I swallowed. “We haven’t really discussed it yet.”
“Hmm.”
I knew exactly what that hmm meant. It meant there were only two weeks left of our time with the Elite, and the fact that we hadn’t given any thought to our future meant we weren’t taking things as seriously as we should be. Captain Hughes wasn’t just judging our relationship—he was judging if we even had one.
“We’ll figure it out,” I said.
“Hmm.” That was all he said. Again. Hmm.
I was beginning to fucking hate that sound.
“We’ve got a lot to consider. We’ll figure it out. Together,” I said, but I could tell from the look on his face he was correctly reading the apprehension behind my words. Obviously I knew how much time we had left, that we’d have to make a decision about what happened next, but I hadn’t expected the panic seizing my chest. It felt like we had an expiration date looming. I’d never done this shit before; how the hell was I supposed to know how to navigate a future?
“This is not what I would’ve chosen for Grant.”
“I know.”
Captain Hughes lowered his chin, looking down his nose at me. “Then I expect you’ll do the right thing.”
A surge of defensiveness made me straighten and drop my arms as I stared my superior down. “And what is the right thing, according to you…sir?”
“Making sure my son’s best interests are looked after. I’m sure if you care about him, you can figure out what that is.”
As he turned on his heel and strode off, I could only stare after him, my heart pounding out an erratic rhythm.
Fuck. I knew what I was feeling for Panther was more than I’d ever experienced with anyone. Just the thought of going our separate ways after graduation had my chest tightening and my stomach roiling.
Do the right thing.
What in God’s name was the right thing?
18 Panther
SHOWERED, SHAVED, AND fully dressed, I looked at the clock and watched the seconds tick by. Ten minutes my ass. That had come and gone nearly five minutes ago. As I sat there in my silent room, I realized just how much I’d grown accustomed to having Solo there.
Not that I didn’t appreciate my alone time. But I was starting to discover I only enjoyed that when I knew the next time and date I would again meet up with Solo.
Damn, I was in deep. So deep that I was greedily making plans for the two of us at every opportunity, knowing that our time here, this close to one another, was quickly drawing to an end. I tried not to think about it too much, though, always pushing it off into the background whenever we were together. But when I was alone, with nothing but my thoughts and time ticking away, I found myself staring at the clock and hating the handful of minutes we weren’t together. That was time we could never get back.
The turning of my door handle drew my attention away from my diligent timekeeping. When Solo pushed inside with a case of beer on his shoulder and a brown grocery bag in his hand, I was on my feet and over to him before he took two steps.
“Here, lemme get that.” I took the beer from him and put it down by the door. “Ten minutes my ass.”
I’d expected some kind of sexual comeback from the man I’d had to kick out of my shower earlier. But the silence that followed Solo into my room made me turn on him with a frown.
“Hello, earth to Solo…”
Solo placed the bag on the table, and when he turned to face me, I noticed a distinct shift in his demeanor. Gone was the relaxed stance, the cocksure attitude, and in its place was a tightly wound version of himself.
“You get everything we need?” I said, hoping to coax some kind of reaction from him.
“Yeah, everything’s in there. I’m gonna go get dressed before we go.”
Okay, what the fuck happened at that grocery store?
He headed back in my direction as though he were about to leave, but I stepped into his path and put a hand on his chest.
“Hey. What’s going on with you?”
With his Aviators on, it was difficult to see his eyes, but the tight line of his lips was easy enough to read. Whatever had happened between the time he’d left and now was something he didn’t want to talk about.
What the hell was going on?
“Nothing. I just need to go and get ready, and my clothes are next door.”
I narrowed my eyes and wondered if maybe the phone call he’d gotten as he left my room had something to do with his foul mood, because I didn’t think a trip up and down the aisle of the local Quick Mart was enough to put him into such a funk.
When it was clear he wasn’t going to say more than that, I stepped aside to let him pass, but just as he reached for the door, I put a hand on his arm.
“I don’t know what’s going on here, or what happened between you leaving and coming back—”
“Nothing’s going on.”
I arched an eyebrow and just kept going, because he was smart enough to know I wasn’t buying that bullshit answer. “Okay. But if there is something, you can talk to me about it.”
“I know. But there’s nothing. I’ve just got to go get ready.”
I stared Solo down, he held my gaze, and I wondered if maybe he just needed some space. Just because I wanted to spend every minute with him didn’t mean he felt the same. Maybe he was feeling suffocated, overwhelmed? If he needed a second without me in it, I needed to step aside and give it to him.
I let go of his arm, and as he turned the handle, I felt something in my gut twist. It felt as though he was…pulling away from me. But why?
Here I’d been sitting and wishing for his speedy return, only to find Solo was feeling the exact opposite.
“Hey,” I said before he disappeared out my door. “You still want to go to the party together later, right?”
Jesus, now I sounded like an insecure shit. But that was exactly how I felt.
“Yeah, of course.” Solo nodded and pulled the door open. “I just need to get ready.”
Right…
Solo stepped out and headed toward his room, and I watched him go. He didn’t look back as he unlocked his door and stepped inside.
