by Meg MacRose
He was so engrossed in the report he was reading that he almost didn’t hear Lacey next to him. She called softly, “Nick? Can I have some help?”
Her glanced across at her, dressed in nothing more than a dressing gown. Everything about her seemed to hesitate and plead at the same time.
“Sure. Whatever you want.”
She led the way to the bathroom and closed the door behind him as Nick stepped into the steamy room.
She gazed at him with wide serious eyes, as if she was having second thoughts about asking for his help.
“I am struggling to get into the bath with my leg. This cast is doing my head in. I have a bag to cover it with, but I can’t step in and then sit, while keeping the cast raised so that it isn’t really submerged.
Her face shone red with embarrassment.
Nick smiled at her. This would take all his self-control. Already just being in the steamy confines of the room, he was alert to her near nakedness.
“That’s fine, Lacey. Of course, I can help.”
“But I’ll have to remove my gown.” She bit down on her lip and he had a sudden desire to stop her from biting it. But he kept his distance.
“It’s okay Lacey. Honestly. I’ve seen you naked before. It’s not a big deal.” He was trying to convince himself more so than Lacey, and immediately guilt washed over him when she looked like she had been slapped by his words.
Lacey watched him for a second and then nodded her head in silence. She removed her robe and hung it on the hook.
Nick was proud of his efforts as he tried to remain non-plussed. Here was the woman who had starred in his dreams, day and night, standing naked in total glory in front of him. Only, he couldn’t abuse her trust in him. He couldn’t do anything that would suggest to her that he was coming on strong.
He placed his hands under her arms and lifted her up into the bath. She was as light as a feather, even with the plaster cast on. She stood on one leg, protecting the plastic covered cast as much as she could. He helped her lie back, her leg still raised. As she sank into the hot steamy water, her skin flushed from the heat, her rounded breasts floating.
Nick turned his back and busied himself with getting some towels to place under her raised leg. This was going to be a test of his fortitude, that’s for sure.
Slowly, he checked that she was comfortable. Lacey watched him with half opened eyes. He felt like he was the person on show, as she examined his every move. His heart was beating hard in his chest. “May I help you wash your back?” he asked. She stared at him, still not speaking, before she nodded.
Nick reached for the bar of homemade soap. He remembered when they bought it together from a local market stall weeks ago. Goat’s milk and lavender. He lathered his hands; the smell was intoxicating. He motioned for her to sit up, and after helping her into position, he kneeled beside the bath and began to soap her back. He kept his touch gentle, almost hesitant to continue. He was thankful that she couldn’t see the vulnerability he was sure was evident in his eyes. This level of intimacy, not sexual, but intimate nonetheless felt loving. This was the most personal thing he’d ever done with someone. Yet there was nothing overtly sexual in his touch as he enjoyed sliding his hands up and down her back. Her muscles relaxed and softened under his touch. He was lost in the sensation of touching her, being with her. It was almost like he was trying to reveal his thoughts and feelings for her through his touch. He hadn’t found the gumption to prompt the discussion that he’d promised himself they would have. Lacey had seemed to vulnerable and small in the hospital bed, and since she’d been home, she’d slept a lot.
He restrained himself from the temptation of placing a kiss to the back of her neck. This was the place, but not the time.
He couldn’t explain the see-sawing emotions in himself. The absolute yearning of wanting to dedicate yourself to someone else. The desire to touch and be touched. The need to express your love and then have it returned.
He’d never experienced or witnessed this kind of tenderness before. Certainly, his parents had never exhibited any affection, physical or otherwise. And the women who he’d dated, well they might have been sexy and passionate, or lusted over his body, or his wealth, but he’d not ever had this degree of affection for any woman. The realisation came crashing over him, it was not just affection that he had for Lacey; his feelings were much stronger than that, he adored her. He wanted to be a major part in both Therese’s and Lacey’s lives. Forever.
Nick ran his fingers down her back one last time. He needed to put some distance between them before he said something that scared Lacey away. Unlike his friends, it’s not that she didn’t believe in commitment, he was sure. It just seemed to be commitment with him that she was unsure about. He just needed to prove to her that they could do it.
“Can I do anything else?” He asked as he stepped back.
“No. Thanks Nick. I’ll call you when I need to get out.”
He dried his hands and sat next to his daughter on the sofa. She was still consumed by the movie but snuggled into his side all the same. He loved his ready-made family, his insides quivering with the realisation. He wanted them to be a real family. He wanted Lacey to have more of his babies, so that he could experience them for himself, so that he could see Therese as the older sibling, so he could watch Lacey’s body change and blossom throughout pregnancy.
He would lose Lacey if he proceeded to quickly. If he declared how he wanted to live with her every day. She had some misconstrued idea that she didn’t fit in his world. But she was his world. Her and Therese had in a very short period become his entire universe. His entire being wanted to love Lacey, to go to sleep with her wrapped in his arms, to be able to give her a coffee in bed each morning.
Chapter 12
Lacey gazed out at the cloudy sky. Today felt like Summer was over before it even started. But that was London for you. No sooner had Summer arrived and the weather turns bad again.
