Images of a naked, sweaty Tristan flashed through his mind, and his blood started to head south real quick. Lips, tongues, teeth on every part of flesh he could reach. Hands groping, caressing, tongues tasting, licking, teeth grazing, and nipping sensitive flesh. All flashed through his mind in vivid detail.
He palmed his erection through his sweats, his cock throbbing and leaking with every firm stroke. His mind mentally providing pictures of a naked Tristan bent over, waiting for his cock in his hot, pulsing hole. The thought alone was almost enough to send him over the edge. Gasping for breath, he fucked into his hand faster as his entire body shook with pleasure. He tried swallowing his pants and moans until it was too much, and he moaned Tristan’s name as he came and kept coming.
As he slowly came down from what he could only describe as an intense orgasm, and the moment passed, leaving him with a mess, the guilt clawed at him like a living thing. What kind of person pervs and jerks off while their kid is bloody sick. Who puts their lust in front of their child’s well-being? He was a sick fuck, his mind tried to tell him.
Nathaniel tried to think about things logically. Even with the lingering orgasmic haze, he knew he couldn’t act on whatever this thing was between him and Tristan. Especially if they were going to do the co-parenting thing. Their situation was so delicate and complex. He couldn’t risk his personal life jeopardizing his children. What if things ended badly between them, and they couldn’t stand to be in the same room as each other?
If the girls got used to having two daddies, and then boom, they lost one, it would be too traumatic for them. They didn’t need any more problems. Except they did have more. His unexpected need for Tristan being at the top of the list. It was always there, simmering below the surface.
He had to remind himself that his children came first, second, and third in his life. Whatever was important for them was all that mattered. Nothing and no one would or could get in the way of that. Not even Tristan. Despite the mind-scrambling attraction.
If he was being honest, he was making up excuses. He knew having a relationship didn’t mean he loved his children any less. It was all about his insecurities. How long would it take for Tristan to decide that Nathaniel wasn’t worth staying around for? How long till he upped and left him too. Just like everyone else in his life had.
“Where’s my mommy? When is she coming to get me?” he asked the social worker.
“Well, hon, your mommy is very sick, and until she gets better, you’re going to stay with some nice people, who’ll take care of you till she can.”
What they didn’t tell him was that his mom refused to do the necessary rehab the judge ordered to get him back. She told them they could keep him if they wanted, and that was the last time he saw hide or hair of her.
He wasn’t ready to have someone he cared about walk out on him again. He just wasn’t. If he fell for Tristan and Tristan left too, then it was him that was broken. It wouldn’t be them. It was him they couldn’t love. Him they couldn’t, wouldn’t stay for.
He couldn’t let himself wallow. He was going to have two very important houseguests any day now, and there was a lot to do. He figured he could do up Tristan’s room completely neutral and let him move in whatever he needed to make himself comfortable. Although he would have to consult with someone on what was needed for his recovery. He wasn’t even sure if he would need a hospital bed in the room.
He had plans to recreate Samantha’s room for her here. He didn’t want to jar her out of her routine. It was already going to be a huge change for her, moving into someone’s house she barely even knew. He wanted to make the transition as seamless as possible.
He was never more grateful that he bought this house. Seven bedrooms had seemed a lot at the time, but now it would be absolutely perfect. If he was being honest, he would have moved anywhere in the world to accommodate them if he had to.
23
Tristan
The past week had been such a whirlwind of preparations and arrangements ever since they heard that Tristan was a perfect match for Emma. His blood type, the state of his liver, tissue samples, his heart, his lungs. and even the shrink gave him the all clear. He was a perfect live donor. If everything went well, Emma could and would live a happy and healthy long life.
Failure just wasn’t an option; he wouldn’t let his mind go there. But there was still a level of panic he couldn’t shake. Sometimes everything was planned perfectly, and things went wrong.
