“What?” I wipe my face again, because I’m still crying off and on throughout this whole conversation.
“You heard me. You know about Drew’s mom, right? Her family?”
“Well, yeah.”
“That’s where his money comes from. Your house? You know it doesn’t have a mortgage on it, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So, Cate, add another seven hundred grand to your bottom line.”
Jesus. How did I not know this?
“You never talked about money with him?” Ben asks.
“No. Never. Looking back, that sounds really dumb of me.”
“No. I’m sure if the conversation ever got close to the subject, he would steer it away. And he wasn’t frivolous with it either.”
It’s hard to take in. I knew money wasn’t an issue, but I just never dug into it. “Ben, someday when our heads are screwed on straight, we need to find a way to do something with some of this money as a tribute to him.”
“Yeah. I think you’re right. By the way, I’ll be with you at the reading of his will and all.”
“Good.”
“So, a moving company then?”
Letty calls the following week and says the reading of Drew’s Last Will and Testament will take place at their home. The attorney is a close family friend so they decide to do it there. Ben picks me up at Jenna’s and we go together.
Afterwards, I ask Letty if she’s okay with all this. After all, it’s sort of her money.
She sighs. “Drew loved you more than his own life, Cate. Of course I’m okay with it. It was his will that you have it all.”
Then I tell her about my plans to move and sell.
“I think you’re wise. It would bring nothing but more tears and heartache for you, dear, and God knows we’ve all had enough of that.” She dabs her eyes as she talks. I ask myself if it will ever get easier to talk or think about Drew.
Seven Months Later
The house is mostly staged, all pictures of Drew and me are packed and stored. The movers have come and all my belongings are in storage. It’s finally listed and I’m living full time with Jenna again, just like old times.
My position with Ernst and Young was given away, but I interviewed with Price Waterhouse and was given an entry-level auditing role with them. I’m starting all over again. I’d be lying if I’d say I wasn’t depressed. I think about Drew every day. He’s everywhere I look, in everything I do. But I guess that’s the grieving process, or at least it’s what everyone says.
During my lunch break today, I make a run to the hospital. I’m still dealing with insurance stuff, so I furnish the billing office with just one more piece of information they need. The woman tells me to come back in an hour so I decide to grab a quick lunch in the cafeteria. As I walk down the corridor, I turn the corner and run smack into Dr. Mercer. Once again, his first name escapes me. I give myself a pass because the night I met him I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind.
“Cate.”
“Dr. Mercer.” I extend my hand to him.
“I thought we passed all the formalities. Please, call me Drew.”
Thirty-One
Present
It’s the first day of spring and I stand by the window of my apartment and gaze out as the sun makes its first appearance for the day. Today is moving day and nervous excitement wouldn’t allow me to sleep. Arms circle me and draw me back into a firm chest.
“Morning, beautiful.”
I turn in his arms and press my lips against his. “Morning.”
“I didn’t expect you to be up so early.”
I shrug. “I’ve rarely seen dawn since I moved to DC.”
“It’s pretty impressive, but it has nothing on you.”
My lips curl and then, I watch in stunned silence as shirtless, looking sexy as hell Andy kneels down on one knee. My heart stops. The sunrise is forgotten as no light shines on me like the man before me.
It’s been several months since the awkward conversation between Drew’s parents and me. They seem genuinely happy that I’ve found someone else. Their support and love has meant the world to me. Now that everyone knows, there is nothing to stop me from charging forward into a new life except myself.
Andy’s eyes, so much like Drew’s, sparkle up at me. My chest ceases to move.
“Sweetheart, breathe.”
Every sound is caught in a vacuum as I let out a breath I know I’ve been holding for a few years.
“Cate, you lit a fire in me long before I knew what that fire meant.”
They say when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes. I have that surreal moment now. Everything begins to slow and the memories since the day I met Andy comes back like a sledgehammer to the chest.
~About seven months after Drew~
I rush into the hospital hating that I have to be there. But the insurance company needs some paperwork signed off in order to finalize benefits. It’s something I should have done months ago but I couldn’t bear it.
The woman in front of me has no sympathy for me. I’m sure she’s seen and heard it all. My circumstances aren’t dire—at least to anyone besides me.
“You can pick up the form in an hour. That’s the best I can do.”
I nod and walk to the cafeteria. I haven’t had lunch and I don’t want to leave and come back. While I’m deciding whether or not to go with a Cobb or Caesar salad, someone says my name.
“Cate.”
I turn and it takes a moment for me to recognize the face. I’m not sure why; his eyes are the spitting imagine of Drew’s.
“Dr. Mercer.” I extend my hand.
There is no way I could forget this man’s kindness. I practically sobbed all over him the day Drew asked me to leave his hospital room for good.
“I thought we passed all the formalities. Please call me Drew.”
I nod, but it’s hard to say that name without breaking out in tears.
“How are things?” he asks.
Grief over takes me and a tear slips through my defenses.
“It’s okay, Cate. I shouldn’t have asked. Let me buy you lunch.”
