“What aren’t you telling me?”
Hugging my knees to my chest, I blurt everything out, “He dumped all of this on me right after we had sex.” The confession rips another crater in my heart, and I’m not sure if I’ll have much of a heart left after this.
“So, you have sex, and then he tells you he’ll marry his brother’s fiancée?” Even levelheaded Cate can’t believe it.
I blow my nose once more before answering. “Yes. It was awful. I thought everything between us was great. I mean, in lieu of everything going on. I knew he was in bad shape as far as his brother was concerned. Hell, we all have been a mess.”
“Do you think this is just some crazy reaction he’s having?”
“No! Unless it’s one that will last eighteen years, until the baby goes to college. Brandon feels responsible for Braedon. I mean, he practically raised him.”
“Maybe he needs some space,” Cate says.
“For what? To plan his wedding?” My sarcasm isn’t lost on Cate.
“Okay, let me say this. In all fairness, he did stay with you after you broke up with Kenneth, right?”
“Yes, before Mom pulled her little stunt.” Thinking about that day has all the hurt resurfacing.
“He had to have been hurt.”
“Of course, he was. And I tried to explain, but he left and didn’t give me a chance.”
“I hear your frustration, and I agree—this is so odd. I can’t figure it out at all.”
“He doesn’t want me, Cate. He said my family would never accept him.”
“Your mom, probably. But Ben and Sam will accept him. Your dad saw him and told you to go for it. And after what Julia pulled, you’re at the point where you don’t care anymore what she thinks. The bottom line is everyone but Julia wants you to be happy, so your job is to convince him otherwise. So, what’s the problem then?”
“Cate, you’re right on all the above. But with everything happening around Braeden, we never talked about it. So I can’t say. I know I wasn’t completely fair with him earlier on. You, more than anyone, understand the circumstances with my family. When I came to him, I wanted to make it up to him, to show him things are different now. I promised to be by his side throughout all this. And I have been. But I can’t do this with him now. I walked away, and it’s over.”
“Does he feel the same way?”
“He must. He didn’t try to stop me. And he said—his words, not mine—we both know your family will never accept me.”
“Oh, Jenna. So, now what?”
“I go back to work and start a new life. Maybe change jobs. Something.”
“Come here, to D.C. I’d love for you to visit, you know.” While it sounds tempting, a vacation away from everything sounds even better.
“Maybe an island getaway is in store for me. I don’t know. All I know is everything in this town is going to remind me of Brandon, and it’s going to suck.”
“Call your brother and his wife. They’ll be the best to lean on. You know that.”
“Yeah, but, Cate, this is so gutting, I’m not sure I can even talk about it. He’s the man of my dreams, and has been for too long. And the sad thing is, I feel like he died, too.”
“Don’t say that, Jenna.”
“I know, but it’s how I feel.”
“Do you need me to come down there?”
“At this point, I don’t know what I need.”
“Let me get off here. The little one is screaming.”
“Go. I’ll call if I need you.” It’s a relief to stop talking about it. I stare into the nothingness of my room, as it grows darker and darker. But as I’m dozing off, there’s someone pounding at my door. I ignore it for the first ten minutes, but they don’t go away. It’s so annoying but gets worse when my phone rings along with it. It’s Ben. Dammit. Cate must’ve called him.
When I let him in, he pulls me into his arms and drags me to the couch. Sam is with him, and she heads to the kitchen, where she fixes everyone a liquor drink.
“You’ve probably figured out Cate called.” Ben smiles at me. “She was worried about you.”
“I’m not surprised. I had a fairly decent breakdown on the phone with her.”
Sam chimes in, “She wants to fly in tomorrow.”
Dropping my head back on the couch, I say, “Please tell her absolutely no. She was just here for my almost wedding. She does not need to come back.”
Sam hands me a drink, and I take a huge swallow. It’s vodka, of course. My sister-in-law knows me well. I tell them everything I told Cate.
Ben immediately says, “He’s reacting. It’s what he feels he needs to do right now.”
I close my eyes and try not to relive that painful moment. “Oh, and where does that leave us?”
“Not in a good place if he goes through with it.”
“Just what I thought.”
Ben frowns. “The real question is whether or not he’ll do it.”
“I’m not going to stick around to find out. And he tossed the Kenneth thing at me when I told him he didn’t love her.” My ribs feel like they’re cracking under the weight of all this.
“He’s striking out. When you hurt, you say all kinds of things you don’t mean. Ask Sam.” He looks at his wife with remorse, even after all this time. Ben and Sam had their share of ups and downs.
“Ugh, that’s so true.”
“Jenna, I’m going to go and talk with him,” Ben says.
Shrugging, in a heavy tone, I say, “Do what you want. He could probably use someone like you to talk to. He may even be offended, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. He’s considering marrying his brother’s fiancée. While that may be noble to some, quite frankly it’s a little more than icky to me, not to mention it has pretty much cut me to the bone. Right now, I’m having great difficulty dealing with that.”
“I understand. But I want you to keep in mind that when people grieve, they say all kinds of things they don’t really mean,” Ben says.
