“It’s a letter from Sean. He wrote it three days before he died. I always felt like he had some sort of premonition or something. I didn’t receive it until a week after his funeral.”
She swallowed and then cleared her throat. “You want me to read it?”
“Yes. It’s about you.” He opened the envelope and extracted the single piece of notebook paper. Nothing fancy. Sean hadn’t had stationary. He’d been in a war zone. Trent held it out to Destiny, his fingers shaking.
She met his gaze as she took it from him, and then she lowered her face, holding the paper with both hands.
Even though Trent knew every word from memory, he leaned over Destiny to read with her.
Trent,
I hope this letter gets to you. It’s hard to say how crazy the mail might be from here. But I have some things weighing on my heart that I need to say in case I never get the chance in person.
First of all, I want you to know that you are the best brother a man could ever ask for. I know I haven’t always been the easiest to live with. I know I’m uptight and too serious and introverted. I probably held you back on many occasions. But I want you to know how much it means to me that you’ve always been my best friend, dragging me out of my shell when needed, forcing me to leave my room and go out with you when you went to parties and met with friends. I realize most of our friends are really your friends, but you never once let me feel like they didn’t enjoy hanging with me as much as you.
I’m laughing now as I remember the time you and me and Destiny snuck out of our houses late at night to catch lightning bugs. We were probably only eight years old. We threw rocks at Destiny’s window because she fell asleep. We thought we were so sneaky, breaking all the rules, sneaking out after ten o’clock. I was hesitant, as usual, but you talked me into it, saying I needed to lighten up and live a little.
You were right. I know catching lightning bugs is a small thing, and I’m certain we didn’t fool mom and dad for one second, but I think I laughed harder that night than any other time as we ran down the hill with our jars.
I know it’s crazy and probably a little cheesy, but that was the night I think I first realized Destiny meant more to me than just a friend. I knew she was special even then. I loved her. I remember watching her run and jump and skip to catch the bugs, her wild curls flying in the night air. She had on pink pajamas and flip flops. Her giggle still makes me smile today. I miss her so much.
I’ve been selfish about her. I know that. I wanted her to like me more than you because she brings life to my ordinarily boring world. I know it was wrong of me to bulldoze you into agreeing that you were okay with me dating her.
I also know that you have always felt unnecessarily beholden to me for going for help that day you fell and tore open your leg. There was no reason for you to think you owed me. You’re my brother. My best friend in the world. The man I most admire. My flesh and blood. Of course, I ran to get help. I’ve never understood why you thought it was somehow heroic.
But I used that knowledge when I came to you and told you I wanted to ask her out. It wasn’t fair. It was selfish and greedy. I guess I was desperate. Afraid one day soon someone else was going to snatch her up if one of us didn’t. I wanted it to be me. So I claimed her.
I know you love her even more than I do. I’ve seen the way you look at her. I know I hurt you when I started dating her and changed the dynamic of our trio. I hate how you backed off from not just me but her, and I’m fully aware of why you had to do so. The pain in your eyes is always obvious.
The reason I’m saying all this is because I know I rushed things. I never should have asked her to marry me. It wasn’t fair to any of us. Again, selfish. She loves you as much as you love her. The same pain I see on your face when you turn and walk another direction is mirrored on hers. She’s not as happy and excited when she’s alone with me. You bring that out in her.
I’ve made a mistake. I can also fix it. It’s not too late. I love her dearly, but I’m not in love with her. Not like you are. I’m awkward with her. I enjoy spending time with her, but I don’t have that spark that makes me think our marriage could work long-term.
She deserves more than I can give her. She deserves to be with you. She thrives on your exuberance. When you’re around, she never stops talking and laughing. When she and I are alone, there are long periods of awkward silence.
Don’t get me wrong. I know she loves me too, but not in the way a wife loves a husband. We don’t quite fit that way.
Trent, I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I was only thinking of myself when I went down this path and couldn’t seem to stop the freight train. I’ve been lying to myself and to Destiny and to you and mom and dad for months. The next time I’m on leave, I will break things off with her.
But Trent, just in case I don’t make it home, I need you to promise me you will take care of her. I need you to be there for her. She will be hurting if I get killed. Even though she might not be in love with me, she will still hurt. Go to her. Be there for her. And eventually, make her yours. It’s right.
Destiny has always been more yours than mine. Please make that happen. You two belong together. It was always meant to be that way.
Forgive me for my mistakes. I love both of you dearly. You are my life. All of my memories revolve around you two. Without you, my childhood would never have been as exciting.
If I’m home before you, I will fix this. If not, you can count on me to make this right as soon as I get there. But if something happens to me, I’m begging you to tell her. Show her this letter when the time is right.
Make her happy.
I love you.
Sean
Trent’s throat was closed up as he read alongside Destiny. She hardly moved or breathed while she read, her gaze cast downward, her hair hanging down to obscure her face.
When she finished, she lowered the paper and lifted her head to face him. Silent tears were streaming down her face.
