“Ollie.” His name slipped past as my mouth grew dry.
“Maby, I need you to believe me.” He cupped my cheeks and looked into my eyes. “Can you do that?”
“Yes.” I whispered the word. “But it doesn’t matter.”
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? She means nothing to me. I promise. You can trust me.” He smoothed his thumbs along my still damp cheeks. “Let’s just let it flow, right? Like we planned? You don’t have to say it back, not yet, not if you don’t want to.”
“No.” I wrapped around his wrists and pulled his hands from my face. “I’m sorry, Ollie, but no.”
“No?” He stared at me, then his eyes widened. “Maby, don’t do this. I know you have feelings for me too. Don’t do this!”
“It doesn’t matter.” I let my hands fall back to my sides. “None of this does. We’re just kids. We’re too young for any of it.”
“Don’t say that.” His voice roughened with desperation. “I know what I feel about you is real and I know what you feel for me is real too. Don’t be so scared that you make both of us miss out on something so amazing.”
“You knew you felt this way about Shauna too, didn’t you?” I took a step back, my mind in a daze from the endless emotions that I’d cycled through. “You begged for her to take you back, because you thought she was the one, your true love.”
“I didn’t know any better!” He frowned as he reached for me.
“No!” I took another step back. “I won’t do this. I won’t sacrifice my life, my future, my plans, because of some crazy hormones or a bout of loneliness. This part of my life doesn’t happen now. It happens in college, with two years of my studies under my belt and a man who will understand the importance of my career. It happens with someone who isn’t just out of a break-up, who isn’t from another continent, who doesn’t have to beg me to stay.”
“You’re making a mistake, Maby.” He sunk his hands in his hair and tugged at the roots as he groaned. “You’re so caught up in what you think is right and wrong that you’re going to destroy us both.”
“No.” I shook my head as I studied him. “I’m saving us both from making a huge mistake. If you want to be in love so badly, Ollie, then go back to Shauna. Love her. Even though she made a mistake, love her anyway. She’ll love you back.”
“Not like you.” His lips drew into a tight line as he studied me. “You can deny it all you want, but I see something in your eyes when you look at me, something that I never saw in hers.”
“I’m sorry.” I turned away from him. “Good luck, Ollie, good luck with everything.”
“I’m not the one walking away!” He called out to me as I walked off. “Remember that, Maby, I’m still standing right here!”
I closed my eyes tight and took a shaky breath as I fought the urge to turn and race right back into his arms. Instead, I forced one foot in front of the other until I found myself in my dorm room with the door locked and my head buried in my pillow. Yes, it would hurt for a little while, but in the end I would be fine.
I knew I was right.
Chapter 28
The next few days went by in a blur. I managed to avoid running into Oliver while also dodging phone calls and texts from my mother. I had no idea how to even speak to her after the betrayal I felt.
While my friends tried to get the truth out of me, I kept my distance from them too. With the raging storm that had formed inside me, I didn’t trust myself to be around anyone.
With each day that passed, I guessed that Oliver was one day closer to going back to England. Then I might finally get some relief from the constant pressure that had settled in my chest. Despite my avoidance of him, I still woke each morning wondering when I might see him again and hoping to hear his voice.
On Saturday morning when I woke up, I could feel the faint graze of his lips against mine. A rush of excitement carried through me as I opened my eyes, expecting to see him.
Instead, only my bedroom ceiling stared back at me. That pressure in my chest became a crushing weight that made it difficult for me to breathe.
“Ollie.” I closed my eyes again and wished that I could fall back into a deep sleep. If I could just get through the next few weeks, I knew that I’d be okay. At least I hoped that I would be. As I tried to push away all memories of him, I decided to go for a ride. It would help me to clear my head and maybe fill it with fantasies of Aaron again.
Safe Aaron. Aaron, whom I could never actually have a relationship with. Aaron, who only wanted to teach me how to ride horses. I didn’t have to worry about him touching my cheek or grabbing my hand. He wouldn’t have a problem with me walking away.
I licked my lips as the memory of those last intoxicating moments with Oliver filled my mind. All I wanted to do was turn back, to let him pull me right into his arms. But I knew better than to give in to that desire.
I took a deep breath as I looked in the mirror. “I should be proud of myself, really.” I gazed at my reflection. “I used self-control. I resisted. One day, I’d meet the right person and I’d be so glad that I’d waited.”
I smiled, but even I wasn’t convinced by it. Usually those words would give me a burst of confidence and enthusiasm. Today, they only left me feeling more alone.
What if I had met the right person? What if he’d just come a little earlier than I’d planned? What if he was telling the truth about being over Shauna and I’d pushed him away?
I shook my head, ignoring the what-ifs as I dressed to go to the stables. With no storms in the forecast, I felt fairly safe to ride on my own, but I didn’t plan to turn down the option of Aaron riding with me.
In the taxi on the way to the stables I tried to imagine my life without Oliver in it. Soon, he would just be a memory.
I stepped out of the taxi and walked up the driveway toward the stables. As soon as I heard the horses, a wave of peace washed over me. Maybe I could leave behind my troubles just for a little while.
