Destiny didn’t move for a moment. She couldn’t imagine what she was going to say. How was he so calm? Her words from last night flooded in.
Shit. Shit shit shit. “Maybe it would be best if I called an Uber and left.”
He tilted his head to one side and gazed at her. “Not a chance. Sit,” he demanded again.
She blew out a breath and headed toward the table, wishing there was a crack in the universe that might swallow her whole. That would be too easy though. As she took a seat, Trent set a tall glass of orange juice in front of her without another word. He turned back around to put bacon in the heating pan. The sizzle filled the room before the scent. Her stomach growled.
Her mortification crept back in as soon as she finished half the juice. “Trent… Listen.”
He turned around, shaking his head. “Nope. Not my turn to listen. Let me finish cooking so you can get some food in you, and then you can listen. How about that?” His words were clipped. His tone was off. His usual easy-going demeanor was not present.
Shit.
All Destiny could do was wait and watch as he worked. It was impossible not to notice how amazing his body still was. Actually, it was even better than she remembered. He was wearing gray Army sweats and a navy Army T-shirt that hugged his chest and stretched tight across his back. His feet were bare. His hair was wet, she noted. Which meant he’d taken a shower before she got up. How the hell did I sleep through that?
“I left you a towel in the bathroom if you want to shower,” he commented as he flipped the bacon. “You can borrow one of my T-shirts if you don’t want to put your dress back on.”
Her heart was beating too fast. No way was she going to shower at Trent Dawkins’ apartment. Nope. Horrible idea. Almost as bad as sitting here waiting to hear what he was going to say to her.
Was he pissed that she had so badly defiled his brother’s memory by admitting she’d been in love with Trent instead? She rubbed her temples, letting her eyes slide closed. How could I be so stupid?
After a few minutes of silence, Trent slid a plate in front of her and then sat in the chair adjacent to hers with a steaming cup of coffee. “Eat. You’ll feel better.”
She lifted her gaze. “Seriously?” Did he think food would make her feel better? Even though her stomach was in a tight ball, part of her was afraid that was from nerves instead of hunger. She might actually vomit again if she ate.
Trent wrapped both hands loosely around his mug and lifted his gaze to meet hers. His voice was calm and even when he spoke. “Destiny, I slept like shit. I spent the entire night trying to absorb everything you said to me and come up with a response. I know you were drunk when you said all that stuff, but I also know it was all true. You took a risk. Now, you owe me a chance to respond. And I’m going to do so after you eat.” He let go of the mug with one hand and slid it across the table to wrap his fingers around one of her hands and squeeze gently. “You’re shaking. You need food. Eat,” he repeated. “And then we’ll talk.”
She blew out a breath and nodded. What choice did she have? He was right. She’d made a complete fool out of herself, and now she needed to face the consequences. “Okay, but can I just say that I’m sorry. I know what I said was out of line. I should have taken those thoughts to the grave with me. I had no business blurting out my deepest secrets to you like that. You have every right to be mad at me. I dishonored Sean’s memory then, and I did so again last night. I’m truly sorry.”
Trent closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply. “Destiny…”
“Yes?”
“Eat.” He pointed at her food and stood. “Do you want coffee?” he said as he padded back into the kitchen.
“Yes. Thank you,” she murmured.
“You still take it with cream and sugar?”
“Please.” He remembered how she took her coffee. That fact alone reached into her soul and made her sigh.
Her hands trembled as she picked up her fork, but she somehow managed to take a bite and then another. With each bite, she grew hungrier, and soon enough she had polished off everything.
Trent slid a mug of coffee—made exactly how she liked it—in front of her. He set a hand on her shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. “Feel better?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“How about we move to the sofa?”
She lifted the coffee, took a fortifying sip, and followed him across the room as if she were heading to the guillotine. She deserved to feel this way—her heart clenched and her pulse raced too fast. She was a complete idiot. And whatever he said to reprimand her she deserved.
She considered insisting that he keep his thoughts to himself and let her leave, but that would be selfish and a cop-out. She’d dug this hole. Now she needed to lie in it.
Trent sat in the sofa corner and then reached for her coffee and set it on the end table. Before she could decide where to sit exactly, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to him, practically on top of him, actually. He wrapped her in his arms and hauled her against his chest, his fingers sliding into her hair and rubbing her back.
She tried to relax into his comforting touch, but confusion warred inside her. Why is he being so nice? He should be furious. She trembled against him.
“Shhh,” he whispered against her head. “Take a breath. It’s going to be okay.”
She jerked her face back to look up at him. “It’s never going to be okay. I have to live with my stupidity for the rest of my life. I’m mortified beyond belief. How can you even say that?”
He smiled as his hand slid around and he stroked her cheek. “Because even though you took me by surprise and shocked the hell out of me, I had the entire night to think about what you said while you were snoring off your drunken stupor.”
She drew her brows together. “I don’t snore.”
“Ha.” His smile grew and his eyes twinkled. “Whatever. I’ll record you next time.”
Next time? She flinched.