“Maybe, but when you went through all the shit you did, and even the stuff you and Sam dealt with, did you ever mention the remote possibility of marrying someone else? Or even when Cate was dealing with all her shit, did you offer to marry her? I just happen to think it’s a little creepy.”
Sam and Ben look at each other, and then Ben says, “He didn’t actually offer to—”
“Okay, no, he didn’t, but he will if she wants him to.”
“Jenna, why don’t you call her up and ask her then?” Sam asks.
I shake my head. “I am not even going there. One, she’s far too upset for me to engage her in a conversation about that, and two, I don’t want to know. One love triangle was enough for me.”
“One?” Ben asks.
“Do I need to remind you?” I ask. When he still wears a mask of confusion, I say, “Kenneth and his friend.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Yeah. At the time, that one was funny. This one isn’t.”
Ben scowls. “Come on. You can’t call this a love triangle.”
“Whatever. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“I’m not finished. You don’t even know if Kym wants anything to do with this. Therefore, not a triangle. Or love.”
“Can we change the topic?” I huff.
“Jenna, stop being so difficult.”
Sam, who hasn’t said anything for the last bit, joins the conversation. “Ben, honey, ease up a little. She just had her heart shredded and is feeling vulnerable right now.”
His eyes soften as he looks at Sam. How I envy that. “You’re right. I guess I was taking the devil’s advocate role too far. Jenna, you’re my sister, and I’m on your side one hundred percent, no matter what happens. But I am going to try to talk to him. It may or may not help. Who knows?”
“Fine, but that may or may not affect my position on things. I’m done with this roller coaster of a relationship. My heart can’t take it anymore.”
Sam puts her arm aro
und me and hugs me. “I’m here if you need me.”
Then Ben asks, “Has Mom reached out to you?”
“Not a word. And I’m not going to call her. Dad calls every day, though. We’re solid. But as far as Mom goes, our relationship is over as I see it.”
Ben leans forward and grabs my arm. “Jenna, this is serious.”
“Exactly. Like her blackmailing me was. She played me, Ben. She lied. How can you do that to your child in the name of society?” The whole thing disgusts me to the core. “I would rather be poor than be like her.”
“I know,” Ben says. “But she’s your mother.”
“And she owes me an apology. A gigantic one. Until I get one, I won’t be calling her, or coming to Sunday dinners. Dad knows. I’ve explained it to him. It hurts, but he gets it. Out of curiosity, what does she say about my absences?” I’ve wondered about this but didn’t want to ask my dad. I’m sure he’s dealing with enough on his own.
“Not a word. At least in front of Dad.”
“I wonder what she says when he’s not around,” I say. I’m sure I’m the worst child in the world, since I left Kenneth at the altar.
Ben shrugs. “I hope she calls because that’s the least of what you deserve from her.”
“Yeah, especially after that awful dress she and Mama Balfour picked out.”
Sam sputters out a laugh. Ben’s brows rise. “What?” he asks.
Looking at Sam, I ask, “Did you not tell him about it?”
“No. In all the commotion afterwards, I forgot.”
“Oh my God, how could you forget about the giant cupcake covered in whipped cream?”
Ben says, “What the hell are you two talking about?”
“Hang on.” I go to my room and pull the ugly thing out of my closet and drag it behind me into the living room. “This is what we’re talking about.”
“Fuck me. This was what you were wearing?”
“Yep. This is what Mom wanted me to wear.”
“Jesus.” He looks at Sam and says, “If you had worn something like this, I would’ve passed out.”
“The ugliest wedding gown in the world,” I say. And it truly is.
“It’s so … gaudy. Jenna, you should be on no talking terms with Mom just because of this.”
Sam snorts. Ben says, “What?”
“You should’ve seen her hair. It was just as bad,” Sam says. “It was, well,” her hands make all kinds of swirly motions around her head before she adds, “never mind.”
“Dad said I looked like Medusa.”
“What the hell is wrong with Mom?”
“So, yeah. I won’t be reaching out and extending the olive branch.”
We have a few more drinks before they leave, and Sam promises to call in the morning. As they’re walking out, Ben adds, “You can come and stay with us if you want.”
“Thanks, but I’ve been at Brandon’s for the last few weeks. I’m just going to stay here. I’ll be fine. I’m a survivor. We all do what we have to do to get by, don’t we?”
“Yeah, we do. Love you, sis.”
As I watch them walk to their car together, I think about how life throws the unexpected at you. Cate was dealt an awful blow when she lost her husband and Ben lost his best friend. Then Sam with her cancer scare. I look at what Brandon is going through. Then there’s Kenneth in dealing with his issues and his parents. And me with all my shit. Life is never fair. You have to take the punches and the jabs, expect the bruises, heal, and deal, because if you don’t, what do you have left?
Twenty-Eight
BRANDON
The note burns in my hand as I fold it and put it back in the envelope.
Kym glances at me. “Is it from Jenna?”
I nod and try to forget. I’m not sure what hurts more, that my brother is no longer with us or that I’ve lost the woman I love.
“She hasn’t been around much. Is everything okay between you two?”
I hesitate, not knowing what to say, but settle on the truth.
