by Meg MacRose
Her stoic poise, despite her tears, was almost his undoing. He leant over; her hair smelt of jasmine as he wiped the tears from her face with the ball of this thumb. Her wet skin was soft and smooth.
“Please continue. I want to know. I need to know everything.” As he spoke, he removed his fingers from her cheek with great reluctance. They needed to have this conversation, and him touching her would be an unneeded distraction.
She looked up, gratitude showing in her face. It was like she’d been brave all this time, but now she had someone to share her story with. He waited with bated breath, not knowing how the story of his daughter would pan out.
“My mother was horrified that I was pregnant. Even more so when I wouldn’t say who the father was. I’m sure she thought I was just being difficult. My brother and his wife called me some pretty unpleasant names. And my father stood up and declared that they wouldn’t support me in any way. So, I walked out and haven’t seen any of my immediate family since.”
The trembles had returned to her hands. He reached over and cradled her icy cold fingers in his warm ones. Her smile was wry as she continued. “Actually, that was one of the most empowering acts that I have ever done. When I walked away from my family. They hadn’t approved of anything that I had ever done. University. Girls like me didn’t get a good job. Didn’t learn to drive, and certainly did not learn to ride a motorbike.” Lacey shook her head with despair before she continued. “Therese and I are a close unit. We don’t have a lot. But we have each other. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not poverty stricken. My work pays well, and we don’t miss out on anything. We also get to enjoy the basic things in life. We walk to the market on Saturday mornings, we walk to school. We chat. I have absolutely no regrets. My aunt and uncle, although we don’t see them that much, they dote on Therese. They kind of fill in the void of absent grandparents. We have a lovely life. It was tough in the first couple of years. But every parent has that. Sleep deprivation tends to do that! And there are loads of single parents out there. It’s not that unusual.”
Nick starred at Lacey. He wanted to give her reassurance but didn’t know how. She bit down on her bottom lip and smiled back. But her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She didn’t seem to have any sense of anger towards him. But he wondered, did she blame him for how her life had to change to incorporate a child?
Which begged another question. One that he was reluctant to ask himself. What kind of future with his daughter did he envisage? Did she expect? A few weeks ago, all he’d wanted was to create a house to bring up a family with Diana. But that would have been a nightmare. A strong realisation was beating down on him. Amongst all the confusion and turmoil, he knew that he didn’t want to walk away from his daughter. And to add to the perplexity of the situation, there was something that drew him to Lacey. He didn’t want to walk away from this brave, gorgeous woman who had borne his child either.
But was he really father material? He didn’t know where to start. He knew nothing about children, and even less about his own daughter. It didn’t help matters that Lacey and he were essentially strangers.
“What happens next?” he asked gruffly. He was desperate to break the deafening silence, as well as put an end to the interminable and continuous orbiting of his thoughts. Before allowing Lacey the chance to answer, Nick added “I want to meet her.” Although, it came out more like a demand than a request.
Chapter 6
Nick had been so distracted at work that morning that his middle-aged PA had asked him with genuine concern if he was coming down with something. To be honest, a cold or the flu would be so much easier. He’d just have to go and see his doctor and get a diagnosis. But knowing that he and Lacey had created a baby after the most exquisite evening was taking some getting used to. He’d welcomed the opportunity when his father had suggested just before noon that they take the afternoon off from work and go and play golf together. One of the joys of working for the family business.
“I’m worried about you, son. It’s not like you to make rash decisions. Certainly not like you to call off a wedding only weeks before it’s due to take place.” His father’s voice oozed concern, and Nick wasn’t about to lie to him with some concocted fabricated story; he was compelled to tell him the truth.
Nick shrugged at no one in particular. “I didn’t like the self-righteous and entitled way she spoke to a number of people involved with building the new house. There were a number of occurrences, but then she sacked the same interior designer who she’d nagged and whinged to have, and then gave grief to the building manager for no logical reason at all.”
He met his father’s intense blue eyes. “It wasn’t just the house, every restaurant we went to, she was awful to the staff. Yet any social activity and she was over the top to anyone she thought worthwhile and then judging them behind their backs. It’s not the way I choose to live.”
His father cut in. “That may have just been pre-wedding nerves. You’d have settled down after the wedding.”
Nick shook his head. “No. As soon as I told Diana that our relationship was over, I knew there were no regrets from my side. It was like a weight had been lifted.”
“Okay son. Whatever you decide, you know you have my support.”
“Thanks Dad. If only Mother saw it that way.”
Nick’s father raised his eyes to the sky and shrugged. “She’ll get over it. It’s your life.”
Nick’s father shook his head as Nick’s ball flew wayward into the air, missing the target hole by a long distance. “You’re still not on shot there.”
It was good to know that his father backed him in regards to his engagement break-up. But he felt disingenuous by not telling him about Therese.
” Dad, that’s not all. I mean, the break-up isn’t the whole story.”
Nick’s father looked over with interest. “Oh?”
“After I broke up with Diana … well, I have since found out that I have a five-year-old daughter.”