“Yeah, you heard me.” He glanced down at her lips and trailed his thumb along the seam. “Des.” He lifted his eyes slowly. “I can’t tell you how happy I am that you got drunk last night and spilled your guts. If you hadn’t, we may have gone our entire lives not knowing how the other felt.”
“What?” She stiffened, confused.
He nodded. “I was a coward back then, and I’ve been a coward ever since. I had no idea you felt that way about me, or I would have told you I felt the same way.”
She jerked in his arms, and she was pretty sure her heart stopped. “What?” she repeated.
He nodded, a slight smile on his lips. “It killed me when you started dating Sean. Ripped a hole in me that never fully healed. I drank enough to pass out the night you got engaged. Stole a bottle of vodka from my father’s liquor cabinet.”
She leaned back a few more inches, shaking her head, unable to believe his words. “You stopped talking to me and never met my gaze after my first date with Sean. The way you were acting…at the time, I thought you didn’t like me, didn’t care about me anymore. I thought I might die the next time I saw you and you ignored me. My life crumbled slowly away while day after day I held your brother’s hand and tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing.”
Trent’s thumb stroked her cheek again. “I was so confused, and it was all so complicated. And I thought you were in love with him, so I forced myself to give you space. Both of you. But I couldn’t continue to pretend everything was fine, so I backed off. It hurt too badly to hang out with you guys anymore.”
She held his gaze, but her heart was beating out of her chest. Her mind spun.
“I’m so sorry,” he continued. “For so many things. But mostly because I was such a coward that I let you spend twelve years thinking I didn’t care about you, when all that time, I never once stopped thinking about you and what might have been.”
Trent. Her Trent. He was right here. Holding her. Looking her in the eye the way she’d dreamed of for so long. She’d da
ted dozens of guys over the years, but she’d never been able to let herself go with anyone and broke up with them within weeks. All because she never got Trent out of her mind.
By now, she wasn’t even sure who he was anymore. It was possible she wouldn’t even like the man he’d turned out to be. Her imagination had embellished him over the years, turning him into some sort of god. Perhaps he was actually a dick.
Trent took a deep breath. “Remember when we were ten and I slipped into that ravine and cut my thigh on that rusty pipe?”
She nodded. She hadn’t been there. Only Sean had been there. And thank God, because he’d saved his brother’s life. But she’d heard the story over and over. Everyone had.
“Yes. Of course.”
“My life changed that day.”
“You almost died.”
“Yes. But I didn’t. I was being stupid. Taking risks. Sean didn’t want me to climb down that embankment. He kept urging me to stop. Always the serious one. But I was laughing and joking and maybe even taunting him. And then I slipped and fell several feet. I saw the pipe before I hit it, but I couldn’t stop it from impaling my thigh and ripping a ten-inch hole in my leg.”
Destiny nodded again. She’d heard all this dozens of times. Trent had spent two days in the hospital. He’d needed a blood transfusion and over a hundred stitches, some inside and some outside.
“Sean saved my life. He was so calm even under pressure. He quickly eased down the embankment and tied his shirt around my leg. He scrambled back up that hill and screamed like hell at every passing car until someone stopped. At some point, I passed out, but he didn’t give up. He saved me.”
“I know all that, Trent,” she responded soothingly. It obviously still stuck out in Trent’s mind.
“I made myself a promise that I would be the best brother in the world that day, and I kept it.”
Destiny flinched. What is he saying?
“When Sean came to me and told me he was going to ask you out on a real date, I died a little inside. I’d been looking at you as far more than the girl next door for years. The only reason I hadn’t made a move was because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship if you turned me down.”
“But Sean beat you to it,” she whispered.
“Yes. And I stepped back. I owed him. I owed him everything. There was no way in the world I would have told him that I wanted you. It would’ve killed him. At the time, he was so excited, and I’d never seen him that happy. He wasn’t exactly a demonstrative guy.”
She smiled wanly. “I remember.”
“And then he asked you out, and you said yes, and I died a little more. And every day, a piece of me chipped off while you two became an item. You walked through the hallways at school holding hands and whispering and shit, and I turned around and went the other way every chance I got.”
“I’m so sorry, Trent.” Her throat clogged and tears formed in her eyes at the thought of everything the two of them had withheld. Nevertheless, she had been engaged to his brother, and she had to carry that burden with her now.
Trent swallowed. “Me, too. So sorry. And the worst part is that if I had to do it all over again, I would change nothing. I would never have crossed Sean like that. Never. I feel guilty even voicing it today, and he’s been gone almost twelve years.”
“Me, too,” she whispered. “It’s like survivor’s guilt. It’s lodged inside me. It’s why I left town and moved to Dallas and became a flight attendant. I couldn’t stand to walk around Killeen any longer. Everyone in town knew who I was and that my fiancé had died in battle. I felt horrible because a part of me was not nearly as sad as I was supposed to be.” Destiny grabbed Trent’s forearms and squeezed them. “Don’t get me wrong. I loved Sean dearly. But I loved him like a brother. And I ached for his loss, same as everyone else, but not the way I should have. Not the way a girlfriend would. I wasn’t in love with him.”
Trent rubbed her back again. “I get it now.”