He knew before moving forward he had to go see Shay and fill her in on what was going on. He wasn’t crazy, and he knew it was just flesh and bone in the ground. But the ritual grounded him. It had done so from the start. So, he and Teo set out to do just that. Leaving drill sergeant Lain directing the people packing his stuff in his special OCD way and Cristian watching Sammy.
“She’ll be so proud of you,” Teo said quietly to him while they were driving towards the cemetery.
“You think?”
“I know, Tris. You’ve been amazing. I’ve watched you the past five years, and you’re a rock star. You take care of Sammy. Your business is crazy successful. You’re one of the most amazingly selfless people I know,” Teo said, shocking him.
“Crap! That was so unexpected, Tee. You’re gonna make me cry.” Tears boiled up, clogging his throat. He let them fall. Why not? He’d been hella weepy lately anyway. Really, what was another cry session in the scheme of things?
“Tee, there are no words, no words to say how much you mean to me. You know Sammy and I love you, right… Thank you for being you.”
Teo swallowed and coughed. “So moving in with Nathaniel. How do you feel about that?” he asked, changing the subject none too subtly.
“Ha. Well, we’re doing it, so I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea at the time, Tee. Made sense for the girls, but, well, when it comes to Nathaniel and my feeling towards him, they are all jumbly.”
“Jumbly, is that even a word, Tris?”
“You know what I mean…”
Teo being the shithead that he is said, “Let’s pretend I don’t. Please share with the class.”
“You’re such a douche.”
“Yeah! Yeah! Spill, Tris, or I’ll sic Lain on you, and you know he’ll probe and probe till he gets the answers.”
He sighed.
“He’s broken, Tee. He has deep scars about his childhood. You should have seen him telling me about his mom being gone and foster care. He sounded so blank and matter-of-factly, but there was a moment his eyes held so much pain. He looked so fucking shattered. I just wanted to hold him. Oh! And he’s such a good dad, such an attentive dad, Tee. You should see him with Emma and Wyatt, that’s his baby boy. God! Like he’s totally Super Dad… Emma is very lucky to have him.”
“Someone’s singing a different tune. Thought he was the devil a week ago?”
“Well, we’ve been talking trying to sort the rooms out, and you know, just other stuff. He’s not, he’s just… he’s hard to get to know.”
“Seems like you’re doing a damn fine job getting to know him,” Teo said slyly.
Teo slapped him on the shoulder like they were on the playground or some shit. “Do you like him, Tris? Hmmm, do I smell a crush? You can tell your best pal, Tee. He won’t tell.”
He half expected him to start singing Tristan and Nathaniel sitting in a tree. He so wasn’t about to give him any ideas. “Oh! Please! You, Lain, and Cris, are worse than teenage girls. You’ll be on a three-way call in a hot second.”
He snorted. “Seriously, Tris, do you have a thing for him?”
“I don’t know, Tee. I can’t even think about that now. It’s like we are in this crazy situation, and we only really have each other cos he’s the only one that feels everything I’m feeling, you know. But then there’s the surgery and stuff… I just… I don’t know.”
“I will say, he has an ass you just want to take a bite out of. I swear I could bounce a quarter off that thing.”
“Bitch! Y
ou can’t just say that and then get out of the car, Tris. Come back here and give us details. Let me visualize… Ohh! When did we even get here?” Teo said looking at the now familiar grounds of the cemetery.
He opened the back door of the car and grabbed the flowers he bought for Shay. Her favorite pink roses, tulips, and lilies. God, she could be such a girl sometimes, he thought painfully.
No matter how much time passed, Shay being gone was like a bone that never healed quite right. Even when it didn’t hurt, you knew something wasn’t right. He would see something, even all this time later, and pick up his phone to text her just because he knew she would find it hilarious, and realize my sister is truly gone.
Losing his sister felt like his heart wasn’t whole anymore. No matter how good things got, no matter how happy he was, there was always going to be something missing. He looked over the miles of manicured lawn, with rows of headstones. He could walk the path to Shay’s blindfolded at this point. He hated coming here. It brought back memories of the worst day of his life. But he would do anything for Shay.