Her eyes started to water from staring at the glare of the sun trying to poke through the clouds. She’d been sitting there staring at nothing since mid-morning. Nick was back working in London. He’d left yesterday morning, and though she knew he would try and return tonight, she missed him. They’d barely spoken since he’d left.
She’d formed a dozen different conversations that she wanted to have with him. But none of them sounded right in her head. She had a feeling that she’d just confuse everyone if she spoke them aloud. The trouble was, she missed Nick. She missed not waking up and finding him here. She missed that he wasn’t sharing her bed, even though they had only done so on that one weekend. She missed that they no longer had that flirty thing going but kept themselves impersonal and friendly for Therese’s sake.
Loneliness churned through her stomach as she wished she knew what to do. This was self-torture, yearning for Nick to be with her and yet knowing that them being together could never happen. Not at the level that she wanted. Part of her was adamant that she couldn’t let herself be just another casual fling for him. That made things just too complicated. Particularly for Therese. And they could never be committed in a relationship, his world, the one she left behind, and the one that she had created for her and Therese, well, they existed in parallel. Never the twain shall meet. She didn’t belong in his world.
A voice in her head reminded Lacey of how much Nick belonged in her world. He’d slipped into their lives with ease, and Therese hadn’t questioned why her father hadn’t been around. He hadn’t questioned the size of her house or made any judgements as to how she and Therese lived. He’d just joined in with whatever they did. There was no pressure to dress in a certain way or attend specific functions. He’d gone out of his way while she was in hospital to ensure that Therese was okay. And since she’d been discharged from hospital, he’d been a doting carer who helped her but didn’t take any advantages. In fact, she’d been hoping that when he assisted her, he’d stroke her arm or whisper in her ear, but he hadn’t. He’d been the pe
rfect gentleman.
She might be halfway there to falling in love with him. But that didn’t necessitate that Nick felt the same way about her. Wealthy men like Nick only sought casual alliances until that right woman came along. And the concept of right, she knew, was how connected or rich or socially accepted the woman was. Not the kind of woman who Lacey had become. Besides, she didn’t know where something like a fling could take them. She didn’t want to fall in love with Nick. She knew what his world was like. Therese would never be exposed to those kinds of judgements and rigidity.
Since Nick had entered their life, her entire life had been entangled in knots. Since making love with him, she had assuredly felt more woman and less single mother. That she could be more than just a mum. That she was sexy and sensual and able to arouse even the most eligible bachelor. But it had come at a cost. She also had never been so vulnerable to a man, so needy of his attention and desperate to be touched.
A myriad of contradictory thoughts and feelings tormented her: loneliness, the suffocation that she’d endured during her childhood from the social constraints, missing Nick’s presence and conversation, special memories from their love-making and the morning after, not wanting to be in Nick’s world, the way Nick’s smile could make her day just so much better, confusion ….
With a grimace, Lacey took a sip of her tea. She screwed up her face at its tepidity. It was almost time to pick up Therese. She had to schedule in extra time as she was still unable to drive, and it took longer to hobble on crutches the short walk up to school.
Her phone rang. Nick.
“Hi. How are your meetings going?” Even to herself she sounded breathless.
“Hey Lacey. They went well. I’m just about to catch up with Dan and Alex for a couple of bevvies before I leave London. I’ll leave early enough that I miss the evening peak hour traffic and will be back as soon as I can. Don’t worry about making anything for dinner. I’ll pick up some odds and sods for us to share from a delicatessen.”
“Cheers Nick. I’ve had a bit of a slow day today, so I appreciate that. Odds and sods sound interesting. You’ve got my curiosity piqued. Is there anything that I can get in the village to contribute?”
“Only our daughter! And Lace, I just want you to know that I’m really looking forward to leaving London. To seeing you both.”
She nodded in agreement. Not that Nick could see her. A smile plastered her face. She was looking forward to seeing him again too.
###
Nick reflected on the last couple of days. He’d been reluctant to leave Lacey at home. She still had her plaster cast on her leg and was limited in mobility. But there were meetings at work that he just couldn’t avoid any longer. His Father had been more than supportive and covered any meeting which required a physical presence. All other meetings he’d dialled in for.
He planned to get back home this afternoon. Home. It wasn’t really his home at all. And he wasn’t even staying there at night. He slept in an old converted barn on a farm just ten minutes’ walk away from Lacey’s. Therese loved it. Even Lacey had insisted on hobbling over to check it out. It was funny, he’d never thought of his apartment as home.
He had wrapped up his meetings as quickly as he could, and now he was sitting in a very hip courtyard of a bar that his friend Dan had his eye on acquiring.
Inquisitive eyes landed on him.
“Something’s on your mind.”
His friends knew him well. An uncomfortable flush lit up Nick’s cheeks. “I have a bit of a dilemma. I’m not sure what to do.”
He’d already spoken with Dan on the phone the week before and explained to his friend about Therese and Lacey. Dan had been surprised and had promised to not tell anyone.
“Well, a problem shared is a problem solved.” Dan suggested.
“Well you did ask!” Nick responded. His current problem wasn’t the kind that his friends would have any experience in whatsoever.
