"Hello, Edmund. How's your day going?" she asked just as he came into the room with strong solid hands held behind him, and an uncertain half smile on his face.
Her confidence suddenly began to falter.
"Quite well, Miss Lucy," Edmund answered, and held out his arms his hands to reveal a book which he extended to her.
"I brought you something you might like; since you love the Pride and Prejudice collections, you should find this quite fantastic."
"You brought me a book?" Lucy was surprised and touched as she reached out to take the brown leather-bound book, fingering the thick, rich cover.
"Well, yes, I know it isn't flowers or diamonds, but it's similar to Jane Austen's book—that is actually quite good." Edmund tried to make light of the matter, with a dry comment and a light smile, but Lucy could see he was making an effort, and not entirely comfortable or at ease. His attempts to repair their friendship delighted her beyond words.
Eyes narrowing in curiosity, she asked, "Did you have an appointment with the earl?"
"No, I didn't. Our business is on hold for now, till he returns from Northumberland."
"That means you came to ... see me?"
Edmund looked uncomfortable, but didn't back down from her question and met her probing gaze head on.
"Yes … I came to see you."
Lucy's heart skittered as she observed the determined steel beneath the calm exterior. This was the second time she'd been exposed to this part of him, and each time left her wanting and desiring him more.
"I also would like to say something, Miss Lucy. Although I might have conducted our last meeting poorly at best, I meant every word spoken." Edmund's words spoken with unwavering strength, and steady light in his emerald eyes, making Lucy unexpectedly weak in the knees.
"Miss Lucy, you are a strong, kind woman, who is also remarkably brilliant, and I would love nothing more but to be bestowed the honor of courting you."
After the way he'd departed hurriedly the last time they'd spoken, she hadn't expected him to follow up with his advances or broach the matter again, but here he was to see her. And with a delightful gift!
Lucy was crazy about books, and receiving one meant a great deal to her.
It couldn't equate to jewellery or a fancy present because it was a gift on another plane. It was a gift that reverberated with the part of her that she'd chosen to keep in the dark to further a cause. And it had touched her more than anything else she would ever receive in the coming years.
Lucy felt tears prickle the backs of her eyes and fixed her attention on the book, till she could steady her fluttering heart and get herself under a modicum of control.
Edmund was the ideal man, if only he wasn't missing the most vital thing she needed and craved.
She was supposed to be resisting and shutting herself off from him, but all that interested her was knowing how it would feel to be with him. To learn things about him, and get a deeper glimpse into the part of him that was so carefully shielded, and that only came into view when he couldn't control it anymore.
I could allow him to court me, I could. It doesn't mean I have to stop looking out for potential husbands. Being with him would allow me to find the easiest way to dissolve the plot between the earl and Viscount Hilgrove; a better way than trying to listen in on conversations, or snooping. Lucy thought hard, but a voice of opposition rose in her head.
But doesn't that mean you'd be doing something as despicable as using him? He is a nice man and doesn't deserve being stringed along while you find your rich, titled gentleman.
Lucy felt the sharp sting of guilt as shame overpowered her. She could never bring herself to use a person that way, no matter how much she craved a better life. It was horrible to allow her mind even to linger on such despicable thoughts, which made her feel regretful and ashamed. No matter what her lot was, she'd been instilled great values and morals by her mother, and knew just how disappointed the dear woman would be if she was alive .... She'd made her choice, and should be willing to accept the sacrifice that came with it.
Lucy looked up and smiled sadly at Edmund whose staggeringly penetrative gaze made her feel like being observed under a magnifying glass.
"You flatter me, Edmund," she began, feeling a painful vise tightening around her heart.. "But I think we should foster a bond of friendship at this moment. I am taken up by my obligations to Lady Agnes, and her health has been quite precarious lately."
Edmund's face fell, losing the optimism that had been there earlier, but his smile remained; albeit weak and unsure..