“I’m assuming that your five-year-old daughter isn’t with Diana, nor would Diana know about her?”
“That’s correct. You’re the first person I have told. I’m still trying to process it myself. I’m a Dad! Would you believe it?”
“Oh. Can I ask who the mother is? This sounds sus to me. You don’t think the timing is a little off for someone to be telling you that? I mean, you guys were almost a celebrity couple and then as soon as you break up with her, someone else is in the wings saying that you fathered her daughter years ago.”
“No. It’s not like that. We never exchanged names or numbers, so she didn’t know who I was. Besides, if you met her, you’d see, she’s not that kind of person. She’s not concerned about her own status nor what everyone else thinks. Lacey is transparent and determined and protective of her daughter.”
“So, what are you going to do?” His father picked up his iron ready to hit another ball.
“I’m meeting her tonight. I’m going to their home for dinner. To be honest, I’m really nervous. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous before. I’ve been counting down the hours and minutes all day.”
“I’m not surprised. I’m assuming your daughter has been told about you then?” His father groaned as he watched as his golf ball rolled away from the hole in the ground that it was meant for. “I’m a grandfather then. Well, that’s exciting. I mean it Nick. It’s a bit of shock for me too. But I have a granddaughter.” His face softened at the thought of a granddaughter. Nick’s brothers only had sons, so Therese was the only granddaughter.
“Nick, I don’t normally give advice. But I’m giving some to you now. If I was you, I’d take some time off work, and get to know your little daughter. Don’t feel that you need to be involving your mother and I just yet. There’s time for that. But she needs her Dad, and she needs to know what kind of person you’re going to be in her life. Have a think about what you’re prepared to do to factor her in your world.”
They finished their round of golf w
ith no other mention of the dinner with Therese. Before leaving the golf course in their separate vehicles, his father gave him a big hug. “Good luck for tonight son.”
###
“Mummy, Mummy. Is he here yet?” Therese asked for the twentieth time that afternoon. Her excitement was obvious as she waited for her father to arrive.
For four days, Lacey had thought of nothing but what if scenarios. What if Nick came into Therese’s life and then left it because fatherhood wasn’t his thing? What if he decided not to come at all after she had promised Therese that he was coming? What if he wanted different things for Therese like boarding school? She would have to keep her hands off him. She’d not proven herself to have much self-control when it came to Nick.
That afternoon, after being dropped off by Nick, Lacey explained to Therese that she had bumped into Daddy and told him all about Therese, and that he really wanted to come and meet her. Therese, though initially distracted with her toys, thought about it for a while before asking a barrage of questions.
“Does Daddy like purple?”
“What’s Daddy’s favourite pony?”
“Can we eat lasagne when Daddy comes to visit?”
It took a lot of persuading to Nick for Lacey to insist on telling Therese by herself. Not that she wanted to keep him away, but she hadn’t wanted Therese to be overwhelmed by the introduction of her father, and she wanted to ensure that she was okay with it. There had been many times that Lacey thought seriously about telephoning her aunt and uncle to talk it through with them. But they were still on their cruise, and she didn’t want them ruining their cruise by worrying about her and Therese. Her aunt and uncle had done so much for them over the years. Besides, a part of her preferred to keep Nick’s identity a secret from her family for just a little bit longer. Ted and Louise would no doubt pass on the details of Therese’s father to her own parents, and she had no doubt at all that Nick fitted all her mother’s ‘husband’ criteria. She didn’t need her mother’s interference right now. Not when Therese and Nick were just getting to know each other. Anyway, her and Therese have survived just fine without her parents’ intrusion. In fact, Lacey felt the most confident and happy that she’d ever been. She had lovely friends in the village, a well-paying job that she enjoyed and managed to fit between school hours, and the most beautiful little girl whom she loved with all her heart. Her mother’s insecurities and preoccupation with status and what her friends’ thought of her did not belong in their village life.
The anticipation of Nick’s arrival was more nerve racking than preparing for a first date. Though for Lacey, her anticipation was double edged. She worried for Therese but was excited for herself. For some unknown reason, this man generated a chemical reaction in her which made her tingle in nervousness. She’d already changed her clothes three times.
The crunching of wheels on the gravel road signalled his arrival. Therese waited with her face pressed against the windowpane.
“He’s here. He’s here. But why isn’t he getting out of the car?” She angled her face back to Lacey, consternation showing on her furrowed brow.
“He is. See, that’s him getting out of the back.” Lacey crouched next to her fidgety daughter.
“Why didn’t he drive the car himself? Can’t he drive yet? Oh, Mummy. You’ll be able to teach him.”
The innocence of Therese’s comment brought a smile to Lacey’s face, which she quickly managed to hide.
“He’s carrying some stuff, a bag, I think. He’s coming. He’s coming. He’s really here.” Therese whooped out in joy, and right at that moment Lacey knew deep down inside of her that regardless of how this panned out with Nick, she’d done the right thing by telling him. Both father and daughter deserved the right to explore their relationship.
The front door hung wide open. Therese had insisted on it remaining open since they’d arrived home from school earlier in the afternoon. As Nick stepped up to knock at the door, Therese ran through to greet him.
