I sit in my living room enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee. Our offices are closed again today because the storm hit us head on. The federal government is closed and that means DC is practically shut down. Many businesses follow the feds as a rule for office closings because the feds rarely do since DC has an extensive public transportation system.
“You are coming to my Christmas party, right?” Jenna’s voice sounds loud and clear as I’m reminded I’m talking on the phone.
“I don’t know.”
“You have to. It’s like bestie code or something. Bring him with you.”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure I’m ready for everyone to pry into the fact that we’re together again,” I say, even though Andy suggested we come clean.
“People are going to find out soon enough.”
She is right. “Still, don’t you think I should sit down and talk to everyone, not show up at a party with him on my arm? There is Ben to consider.”
Jenna sigh is loud and dramatic.
“Ben’s going through his own thing right now. I think some woman has crawled under his skin and turned him inside out. I don’t even know who my brother is anymore.”
“Oh, is it—”
“Don’t say her name and jinx it.”
We laugh for a few seconds before Jenna sobers.
“Really Cate, you can’t hide this. You’re going to have to be honest.”
“I know. I just don’t want to hear everyone’s opinion. And what if Ben hates us for it? He was there. He was there for all of it. He watched me walk away.”
“Are you back there again? No one hates you. I thought you’ve given up that guilt. That’s not what you need while you’re rebuilding your relationship. Did you just tell me he hinted at moving in together?”
“Yes, and I don’t know what to do. If I move, I’ll have to get a car. It’s a lot.”
“You can always move back to Charleston and be close to me.”
I laugh a little before I tell her the truth about something. “I can never move back to Charleston. All the old hurts and mistakes I made are there. I can never be settled there.”
“But you will visit.”
“Yes,” I say, even though I wish I never had to.
My parents, his parents, some of our best friends are lifers in Charleston. I may not be able to call it home, but it will always be home to my family and his.
Winter-like weather continues to batter the city through early December. It isn’t until the following Friday I get to see Andy again. There is a holiday party at his office tonight and one at the hospital tomorrow. I’ve packed a bag as I plan to spend the whole weekend with him. The Uber rides are costly but cheaper and less of a hassle than maintaining a car. However, I have started to look at cars on the off chance I decide to move in with Andy.
I’m dressed to impress in a subdued, sexy number that won’t shock the doctors Andy works with, but won’t age me unnecessarily either. I spent a fair amount of time with Mandy searching for the right dress.
When I get to Andy’s door, his expression says it all.
“Jesus, Cate, I’m surprised the cabbie didn’t kidnap you. That dress is—”
“Good?”
He nods and I lean in to kiss him. His arm snakes around my back as he draws me up against his hardening cock.
“Happy to see me?” I ask with a smirk, as I pull back slightly.
“I’m always happy to see you.”
He glances at the phone in his hand. “We could be fashionably late.”
“Or,” I say raising an eyebrow, “We can be on time.”
“Cate.” I can hear the protest in his voice.
“I don’t want the doctors you work with to think I’m the one causing you to be late. First impressions, remember.”
“Once they see you,” he says, stepping back and eyeing me up and down, “they will forgive me for being late. In fact, I’ll probably get bonus points for showing up at all.”
I can’t help but laugh. “How about I give you some attention on the ride over?”
His brows shoot up and I give him a wide grin. He takes my bags and drops them on the table. “After you, my lady.”
I giggle as he pats my butt on the way out. I love how carefree our relationship has gotten. And true to my word, I give him the promised happy ending on the ride to his office.
My palms begin to sweat as we take the elevator up. He’s explained to me that with the new laws surrounding medical care for all, their office had to cut spending. The small holiday party is being held in house to save money. Less money spent on frivolous things means more money in the hands of the doctors themselves. Still, they wanted to have the party, and the doctor Andy has been covering is coming with her new baby.
“Cate, you have no reason to be nervous,” Andy says with an arm around my back.
“Easy for you to say. What if they don’t like me?”
Andy stares at me. “I work with them. It’s not like they are my family.”
And isn’t that the crux of the problem?
“And what will your family say when I show up with you at Christmas?”
“It will be fine, Cate.”
The doors open and too soon I’m ushered into a glass front office. There are a few people milling about. We don’t have any more time to talk about the week to come.
The doctors are friendly as Andy introduces me, but it’s the baby who steals the show. The infant is carefully passed around after hands are disinfected with liquid sanitizer. When it’s my turn, I feel the tears begin to form in the back of my eyes. I want this. I want a baby and a family. And I want it with Andy. The possibility of this could be derailed depending on how our week goes. I know Andy wants to think that it will be okay. But I’ve broken Andy’s heart once.
“Cate,” Andy says. He glances to the woman in front of me waiting to take the small bundle from my arms.
I hand the baby off and I immediately feel like something’s missing. The tiny baby who smells like powder makes me want too much in a short few minutes. I sip at the glass of wine Andy hands me and try not to think so hard about a future I want and may not get.
