead and told them to share any results they might have about my test while we were all in today,” Tristan said.
“Oh? No. I wasn’t aware of that,” he murmured. “Well then, let’s go and see what they have in store for us,” he said decisively.
It had been nerve-wracking dealing with the doctors. Especially in those early days when Emma was trying to beat the virus. It hurt him to see his baby girl hurting so badly.
“Honestly I feel like hospitals are nothing but bad news for us. Between the ‘you know what’ and Emma being sick. If I never see another hospital, I won’t be sorry,” he said to Tristan.
He nodded. “Trust me. If I can avoid them, I do. Since Shay, well, let’s just say it’s not my favorite place.”
He’d never say anything to Tristan, but knowing there was someone that cared about Emma as much as he did with him helped. Having Tristan along wasn’t just to include him. He actually wanted the man here. He could see why having a partner when you had kids came in handy. Not that he hadn’t thought about all the cons of single parenting before embarking on this journey.
He filled Tristan in on why they were here today. “So the main purpose of today’s visit is to see if Emma’s liver is finally regenerating by itself. If it isn’t, they want to see the rate of the progression of liver cell death.”
“Fun times all around… NOT!” Tristan snorted, trying for levity. But Nathaniel couldn’t help but notice him clenching and unclenching his fist in agitation.
“I’m not quite sure she understands the severity of her illness, and I’m kind of happy about that. She should still be a kid without having to worry about her health,” he told Tristan.
“They’re still at that age that Daddy’s a hero. They still think we can fix anything. I’m not ready to give that up yet,” Nathaniel said emotionally.
Tristan looked at him and nodded in agreement. He said, “I just want Sammy to feel safe, loved, and protected. But they grow up so fast, and I
worry the real world is... well, let’s face it… the real world sucks.”
They finally walked into the room that Emma would have her physical examination, blood draw, and imaging test. Emma got through all that like a champ, only crying once during the blood draw.
When he dared to look away from Emma, taking a quick glance at Tristan, he was surprised to find his eyes fixed on him with concern.
He wasn’t sure what to make of that, so he pretended not to notice.
The resident finally said, “If you just wait out there, the results and scans will be with the doctor when you go in to see her.”
Tristan was like a shadow, following us around, and he noted, never getting impatient or checking his phone irritably.
The wait was tense. Not only to hear about the results of Emma’s test but also knowing whether Tristan was a match for her, or if they were still pinning all their hopes on the national donor registry.
A part of him was still hopeful that his baby would be fine. No father wanted their child to go through major surgery.
But the realist in him needed a contingency, and without sounding mercenary, Tristan being a match was his insurance policy.
He was also a little jealous, but he chose not to look too closely at that emotion. Tristan was the same blood type as Emma. They were biologically related, but he was her family. He just had to remind his wayward heart and head of that as often as possible. Still, he couldn’t help but feel resentful that Tristan could possibly be the one to save the day.
He ran his fingers through his hair in agitation.
He hated waiting. “I hate that I have no control of this situation,” He said to Tristan without thinking about it. “I’m also mad at you, mad that you can help and I can’t. Mad at a crazy universe that lets something like this happen to my kid.” He ran his fingers through his hair again, pulling painfully on the strands.
Then the oddest thing happened. Tristan pulled his hand out his hair and held it. It was wholly unexpected. He was so used to dealing with everything by himself, the move caught him completely off guard.
A Family For Keeps Page 9