“Things didn’t work out,” I admit.
“What? Why?” She looks panicked at the thought.
“How about you?” I ask, changing the subject. “You seem to be feeling better.”
The last few days she hasn’t been sick as much.
“Better and worse,” she says. “The morning sickness has stopped, knock on wood. But I don’t know how I’m going to do this without him.”
I rest a hand on her shoulder. “You won’t be alone. I’ll be here for you, always.”
Her smile is brave, but not all there.
“And who will be here for you? You’re always taking care of everyone else.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I say, grabbing my keys. “We should get going.”
Mom has made a point for us to have dinner together at least once a week. Tonight, I have to convince her to hold a memorial service for Braedon.
“Brandon,” Mom calls when we arrive, giving me an enthusiastic greeting.
What shocks me is seeing my dad there at the table talking to Brock and no one is angry. It’s probably a good thing. As much as I don’t want to give up on the possibility of Braedon being alive, it’s been a month and nothing. The news doesn’t mention it anymore. The police have completely given up the search unless a credible tip comes in and none have.
After Kym and Mom stop clinging together and join us at the table, I say, “I think it’s time we talk about having a memorial service.”
The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is write my brother’s virtues down on paper. Seeing them only rekindles the unfairness of his death. He had so much more to live for than I do. Hell, Jenna hasn’t tried to contact me outside of her note. And though I don’t blame her in some respects, it hurts that she hasn’t once tried to convince me to change my mind. So I have to conclude she agrees with my decision to put the brakes on us.
A little over a week later, I stand at the plot of ground that holds nothing but a temporary plaque until the one we ordered is made. Mom insisted on buying a plot. The ground underneath holds nothing yet. But if he’s ever found …
“He will forever be remembered,” the pastor says.
The turnout is large. My brother’s friends from high school and college are here in force to say their goodbyes. The words I plan to say are few because the rest are for Braedon alone. Somehow, I hope he knows how much I miss him.
When it’s my turn, I move to stand in front of the crowd. I’ve never been one for public speaking. Here goes nothing.
“My brother was not only the life of the family, he was the light. He hardly ever had a bad word to say about anyone. If he did, it would be more in jest and never malicious. That’s the kind of guy he was. I find it hard to find joy in anything with him gone, until my brain conjures his words, like him telling me to get laid and all will be well.” That gets a few chuckles. Mom glares at me, but remembering that makes me want to smile and not want to break things. “But what makes me the saddest is he won’t get to be the father he planned to be.” My voice loses strength, and I have to clear my throat to continue. “I can only hope I’ll be half as good an uncle as he would have been a father. And I hate the saying that’s all too true—only the good die young.”
There is so much more I could have said, but it feels as though I’m being choked. So I nod and go back to my spot. The pastor asks if anyone would like to speak, and a steady stream of well-wishers tells stories about my brother that mirror the great person he was. By the time it’s over and most everyone is gone, I turn and am surprised to see Jenna waiting several feet away.
As if tethered, we start toward each other and meet somewhere in the middle. Her eyes appear dry, but they are red-rimmed, and the hug she gives me is way too awkward. We stumble back and try to smile, but it’s false for both of us.
“How are you?” she asks and moves her head side to side. “Never mind. I should say I’m sorry.” I nod. She glances over to where my mom, dad, and Kym still talk t
o stragglers. “How’s your mom?”
“Hanging in there.”
“I spoke to her the other day. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No.”
It feels weird to stand before her and not touch her. The divide between us has never been greater.
“How’s Kym?” she asks.
“Better.”
Her eyes widen, and I don’t think it’s because of my answer, but my lack of conversation. Truth is, I want this Q&A over. It physically hurts knowing she’s so close yet so far.
She sucks in air like she needs it in order to say what she’s planned to. “How are the wedding plans going?”
I stare at her, not sure I heard her correctly. “Wedding?”
She’s quick with an answer. “Yeah, you said you would marry her.”
Shaking my head, I say, “No, you asked if would I marry her, and I told you if I thought it was the best thing for my niece or nephew, I would.”
She searches my eyes.
“What possible reason would you have to marry your brother’s girlfriend? That’s kind of creepy.”
Anger at myself, at her, at this whole situation fuels my temper.
“I don’t know, Jenna. It was never my plan. You brought it up. But if you want one, healthcare is a good reason. If Kym can no longer be on her parents’ insurance plan and if it turns out to be too expensive for me to pay for her coverage as a single mother and it would be cheaper if I had family coverage, then yes, I would marry her. And not for love. It would be an arrangement in paper only. Hell, people marry all the time for less altruistic reasons. You should know that.”
“Wow,” she says like I’ve slapped her with my words, and maybe I have. “Here I’d thought we could have taken care of her together. I would have been willing to give up my job to help her out.”
“You never said any of that,” I say, stunned by her admission.
“How could I? You basically broke up with me after we had sex. I never had the chance. Plus, I’d been there for you. Why would you ever think I wouldn’t have worked with you to help Kym? What if this happened while we were married? Would you have divorced me?”
“Of course not.”
The Cruel and Beautiful Series Boxset Page 102