I glance up at him. “I’m not ready to date,” I blurt.
Dr. Mercer looks at me, shocked, and I realize my mistake. With a polite smile, he says, “I’m not sure my girlfriend would appreciate me asking anyone on a date. I just thought I could offer you an ear.”
My face must turn beet red.
“I’m sorry. Ever since I took off my rings, I’ve been getting hit on occasionally.”
I hadn’t wanted to take off my engagement and wedding rings, but every time I looked at them I couldn’t stop crying. After several months, Mom finally suggested that I take them off, not because I want to forget Drew, but so I could remember him without the tears.
“I can’t say I blame them. But I totally understand. It’s going to be a long time until you can be better.”
I’m glad he didn’t say be okay. I’m not sure I can ever be okay.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be better.”
He nods sympathetically. “Have you considered a support group?”
“Been there, done that. And don’t get me wrong. They help so many people. But I feel like a fish out of water because most of the people there are so much older than I am. I don’t want to take antidepressants, but if I don’t turn a corner soon, I think I may start.”
“Don’t be afraid of them. They aren’t habit forming or anything like that. But let me ask you. Have you tried running? Studies really do show it can help with depression.”
“I used to run. But haven’t in a couple of years.”
“Why don’t you try? Running can help clear your mind and get the endorphins going to better how you feel in general. I run with a group and you can join us if you’d like.”
His words ring true. He is a doctor and I’ve heard that about running before.
“I feel like there is a cloud that follows me everywhere. I can’t even go to my hou
se and move the boxes Drew thoughtfully packed so I wouldn’t have to. The house is staged; I just need to get those boxes out if I truly plan to sell the house. That’s hard, too. I don’t want to sell the house we picked together, yet I can’t imagine living there without him.”
Out of his pocket, he produces tissues like he did the last time tears flowed down my face.
“Small steps, Cate. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
Dr. Mercer takes both salads and steers to me to the register. I find myself sitting as I continue to release the words I’ve been so scared to say knowing everyone must be tired of all my crying.
“I can’t ask his parents, they’ve been through enough. Ben, his best friend, is a wreck just like me. He suggested a moving company because I don’t think he wants to go into there any more than I do. I watched my husband slip away in that house and I just can’t go there. I don’t want to ask my parents because they’ve practically packed up the house for me.”
“I can get the boxes for you.”
I glance up and meet those azure blue eyes so much like my dead husband’s and the hurt bubbles up like a geyser.
“I can’t ask you that.”
“Why not? Drew was one of ours. You can’t imagine how he’s missed around here. I didn’t know him well, but I can’t imagine anyone else that wouldn’t offer to help you in any way.”
After some more convincing, Dr. Mercer drives behind me to my old house after I pick up my paperwork. His shift is over and with some directions from me, he enters the place I once called home. It doesn’t take him long and comes out with Drew’s stuff.
“There is one marked for you.”
I nod and he puts it in my trunk. “I’ll take the rest for you to Goodwill.”
“Thanks for everything, including lunch,” I say.
He smiles warmly. “Don’t mention it.”
~Eight months after Drew~
When the news comes, I’m so overwhelmed, I find myself in the park running down a path. The pads of my feet smacking the ground are the only noise in my head. Dr. Mercer was right. Only it took me one more hardheaded month to take his advice and try running again.
For the first time in a while, I feel alive. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed this. My heart races from exhilaration and not depression. I’m in no way fine, but I feel marginally better.
I run around a corner and glance up to see those striking blue eyes. For a second, my heart skips a beat. Then I realize the blond hair doesn’t belong to my Drew but to Dr. Mercer.
“Cate.”
“Dr. Mercer.”
“You’re not going to call me Drew are you?”
I force the words out of my mouth because he’s been nothing but kind to me. “Drew.”
The name is like a bitter pill on my tongue. My Drew should be with me right now.
“Tried running eh?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.
“You were right. It clears my head. It’s what I need from the news I just got.”
“News?”
We continue to jog in place as other joggers pass. And for some reason it’s easy to talk to him.
“I got a really good offer on the house. A nice family with a baby on the way wants the house. They love it.” I manage to say the words without crying. “They will make it the home it was meant to be.”
He nods but doesn’t offer any words of encouragement. He tilts his head toward the trail. I nod and take off in the direction I had been heading and he follows. We run for a while until I get back to my starting point.
“You should join our group.”
I glance up at him after toweling off my face. I’ve stopped and start to stretch but he’s still moving. Apparently, my thirty minutes is just a warm up for him.
“The one I mentioned a while back.”
When I still show no signs of recognition, he says, “There are a group of us that run daily. It doesn’t require any socialization. You don’t have to talk at all during the runs. Sometimes it’s good to run with other people. They help keep you motivated.”
I bend forward to shake out my muscles. When I straighten he adds, “There is a morning run at six and an evening run at six. Pick your time, it’s not formal or anything. We usually gather near the statue.”
“It’s sounds fun. I’ll think about it.”
