“I believe the other young ladies present deserve some of the attention from the eligible gentlemen,” Caroline reasoned.
“I agree with you. You must feel so overwhelmed by it all,” Lord Canton replied between sips of soup.
“On the contrary, I am not overwhelmed. Instead, I find it all rather boring,” Caroline admitted, wondering just how bold she could be with this man.
“Then, Miss Goldman, what would you prefer to be doing, if not talking, dining, and dancing with others of your status?”
“I love to read and draw,” Caroline explained. “I could spend hours doing both.”
“My, my, what a choice. I would dear say that I would find those activities very boring,” Lord Canton replied. His remarks satisfied her, because her goal was to show him that she wasn’t a good choice for a wife.
“It’s either that or horseback riding. I do love to ride,” Caroline added in a cheerful voice.
“Really? A young lady of your status rides?” he asked, seeming surprised.
“Oh, yes. I try to take a morning ride on every fine day. It’s such wonderful exercise.” Caroline very well knew that it was unladylike for an Earl’s daughter to ride a horse on her own, and she was hoping with each spoken word that she would discourage the older man from pursuing her in the future.
“You are full of delightful surprises, Miss Goldman,” he replied, causing Caroline to feel let down that her plan hadn’t been working. She tried instead to focus on the meal, the conversation her parents were having, and how close in proximity she was to William at any given time. These things gave her mind something to do while she waited for the dinner to come to an end. She did her best to speak with Lord Canton when she was spoken to, but she didn’t try to encourage the conversation, either.
Once the dinner was over, Caroline was finally allowed to return to the drawing room with the other ladies while the men went to the parlour to enjoy their evening port. Caroline sighed with relief to be away from Lord Canton, and she genuinely smiled as she went into the drawing room and sat down next to Miss Tera.
“A moment to yourself, I see,” Miss Tera said as they clasped hands for a moment. They sat together on the far side of the room with the other young ladies, the older and married women congregating around the fireplace and piano.
“I simply thought this was just another dinner party with my parents’ friends from the ton. I was completely surprised by all the eligible gentlemen in attendance. I regret not paying better attention to my parents’ conversations these last few days,” Caroline admitted.
“You usually are so wickedly smart, Miss Caroline. What has caught your attention?” Miss Tera asked. Caroline smiled at her friend but didn’t dare share even a hint of the truth—that she was madly in love with a footman.
“I imagine more romance in my life,” she said instead. “I don’t want to meet a man like a business arrangement. I want to enjoy parties without being pressured to be courted. I’d much rather dance with you than any of the men present.” This caused Miss Tera to laugh heartily, causing the other young ladies to look their way. Caroline shushed her friend, not wanting to cause a scene.
“How fantastically hilarious would that be if all the ladies decided to dance with one another, forcing the men to either choose male partners or not dance at all,” she said once her mirth had subsided.
“I think it would be splendid, and more enjoyable than what will be expected of us. Sometimes, I feel like a horse in a parade, admired for my beauty but nothing more when I attend these types of social gatherings. The older I become, the more society demands of me.”
“But would you have it any other way? Imagine being born common and not having ever luxury of life. I would much rather marry a nobleman and have all the comforts and protection I need then have to work every day for the rest of my life.”
Caroline thought about this. Had she been born common, she’d be able to marry William much easier. In fact, they would have been a perfect match. If she’d been born a farm girl, marrying a footman would have been a huge improvement for her life.
“Well, it is hard to imagine,” Caroline replied, knowing it was the right thing to say.
They talked for a time, of other matches that could be made tonight between the young ladies and the gentlemen. Caroline found that it was fun to play matchmaker. But as she and Miss Tera looked about the room and made romantic guesses, all she wanted to do was look at William and wish for the opportunity to be with him. She’d happily accept his offer of marriage and they’d be together forever. If only it were that simple.
After a time, the men returned to the drawing room. The ball room would have no doubt been prepared at the present time. Dread filled Caroline as the gentlemen returned, because she knew that soon she’d be portioned to dance and that it would be terribly rude if she did deny any one person. With three sets planned for the evening, she knew that the night was only just beginning.
Chapter 4
As the night finally came to an end, Caroline felt like she could breathe easier again. She’d danced the first set with Lord Canton and the sensation of his hands upon hers gave her an unsettled feeling, for he constantly kept his eyes on her throughout the whole number.