Later as the party wraps up, one of the older doctors with only a small thatch of white hair that clings to the crown of his head, speaks.
“Well Cate, what’s the verdict?”
I glanced up confused by the question that’s directed at me.
“Verdict?”
“We’re all hoping Drew will stay with us. And the way he speaks of you, I think his decision largely depends on you.”
I turn my head to the side and glare at Drew. He gives me a sheepish smile.
“Actually, I haven’t had a chance to talk to Cate about your offer yet.”
“Oh,” the man says. “Sorry, we are all just so pleased with Drew’s accomplishments so far. He will make a great addition to the team. And of course, a second office in DC will expand our client base.”
“DC,” I say to no one in particular.
That sparks conversation all around me. Drew uses the opportunity to draw me down the hall away from everyone. He pulls me into an office and closes the door.
“Andy, what’s going on?”
He takes my hands and my heart begins to race.
“I planned to talk to you about this later tonight. I didn’t expect they would put me or you on the spot like this.”
My eyes are wide because I don’t know what he’s about to do.
“Cate, I love you and I always have, you know this.”
I nod. I’m so very afraid he’ll get on one knee. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“Roslyn is coming back part-time to the office. However, they want to bring me on full time. To help justify the cost, they want to open a satellite office in DC. I’ll be there most of the time but will have a couple of days in Baltimore a month and will rotate hospital hours in both DC and Baltimore. It means I could move to DC.”
“That’s great
,” I say.
His smile dips. “You don’t seem happy.”
“It’s not that. I’m just overwhelmed. It’s a lot. But it sounds like a fantastic opportunity.”
Even I know the smile on my face is a little weak. I try to crank it up because isn’t this what I’ve wanted?
The delight on his face falls. “You don’t want us to move into together.”
“I’m not saying that. I just need some time.”
He nods. “You’re right. I’ve grown to enjoy the area, but I’ll be honest with you. You sweeten the deal. If you don’t want this, if you don’t want me …”
He stops, not finishing his thought. I want to tell him everything is great. The words are stuck in my throat for reasons that make me itch to run. I promised him I wouldn’t.
He takes my hand and opens the door. He leads me back to the main room as hugs are being doled out and coos are being made over the baby. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. I can’t explain what’s come over me and why I’m not happy when moments ago, I was dreaming of babies with Andy.
The drive back to his place is quiet. We get undressed and do our nightly ritual without saying much. I know Andy is hurt and I never meant to be the one to hurt him. It’s almost awkward when we climb into bed. Still he pulls me close.
“Cate,” he says softly.
“Yes.” I feel the panic rising in me, unsure what he will say or ask of me.
“I want this shot at a future with you. You have all the reasons in the world to be scared. And I know you said you wouldn’t run. But I won’t hold you hostage. If you can’t be with me, it will hurt like hell, but I would rather you say it.”
I keep my clam trap shut at first. He lets out a long suffering breath of air. I meet his pleading eyes.
“I’m scared.” It’s a truth he deserves to know.
“What are you scared of?”
“Everything. I’m scared of how people will react when they find out. Mostly, I’m scared my heart can’t handle breaking a second time.”
“No one else matters. Just you and I. And I swear Cate, I won’t break your heart.”
“You can’t guarantee that.”
He doesn’t counter because he knows there is truth in my words. Instead, he wraps strong arms around me and holds me tight. He strokes my hair while I let out quiet sobs.
When finally the tears ease and I can speak, I whisper the words, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He breathes the phrase and I find myself searching and listening to the beat of his heart. It’s a long time before I can sleep.
Tomorrow is the party at the hospital. His future partners will be there. I need to have some answers for Andy in the morning and I fear what I want. I don’t think I’ll be able to feel solid about our relationship until it’s out in the open with our family and friends. That means I need to tell him about Jenna’s party. No doubt Ben will be there.
Twenty-Eight
Present
In his arms, I wake up feeling safe. I lay still, content in his comforting embrace. I want to memorize his smell, his touch, his love, so I’ll never forget it. And I know it’s the past that continues to haunt me. Yet, he’s still here even after my minor freak out over finding out he wants to stay in the area for me.
When he begins to stir, I turn to face him.
“Good Morning.”
He presses his lips to mine. “Morning.”
I reach to twine my fingers in his hair. “Your hair is getting long.”
He gives me an impish grin. “I know. You want to cut it for me?”
I shake my head, knowing I’m dancing around the unspoken issue, so I push forward. “About last night…”
He takes my hand and presses a soft kiss to my fingertips. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, especially with everyone there watching.”
“It’s wasn’t your fault,” I say. He hadn’t been the one to bring it up. “And besides, I want you to stay.”
A cautious smile blossoms on his face. “Are you sure?”
“I am, but…” I hesitate because this is the hard part. “We have to tell our family and friends.”
As much as it scares me, it has to happen.
He nods, and his expression sobers. “Are you going home for Christmas?”