“Good. And it was good seeing you, Cate.”
“You too.”
~A Year and a little over two months after Drew~
Jenna stares at me like I’m lying to her.
“I swear, we’re just friends.”
Her face softens. “You know it’s okay to date other people. Drew didn’t expect you to be a hermit.”
I glance away. “I’m not ready, Jenna. I’m just not. I’m not sure when I’ll ever be.”
She doesn’t understand when you find the love of your life, who can ever match up to that. And it won’t be fair for me to see anyone while comparing them to Drew.
“I’ve seen pictures of you two. You sporting a huge smile. You ran in the 10k prostate cancer race. You have breakfast with him a few times a week and sometimes dinner. He helped at your yard sale and he moved furniture with Ben.”
“It’s incidental. We are only friends. He’s dating someone. As far as the race, it was a challenge. I did it and can mark it off my bucket list. I doubt I’ll run in any more races. And I haven’t seen him in a few weeks.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “I’ve been running most mornings. He hasn’t. I assume he’s running in the evening. It’s not like we call each other to coordinate our schedules.”
“Un huh.”
I groan. “He’s with someone. You’re reading our friendship wrong.”
“You have to admit he’s hot.”
I shake my head. “I’ve never looked at him that way.”
She stares at me like I grew antlers. “He’s gorgeous, Cate. There’s no way you don’t see it.”
I shake my head.
“He reminds me of…”
“Of what?” I ask.
“Never mind. I would date him.”
“Good, I’ll pass that along if he becomes single.”
She dismissively waves my words away. “You do that. Anyway, why don’t you date someone, anyone? And make them take you to dinner. You’re too skinny.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Look, I have to go.”
“Running this afternoon hoping to ‘run’ into a certain someone.” She makes air quotes with her fingers.
Ignoring her, I rush out the door. Only Dr. Mercer is there. I try not to notice him, but Jenna has me assessing him differently when the run is over and we are all stretching out so our muscles won’t cramp up.
When he tugs off his shirt and begins to towel off and I have to admit he would be a good catch for someone. Just not me.
“You up for dinner?” he asks.
I smile and nod. Outside of Jenna and Ben, I haven’t had many close friends and he’s become one. We sit at a popular deli waiting for our salads and sandwiches.
“How have you’ve been? Is everything okay?” It’s the first time I’ve seen him not give me a smile.
“The truth is, my girlfriend broke up with me. She’s tired of my hours and how I get called in at odd times.”
“Wow, she had to know that going into the relationship.”
He purses his lips. “She did. Says she thought she could handle it.”
“I’m sorry. Did it happen today?”
He shakes his head. “No, a few weeks ago. I guess it’s really hitting me today. I’ve been so busy with work, I haven’t had time to think about it.”
We’ve become so comfortable with each other, I don’t think twice when I ask him my next question. “Did you love her?”
He glances up thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t say love. But she won’t be the only woman who can’t put up with my profession. It kind of sucks to think that my job will be a turn off.”
“Somehow I think she’s
in the minority.” Jenna’s words come back to me. “Anyway, I have a friend,” I begin and map out my plan for setting up a blind date.
Two days later, Jenna completely blows me off.
“No way. That’s your doctor. I saw how he looked at you at your yard sale. His eyes narrowed anytime a guy came up to ask you the price of something.”
“We’re just friends,” I say for the millionth time.
“I’m still not going out with him,” she says adamantly.
“But you said you would date him and I set it all up because of that.”
Jenna won’t change her mind. Therefore, I find myself walking into the bar and lounge to find him surprised to see me.
“I’m sorry,” I say sheepishly.
He seems resigned. “She doesn’t want to date a doctor.”
“No, it’s not that.” I don’t want to lie to him. “She has this crazy idea about you and me.”
His eyes go wide and it stings just a little. I’m not even sure why. I like him as a friend, but I guess knowing he wouldn’t be interested in me at all hits the old ego like a wrecking ball.
“Why don’t you stay? We can make the best of it. I don’t get many nights like these that often.”
Feeling guilty I set up this date without talking to Jenna first, I agree. It isn’t a hardship. I enjoy spending time with him. We never seem to have trouble coming up with conversation topics.
“Dance with me,” he says later.
I meet his eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, why not? You’ve been moving in your chair for the past half an hour,” he teases.
“Fine, why not?” I accept more just because he said it so much like a dare.
I take his hand and we dance. The fast moving songs have my heart racing like I’m running. For that time, my mind is free and clear, and I see the man before me for the first time. He’s good looking if not gorgeous, just like Jenna said. Somehow, I think I’ve known that. I’ve only ignored it until now. His girlfriend is a fool. He’s a great guy and will make someone a good husband one day.
When the night is over, he walks me to my car.
“I had fun.”
“Me too,” I say.
After I click the lock on my car, he opens the door so I can get inside. For the craziest of moments, I wonder if he will kiss me. The moment passes and he doesn’t. So I drive away and get back to my daily life.
The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset Page 41
