by Tijan
loved him.
“What?”
I was damned lucky. Stepping inside, I barely felt the water. He was in my life. Reaching out, I took hold of his shirt and moved closer. Glancing down, my forehead rested against his chest. His hands went to my hips and he pulled me against him. I felt him drop a tender kiss to my neck. My hands fisted around his shirt and I struggled to choke out, “Thank you.”
He swept my hair to the side, cupped the back of my neck, and tilted my chin so I looked up. Our gazes met. He asked, “For what?”
“You never left.”
A corner of his lip lifted in a slight smile. A fierce expression was in his eyes. I couldn’t look away. As his thumb rubbed over my cheek, he said, “I never will.”
“See.” I tapped his chin, grinning. “Lines like that. How did I get you?”
The other side of his mouth lifted into a full grin. His free hand moved down and cupped my bottom. “With this.” He jiggled it, but it didn’t move. “A fine ass is all a guy looks for.” He moved so he could look at it, then he pulled back with that same wolfish grin. “Although yours is too toned. You should stop working out so much.”
Laughing, I pressed a fist to his chest. “It’s all your fault. All those training sessions and nights with the punching bag. I never did throw a knife at someone, you know.”
His eyebrows lifted. “And you’re asking to rectify that? I love you, Taryn, but you’re not throwing one at me.”
I chuckled, but I caught the pain flare up over him again. Lifting a hand up, I cupped the side of his face. His eyes closed. He moved into my palm and a soft sigh left him.
“Sometimes I don’t know what to say.” My hand cupped the other side of his face. I turned his face and his eyes opened again. An inch separated us. “I never knew my parents, but I know loss. I know what it feels like to love someone, become attached to them, and have them ripped from you in a day. It happened to me all the time when I left foster homes. I stopped getting close early on, but there was never any words that helped me. The only thing that helped was someone’s presence.” My finger began moving back and forth again. I wanted him to feel my love. “I don’t know what it’s like to have parents, but I know what it’s like to not have them.” I felt tears on my cheek, but my god, I ignored them. The haunted look in Tray’s eyes pushed all my demons away. Everything was about him now. “The only thing I can think of to say is that I’m sorry. I am. I am so goddamn sorry.” He started to step back, but I held him firm. “I will never leave. I won’t. I promise.”
He glanced down, while I held his face and then his lips touched the top of my head. His arms moved so he was holding me tight. He bent over me and his lips grazed the top of my shoulder. He murmured against my skin, “I’m trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t care. I knew I was never going to see him again, but man, hearing it spoken like that. It’s final. He’s dead and I’m supposed to be too. I hate Jace, but I’m grateful to him at the same time. I hate feeling both of those things. Not about that guy, not with everything he’s done.”
My hand lifted to cradle the back of his head and I rested mine against his. “You can feel however you want to feel. Being grateful that you’re alive is never wrong to feel.”
“I hate him too.”
“That’s fine too.”
He lifted his head, staring down at me for a moment, then another, and another. “I love you.”
I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t talk. Giving him a shaky smile, I managed to get out, “I love you too.” Another nod. “I do.”
His eyes darkened. Then he bent, lifted me under my legs, and braced me against the shower wall. As he did, I leaned back, now gazing down on him. My legs automatically wrapped around his waist. His hand moved to my shirt, slipped underneath and began pushing it up.
His thumb rested on my stomach, pausing for my permission. My legs tightened around him in response and then I leaned down. My lips were caught by his, but it was mutual. A fevered frenzy took over me and I wanted him. I needed him. My hands grappled with his jeans, undoing them, and then I shoved them down as he peeled my shirt off. My bra was taken off and he cupped my breast, his thumb rubbing over my nipple. Falling back against the wall, I arched up for him. He held me, caressed me, trailed kisses down my throat until he was bent over me, and his mouth hovered over my breast, I let go. I wasn’t innocent, but he was making me feel new sensations again. It would be my first time with him. Knowing that I loved him, and he loved me, made everything right.
It was perfect.
His eyes were lidded and thick with desire. I cradled the side of his face and as I did, he turned to press a small kiss to my palm. Then he tightened his hold on my legs and stood from the wall. As he took me into the bedroom and lowered me down, I pulled him so he was on top of me the whole time.
I didn’t want to part from him. And later, as he slid inside me, our hands were clasped together, I had a feeling I wouldn’t have to worry about that again. I had found my soul mate.
*
A discreet knock woke us. Tray’s hand tightened on mine and I lifted my head from his chest. The clock said it was three in the morning. We shared a confused look, but the knock sounded again and we both rolled out of bed. As he went to answer it, I grabbed some shorts and then pulled on a loose shirt. He waited. I gave him a nod, and as he opened it, I ran my fingers through my hair. I must’ve looked like a mess. Hearing his brother’s voice, I forgot about my hair. Going to Tray’s side, I hugged myself. “I thought you said we could have our time to rest.”