“I’m going down for the week.”
His words don’t falter, which makes me wonder if he’s already thought about this.
“We can tell everyone then. I have to work most of the week. I should make it into Charleston by Christmas Eve.”
I remember something I haven’t yet brought up. It seems both of us have been holding back just a little.
“Jenna’s having a Christmas Eve party.”
He nods like he already knew.
“It’s a good place to start.”
His eyes hold me like an anchor, so I press forward.
“Ben.” It’s both a statement and question. I know he understands.
“It will be fine.”
I shake my head. “Easy for you to say. No one will hate you.”
He’s quick with a retort.
“Cate, no one will hate you either. I’m surprised Jenna didn’t crack and tell Ben about us already.”
Frankly, I am too. “He’ll be mad we kept this from him.”
“Babe.” He kisses me softly. “We can’t worry about everyone else’s feelings. This is about us. And you are it for me and you have been.”
He clears his throat, only to cover his mouth with a fist and let out a cough.
My body locks up as if I’ve been flash-frozen.
Slowly, I force the words out of my mouth. “Are you okay?”
He nods, but coughs again. “It’s nothing, a tickle in the back of my throat.”
I say nothing. He’s not stupid. He knows what’s running through my head.
“Cate, babe, it’s the season for colds and flu. I see patients every day. They have germs. I’m okay. I swear. I probably shouldn’t kiss you, though.”
He gives me a teasing grin, but doesn’t let me respond. He soothes my worried soul with tender touches and wondrous kisses on my body. I lose myself in feelings that aren’t emotions. He makes me forget that life is fragile, that we are fragile.
We spend a lazy morning in bed and he hasn’t coughed anymore. I’ve let the worry go for now. At some point, he gets up and makes us breakfast. I feel so spoiled I show him my appreciation in all the ways that has him gripping my hair and calling out my name.
I don’t even know how we make it to the hospital’s Christmas party later that evening. Andy holds my hand as we walk into the ballroom of the hotel next to the hospital.
“Convenient,” I say to Andy as he ushers me through the front doors.
“They wanted staff to be able to come over and be close if they are called back in case of an emergency.”
The dress code isn’t black tie. People come in a variety of outfits from very causal to semi-formal. The black dress I’m wearing is somewhere in the middle. As I take in the room, which isn’t as fancy as the balls I’ve been to over the past few months, the décor is nice and more comfortable than some pretentious places I’ve been. I’m not sure what to expect, but it isn’t the warm welcome I get from Becca.
“Hi. Cate, isn’t it?”
I smile. Andy is behind me speaking to some of his colleagues and Becca is positively beaming. Before she can say anything else, a man not much taller than her comes over and slips an arm around her waist. Her face lights up and I understand where her glow comes from. I couldn’t be happier for her.
A hand gently touches the small of my back and I turn to the side to see Andy standing next to me. A little more than cordially, he says, “Becca, Fredrick.”
Becca gives Drew a megawatt smile and Fredrick matches her.
“Drew,” he says. “And this must be—” says Fredrick, the ginger, with a possessive arm around Becca.
“Cate,” I say holding
out my hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
He gives me a business handshake while Becca smiles at Drew. “Fredrick tells me I have you to thank for convincing him to ask me out. He says you gave him the push he needed to take the chance.”
Drew laughs as if she’s exaggerated the story. “He was almost there. I just got him to realize that sometimes it’s good to take a risk.”
His eyes brush over me and I wonder if he thought I was a risk when I kept running from him.
She steps in and gives Drew a quick friendly hug. I’m surprised when I feel no hint of jealousy. It’s clear she’s smitten with Fredrick. “Thanks.” Then in almost a whisper, she adds, “I think he could be the one.”
Her smile borders on shy as she steps back and lets Fredrick put his arm around her. I start to calculate when this all happened, considering her bold statement of Fredrick being her one. Only someone calls out the name Drew from across the room. We turn and see Désirée barreling toward us. She stops short when she sees me.
“Drew?”
I’m not sure why there is a question in her voice. I glance over my shoulder and see that Becca and Fredrick have been roped into another conversation. So I don’t feel so bad that we’ve rudely turned away from them.
“Désirée, I’m surprised to see you here. This is a staff event,” Andy says questioningly.
“I’m on the board now.” Her tone is brusque and she’s busy checking out all the places we touch as Andy has me tucked against his side. “I hear that you might be moving to another hospital.”
She glances between us.
“I’m moving to DC to be closer to Cate,” Andy says matter-of-factly.
For a second, her eyes narrow before they open with wide-eyed, fake glee. “Congratulations. I hope to get a wedding invitation soon.”
She’s probing and I’m prepared with an answer, but Andy beats me to it.
“We’ll be sure to mail you one.”
It’s hard to hold back a snicker as her smile flattens out. I know she expected that he’s say something to contradict her. Instead, he’s given her exactly what she doesn’t want to hear.
The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset Page 37