She didn’t care for his constant attention; his admiration was a little too obvious for her liking. For the second and third sets, she’d been obliged to dance with two other gentlemen, these at least being younger and closer to her age. But regardless of who her dance partner was, she paid them little mind and instead focused on the flow of the dance.
When each dance would come to an end, she always searched out William for a glass of punch. Their eyes would meet, and she prayed that he saw the longing in her eyes for only him. She would stand there and sip her punch completely before setting it back on his tray and walking away. She dearly hoped that a part of him understood how strongly she felt for him and that even though she was forced to play this part of dutiful daughter, she only would ever care about him.
But now, the night was behind her. She stood with her parents in the foyer, having said goodbye to all of the guests. Caroline was looking forward to retiring for the evening, exhausted from the night’s events and dearly wanting to begin sleeping. But as she turned, her father called out to her.
“Caroline, we’d like to discuss something with you in the sitting room,” he said, his voice commanding. Caroline grimaced, but tried to keep her composure as she turned back towards her parents.
“Certainly,” she said, then followed them into the smaller room. “What is it that you’d like to discuss?”
Her parents turned to her, and as she looked at her mother, Caroline could tell her mother was happy by the bright smile on her lips and the gleam of joy in her eyes.
“Lord Canton wrote to me a few weeks ago, asking for permission to offer his hand in marriage to you,” Lord Goldman explained. Caroline’s lips parted as all the air in her lungs seemed to rush out all at once. She felt dreadfully ill suddenly and wished dearly to not have this conversation with her parents right now.
“I responded with an invitation to dine with us, that it would be best if you two spent time together first so that I might observe this courtship and make a better decision,” Lord Goldman continued. “I wish to hear your opinion on the matter, as well. I am certain there are other suitors, if someone else has caught your fancy.”
“I am honoured that you would consider my feelings,” Caroline replied, glad that her father hadn’t yet agreed to Lord Canton’s request. “But I am not swayed by Lord Canton.”
“Why on earth not?” her mother asked, sounding rather put off by the high pitch of her voice. It was shocking to Caroline, and she hoped she hadn’t angered the woman.
“I simply did not enjoy his company, is all. I don’t see us getting along, and there is a considerable age difference between us,” Caroline explained, trying to keep the anger from her own voice.
“These are all trivial things,” Lady
Goldman said, waving her hand at Caroline as though to dismiss her. “A wife is only to support her husband and bear children. Age does not matter, nor does commonality. You must think of the greater good, of your furthered status in our community.”
“I agree with your mother,” Lord Goldman said before Caroline could protest. “Lord Canton is older than you, Caroline, but he’s a good man. He’s wealthy, has a good estate, and would be sure to make you happy.”
“But there must be more to marriage than just money and security. What about love?” Caroline demanded, her fists curling together.
“Your mother and I are fond of each other,” Lord Goldman said, looking over at his wife. But Caroline wasn’t sure of that statement. After all, Lady Goldman had only ever borne one child.
“You are still young, Caroline, and perhaps don’t understand the ways of our culture. Unless you receive a better offer, one you find more agreeable, then Lord Canton will be your husband,” Lady Goldman said firmly.
For a moment, Caroline stared at the two of them, feeling betrayed that she would be forced into a marriage she did not agree to.
Caroline put her eyes to the floor as she curtsied low. She kept her mouth shut and tried to keep the tears from her eyes until she was at least out of the room. And as she neared the stairs, she had to clasp her hand over her mouth to keep her sobs from bubbling up. Gripping her gown with her free hand, she hurried up the stairs, needing the sanctuary of her bedchamber. It was only behind the locked door of her own private space that Caroline let her body succumb to the grief of being forced to marry Lord Canton.
Caroline undressed herself, pulling off her silk gown, untying her petticoats, and letting everything just fall to the ground. In only her chemise, she crawled into bed as tears fell down her cheeks. She clutched her pillow and wished that she was holding onto William, feeling his strong arms around her and helping her feel better.
“What am I going to do?” Caroline asked the darkness of her room once the candles had all been burnt out. Eventually, sleep claimed her, but her night was dark and dreamless.
~*~
The next morning, William sat in a chair next to his father’s bed. He’d helped the older man get up and get dressed, and when Grendel had arrived to fix breakfast, he’d helped his father back into bed with a breakfast plate to eat and rest. It had been a particularly bad night of coughing and his father looked more exhausted than ever. William watched him eat slowly, trying to think of something he could do to ease his father’s pain.