Tray shifted back so I could join the conversation.
Chance’s lips were pressed in a flat line. He waited a beat to answer and as he did, his hand lifted to rub at one of his temples. “Uh, Taryn.”
“What?”
Tray leaned forward to peer over his brother’s shoulder. As he did, his eyes got big and he stiffened.
Chance saw his reaction and shot up a hand. “Stop, Tray. There are reasons he’s here.”
He jerked forward, but Chance blocked him. Tray brought up his arm and shoved his brother out of the way. He stalked forward. I still didn’t see who it was. When Chance saw I was going to follow, he held a hand up. “Wait.” He turned. “TRAY. Wait! This is truth time.”
He did and pivoted around him. A fierce scowl was on his face. “You better start spilling. Now.”
“I will.” Chance gentled his tone, and his hands lowered, slowly. “Give me time, and I will explain everything.”
“Waiting. Go now.”
He swallowed and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “Okay, but just you and me. We’ll go in Dad’s library downstairs.”
At the mention of their father, Tray’s eyes went to slits and his hands fisted again. Danger emanated from him. He was close to becoming violent. When I started to move again, to see the reason for his anger, Chance shifted at the same time. His hand lifted once more and it held there, his finger extended in my direction. “Taryn,” he started.
Then, whoever it was, made a decision. He stood. I could see the top of his head. My eyes followed his dark blonde hair until he stood, clear as day, and five yards from me.
Jace.
He was dressed in a black shirt and black pants. I couldn’t comprehend it. My eyes dropped to his side where a gun was holstered. Glancing at Tray, he was waiting for my reaction, but I had none. Why didn’t I?
I pressed my fingers to my forehead. “This doesn’t make sense.”
“Taryn,” Jace spoke.
My fingers whisked out, silencing him. “Shut up.”
“I have been undercover. I’ve been working to take down Sal Galverson’s entire drug ring.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear it. Turning my hand, I gave him the middle finger. “I said shut the fuck up.” I moved towards Tray. “What do I do?”
Some of the danger had faded from him. His shoulders were still tense, but his hands had loosened. “You do what you want to do.”
&nbs
p; A million questions flew through my mind, but they all faded, as one was the only one important to me then. “Is Brian really dead?”
Regret and a darkness flashed in his eyes. “Yes.”
I stepped back. It was like finding it out all over again.
Jace said softly, “I’d like to tell you everything.”
I was still looking at Tray. He would do what I wanted, but I shook my head. “Not alone. I want Tray with me. That’s the only way I’ll be in the same room as you again.”
“Fair enough.”
Chance spoke, “The library is downstairs, in the basement.”
One by one, we trailed down there. As we got to the main floor, I saw there were still DEA agents everywhere. When I walked past them earlier, their conversations had quieted, but they still continued talking. But now, everything stopped. Fingers froze on their keyboards. No one said a word and all their heads turned our way.
I frowned, noticing they weren’t watching me or Tray. Their eyes were trained on Jace. As he walked past them, for those who were sitting, one by one stood. It was a sign of respect. When we went down the other flight of stairs and entered the library, my hand reached for Tray’s. Inside, Jace turned to us, and Chance closed the door behind him. For some reason I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t angry. I was calm. We were going to hear a new story, but mine was done.
My hand tightened over Tray’s.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
As we stood in the library, we were told a lot of different facts. We were told that Jace had been recruited by Chance to work for the DEA when Chance returned home and discovered his father was working for the drug ring. Jace was already working for Sal Galverson, but he decided to turn on his boss when he found out the mother of his child died from a drug overdose. Jace said to me, “It was that night when I was in the kitchen and you came out. You sat at the table with me for hours.” He hesitated. “I was an ass before then. I’m sorry, Taryn. I know things were bad at the house and I know I’m partly to blame for things over the years. I was messed up for a lot of those years.”
I nodded. “I remember.” He never talked about his daughter. He mentioned her once; she was being cared for by another family. No one asked any questions because that’s how Jace was with us. That had been the dark, scary Jace. That night was when things changed; he had turned into the Jace that I loved as a brother. I saw traces of him again, but it didn’t matter. Too much had happened.
“Jace was stalling. He was giving us time to get there and set up the nets.”
Tray frowned. “What about Dad?”
Chance cast him a frown.
Jace said, “He’s not dead. Sal ordered to get rid of him so we made it look like he was.”
Chance spoke up, “He’s in witness protection.”
Tray asked, “So I’ll never see him again?”
