by Tijan
“Taryn?” She stood. Mandy started for me, but stopped a few feet away. “What’s wrong? What’d I say? Please.” A hysterical note etched into her tone. It was soft, hanging there on the end, before it bloomed.
I shook my head. Forcing myself to sound calm, I asked, “Who told you that?”
“Amber and Jennica.”
“Where’d they hear it from?”
She lifted a shoulder, but let it drop suddenly. “I don’t know. I’m not helping you. I’ve made it worse. I’m sorry, Taryn. What can I do? Tell me what to do to make this better.”
There wasn’t anything she could do. “I need to talk to Amber and Jennica.”
“Okay.” She went for the door. “I’ll get them.” She opened it, but paused before she said, “I want to help you like you helped me, Taryn. I’m sorry for making this worse.”
My insides were burning up. I felt raw, like someone had dragged a rake through my organs and left me bleeding out. “You did. Trust me, you did.”
She left and I closed my eyes. Stay calm. Hear them out, I tried to tell myself, trying to calm the tornado inside me, but it wasn’t working. I used my last resort and counted down from one hundred. When I got to sixty-nine, a knock sounded at the door and Tray stepped inside.
“What’s going on?” He closed the door and leaned against it. Voices sounded from the hallway and the doorknob turned. He said through it, “Give me a minute in here.”
There was silence and then Mandy said, “One minute, Evans. She’s still my sister.”
Ignoring her, he focused on me. He was trying to read me again. “What’s going on?”
I took a moment and drank the sight of him in. He was gorgeous. Sometimes I didn’t see it. I felt his beauty. He was kind. He was patient. He stood up to me and for me. He took care of me, and he fought side by side with me. Those were his qualities, but he wasn’t just mine. I saw it downstairs and a part of me was jealous. I didn’t want to share him, but I knew I would have to. Now, seeing him at this party, it was like I was being reminded of the other side of Tray. Hazel eyes, sandy blonde hair, rakish grin, chiseled cheekbones, broad shoulders, trim waist, and my mouth watered as I remembered feeling his weight above me.
That alien emotion was back. It bubbled to the surface and spread all over. I shook my head. Shit. That was a whole other level of emotions I didn’t want to deal with either.
“Taryn?”
My voice was hoarse again when I spoke. “I’m seeing this through, Tray.”
“Okay.” His eyes narrowed, growing thoughtful. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because you have friends here. These people think of you like family. You’re not mine.” I hesitated. “Only mine. You’re theirs too. And what I’m about to do, it’s dangerous. I don’t know if you should help me.”
A corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “Who do you think I am? Someone weak? Someone soft? You’re going to come at me, preach to me about the dangerous road you’re going down? You think I don't know?” He stood from the door, locked it, and advanced on me. He spoke with each step he took. “I wake up next to you every morning. I hold you every night. I’m there. I’m beside you. This is me. I’m all fucking in, Taryn. Stop trying to scare me away and stop trying to treat me with kid gloves. I taught you how to fight, remember? Do I need to remind you of my life? I found my mom dead. That was me. I found her in bed. I found the empty bottle of pills and booze. I found the note. Me. I was there when my dad decided to leave with Galverson. Jace showed up. He gave my dad an ultimatum: Leave now, go with them and keep his mouth shut for the rest of his life to save mine, or go with my brother and get a bullet in the head later. That was his choice. He left me behind. I was there. I heard the whole thing and Jace saw me. I was standing upstairs. I wasn’t hiding, but my dad didn’t even look at me. He grabbed his wallet, took out his bank card, put it with a wad of cash on the counter, and left. That’s the last thing I remember about my dad.”
I swallowed and felt as if he’d struck me across the face. He’d had it hard. So did I. He shook his head. “Stop.” He was in front of me now. His hands lifted. He was going to touch the sides of my face, but he hesitated. I saw the agony in him, and he closed his eyes. He closed himself off from me and drew in a breath.
I frowned. He was drawing strength and he was doing it without me. My hands lifted to his before I realized what I was doing. I didn’t want him to do that. I wanted him to draw strength from me and as his eyes opened, I was gutted. “Stop.”
He did. I saw it.
I added, “I don’t want to ruin your life.”
“You won’t.”
I shook my head. I already had.
“Stop, Taryn.” His hands cupped my face. His thumbs rubbed over my cheeks, softly and tenderly. “It goes both ways. I’m all-in. I’ve never been this guy. I’ve never cared about a girlfriend before, but it’s different with you. Everything’s different with you. It’s too late to go back. I’m in, Taryn. Do you hear that? I’m in. Accept it. I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m your best friend. I’m going to be your lover. I’m going to fight with you. I’m going to hold you. I’m going to support you. I will not betray you, and I will not abandon you.”
Each word calmed me. The storm was there, but it wasn’t raging any more, and I cracked a grin. “I don’t have a say in the matter?”
He leaned forward. His lips were going to my forehead, but he held back. I felt him struggling with his emotions before he murmured, “No, you don’t. You have to deal with it.” He touched his lips there and his chest jerked up. The emotion was strong in him. We were the same in that moment. My hands clung to the back of his as he cradled my face, but I tugged him down.