“I want to convince Lacey to take a risk with me. Not as Therese’s father. But as her partner. I want us to be a couple, but she’s not even open to contemplating it, she’s disregarding any possibility ever. I need to convince her that she really does like me and she should give us a go.”
Alex raised his eyebrows. “As if? What are you looking for a long-term relationship? This isn’t how you operate normally.”
“I’m with Alex here. Based on the debacle Ebony had, I wouldn’t recommend pursuing any commitment. Who’d have thought my brother-in-law could be such an arse?”
It didn’t help that both his friends were committed bachelors. Had Lacey and Therese not been in his life, he would have joined them. Especially after his Diana fiasco.
Dan scrutinised Nick’s face, before he responded. “You know, I think you might be hot about your designer. Like really seriously so. If that’s the case, you need to show her that you are interested in her. Talk to her. Tell her about your personal stuff. Get her to open up about her personal stuff. From what you’ve said, she’s not into glitz and glamour. So, go back to basics with her.
“Like what?” Nick couldn’t think of a single activity that would help Lacey to fall in love with him.
“And that, my friend, is what a search engine is for,” Dan responded.
Dan looked up. “I’ve seen how women respond to you without a shirt on. Have you walked around half naked?”
“Tried and failed.” Nick declared, pulling out his phone, relieved that his friends were prepared to help him. This wasn’t their forte whatsoever.
“The simple life: wooing your girl.” Alex read out loud from his own phone the headline of a blog in a BBC newsreader type of voice.
Neither Nick nor Dan could keep a straight face at Alex’s antics.
“Keep reading, there might be some good pointers in there,” Nick urged as Alex looked up.
“… Surprise the love of your life by making a special garden for them, complete with flowers and quirky garden ornaments or statues. Choose something that suits her personality. …”
Although Alex read in jest, Nick nodded. There was something in that. He could do that with Therese while Lacey was recovering at home.
“Anything else? This is starting to sound good.” Nick was glad that he’d reached out to his mates. If nothing else, they were proving themselves to be creative.
Dan raised his eyebrows. “In all the plans that we have put together over the years, I would never have ever thought that we’d be doing this! Here let me look some up.”
“Here, I’ve got another one. Free things you can do to show your love.” Dan interjected.
“The first thing you have to do is turn off all your devices and play boardgames.” Dan read out with a questioning look on his face.
“Umm. We already play boardgames,” Nick responded.
“Well, what are you asking us for. Hang on, go on a ramble. But no, Lacey’s leg will still be injured. Lucky last is bake a homemade five course meal and serve it up under candlelight.”
Alex butted in. “You could make yourself indispensable so that she just doesn’t want to get rid of you.”
Nick thought about Alex’s suggestion for a second or two. He was sure it would backfire. “Nah, Lacey would find it too oppressive if I did too much for her.”
“Sorry guys,” Alex said as he rose from the table. “I’m going to have to love you and leave you. I’ve got a teleconference in half an hour. Good luck Nick. And I really mean that. I’m sure you’ll think of something. You always do. As much as I don’t believe in the whole happily ever after commitment for life crap, I’m intrigued as to how you will proceed. Call it ‘Operation Love Me Lacey!’ Keep us posted, eh?”
“I also have to get back to the Phoenix. We have a big night tonight. Rock stars galore. If you change your mind and want a substitute for the evening, the Phoenix will be the place to be tonight. Both of you, come along if you want.” Dan also stood and collected his things.
Nick watched his two friends as their
respective drivers collected them. He lost sight of their cars as they were absorbed into the busy London traffic. A strange feeling of being lost swept over him. Not lost in the physical sense. He knew London like the back of his hand. Lost in that part of him was desperate to return home to meet Therese from school with Lacey, and yet part of him screamed out to him to not return without a game plan. His friends had given him some ideas, but he was still stuck as to how to go about implementation.
“Hey good looking.” A tall woman in her early twenties, perhaps a model, dressed as if she was ready for a nightclub had left her group of friends at a table in the far corner, and sat down at the seat Alex had just vacated. Nick wanted to groan out loud. He hadn’t yet worked through his game plan to entice Lacey.
The random girl encountered Nick’s unamused glance, she straightened and gave a wide fake smile. “Fancy a good time?”
“I don’t think so. Time for me to leave.”
“Why are you in such a hurry? I’ve just got here.”
He ignored her, and walked out onto the busy street, phone in hand.
He had an idea form in his head. His father had proven to be a worthy sounding board already. How odd it is that his Father was proving to be such a good listener in regard to relationships when he’s never had a great one himself. Before finding out about Therese, he’d never sought for personal advice from his Father, and yet here he was again turning to him.
“Dad, just wondering if you have a spare half hour or so? I need someone to talk through some stuff with.”
“Sure, son. Tell me where and when.”
He needed somewhere he could walk and talk. Only, they didn’t do that kind of thing without security following them. And he didn’t want that.
“How about outside the modern art gallery near the river? In say fifteen minutes?”
“Sounds good.”
The traffic was light, and Nick’s car pulled up outside the gallery less than eight minutes later. Less than a minute later, his driver notified him that his father’s car had just pulled in.