"I truly understand, Miss Lucy, forgive my insensitivity. " He reached out and clasped her hands apologetically , sending unexplainable sparks shooting up her arms and straight to her senses.
Stiffening suddenly, he gently let go of her hand, obviously affected by the touch, judging by the unmistakable fire burning in the depth of his eyes, which fascinated Lucy, just as much as his touch had unsettled her.
"But, dear Lucy, I hope you won't deny me the hope and optimism of a favorable answer in the nearest future. I am quite taken with you, and keen to keep a tiny flicker of hope alive." Edmund's eyes were fervent and emboldened once more, sending another jab straight to Lucy's heart.. "We could perhaps still go out to the park, and spend some time together as friends—if that would be fine by you, of course?"
Lucy lowered her gaze to stop him from seeing just how much her decision really hurt. "Yes, that would be fine, Edmund."
"Perfect! I can't wait to learn things about you, Miss Lucy, and I'm unwilling to let go of my flicker of hope," Edmund said with genuine conviction, his slightly disappointed eyes going over her in the fondest manner which made her heart constrict bitter sweetly.
Lingering for a few seconds more, he seemed to recollect himself. "I daresay I should take my leave now, for being with you alone is a great temptation, and I wouldn't want the servants gossiping about your honor, my dear. I hope to see you soon."
With that, he strode to the door and exited the library, leaving Lucy with a series of unhappy feelings rioting in her heart and body..
Chapter Sixteen
Lucy looked through the gowns hung on the wooden rack in her bedchambers, her lips pursed in contemplation. She had been standing at the exact same spot for the last ten minutes, trying to decide which one of her old, threadbare gowns would be perfect for the outing with Edmund.
They all suddenly appeared more worn that before, as she studied them with critical eyes; running her fingers through loose muslin dresses and faded silk gowns.
Lucy felt her spirits sink. There was no need to make such a fuss about her appearance, or the state of her clothing for an outing with the earl's solicitor—he was of course, an ordinary working man, whose status was only slightly above her own as a companion.
He wasn't titled, or possessed of great wealth, and she wasn't supposed to be overly bothered about his opinions of her attire because they were just friends.
But there was something inside Lucy, something that pulled at her and yearned desperately for his approval. It was almost a compulsion to appear pleasing in his eyes; which was quite perplexing when she thought about it carefully,
Just pick something and stop bothering about this entire business. You have to remember not to let your feelings enter the mix because he is just a friend, nothing more. Keep your focus and don't let sentimental rubbish cloud your reasoning, a firm voice scolded in her head
Lucy didn't want to think about any of that. She wanted to empty her thoughts of the viscount and Lord Langford's evil machinations, and of Lady Mary's predicament.
All she wanted to do right then was think about an outing with Edmund, spending time sharing knowledge, and relaxing thoroughly.
It had been a while that she'd spent time with a friend of the opposite sex, and Lucy found she was a little nervous.
With a small sigh, Lucy tried to calm her frazzled nerves and distract herself by searching for a shawl or gloves—anything to draw attention awa
y from the state of her gown.
Working myself into a tizzy isn't helpful. Edmund is level-headed and we have much in common. I'm sure we will find a host of things to talk about.
With that firm resolve in mind, Lucy picked out the olive green gown, the same one she'd worn for the dinner party some days ago, and set it aside.
It was quite beautiful and not as faded as the others she owned.
It took half a minute to brush out her long, lustrous blonde hair, and to accentuate and make it more flattering; she styled and secured it firmly behind with hair pins before donning her fetching hat decorated with red feathers.
Caroline's appreciative smile, as she entered the bedchamber a minute later, was the entire boost her self-confidence needed.
"My, you look absolutely wonderful, Miss Lucy. Imagine if you were both really courting now?"
Lucy couldn't prevent the blush that stole into her cheeks at the implications of Caroline's words and busied herself with her serviceable reticule.
"Don't be silly," she scolded her friend; whose eyes bore tell-tale awareness that she knew her words had produced some effect.