His eyes opened and he looked into mine. For the first time, I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t look away. I let him stare into me. I let him see everything, and then I reached for his lips. As they touched mine, I claimed him this time.
I was letting him know he was mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
When we headed to Rickets’ House, my only goal was to find the girl that I saw with Brian the night he died. When Amber and Jennica came into the room, they said that girl had been asking questions about Brian’s death. As we drove up the long, windy gravel road to the house, Tray asked, “So, let’s run this over again. What did Amber and Jennica say again?”
“The cops said it was a robbery, but they said some girl was asking people about that night at a party. Amber told her to shut up and to stop asking questions. This girl didn’t back down and started saying things like it didn’t happen that way and it was all a set-up. Then Jennica told her that they knew his ex-girlfriend and she should respect the dead.” I paused. “That’s what they told me anyway.”
Tray drove past the house, which was lit up and had people spread out onto the front yard. He turned the car down the first row of parked cars, looking for a slot. “You were quiet at Dylan’s house. What were you thinking?”
“I have no idea why, but I can’t stop thinking about this one night. Jace joined the Panthers when he was young. He quit school and a few years later, he started working for Galverson. He changed and it was almost overnight.” The memories flared in my head and I swallowed against the bitterness that came with them. “He was more confident. No, he was arrogant. Their dad started to fear him. Then he started paying for things, throwing his money around like everyone owed him. I wasn’t always there. The Panthers aren’t a bad gang. They drive around and mostly protected people around the area, but they didn’t like that Jace was working for Galverson. I knew there was a divide between him and the rest of the gang. Then, I don’t know.” I shrugged and turned to the window. I wasn’t seeing the scenery. I was lost in my head, in my past. “Then it was like it didn’t matter. Jace came to the house one night. It was in the middle of the night and he just sat there. Brian was sleeping and their dad was having health problems by then so he always sleeping, so when I went to get food, he was in the kitc
hen.”
My voice grew faint as the memory reenacted in my head. “I was hungry and I didn’t turn the light on, but when I opened the fridge I saw him at the table. There was blood on him, all over him. And he had a gun.” I closed my eyes. “I didn’t notice it at first, but I saw the jacket. It was his Panther’s leather jacket. It was on the table and when I moved closer to him, he covered the gun with his jacket. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Jace was always…he didn’t talk much. I mean, we joked. He used to wrestle with Brian, but all that had stopped for a long time. I was scared of him. He had become Brian’s jackass brother, but that night it was like the old Jace was back.” I faltered, remembering the haunted look in his eyes. “I never asked him what was wrong. We didn’t talk at all, but I sat there and,” a grin left me, “I ate a bowl of ice cream. It was the oddest and most surreal night of my life.” Everything went back to normal after that night, but I didn’t know how to explain it. It didn’t make sense to me.
I turned to Tray and found him watching me. I felt the kindness. I felt the understanding and knew Brian would never have reacted this way. That threw me. Brian would’ve been jealous. He was always so jealous, especially of his brother. I shook my head and continued, “Jace changed after that night. I don’t know what happened and I always wanted to ask, but now...” It was too late. “I don’t care about him anymore.”
“Taryn.”
I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say. It was going to be beautiful and it would probably make me want to cry. I shook my head. “I’m here to kick some ass. Let’s save the poetry talk for later, like never.”
He grinned, then reached over and cupped the side of my face. I leaned into his touch before I could lecture myself against it. He was there. Strong. Caring. As I thought of what a great guy he was, my heart sunk. I was spoiled for anyone else. He was it.
Shit.
“What?”
“We have to go to the same college.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m ruined for guys. No one else will ever measure up to you.” He opened his mouth, but I shot a hand up. “I don’t want to talk about it, but you’re stuck with me. Got it?” I didn’t wait for his reply. “Good. Let’s go.” And I shoved out of the car. As I rounded the back end—when the hell did we park?—I pointed at him. “You and I have to get it on. It’s sad that we’ve not fornicated yet.” I grimaced. “I’m not some damn virgin. What am I thinking?”
I started up the hill, but he caught my hand and pulled me back.
I groaned. I knew where this was going. He pushed me against the back of his SUV and lifted me. As I wound my arms around his neck, I said, “I know you’re perfect, but that doesn’t mean you have to prove it to me here.” My legs lifted and wound around his waist and I tugged him so he was pressed against my chest. “Although, public sex does have its own rush, and I have no doubt you’ll ace that as well.”
“Shut up.”
He was serious. All the jokes fled as he leaned down.
“Stop, Taryn. Stop fighting. I thought that we established this at Dylan’s house.”
I nodded. My forehead rubbed against his.
“Stop fighting yourself from feeling.”
“I have to.” I felt too much. “I just want to fight.” I didn’t want to cry.
“Let yourself feel. You need to.” He stepped back, shaking his head. “Use your emotions, Taryn. They’ll make you stronger in the end.”