I shut my door then leaned against it and stared at the groceries he’d put on the table. As the silence engulfed me, the only other sound in the room was the ticking of the clock, reminding me that every second apart was one we’d never get back.
19 Solo
“FUCK!” I SHOUTED as I stormed into the changing bay and threw my helmet against the locker door. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
I’d just come off the flight hop from hell and was still fuming at how that shit had gone down. Namely, how I’d gone down and Utah had gotten the jump on me—Utah.
Today was the first time I’d come in second place in a long while, and it didn’t take a genius to work out the reason behind it. For the last couple of days I’d been stewing over my run-in with Panther’s dear old dad, and while I’d tried to push that shit aside, it was pretty fucking obvious I was doing a piss-poor job.
My performance in the air today had been shit. From the second we’d engaged up until the moment Utah had gotten the lock on me and never let go, my flying had been average to say the least. I was all up in my head, courtesy of Captain Hughes, and if his goal had been to psych out his son’s best competition so he’d stay at the top of the class, then he should be pretty damn proud of his efforts after today’s disaster.
I kicked out at the concrete base of the bay, and then cursed as pain ricocheted up my leg. I hopped around on one booted foot and berated myself for yet another awesome decision, and then yanked off my Aviators and tossed them down on the seat to my left.
This day could fuck right off as far as I was concerned, and so could Captain Hughes.
“Ah, so this is where you tucked tail and ran after I spanked your ass good and hard just now.”
Utah…great. He was the last fucker on the planet I wanted to see right now. But with the way my day was going, I wasn’t surpr
ised to find out that even the universe had it out for me.
“Fuck off, Utah. I’m not in the mood.”
“Oh, my bad,” Utah continued like the dumb shit he was. “Not so fun being on the receiving end of the smack talk, is it?”
No, it fucking wasn’t. But if Utah kept on, he was going to be on the end of my fist. Usually I was all about the competitive digs and bullshit smack talk, but the tension of the last couple of days had finally caught up with me.
Tension with Captain Hughes…
Tension with Panther…
Tension with my own self and every little move I made, and I knew I was pretty damn close to blowing.
Deciding it was best to ignore Utah, I unclipped the flight harness from around my legs, waist, and chest and shrugged out of it before hanging it up on its hook. I needed to get out of here, the sooner the better. Maybe I’d take a ride and try to clear my head, or maybe—
“Solo?”
At the sound of Panther’s voice, I winced, and Utah’s derisive chuckle made my fingers ball into fists.
“Aww, look, your boyfriend’s come to make sure you aren’t back here crying like a little bitch.”
“I swear to God, Utah, if you don’t get the fuck away from me right now, I’m gonna—”
“What? Kick my ass?” He laughed. “Pretty sure you proved out there that the only thing you’re interested in doing to an ass these days is fucking it.”
I whirled around on him so fast that my head spun, then I grabbed hold of his harness and hauled him in until our noses were practically touching. My chest was heaving, my anger at an all-time high. Utah stared me down with a look of contempt in his eyes.
“Solo?”
Panther’s voice echoed around the bay again, but I wasn’t about to take my attention off Utah.
“Are you in—Solo? What are you doing?”
Utah’s eyes narrowed on me, and a smirk curled his upper lip. I wanted to wipe it right off his face.
“Solo, let him go,” Panther said from somewhere behind me, but I wasn’t in the mood to listen.
“You know,” Utah said in a voice that made my spine stiffen, “maybe if you weren’t so busy thinking about sucking Panther’s cock while you were flying today, things might’ve gone better for you.”
I’d wondered when I would reach my breaking point. As I twisted my hands around the straps and rammed Utah back against the cage wall of my bay, I knew I’d just reached it.
“Say that again, motherfucker,” I growled. “I dare you.” My jaw clenched, my entire body shaking, and as I let go to throw the first punch, I felt a hand clamp around my wrist and jerk it back.
I turned my head to the side to see Panther standing beside me, his eyes boring into mine.
“He’s not worth it. He’s not fucking worth it, Solo. Let him go.”
20 Panther
WATCHING SOLO IN the sky today only confirmed what had been on my mind for days now: something was seriously wrong.
And from the look of things in the bay area, shit had gone from bad to worse. Solo had Utah backed up against the wall, the straps of Utah’s harness in his tight grip, and he looked two seconds away from bashing the guy’s face in. Something that would get him discharged from the program.
“Solo, let him go.”
It was like he didn’t even hear me. I picked up the pace, rushing toward them. Solo’s entire body was vibrating with rage, and I knew it wasn’t entirely Utah’s fault, even though the guy was a mouthy shit. Whatever had been eating Solo up was finally breaking free, but using his fist on Utah wasn’t the way to get a release.
“He’s not worth it,” I said as I stopped beside him, holding my hands up like I was taming a wild animal. I used the same words he’d said to me when I’d had enough of Utah’s shit too. Hopefully they’d work as well on him as they had on me. “He’s not fucking worth it, Solo. Let him go.”