Trent felt every bit of her emotions. He too had cried reading this letter a hundred times. And his tears fell again now at the look on her face.
Finally, she set the letter aside, inhaled a choked sob, and leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder and grasping his arm.
Trent wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as she cried hard. He rocked her back and forth, setting his chin on the top of her head. He didn’t have the right to cry alongside her because he’d had twelve years to memorize those words. Words he should have shared with her a long time ago.
He’d been a coward for over a decade, thinking it would hurt her to see what Sean had written, believing Sean had been wrong and Destiny had truly loved him. The way she kept her distance from Trent and wouldn’t meet his gaze or engage him in conversation spoke volumes. But Trent had misread her reaction.
The truth was so much more complicated. He felt bad for all the years they’d wasted in a misunderstanding.
Trent reached across Destiny’s body to grab some tissue from the bedside table and hand it to her.
She finally leaned back, wiped her face, and delicately blew her nose. When she looked at him, her face was splotchy and her eyes were red and swollen. She swallowed and whispered, “I get why you didn’t share that before we got together, but why did you hold on to it for the last few weeks?”
He took a breath. “I don’t know. At first, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want our first few dates to be filled with pain and emotion. But a part of me also wanted to make sure that you cared about me as much as I hoped on its own merit without Sean’s feelings being a factor.” He stroked his palms up and down her arms. “I wanted you to fall for me without needing permission.”
She hesitated and then slowly took a breath. “I can see that.”
He pulled her into his embrace again. “You should have the letter. I’ve read it hundreds of times. I know it by heart. I’m certain Sean would want you to have it, and I know you’ll want to read it again later.”
>
She shook her head. “No. It’s from your brother. His last words to you. But I’ll take a picture so I can read it again.”
He closed his eyes and smiled against her hair. Damn, she was perfect. After a few minutes, he spoke. “We should get dressed. I need to get to base.”
She nodded and then kissed him quickly on the lips, lingering to stare into his eyes, before sliding off the bed and padding to the attached bathroom.
He heard the shower and plopped back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling. Relationships were hard and complicated. He was exhausted from sharing Sean’s words and from worrying about what kind of future he could even have with Destiny. Woof had pounded into him that he deserved to be happy, but Trent still couldn’t see any possible resolution that ended with him being safe and free to pursue love.
When Destiny returned, Trent rose and slid past her, cupping her cheek on the way by to make sure she was all right.
She smiled at him, not with the same happiness he liked to see on her face, but with the appropriate level of thoughtfulness and reverence for what she’d just found out.
When he returned to the bedroom, he found Destiny dressed and putting on her shoes. “Guess it won’t do any good to ask when I might see you again.”
“No. But I’ll figure something out. Text me your schedule. I’ll make something work.” He shrugged into a pair of jeans and fastened them.
She finished tying her shoes and came toward him. Her hands flattened on his bare chest. “Maybe I was overreacting when I said we should sneak around and keep this relationship secret.”
He held his breath a beat. He needed her to continue to feel that way for the time being. Finally, he lifted his hands to her arms and slid them up to her shoulders. “I think your idea has merit. It’s easier than everyone finding out and grilling us about something we aren’t ready to announce yet.” He’d personally rather put their relationship on the main billboard coming into town—fuck everyone who judged either of them—but no way would he put her in danger like that.
She chewed on her bottom lip and then sighed. “Yeah, more than anything, I’m not ready to face your parents and either disappoint them with my perceived unfaithfulness to your brother or excite them with their perceived second chance at securing me as a daughter.”
Trent chuckled. “See? It’s complicated. You made me understand. I get it. I’m behind you. We’ll keep this on the down-low for a while longer. After all, we’ve been on exactly three dates now, and I took you to bed on the third date. I know my mother wouldn’t approve.” He chuckled to lighten the mood.
She smoothed her hands around to his pecs, her brows raised. “I hope you weren’t planning on sharing such an intimate detail with your parents.”
“Never.” He grinned. “But it would be nearly impossible for us to go to my parents’ house right now and them not see how obviously into you I am. I wouldn’t be able to stop touching you and kissing you and holding you. They’d figure out we’re much closer than three dates would presume.”
She giggled. “We are much closer than three dates would presume. And I’m not sorry we had sex. Whew!” She fanned herself, making him smile. “But you’re right. Your parents will be far more accepting if they don’t know anything until we’re certain.” She bit her lip, holding his gaze.
He knew what she was silently asking. He could read her expression. Her eyes. Aren’t you certain? And God yes, he was. Totally. But he wouldn’t spill his heart right now this morning. He needed to fucking deal with the mission first. An apparent impossibility that made him feel like an ass for leading her on like this.
Destiny spoke again. “I promise not to question your whereabouts or doubt you. My insecurity is over.”
“Good.” He kissed her forehead, stepped back, and grabbed their bags. They exited the hotel in silence, and he walked her to her car. “I’ll text you when I have a chance.”
“I’ll permit you to be cryptic.”
