“Just go away, Felton, and leave me be.”
“Now what friend would I be if I were to abandon you in your time of need?”
“A wise friend.”
Felton sighed. “You make for a rather pathetic and miserable picture. I wonder what 'that woman' would think of you if she were to see you now?”
Anthony wished that his friend would just stop talking and go away. He needed time to heal from both the rejection and the humiliation.
"Do you find great joy in harassing me in this manner? Can not a man have the time to come to terms with heartache? Has the world become so unfeeling that it has forgotten the pain of rejection?"
There was no greater pain than to have the one that your heart beats for scorn your love. He had waited six years to make her his wife, but it had all been in vain. He watched as Felton narrowed his eyes at something beneath the bed, before kneeling down and reaching for it. When he held it in his hand, Anthony tried to grab it.
“Give it here, Felton. I shall toss it into the depths of the sea. Let the deep waters appreciate its beauty, for I cannot bear to look at it.”
Felton held it out of his reach, blocking every clumsy lunge.
“You would throw away your mother's ring because of an unworthy woman?”
“Do not call her unworthy!”
“And yet you called her a Jezebel, or has the alcohol in your body muddled your brains?”
Anthony ignored the question. “Give me the ring, it is mine. I shall do with it as I please.”
Felton tucked the ring into a pocket, patting it.
"That is my ring, I inherited it. You will return it, or I shall accuse you of theft."
His friend raised his eyebrows. “You jest.”
“Am I in the habit of jesting?”
“You would throw away twenty years of friendship on a woman of six years who, I might add, has not been faithful? To make matters worse, you would take the ring of your mother and toss it into the sea because of the same faithless woman? How far has your mind sunk, Anthony? What would your parents say? Might I remind you that they never did accept Diana.”
Anthony remembered that well enough. His father had threatened to disinherit him because his mother could not stand his sweetheart. He admitted that Diana was not one that people took to quickly, but he loved her nonetheless. Even now with the pain in his heart, he continued to love her.
“Keep it then. Do with it as you wish. Only do not darken my eyes with it ever again.”
Felton nodded. “I shall keep it safe until you come to your senses.”
He looked away. Felton could do what he wanted with the ring. Right now, all it reminded him of was the fact that Diana had left him.
“For good this time,” he mumbled.
“Did you speak?” Felton asked.
“No. In fact, I do not wish to speak with you at this moment. Kindly leave before I have my steward show you out.”
“Old Clayton will not be throwing me out, he is the one who told me of your pitiful state.”
“Traitor.”
“You are fortunate to have a servant who looks after you as though you were his son. Do not take him for granted.”
Now Felton was telling him how to treat his servants? The nerve of the man!
“I shall treat Clayton however I wish to.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt ashamed. He hung his head, disgusted with himself.
"Well," Felton began. "You are in a sorry state, indeed. Self-pity is not becoming in a baron such as yourself. You have always been a proud man, Anthony. Would you allow a woman to bring you down?"
“I loved her,” he answered brokenly.
“But she did not return your love.”
“You do not know that!”
“Anthony! Wake up! She humiliated you in front of our friends and your family. Do you understand that? What woman in love would do such a thing? I warned you time and again about this woman, but did you care to listen? No! You threw my advice aside and followed her like a lovesick calf. Look at the state that you are in, just look at you.”
Anthony did. He took a look around his room, noting the empty bottles of alcohol, broken glass, mingled with clean and dirty clothes strewn across the floor, and a stench that was clearly coming from him. Any attempt by his servants to enter his room had been met with opposition. Thus, his room had steadily worsened.
“It is bad.”
“That is an understatement. I have never seen you like this, Anthony. What did she do to you?”
She broke me, she finally broke me. Thinking about that night was too painful. “I do not wish to discuss it.”
“But you must,” Felton insisted. “Healing starts when you talk about it and not allow it to control you. We have been friends for much of our lives, Anthony. We grew up together, attended the same school, watched as we broke hearts along the way.”