As I led Goldie out of her stall, I spotted Aaron in one of the corrals. He had the reins of a horse in his hand and he was looking up at a girl perched on the horse. Her long dark hair fell in thick curls to her shoulders as she threw her head back and laughed.
The sound of the laughter nearly knocked me off my feet. It couldn’t be possible. Could it? My heart raced as I watched her coax the horse forward, her back still to me.
It had to be my imagination. I took a few steps toward the corral, my mind still fogged by the familiarity of the laugh I heard.
“Take it slow, you’ll get used to it again real fast.” Aaron smoothed his hand along the horse’s mane and smiled up at the girl on the horse. “It’s good to see you back here.”
“It’s good to be back.” The girl tilted her head back to look at the sky, then nodded. “Or at least, almost back.”
Her voice, her hair, her laugh. I found myself at the fence, my mouth half-open.
“Oh, Mabel, I didn’t know you were coming out today.” Aaron flashed me a smile. “Just give me a few minutes, unless you want to ride together?” He looked up at the girl on the horse. “Like old times?”
“Jenny?” I whispered her name as she turned to look at me. Those sea-blue eyes locked to mine and then looked quickly away.
“No, I’m sure she’d rather ride alone, Aaron. Can we get started?”
“Jenny!” I tried to get through the gate of the corral, but Goldie decided to be stubborn.
“I’m just here for a ride, Maby. I’m not going to cause any trouble.” She looked back at me, her lips tightened into a frown. “Or are you going to tell your mother to get me kicked out of here too?”
“I would never do that!” I tied Goldie’s reins to the fence of the corral and made my way through the gate.
“I thought that too.” She took the reins of the horse from Aaron’s hand. “But it turns out I was wrong.”
“Jenny, I’ve been trying to reach you this whole time! Have you gotten any of my e-mails?” I walked t
oward her.
“Just stop, Maby. You thought you’d never have to see me again, so it didn’t matter how cruel you were. But it turns out, I’m here.” She smirked as she studied me. “Not what you thought either, huh? I can handle a lot more than you thought possible. Now, if you don’t mind, I want to go for a ride.” She turned her horse, guided him to one end of the corral, then urged him into a gallop.
“Jennifer, don’t!” Aaron shouted at her as the horse charged toward the other end of the corral. “Stop right now!”
“Jenny, be careful!” I gasped as I saw the horse launch itself into the air. Despite the fear that rocketed through me, I couldn’t look away from the beauty of the horse as it sailed over the fence, with Jennifer’s long hair trailing behind them. The horse landed on the other side and continued at its fast pace toward the trail.
“Doesn’t anyone listen to me?” Aaron pulled off his hat and threw it on the ground. “I should ban her!”
“Don’t.” I picked up his hat and dusted it off. “Please, Aaron.” I offered it back to him. “It’s my fault she did that.”
“Is it?” He looked into my eyes as he took his hat from me. “Because from where I stand, it seems like you were trying to be her friend.”
“I was, I always was.” I bit into my bottom lip as I watched her disappear down the trail. “But she doesn’t know that.”
“Mabel.” He put his hand on my shoulder as he studied me. “Are you okay? It seems like you’ve had a rough time lately. Something is different about you.”
As Aaron focused all his attention on me, I realized that I’d dreamed about the moment a million times. The moment that Aaron finally noticed me. The moment that he showed how much he cared about me. It should have filled me with excitement and passion. Instead, I only saw a teacher who wanted to help me.
“I’m okay.” I forced a smile. “It has been a little rough. But I’m okay.”
“Good. Just hang in there.” He smiled. “High school isn’t forever, you know. Before you know it, it’ll all be over and you’ll be free to do whatever you want.”
“Thanks.” His words settled into my mind.
“Let’s get you out there for a ride. I’m sure that will help.” He walked with me back to Goldie.
As he made sure she was ready to go out on the trail, I felt my affection for him transform from an impossible crush into a genuine appreciation. He’d taught me more than just horseback riding. He’d taught me to look beyond the moment, to believe in the future. But could I look forward to a future without Jenny or Oliver in it?
Chapter 29
As I guided Goldie down the trail ahead of me, I listened for the sound of other hoofbeats. Seeing Jennifer again had been quite a shock. But now that I’d had time to adjust to it, I had one goal. I wanted to speak to her. I wanted to tell her that I’d never meant to abandon her. However, I didn’t hear anyone behind me.
I turned Goldie toward another path, a path that Jennifer and I had followed many times together. As I urged the horse along the trail, my mind spun with questions. I wanted to know everything that Jennifer had been through over the past year and what she might be planning for her future. More than anything, I wanted her to forgive me.
“Looking for me?”
I looked up at a branch that stretched over the trail above me and saw two bare feet dangling down.
“Jenny, what are you doing up there?”
“Waiting for you.” She tipped her head toward her horse. “There’s a good tree over there and a stream where Goldie can get a drink. Tie her and climb up.”
I frowned as I slid down out of the saddle. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to climb up on a tree branch, but I did know that I wanted the chance to speak to her. After Goldie was secure, I walked over to the tree and looked up at Jennifer.