A wave of sadness rushed through me. His words opened the door and I lowered my head. I felt the tears, but fuck it. I’d feel later. Jumping off the car, I started up the hill. “Let’s go. I’ll use my emotions. I’ll use them to kick this girl’s ass if she doesn’t tell us everything.”
When we got to the house, people stopped talking. The music still blared. People were yelling and laughing from inside the house, but conversations trickled to a stop outside as people turned and saw us. No. I scanned around. They were looking at me. They weren’t focused on Tray. All their hatred was coming at me. I lifted my hands. “What? Is there a poster with my head on it somewhere?”
A girl stepped away from the crowd. She was holding a red plastic cup with her purse hanging off her arm. Her hair was braided to the side and it rested over her shoulder. She wore a skimpy black shirt that showed her midriff and baggy jeans. Her eyes were cold. Her lip lifted in a slight sneer. “We know who you are. We don’t want you around here.”
I frowned. “I’m here for answers. Where’s the girl that said Brian’s death was a set-up?”
She laughed, rolling her eyes. “You mean every girl? We all know it was a set-up. No one believes Brian Lanser was robbed and killed. We’re not dumb.”
Tray tugged at my belt loop. He pulled me backwards. “This doesn’t make sense. They wouldn’t rally for Brian.”
I shot him a look. He didn’t have to explain that to me.
He tucked me behind him and asked the girl, “What else happened that we don’t know?”
“Ask her. The rumor is that she was there, that she was at the Seven8 with Jace Lanser that night.”
A shiver went down my back. Someone had seen me, someone that wasn’t Jace.
Tray said, “She was there for a different reason. That’s when she was told about Brian’s death too. She’s been in mourning since. This is the first we’re hearing about a set-up.”
The girl scoffed. “Yeah, right. She saw Brian that night. He died hours later. Gray told me he was going to see her. Now he’s missing too. Like I said, we’re not stupid.”
My blood ran cold, and I surged forward, around Tray. “What did you say?”
“Gray. He’s missing.” Her eyes were locked on mine and her hatred went up a notch. As she said that, the crowd moved forward. A few people called out, “Yeah, where is he, bitch?”
I looked around. This was it. They were rallying because of Gray, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to believe this. “You’re kidding me, right? Gray’s fine. Gray put you up to this.” I raised my voice, “GRAY! Where are you?”
“He’s missing.”
A guy stepped next to her. “He went missing last night. He wasn’t in school today and Dee told us that he went to see you.”
“What?” No, no, no. I couldn’t go through this again. There was no way. “Who’s Dee?”
The girl jerked forward. Her fingers tightened on her cup, and it broke in her hands. She kept glaring at me. She didn’t notice her cup or the liquid that was running down her arms and legs from it. “Stop insulting us. I hate you. Do you understand that? Gray is missing because of you.”
The guy touched her arm and said to me, “Dee was with Brian last.”
“That girl he was hooking up with?”
Just then, the crowd parted and two guys brought a girl forward. She was struggling against their hold. She didn’t see me at first and when they shoved her forward, she rounded and punched one of them. Then she turned to the girl. “What the hell, Ro? You guys just grab me?”
Ro pointed to me, her arm dripping with beer. She made no move to clean herself up.
Dee rounded and saw me. Her eyes got big, and she paled. Then she bolted.
“Hey!”
I started after her, but Tray grabbed my arm. “Stay. I’ll get her.”
“But…” I stopped. He was already gone. The guys who had brought Dee to us took off after her, but Tray lapped them in seconds. One of them stopped and came back, while the other continued after Dee and Tray. He gestured to the parking lot. “I forgot Dee ran track last year.”
Ro’s lips were pressed tight. She said through them, “Jake will bring her back.”
The guy grunted and looked at me. “Evans will bring her back. Jake’s there to help in case she knees him in the balls.” He nodded to me. “I played against Evans last year. I forgot how quick he is too.”
“Shut up, Frank.”
He shrugged. “You got your panties in a twist, but she’s here. She’s not go
ing anywhere.” He was still staring at me and I realized he was talking about me. “I don’t think she had anything to do with Gray.”
The other guy who had first spoken for Ro shook his head. “You’re not helping, Frank.” He glanced down at Ro. “But I agree with him. We know Matthews. She’s not down like that.”
“I don’t care. Gray’s missing. He always took up for her and now he’s gone. She’s the common factor.” Her eyes sliced to mine, cutting through the air. “If you had anything to do with Gray or if he shows up dead like your ex-loser, you’re the one I will blame.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t accepting what they were saying. Gray was fine. He was always fine. “Why don’t I remember you?”
“Because I’m not like you. I don’t hang out with druggies and criminals.”
“You’re one of the popular crowd?” She wasn’t acting like it, but scanning the guys I recognized them as being a part of the athletes from Pedlam. Gray was popular. She could’ve been there and I wouldn’t have known her. I didn’t care enough to know people at that school. Gray and Brian. That was it.
“They’re coming back.” Frank laughed shortly. “Evans has her.”
He swung back to me. I sensed unspoken questions from him and bit out, “What?”