“Not unless you want to join him.” Chance glanced at me. “Once you go in, you can’t come out. Something’s telling me you won’t go for that deal.”
“Do you see him?”
Chance hesitated, then shook his head. “No, but I’d like to. I love him too.”
Tray continued to frown, but he didn’t respond. He gave a small nod and then looked to me, as if giving me permission to get my answers.
There was a heavy silence in the room. Then Jace asked, “You don’t have anything else to say, Taryn?”
I didn’t. I really didn’t. I should. I knew there was a lot I didn’t understand or know, but after jumping from that tunnel and thinking I was going to die, a switch had been flipped. I really had let go of my past. My future was what mattered now. Brian. Jace. I let go of everyone and everything. “I’m eighteen now. I’m an adult. I’m going to finish high school, and I’m going to try and get a scholarship in swimming so I can go to college. I’m going to find Mandy and Austin because I love them. They’re my new family and,” I lifted my hand that was holding Tray’s, “I’m going to be wherever he is,” I turned so I was talking only to Tray, “as long as you’ll have me.”
A tender expression flashed over his face and he pulled me to his side. Dropping a soft kiss on my forehead, he whispered, “That shit goes both ways.”
Another stupid smile came to my face and like the time on the boat, I didn’t try to hide it.
“Okay then.” Jace started for the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “I’m still a member of the Panthers. If you need anything, you can go to them. They’ll take care of you.”
I frowned. “Why? Where are you going?”
He shared a look with Chance.
I twisted around. Tray’s older brother grimaced as he said, “Sal Galverson’s drug ring is gone, but he was one member in a bigger network. A few of the guards got away. We were able to capture most of them and the others were killed, but his name will get back to the rest of the network.”
“What does that mean?”
“They know who I am so I have to disappear.” A wall slid away and Jace wasn’t the stranger anymore. I saw the caring in his eyes again and I was warmed by that. Blinking back tears, he was still there in my heart.
I tried to grin, but knew it was shaky. “You really meant it when you wanted me to go away, didn’t you?”
He sighed. His hand fell from the doorknob. “If something went wrong, I didn’t want Galverson to use you against me. People knew I cared about you.”
“And Brian?”
He gave me a crooked grin. “You think Brian would’ve gone anywhere I told him?”
“Oh.” I laughed, but it was weak. “No. He would’ve done the opposite.” Jace reached for the door again. “Wait,” I stopped him. His hand went back to his side, and I asked, “Where’s he buried? Is he by your dad?”
“I’m having his body moved. I don’t want anyone to do anything to it, and these people, they’d do just about anything to get to me.” He frowned. “I’ll let you know where I have him moved.” He glanced at Chance. “Or someone will.”
He paused again, staring at me as I stared at him. This was it. This was really the end. “I’ll never see you again?”
“Unless something bad happens.” His grey eyes seemed haunted and he tried to give me a half-grin. “Let’s hope you never see me again.” He said to Tray, “Take care of her.”
“I plan to.”
Then he started to turn again. “Wait.” I flew at him. Slamming into his chest, I buried my head there, and he wrapped his arms around me at the same time. This was my last goodbye. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I knew I’d probably always care about him. He and Brian had been family when no one else had been. When I pulled back, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and gently flicked me on the cheek. He murmured, “We had some good times.”
My heart was heavy. “Goodbye, Jace.”
He nodded. He didn’t say it back, but that was okay. He dropped a kiss to my forehead and whispered back, “Love you, kid, even when you thought I hated you.”
Then he pulled away and left. I didn’t turn for Tray. I didn’t need to be comforted. I knew what was happening. That old chapter in my life just walked out the door. It was done. There were nothing left to be resolved.
“You okay?” Tray asked me, standing beside me.
I nodded. “Yeah.” I reached for his hand. I was okay. I would be okay. Hell, I would be more than okay. I was strong. I was a survivor. I felt ready to take on the world. Feeling that rush of adrenalin, I squeezed Tray’s hand.
He was my home now.
EPILOGUE
“Matthews, you’re diving in five minutes.” My coach patted my shoulder as he walked past me.
My teammate laughed next to me. “Way to give us a pep talk.” She swung her fist in the air, giving me the thumbs up sign. “That’s our coach for you.”
I laughed, but I couldn’t ignore the knots in me. My stomach was twisted up like a pretzel. We were in the semifinals at Columbia. My dive could seal a win for our team or finalize our loss. No pressure at
all.
We were standing against the wall as a diver soared into the water. It was a near perfect execution. My teammate swore beside me. “Goddamn.”
Her legs were off, but only a slight inch. I could beat her. I knew it.
Then the assistant coach waved me over. She patted my shoulder and murmured, “Did you see that?”