"Edmund and I are just friends, and will only be engaged in appropriate discussions about the arts, music, and politics. Don't make implications like that. He is a scholar and I mean to pick his brains apart when we meet."
Thankfully Caroline said nothing else as she helped her get ready, but the maid's knowing eyes followed and unsettled her in the mirror.
At half past four, and promptly on time, Edmund arrived at the Langford's residence.
When Lucy opened her bedroom door to see the butler outside, there was a bristle of unspoken disapproval in his manner but he remained reserved and professional.
"Miss Lucy, Mr. Swinton is waiting in the front room to see you."
"Thank you, Wilson," she said to the man who left without any form of acknowledgement.
Lucy was nervous as she tucked a loose curl behind her ear, and picked up her multi-colored reticule.
"Come on, Miss Lucy. Have a splendid time, more than you're hoping for," Caroline said, smoothing down the stiff gray dress she'd exchanged for her maid's uniform so she could accompany Lucy as a chaperone.
"I'm not really that nervous, Caroline. I'm actually looking forward to the outing, contrary to how it seems," she told the maid as they left the bedchamber and descended the stairs, heading for the drawing room.
But that had been said to calm herself down , rather than to appear bold. The truth was that Lucy was suffering from a fresh attack of nerves right then, and it had nothing to do with how she felt about Edmund.
She'd realized a grave truth which had surged upwards from the deep cavity it had been buried in.
Her life was a big masquerade of deception and she had to take care to watch everything she said to the earl's solicitor. Edmund was a brilliant man who looked to possess a sharp sense of deduction and perception. She had to be cautious of how high she built her castle of lies and pretence, or it might come crashing down over her head in the worst possible manner.
When she'd spoken to Lady Agnes earlier in her bedchamber, she hadn't been able to forget the words the woman had spoken to her.
"Open yourself up more, child. There is no need to close off your real self from someone who expresses such an interest in you. Learn to lean on someone else and allow them take care of you and your affairs. It doesn't make you weak, but boosts your own strength too," the woman had said with a deep, undecipherable look in her eyes, as Lucy had bent to kiss her before preparing for the outing.
Unable to bring herself to stop obsessing about the hidden meaning in Lady Agnes's encouraging advice, Lucy had decided to store it in a quiet place in her mind, but as she neared the drawing room door, it was back and haunting her.
If there was something Lucy struggled with, it was inconsistencies in her stories of who she was, especially with the untruths she'd uttered. She hated to be in a position where her words were questioned over and over again; for fear that she might slip and make a mistake.
But this was her reality now, and she'd chosen it.
I have no regrets. At least I'm better off than if I were still at the workhouse and scrubbing laundry.
With that thought, she straightened her spine, fixed a smile on her face, and walked into the drawing room. Her smile, which had been carefully composed, lit up her face when she saw Edmund dressed in an immaculate suit and a cravat, along with a gray waistcoat. The clothes looked new and expensive. He rose from a sofa as she approached, looking dashing and possibly more handsome than she'd ever seen him before.
She almost went weak in the knees.
"Miss Lucy. You are glowing just like the sun on a fine afternoon," he said with a charming smile, sweeping her assemblage with deep appreciation in his eyes as he took the hand she offered, and planted a kiss.
Currents shot through Lucy, through the serviceable glove and straight to her heart.
It was staggering, this romantic, charming part of Edmund. Who would have believed it existed in a solicitor?
She'd thought him to be a straitlaced, mysterious man, while he hid a truly charming side.
"Why, thank you, Mr. Swinton," she almost stammered, as they perused each other again.
He's worn impressive clothing to spend time with me. I should feel the biggest honor.
And Lucy did, allowing herself to relax further into his comforting smile.
Edmund said, "Given the fascinating gray of your eyes, I would have said that blue would suit you preferably. But alas, I think I'm wrong. Green complements you perfectly as well, my good lady." Edmund's eyes held a twinkle that gave way to strong sincerity in their green depth.