He kissed her lips again. God, I hate this so much. He was lying by omission, and it sucked. He didn’t give a single shit what anyone thought about him dating Destiny. And even though they were from a small town, it had been twelve years since people wasted time whispering about the biracial girl dating one of the town’s hottest white boys. Times had changed, hadn’t they? Trent couldn’t imagine anyone doing a double-take seeing them together now.
On the other hand, he lived in different skin with different experiences. He enjoyed the privilege of being male and white. He couldn’t step into her shoes and see the world through her eyes. However, if and when he ever got out from under his current mission and threat, he would take Destiny out in public in Killeen, and he would drive a fist into the first person to glance at them with disdain. That was not going to happen.
“Thanks for the best night of my life,” she murmured against his neck.
“Des, you set the bar pretty low if that was the best night of your life. What comes in second? Your twenty-first birthday?” he teased.
“Uh-uh. The night you made me dinner. And then the night you came to Dallas.” She kissed him one last time and slipped into the car before letting him respond.
He felt like he could walk on water as he watched her drive away. They hadn’t said the exact words yet, but he was confident she knew how he felt, and he was equally certain she felt the same way.
Chapter 21
Trent paced the floor of the conference room on base, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not buying it.”
“Neither are we,” Merlin responded. “That’s why we’re meeting.”
Turano crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, his eyebrows drawn together, his expression grim. He was just as frustrated as the rest of them.
Beyond exasperated, Trent stopped pacing and flattened his palms on the table so hard it shook. Not one of his team members flinched, however. He glanced at Turano. “So, let me get this straight, Commander. You’re telling us that the ousted Kazarus government bombed the government buildings in Kazarus, killing the insurgents and taking back their country, and I’m supposed to believe that U.S. intelligence no longer sees Farid Demir as a threat?”
“I agree with Zip,” Jangles said. “If Demir’s brother and the rest of his family were killed in Kazarus, I’m inclined to believe he’s angrier than ever. Is there any evidence he’s left the country?”
Turano shook his head.
“Then we stay on alert,” Merlin stated.
“More than ever,” Woof agreed.
Duff scooted his chair back and stood. “Enough fucking chatting. Enough waiting for Demir to make his move. I say we hunt the fucker down and take him out.”
Turano sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Not sure how long I can give you all the green light on this mission, so pick up the pace and stay quiet about it. Now get the fuck out of here.”
All five of them rushed from the room. When they got to the parking lot, Merlin corralled them with hand motions. “Time to get proactive.”
“Finally,” Trent agreed. He was out of his mind stir-crazy. Besides the fact that he was tired of looking over his shoulder and hiding out while waiting, he’d been lying to Destiny for weeks now. She wouldn’t tolerate his lame excuses much longer.
We switched sides, he reminded himself. It had been Destiny who wanted their relationship to remain secretive and hidden from the get-go. Trent regretted arguing with her that first night, insisting it wouldn’t be necessary because now it was him using her excuse to continue the ruse. He’d freaked the fuck out with worry that he might’ve been followed to Lancelot yesterday even though two of his team had his back as he left Killeen. Trent was damn lucky they not only understood his predicament, but helped him hang on to his fledgling relationship in the midst of this insanity.
There was no way Trent could keep Destiny at arm’s length much longer though. They’d discussed going to his parents just that morning, for Christ’s sake. When Trent had protested lamely, Destiny
had literally bitten her lip to hold back her thoughts, undoubtedly remembering how she’d doubted him already. He knew she didn’t want to come off as needy and desperate.
Trent, on the other hand, would give anything to embrace her obvious change of heart. He couldn’t wait for the day when he could bring her home to his parents, his hand on her waist, not holding back his affection. He knew in his heart his mother would be thrilled. It would also calm Destiny’s nerves to out them to his parents at the very least. They could shout their feelings to the entire world after that. Trent had no hesitation.
One problem though, he reminded himself as he listened to Merlin’s plan. He was lying to her. He prayed to God she would never find out about this mission and the danger he’d been dealing with for weeks now. The chance of him ever facing a threat this close to home again was nearly zero. It was unheard of. His identity had never been revealed in a mission before. And an enemy had never sent a hitman to the U.S. to seek revenge on any of them.
This morning’s news changed everything. Onur Demir and everyone in his family had been killed. All Trent needed to do was capture Farid and there wouldn’t be anyone left to care about hunting down Trent.
If Farid disappeared into the wind, however, backing off to lick his wounds, or even leaving the country to bury his family, Trent would never feel safe. He would always be looking over his shoulder, waiting for Farid to come back for revenge.
That wasn’t an option. They had to find him.
Trent had longed for a chance with Destiny half his life. He didn’t want it screwed up by bad timing. He preferred she maintain some romanticized vision of him fighting bad guys overseas or protecting good guys. He hated for her to know his shit had blown back to follow him home. He didn’t want any civilian to know about this. Not his parents or Destiny. He never wanted them to panic in the future, or to spend their lives worried that someone might kill him or them right in their own hometown. It would change everything if they carried that weight around with them.
Destiny's Delta (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Delta Team Three Book 2) Page 13