Anthony smiled at that. He and Felton had been a formidable force when it came to women. It was not uncommon for them to have women following their every move just to have them glance their way. That was until he met Diana Lambert six years ago. He could remember that day as clear as the glass that lay at his feet. She had been walking with a friend of hers when she dropped her parasol. Being a gentleman Anthony had picked it up, and when he had looked into her dark green eyes he had been lost. The duo that was he and Felton fell away, and he became a one-woman-man. If only she had become a one-man-woman.
“Times change, Felton. We cannot be who we were years ago.”
“I do not expect us to go back, but I would like my friend back. The one who seized life with both hands and yelled carpe diem before charging into life like a stampede of rhinoceros.”
“That time in Africa was quite an adventure. I thought that we would surely die.”
“We did nearly die! We had to climb the nearest tree, and even then there was the risk of falling off because the ground was shaking.”
Anthony laughed. He and Felton had taken a trip to Africa instead of the usual route that most young men took once their education was complete. Society expected them to 'sow their wild oats' and get the need for adventure out of their system before the responsibilities and realities of life became their every waking moment. Against his parents' wishes, Anthony had taken the first ship that would deliver him to Africa, taking Felton along with him. It had indeed been an adventure, something that had made them men among men. They had returned home older, darker and full of life. Exactly a year later he had met Diana. Thereafter, his every waking moment had become centred on her. Anthony had never known what obsession was until he realised that the thought of any man looking at Diana would send him into a jealous rage. It was never aimed at her, but he had broken a few noses and arms these past six years. And all for what? She left him anyway.
“Those were the good old days.”
Felton laughed. “You speak as though you have lived your life and are ready to keel over and die. You are only twenty-nine, man. There is still much to do, much to see.”
“I cannot contemplate life without her, Felton.”
“Do not be ridiculous. She is but one woman, and I daresay, not the one for you. Your wife is still out there, Anthony. That is if you still choose to get married.”
“Do not speak to me of matrimony, please. One rejection is one too many.”
Anthony watched as Felton looked around the room, obviously searching for something. His friend suddenly moved forward, taking a toppled chair from the corner of the room and dragging it to take a seat before him.
“Standing around with you in this condition is tiring,” he said. “This woman has killed your spirit for life, Anthony. What exactly did she say to you? I know that she ridiculed you to her companions, but what did she say to you?”
Did he even want to talk about it? If I do not, Felton will never leave me in peace. Perhaps if he hears what happened, he will finally understand my grief.
"You know that I had meant to p
ropose to Diana for quite some time."
“Yes,” his friend nodded. “And I have tried to talk you out of doing such a thing.”
Anthony looked at him, spreading his hands in annoyance. “Do I tell you what happened, or do you prefer to throw the 'I told you so' card in my face?”
Felton waved his hand at him. “Very well, continue.”
"Thank you. As I was saying, I had meant to propose to her for quite some time, and I finally decided that proposing to her during my birthday celebration would be the perfect moment."
Felton raised his eyebrows at him but said nothing.
Anthony knew what he was thinking. He believes that I was looking for the humiliation and heartache. Bad memories. I suppose that he is right. My birthday will forever remind me of the day that I was rejected by my greatest love.
"I took her for a stroll through the gardens. I even had rose petals scattered along the pathway."
Felton sniggered, earning himself a glare.
“What do you find amusing?”
“Rose petals along the pathway of a garden? Were the flowers in the garden not sufficient for you?”
“It is called being romantic, Felton. Not that you would know what the word meant. Women are quite sentimental for that sort of thing.”
“And was she?”
Anthony looked down. “No, she did not notice the petals so concerned was she about the rain clouds overhead.”
“Typical Diana.”
“Will you continue to interrupt and mock me, or shall I continue?”
“Oh, please do continue. I would like to hear the good part.”
“There is no good part – she rejected me.”
Felton waved his hand. "Just continue."
“Another side remark and I shall have you thrown off these premises.”
Felton smiled. “You can try. Now please, continue.”
His friend was the one person who he wished he could tip a settler but could never. Not only was he his friend, but his brother and closest confidante. He would never hurt him, not even for Diana.
“What?” Felton suddenly exclaimed. “Has Diana aged you as well? You are taking rather long to tell this story. You may no longer have a life, but I assure you that I do.”