“I’m so glad to see you.”
“Sure.” She rolled her eyes.
“Jenny, I mean it. I’ve missed you so much.” I eyed the tree a few moments longer, then began to climb it. The higher I got, the more nervous I became, but I was determined not to back down. I swung my leg over the thick tree branch and scooted out toward her. “I had no idea you were here.”
“No one does. Well, almost no one.” She sighed as she looked at the trees in the distance. “I thought I’d take a ride while everything gets sorted out. Get my mind off of things.”
“How are you?” I placed my hand over hers and looked into her eyes.
“How am I?” She laughed as she pulled her hand away. Only it was not the laugh that I remembered. It wasn’t jovial. It was dark and bitter.
“Please.” I frowned as I studied her. “I know that you don’t believe me, but I had no idea what my mother did. I have tried to reach you. Your number was disconnected and you never answered any of my e-mails. I thought you were just done with me.”
“You thought I was done with you?” She peered at me. “I needed you, Maby. You were my best friend.”
“I know that, and I know I wasn’t there for you at first—not the way that I should have been—but I wanted to be. One day you were here, the next you were gone, and I tried to find you.” I searched her eyes. “I swear I did. I’ve worried about you and wondered about how you were—and about the baby.” I swallowed hard as I said the word.
“Ah, at least you’re brave enough to say it. Most people act like the baby didn’t even exist.” She brushed her hand lightly over her stomach, then frowned. “She’s okay.”
“A girl?” I smiled as I looked at her.
“Yes, a girl.” She shrugged and looked down at her bare toes. “I didn’t find out until she was born.”
“You wanted to be surprised?”
“No, I just didn’t want to know.” She tipped her head to the side as she looked over at me. “You really didn’t know what your mother did?”
“I didn’t, Jenny.” I took her hand and squeezed it. “I had no idea. Not until a few days ago. She told me that she told your mother not to let you communicate with me. But I never wanted that. I wanted to be there for you.”
“I figured you probably didn’t want to talk to me—since I disappointed you.” She looked down at my hand holding hers, then back up at me.
“What do you mean you disappointed me?”
“I made a mistake and it ruined everything.” She pursed her lips, then glanced away. “I really messed up.”
“Jenny, I know I was hard on you when you first told me about it.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I was terrible.”
“You weren’t wrong.”
“I was wrong.” I scooted closer to her and the branch beneath us creaked. “I get it now. I honestly didn’t then, but I get it now. I get how you can be so caught up in a feeling that it doesn’t even feel like you have a choice to make.”
“You do?” She met my eyes. “How?”
Oliver’s face flashed through my mind. I gripped the branch beneath me and closed my eyes.
“I met someone.”
“You?” Her eyes widened. “The great and powerful Maby whose rules shall never be broken?”
“It’s not funny.” I sighed. “I feel terrible for the way I treated you.”
“Don’t.” Her voice softened. “You were the only person that had my back. I know that now. When my parents sent me to live with my Aunt Jasmine, I thought my life was over. Then I discovered that she had gotten rid of her Internet. My parents didn’t want me to have any chance of connecting with my friends. So no, I didn’t get any of your e-mails. I didn’t even have a phone.”
“That must have been awful.” I narrowed my eyes.
“Not as awful as other things, but it wasn’t fun, that’s for sure. It gave me a lot of time to think—to really focus on what was coming next.”
“What did come next?” I lowered my voice. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now.” She looked up at me and smiled, that familiar, amazing smile that I’d missed so much. “I want
to talk about this person you met. What’s his name?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I sighed as I looked up at the sky.
“Why not?” She frowned.
“It’s over now.” I shrugged. “It was a bad idea from the start and now it’s over.”
“Wait a minute. Are you saying that someone broke through the fortress of Maby and you’re letting that person go?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“Is it?” She searched my eyes. “Because I know how determined you were not to have feelings for anyone in high school. So, if this guy managed to break through those barriers, then he must be pretty fantastic.”
“Fantastic or not, it’s over.” I clenched my jaw, then shook my head. “We should get down from here before Aaron comes looking for us.”
“Like you would mind that.” She grinned.
“Eh.” I shrugged. “I’m not that into him anymore.”
“What?” She laughed as she followed me down the trunk of the tree. “Now I really have to meet this guy. I didn’t think you’d ever get over your crush on Aaron.”
“A crush?” Aaron pulled his horse to a stop as we both turned to face him. “Who has a crush on Aaron?”
Mortified, my cheeks flushed as his eyes met mine. It had never crossed my mind that he might find out or that I might be face to face with him when he did.
“I know it can’t be you, Mabel.” He smiled at me as he slid down off his horse.
Chapter 30
I could barely take a breath as Aaron walked toward me.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I forced a smile.
“I’m sure it is.” He crossed his arms as he looked between us. “I don’t want there to be a problem here. I’m your teacher, nothing more.”
“We know that.” I cleared my throat as I glanced over at Jennifer.
Worth the Wait: A Young Adult Sweet Romance (Oak Brook Academy Book 4) Page 12