“Are you drinking the tea the apothecary prescribed?” William asked after a time.
“Yes, William. Grendel makes me three cups a day and doesn’t leave me alone until I have drunk every last drop of the nasty stuff,” his father replied with a smirk.
“And the salve? Do you have any more?”
“A little. I didn’t use any last night, thinking I was getting better.”
“Then that must be why last night was much worse. I’ll send Grendel to the apothecary for more salve for your chest, that you might breathe easier at night,” William said as he stood.
“William, why are you doing this?” his father asked, reaching out and grabbing his arm before he could leave the room. For a sickly man, his grip was still strong.
“What do you mean? I love you, Father. I don’t want to see you unwell for the rest of your life. This cough will go away eventually,” he said. He walked over to his father and removed the older man’s hands from his arm, holding it for a moment.
“You should be living your own life, William. You’ll be eighteen in a few months and should be more worried about being married to a woman you love and starting your own family instead of tending to me all the time.” William could see the tears in his father’s eyes and knew that the man was wallowing in self-pity.
“And what makes you think that I haven’t been doing all of that this whole time?” William said with a smirk as he sat back down, releasing his father’s hand.
“What do you mean? Have you fallen in love with someone?” his father asked, seeming truly interested.
“Yes, Father. I have fallen in love with a woman and have been trying to figure out how to marry her,” William admitted. “But it’s very complicated.”
“Does she love you in return?”
“Yes, Father,” William said with a chuckle.
“Then why on earth could it be so complicated?” he demanded. William could tell that his father was becoming rather excited at the idea and was pleased to see some colour return to his face, as he often looked so pale.
“Because the young lady that I am in love with, and who loves me in return, is Lord Goldman’s daughter,” William said softly, looking into his father’s eyes and watching him carefully. He rarely kept anything from his father and felt it was finally time that he confessed this, as well. After all, he felt rather lost in what to do and could use some guidance.
“I can see why this would be complicated,” his father said, looking away from him for a moment. “I’m sure you already understand this, Son, but Lord Goldman will never give one of his footmen permission to marry his daughter.”
William nodded his head and sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to control his sadness. “I do surely understand that, Father. That is why I said it is complicated. I see no future with Caroline, with the way things are right now. Unless I do something very heroic like save the man’s life, I know that Lord Goldman would never agree to me marrying her.”
For a few minutes, the two men sat in silence. William wondered what his father was thinking the entire time, and as he looked up at the man, who was trying to eat once more, William could see a dark sadness upon his face. He hoped that by sharing his feelings for Caroline with his father that he hadn’t forced the man to think about his own deceased wife. It was his grief, William was certain, that kept the man in bed most of the time.
“I must go now. I will be back this evening,” William said as he stood from the chair and made his way towards the open door.
“William, please be careful,” his father said as he was about to walk out. William turned and looked at him, seeing the tears in his eyes. William nodded, mustering up a smile for him. Then, he left his father’s room and asked Grendel to go to the apothecary for more medicines.
“Go on with you, then,” Grendel said as they were done talking. “I can take care of things here.”
“You are a Godsend,” William told her with a smile before he left the cottage and made his way to the grand estate. It was sometimes hard working for the Earl when he would leave his simple cottage and travel to such a fine home. William wished he could provide something similar for his father, be able to afford the best medicine in all of England. He would even feel better if he had wealth so he could give Caroline a similar home to what she was already used to. But as William travelled around the village to reach the Earl’s estate, all he felt was dread at the idea of being close to Caroline and not being able to really be with her.
~*~
The days seemed to pass by in a blur for Caroline. She attended social function after social function just to appease her parents. During the day, she had tea with neighbouring lords and their families. Most of the families would have an eligible son in attendance, forcing Caroline, the only eligible woman in the room, to keep the man company.
In the evening, it was varying dinner parties. Sometimes, her parents would host the social affair, and on other nights she was led out of the house and into the carriage to travel to the home of another lord. But no matter what she was forced to do, Caroline was paired with every eligible gentleman in the entire region.
After a time, her father started to gain more requests for her hand in marriage. And each time, she would refuse them. She did not want to marry anyone other than William and would keep buying time for as long as she could. She knew eventually that either her parents would die, giving her the opportunity to marry whomever she chose, or she would be forced to
marry someone she did not like.
A Lady's Passion Knows No Distance: A Historical Regency Romance Book Page 3