“Daddy. Daddy. Daddy.” Lacey swallowed heavily, and with jerky movements, wiped a couple of tears from her eyes. Nick didn’t expect to have a young girl tornado herself at him, but he’d been quick to steady himself, holding her close. His eyes softened as they took in the characteristics of their daughter. He planted a quick kiss on her forehead. Looking up at Lacey, he nodded at her. His eyes were welling with tears.
“Thank you,” he said as a silent whisper, mouthing the words. Lacey leant back against the sofa, not daring to intervene or spoil this special moment.
“Hello princess. Your mum didn’t tell me how tall you were. Or how springy your hair is!” Nick remained crouched low, his gaze returned to his daughter, and his fingers trailed through Therese’s curly mop of hair.
“I’m five. I’m a big kid now, ‘cos I go to big school.” Therese stood up tall, trying to show Nick just how big she was. “Come on, I want to show you my blocks and my ponies.” She threaded her little fingers through his big strong ones, waiting with the obvious impatience of a five-year-old while Nick stood back up and gathered his bags. Her small delicate hand was still clasped in his large one as she led Nick into the living room.
“Would you like a drink?” Lacey offered as she watched him. He seemed to be in a state of shock as he stood staring at his daughter, still taking it all in.
“Yes please. That’d be great thanks.” Nick glanced over to Lacey as he responded. His eyes warm, making her insides melt. Nick opened one of the bags and pulled out a small bouquet of flowers. “These are for you. To say thank you. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. I just want to say thank you for telling me about Therese.”
Lacey lifted her eyes back to his, her breath trapped in her chest as he passed the flowers over to her. His fingers brushed hers, and her entire body tingled. She hid her face in the flowers and took a deep breath. The lingering sweet scent of the mixed flowers accentuated the moment, and her fingers trembled as they held the flowers close by. She was defenceless having Nick in her house, giving her flowers, being a natural dad to Therese.
“Thanks. They’re beautiful.” Lacey stood up. She needed a distraction, and right now too. Just the slightest touch from him sent her body into overdrive. And when was the last time a man had given her flowers? The sweet gesture sent the butterflies in her tummy into overdrive.
“I’ll put them in a vase shortly. Can I make you a coffee? Or would you prefer a wine? I also have a bottle of peach schnapps too.” Lacey knew her voice was raised a little too high as she turned away from him. She did not dare to steal another glance of him before she was able to calm her nerves back down. For Therese’s sake, she needed to find her mind and not let her pounding heart or clammy fingers dictate how the evening went.
Before she turned, she noticed Nick scrunch up his nose at mention of the schnapps, just like Therese does when she doesn’t want something. Lacey’s breath stuck in her throat for just a moment as she started to see where Therese got some of her other facial features from. Therese’s face bore the shape of his eyes, and his smile too.
“Coffee is fine.”
Nick’s large frame made the cosy living room seem smaller. He sauntered across to her old wooden table and sat down, his eyes astute as he took in the minimal furniture and small living area. The hairs on her nape bristled as he watched her making her own coffee. There was something unnerving to have someone watch your every move.
“Therese, would you like a drink?” Lacey called out to her daughter who sung to herself as she played with her toys on the mat.
“Yes please. Water.” Therese turned away from her blocks, and still sitting on the rattan mat on the floor, faced Nick. “What’s in there?” She pointed at the bag the flowers were brought in.
“This is a small present for you. Would you like to open it?” Nick pulled out a box wrapped in bright red paper with a meticulous bow bound around the outside. “I hope that’s okay with you?” Nick’s bright eyes darted back to Lacey’s fa
ce with obvious uncertainty. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to let him buy appropriate presents for his own daughter. Though she didn’t want him spoiling her. She added another note to her mental list to have a discussion with Nick about setting boundaries with presents.
“Is this like a hello present? Sometimes Uncle Ted brings me a hello present.” Therese responded with the utmost innocence.
“I’m afraid Uncle Ted and Aunty Louise spoil Therese somewhat. But they don’t visit often, and they don’t have grandkids of their own.” Lacey responded with an even voice. Nick had raised his eyebrows ever so slightly when Therese asked about Uncle Ted. Not that she was about to share with him, but no man had ever been invited back to her home. Right at that moment, Nick handing over a beautiful boxed present to their daughter was a very special image of father and daughter. And it scared her too. She didn’t want them becoming dependent on Nick for anything. Her and Therese not only survived together without anyone else, but they lived a good life. Not a lifestyle with all the bells and whistles like her own childhood, but she ensured that she was there for Therese, and attended all the school events that she was able to.
###
Nick hadn’t been sure of the reception that he was going to get with his daughter. He’d been going through several different scenarios in his head every day. He had no idea what she even looked like. Did she take after him or his sisters?
He shook himself out of his reverie, Nick’s vision fixed on Lacey stirring her coffee. He wasn’t sure why he had been musing over the golf game with his Dad. Maybe it was because, apart from his security personnel, Dad was the only person he’d told about tonight.