It was far more gut-wrenching than he’d expected. Every time he came, he thought enough time had passed to dull the overwhelming feeling of loss, but painful memories of the day he’d buried Shay always threatened to drown him as surely as if he’d been caught in a riptide. Adding to the sensation of drowning was the fact that he had to tell her that somehow for the past four years, her baby had been living with someone else.
“Hey, Shay!” Tristan said in a barely there voice. “I know I was here a month or so ago. But uh, things have been crazy with a capital C. I don’t know if you know, but knowing you, you’re probably spying on me. Hope you close your eyes at the naughty parts. Not that there’s been much of that lately,” he said, trying to lighten things with a joke.
“Shay! I have no fucking clue how this happened. I thought I had your baby. I swear I did. I’ve been a good daddy. You see that, right? But, sis, they told me she’s not yours, and your baby girl is sick, Shay. But I can help her. All they need is a liver. I’m gonna save her cos I couldn’t save you.”
“Nathaniel, that’s her daddy. He’s a good dad. You would have liked him. You would probably have tried your hardest to ruffle his feathers though. I love you, sis, and I hope you understand the choices I’m making. I met your baby, and I’ve been getting to know her. She’s so strong, Shay. So strong like you were. You’d be so proud. I love her already. But… please don’t hate me. I can’t give up Samantha. She’s mine too.”
“Oh! On to happier topics. Nathaniel is so hot, friggin’ beautiful, but he’s in so much pain though. I’m sure he believes he’s hiding it, but he’s not. At least not as well as he thinks. Oh, and he’s got these long, blond locks and a beard, like a real-life beard, I just wanna pull on that hair and feel that beard on my…”
“Ahem.” Teo coughed, interrupting him. “You don’t say, Tris? Please do tell.”
“Dude, don’t interrupt my conversation with the great beyond. You know Shay would totally want details.”
Teo squatted down beside him.
“Hey, Shay. Tris is good, in case you were worried. He’s doing very well. He’s obviously in denial about Nathaniel, but don’t worry. Lain, Cris, and I will get on that ASAP. Oh, and Mariana is trying to get preggos, but that’s hers to share. She moved back to LA too.”
Teo coughed and placed the bouquet he brought down on the gravestone. He paused, rubbing the inscription on the stone before continuing.
“Mom is stoked. We all can’t wait to meet your baby girl, and I know Tris will be as a good a dad to her as he is to Samantha. Cos he really is the best. You’ll be so proud of the person he’s become. But he misses you every day. We all do. Anyways, I’ll let you get back to Tris.”
Tristan put his hand over Teo’s, giving him a squeeze of gratitude.
“I’ll see you soon. And I promise when the time is right, I’ll introduce you to Nathaniel. And when the girls are old enough to understand, they’ll know who you are. Thank you, Shay, for not one but two baby girls,” he said, getting up and kissing her headstone.
“I miss you so much, Shay! More than you’ll ever know.”
24
Nathaniel
Moving day was possibly the noisiest this house had ever been. There were so many people in it for the first time.
Tristan and Samantha moving in was borderline anti-climactic. He’d been a ball of stress for days before. Now, at the moment, he realized it was completely unnecessary. Tristan’s friends were cordial and friendly. Samantha was excited to see Emma again, and Tristan was just trying to get everything sorted while trying to ignore his friends teasing. It was all so normal.
While trying to show some movers to Samantha’s room, Tristan had hollered, “Nathaniel, come meet my friends and Samantha’s uncles.” He pointed the movers in the right direction and went over to where Tristan stood with a group of men.
Tristan pointed to an obscenely handsome biracial man, who had the most striking grey eyes and ridiculously sculpted cheekbones Nathaniel had ever seen outside a GQ magazine and introduced him as Alain, but everyone called Lain.
Lain nodded at him. Before absentmindedly saying, “Nice to meet you, man.” But he immediately went back to whatever he was doing on his phone.