“You do know that you came here of your own accord? You can leave the same way as well.”
His friend only proceeded to regard him with a 'devil may care' look, a smile playing about his lips. Anthony narrowed his eyes but continued with the story.
“I led her to her favourite part of the garden, the one where I hid the statue of the sea nymph.”
"Ah, I know that very well. I can see why she would like that, although I would have described her more as a siren. You know, leading seamen to their deaths and all that."
Anthony sighed. "You are not helping, Felton. And to correct you, sea nymphs also led men to their deaths."
“Sea nymph, siren – it is all the same to me.”
Anthony shook his head. “Greek mythology was never your strong suit.”
"But I did love to look at the statues of the goddesses in Greece. I must have memorised them all to heart."
“I shall gift the sea nymph statue to you – it may do you more good than it did me.”
“I shall never accept such an accursed thing. Would you have your same fate befall me?”
“I never did take you to be a superstitious gentleman, Felton. When did all of this come to be?”
“The minute you just told me that she rejected you at the sea nymph statue. Now please, continue with this story. I have become bored with your beating around the bush.”
Anthony opened his mouth to argue but then thought better of it. Felton was purposely baiting him, no doubt trying to lure him out of his current state of mind.
“I sat her down and professed my love for her, to which she replied that she knows full well how I feel about her. She did not tell me her own feelings for me. In hindsight, perhaps I should have pressed her. It may have saved me my heartache.”
"It is a bit late for should have, old friend."
“Yes. Well, I got down on my one knee and fished out my mother's ring from my pocket.”
He paused as he remembered her reaction. It had not been delight, but horror. He had paid it no mind much to his detriment.
“And then?” Felton urged.
“I asked her to do me the honour of becoming my wife. She laughed in my face.”
In fact, she had told him to stop embarrassing himself and get off the floor. Anthony had protested, insisting that they were meant to be together. He winced as he remembered how pitiful he had sounded.
“She is one harsh woman. What did she say to you?”
Anthony took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Thinking about those words caused a lump in his throat, a lump that he had to swallow hard before continuing. Felton must have understood because he did not press him for an immediate answer.
“Well, uh, she told me that she could never love a man like me. She informed me that I was simply too serious for her, that I was dragging her down, and that she wished to live her life without being shackled to a man like myself.”
And then like a fool he had cried and begged her to reconsider, hoping to change her heart. This part of the story he decided to leave out, not wishing to add to his humiliation. Felton was his oldest friend, and yet there were some things that were not easily spoken out loud, not even to a friend.
“I hear that she is now in France, living with a great aunt.”
“Yes, you would be correct.”
Felton sat back in his chair, apparently taken aback by Anthony's description of the incident.
“I knew that Diana could be cruel, but I did not know that she would speak such things to you. No wonder you are in this state.”
"Does this mean that you will now leave me alone?" he asked hopefully.
“Not a chance. I promised Clayton that I would get you out of bed, washed, shaved and into your normal routine. They have all been worried about you.”
Anthony felt shame seep into him. He could finally see that he had been selfish these past few days, refusing to see anyone, speak to anyone, and deal with anything. His servants had had to deal with his anger, his moodiness, and his drunken ways. He vaguely remembered throwing a tray of food out of the room and onto the head of a maid, who happened to be walking below the stairs. He had not stopped to apologise but stomped off back into the room and fell onto his bed, a bottle of whiskey glued to his hand.
“I have not been treating them well, have I? Has anyone walked out yet?”
“I do not believe so, but Mrs Hubbard is mighty close to doing so.”
Mrs Hubbard was his housekeeper, who prided herself on a clean and well-run house. It must have been difficult for her to resist coming into his room to organise it as it should be. She had been with the family since he was twelve, working with his mother to run the house until her death some years back. Although Anthony was already in his twenties when his mother had died, Mrs Hubbard had taken it upon herself to watch over him like a mother hen. What would she say to him regarding Diana? Even she had warned him away from her, telling him that nothing could come of a courtship with a woman who had a wild look to her eyes.
Lords to Be Enamored With: A Historical Regency Romance Collection Page 32