Lucy was speechless, for she knew no rejoinder or reply could communicate how pleased she felt at that moment.
Seeming to spy Caroline hovering by her elbow, Edmund nodded deferentially. "Good day to you, her lady's maid." Then he turned back to Lucy as Caroline struggled with a blush at the acknowledgement. "Are you all set to leave, Miss Lucy? I have a hired hackney waiting for us outside."
Lucy smiled. He'd hired a hackney to transport them to the park. It wasn't a grand carriage, complete with liveried servants, but it was something. This was, after all, a meeting of two friends and nothing more.
"That is quite kind of you, Edmu—Mr. Swinton." Lucy offered her thanks graciously, accompanying the words with a full smile to let him know how she appreciated his efforts. He was truly a delightful man.
"I should be offering my thanks, fair lady. For the privilege of spending time in your delightful company," he replied, just as Caroline exited the room suddenly.
Aware of being alone with him, Lucy felt the knowledge stir up an unfamiliar heat inside her. It wasn't as if they hadn't been alone in a room before—which was quite inappropriate for a lady of supposed good breeding, but Edmund had been a thorough gentleman. This time it felt different, standing just a scant foot away from him.
This awareness of his proximity had suddenly arisen due to his unwavering interest in her despite her rejection of his courtship proposal. The warmth and genuine curiosity in his eyes when they raked over her hadn't helped matters.
No one had ever observed her that way. It was strangely satisfying and made her feel much taller than her five foot four.
Lucy caught a deeply speculative expression in Edmund's eyes, and before she could inquire as to the nature of his thoughts, Caroline return, and broke the deep, overwhelmingly intense gaze between herself and Edmund. She stepped closer to her friend with relief.
She faced the maid who helped her into the serviceable pelisse she'd gone to fetch; a luxury Lucy had allowed herself to splurge on recently after considering the states of her gowns following a jaunt around the city. Sometimes the laundrette couldn't remove all the soot and dirt of London out of them, which meant her precious clothing had a dull, ashy appearance.
Edmund smiled at her and held out his hand.
"May we, M
iss Lucy?"
"Most certainly." She placed her gloved hand in his, and he deftly moved it to his arm, leading her out of the house to the hackney carriage outside. It wasn't like the usual hackney cabs that moved through the streets, and were not favored by the aristocrats due to their shabby condition, a result of overuse. This one looked sturdy, and fairly new, and Lucy wondered just how much he'd paid to hire it for their outing. The thought softened her heart towards the sweet man.
As Edmund helped her up inside, just as Caroline entered from the other side, Lucy caught a faint movement in an upstairs window of the town house, before her vision was blocked by Edmund's full, brawny frame.
When he moved to assume his seat, the curtains in the window had been dropped back into place.
Perhaps a trick of the light, she decided. Or Lady Agnes just making sure everything was alright. Lucy dismissed the second idea. Lady Agnes's health had indeed dwindled to a sad, pitiful state and, when Lucy had left her, she'd just taken her daily dose of laudanum for the pain. It couldn't be her, surely.
Or it could be the earl? She hadn't really given much thought to what the Earl of Langford would think seeing his solicitor spending time with her. Lucy shoved it to the back of her mind. It was too bothersome to think about right now. Up until now, the earl had very much left her alone, and Lucy had a suspicion that it had something to do with Lady Agnes. She shuddered to think this new development with Edmund would be cause for the earl to focus attention on her. There was a host of unpleasant things that could happen if the earl decided to probe her for information.
While they rode through the crowded streets, heading towards Hyde Park, Lucy felt a strong gaze on her.
She turned from the scene of passing crest-bearing carriages, and colorfully dressed nobles, to find Edmund watching her.
"You look preoccupied, Miss Lucy. Is there something bothering you? Or have I erred in any way?"
Lucy shook her head to dispel the cloud of worry that had descended over his features, darting a glance at Caroline who stared out into the street and paid them no attention.
To Catch the Candid Earl: Regency Historical Romance Page 13