Then there was a petite redhead. He couldn’t be more than 5’7 at most. He was all slender lines and delicate features, and he had a look in his eyes Nathaniel recognized all too well. Fear. But it was none of his business. Tristan introduced him as Cristian or Cris as they all called him. He waved shyly, saying, “Hello” in this soft-spoken voice.
Then there was the man who was almost as tall as Nathaniel. He had a Latino mixed with Caucasian look to him. The only word he could use to describe him was smoldering. But he didn't seem to be aware of it. There was an innocent sexiness to him. Tristan introduced him as Teo. It was easy to see the unspoken bonds between them. It was in the way Tristan nudged the man's shoulder before wrapping his arms around his neck in a playful chokehold. It spoke of familiarity and trust beyond measure.
He had to admit he envied them. He was jealous of the easy camaraderie that was between the friends. He heard them joking and laughing while helping Tristan and Samantha unpack and settle in. He saw the way his daughter blossomed around them. He could see without needing to be told that Sammy was comfortable around these guys. These were people she spent time with.
It looked like they didn’t need his help, so he went to the kitchen to check on the dinner he had told his chef to prepare. From somewhere close by, he heard Samantha say, “Uncle Teo, Uncle Teo, you gotta do pretty pictures on my room here, like my room at Daddy’s and my room at yours.”
He wasn’t jealous of these other men in his daughter’s life. He would never begrudge her having people around her that loved her and cared for her. But he desperately wanted to be one of those people.
He also envied the ease and friendship the men had. He didn’t have anyone in his life that would show up to help him move. To be frank, he didn’t have anyone he would even call and ask to help. At least not anyone that wasn’t on his payroll.
His life had been all about survival for so long that by the time it wasn’t, he was standing at the top all alone.
Before he could wallow further, Samantha and Emma ran into the kitchen straight towards Emma’s, and he guessed now Samantha’s coloring table. He was glad the girls were young enough that they got along with each other without any problems. He hoped they would grow up and consider themselves sisters.
He walked over and looked at the girls coloring, and he was filled with satisfaction. He wasn’t sure he could adequately explain how he felt having Samantha under his roof.
He sincerely hoped he and Tristan could come to an agreement that favored both of them. Because he knew for a fact that after this period, he wouldn’t be able to give up either one of the girls.
He wasn’t even going to start on exploring his feelings for
Tristan after the jerk-off session he’d had that left him wracked with guilt. He knew Tristan was a threat to his sanity. Not only was he going to haunt his sleep, but he also was going to be all up in his space for the coming weeks. No matter how many times he told himself it was a temporary situation, his cock refused to listen.
He was moving in with a man he found damn near irresistible. Someone needed to commit him to an insane asylum. He couldn’t help but wonder when he’d developed a masochistic streak.
Tristan walked into the kitchen holding a box marked kitchen. He said, “So I have a bunch of stuff for the kitchen here. I wasn’t sure where to put them!”
He raised his brows in surprise. “Ummm what do you have in there?” he asked.
“Just some of Sam’s and my things, you know. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t disrupt her routine too much. That’s why the guys are getting her room unpacked as we speak. There isn’t exactly a book on our situation, but all the tips I read about moving said familiar routines were key,” Tristan said
“Well, if you don’t mind, I can put everything away and show you around the kitchen on a less chaotic day.”
“Thanks that would be great,” Tristan replied, handing the box over to him.
Tristan looked over at the girls and then looked back at him and echoed his thoughts from earlier, “I’m just glad they’re too young to completely understand what’s going on.”
He nodded, agreeing with him wholeheartedly.
Tristan bit his bottom lip for a second like he wanted to say something else but must have decided against it because instead, he said, “Well, I’m going to go help the guys before they start a mutiny.”
Nathaniel wasn’t sure how this living together thing would play out, but he was willing to give it his best shot. Failing wasn’t an option, and if he had to kill Tristan with kindness to keep the man here, then he was more than willing to do that.
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