“Do you? Because I’m not sure I do. It’s confusing and it tears me apart every time I think about it. Your mother loved me like I was her own daughter. She was so excited when we got engaged that I thought she might float.”
Destiny smiled faintly. “Everyone thought we were the cutest couple in the world. Some people stopped whispering about the fact that I’m biracial, even called out those who didn’t. It felt like almost everyone was in love with the idea of us, except me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know why I said yes, but maybe that was part of it, feeling like maybe I belonged for once. It was stupid. I was too young and naïve, and I kept telling myself it would be okay. That he was a great guy. That I would grow to love him in time. Inside, I was dying and alone. I never told anyone until years later.”
“But your girlfriends know, right? The ones from last night?”
“Yeah. Eventually, I was busting with the weight of the secret, and I told them one night a few years ago. They’ve pressured me to confront you ever since. I never had the guts.”
One side of his mouth tipped up. “Tequila speaks.”
“I guess so.”
He held her gaze for a long time and then licked his lips. “Now what do we do?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head, her heart aching all over again. She wiggled free of his grasp before she could lose her willpower. Letting him touch her and hold her had been a mistake. She pushed to standing and took a step back.
Trent looked up at her, eyes wide, shock registering. “Why would we do that?”
“Because people would be horrified if I dated you.”
“It’s been twelve years, Des. I don’t think you need to continue mourning my brother.”
She took another step back, digging her heels in. She had to. “Can you imagine how your parents would feel? Especially your mom?” Destiny shuddered at the visual of William’s and Nancy’s faces if they ever found out about this. Nancy’s eyes would pop out of her head, and she’d probably never speak to Destiny again, or her grandmother. Dating his brother would put salt in a wound that never healed. Not for Nancy or William.
“Des…” Trent stood and took a step closer. “I think you’re overreacting.”
She shook her head vehemently. “Nope. And we’ll never know because I don’t ever want to face your mother and break her heart like that.”
Trent kept coming toward her. “Des, my mother loves you to pieces.”
“Yep. I know she does. So, let’s not ruin it by telling her what a horrible person I was and still am.”
“You’re not a horrible person, Des. You’re human. I made just as many mistakes as you did. I don’t think my parents would be upset about this. In fact, they might even be elated.”
Destiny ran out of space, her back hitting the wall. She’d never in twelve years pictured a scenario like this. She’d been convinced that Trent saw her as an annoying woman who preferred his serious brother over his extroverted, fun-loving self. It was impossible to process the conversation they’d just had, but no matter what, no one would understand if she switched brothers. It would taint the memory of her dead fiancé.
Trent kept advancing. When he reached her, he flattened his palms on the wall on either side of her head, his face coming in close even though no part of him touched her. “We both spent twelve years totally misunderstanding each other. I won’t waste another day without spending time with you. Maybe we’ve both changed too much to still have feelings for each other, but what if we haven’t? I want to know. Don’t you?”
Her breath hitched.
“I seriously doubt a single person in this town is going to give one shit if we get together. But even if they strung me up by my heels and taped a scarlet A on my shirt, I would still prefer to give this a chance. To hell with all of them.”
Destiny’s heart leaped. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She found it impossible to believe this was happening. An hour ago, when she’d awakened in Trent’s bed, she’d dreaded this confrontation more
than getting a tooth extracted. And now… How had things taken such a sharp turn?
“I’m going to kiss you now with every ounce of passion I’ve felt for over a decade.” He hesitated only long enough to read her acceptance in her gaze, and then his lips descended.
Destiny grabbed his T-shirt and yanked him against her the moment his mouth met hers. His kiss was filled with frantic desperation, the same desperation she felt. Tongues tangled and moans filled the room, coming from both of them.
Trent tasted like coffee and heaven. His hands cupped her face and angled her head exactly where he wanted it.
She slid her palms to his ass and gripped him with the tips of her fingers. Her brain was mush. No one had ever kissed her like this before. Not with this much passion. She never wanted it to end. She would be content to spend the rest of her life right here in Trent’s living room in a lip lock. He kissed so well that she didn’t even need to know if they were compatible in any other way.
It was hard to say how long they might have continued kissing, but Trent’s phone rang, interrupting them. Trent continued for another moment, his tongue running along the seam of her lips before he released her mouth and groaned. “Horrible timing.”
“You should get that,” she murmured, trying to catch her breath.
He gave no indication he intended to move for several long seconds, holding her gaze while the ringing stopped.
She knew him though. His life was not his own. He belonged to the Army. He didn’t have the luxury of ignoring a phone call. When he was not on an assignment, his job at Fort Hood was to keep in shape and wait for the next call.
“I will. In a minute. But first, let me say that you just rocked my world and tipped it upside down. If you’re thinking of continuing to argue that we shouldn’t explore this thing between us, don’t. I’m not buying it. We are so totally going to spend every possible moment together, figuring this out and getting to know each other all over again. Got it?”
She nodded, smiling a little. “I can’t argue your point, but I can insist we keep this to ourselves. I’m not facing your mom and risking her thinking ill of me while we take this risk. If it doesn’t work out, then she never needs to know it happened.”
Destiny's Delta (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Delta Team Three Book 2) Page 3