Time seemed to slow, and I held my breath as I waited to see what Solo would do. I was close enough to interfere if I had to, but I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that.
After what felt like forever, I saw it, the change in Solo’s eyes as he looked at me. Behind all that rage still simmering was the anxiety I’d been sensing from him, along with… No, it couldn’t be fear. What could Solo possibly be afraid of?
Solo slowly dropped his arm and then faced Utah—who had the good sense to keep his mouth shut for the moment—and let go of the harness. As Solo stepped back and took in a deep breath, I shot Utah a glare.
“Get out.”
I didn’t have to tell him twice, though he shook his head, a smug look on his face. Once he was out of the bay, I reached for Solo’s arm, wanting to give him some comfort, but he pulled away from me. Running his hands through his hair, he turned his back to me. All I could do was watch the way his body expanded as he took in several more deep breaths.
“What’s going on? Talk to me.”
Solo kicked off his boots and then peeled off his flight suit, his silence deafening. I’d been trying to pinpoint the change in him, what I could’ve possibly done, but all I could trace it back to was the day he’d gone out to grab a few things from the store. Had he run into Utah? Or someone else? It just didn’t make sense, and he wasn’t talking to me, so…what the fuck.
“I know whatever this is isn’t just about what happened in the air.”
With his back still to me, Solo snorted. “Sure it is.”
“Then how do you explain your mood for the last couple of days?”
Solo slammed his fist against the locker so hard that the sound echoed off the walls. “What the fuck do you want from me?”
“I want you to tell me what’s going on. You won’t even look at me.”
“Can’t I just be pissed I fucking lost up there? Isn’t that enough?”
“No. Everyone does eventually—”
“I don’t.”
“It’s not a big deal—”
“It is to me,” Solo thundered, the rage back and overflowing into the space between us. I’d never seen this side of him before. Annoyed Solo? Sure. Pissed Solo? Definitely. But tormented Solo was a new one.
“Solo, look at me.”
He dropped his head into his hand, rubbing his face, his back still the only part of him he’d let me see.
“Please,” I said, wanting so badly to touch him but forcing myself to stay where I was. “Just look at me.”
Finally Solo turned around, but it was clear he was on the defensive. He crossed his arms and his eyes met mine. There was an emptiness lurking there now, and I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know what the hell had changed. All I could feel was this gnawing in my gut that told me I was losing him and there was nothing I could do about it.
I swallowed hard and said the words I dreaded the response to: “Is it me?”
For a moment I didn’t think he was going to answer, but then he opened his mouth, and his words were colder than I’d even imagined.
“Yeah, you know what? It is.”
I felt as though he’d punched me in the chest, all the breath leaving my lungs in a whoosh. “What?”
“I’m all up in my head, unable to focus because of you. I never lose, and definitely not to a jerk-off like Utah, but I lost my shit today, and why? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Too stunned to say anything, I could only stare as Solo paced the room, venting all the frustration he’d been keeping inside. Which was what I’d wanted, right?
“Maybe that was your plan all along, huh?” he continued. “Get in close, fuck with my head and my dick, knock me off my game so you could win.”
My mouth fell open, his words a slap in the face. “You don’t actually believe that.”
“What should I believe, then? That we actually have some kind of future? That we’re doing anything other than screwing around before the real world comes crashing back in?” He shook his head. “This whole thing was fucking stupid. It can’t go anywhere, and we were delusio
nal to think otherwise.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“No? Then what’s the brilliant plan, Panther? You’ve got one, right? Golden boy of the Elite, ready to claim that top spot to make your old man proud.”
I clenched my jaw. “If I wanted to make my father proud, I wouldn’t have given you the time of day.”
Solo stared at me and then began to laugh. A chuckle at first before morphing into a full-blown belly laugh. “Right. Of course. Good boy turns rebel to piss off his dad. Oldest story in the book.”
I took a step toward Solo. “Are you accusing me of using you to get at my father?”
“You said it, not me.”
I searched his face, trying to find a glimpse of the man I had fallen for. “Who are you?”
Solo shrugged. “Just a guy who got caught up in something he shouldn’t have.”
“Are you saying being with me is a mistake?”
“I’m saying there’s a big warning sign written all over your forehead, so I shouldn’t be surprised this shit ended up a disaster.” Solo grabbed his bag, but before he left, he took a few steps forward so that we were practically toe to toe. “You and me? We were never meant to work. Not in this fucking lifetime.”
21 Solo
THE WAVES CRASHED against the pillars at Black Rock Cliffs beach, one after the other, the sky overhead a dark grey that matched my mood.
I’d gone too far today, I knew it, yet I couldn’t stop torturing myself by replaying the scene with Panther over and over again. Lashing out at him hadn’t relieved any of the pent-up frustration that had been building since I’d run into his father. In fact, I regretted every word that had come out of my mouth. But in the hours I’d spent sitting on the beach, I’d convinced myself that this was a good thing, that pushing Panther away was the right thing to do, because wasn’t that what his father had said? I expect you’ll do the right thing.
Classified (The Elite Book 3) Page 7
