Charles. Well; but were you not paid for your Pains? did I not take care that the Towns where you Taught should allow you honorable Stypends, and that the Parents of your Scholars should add to your Income?
Clenard. Right Charles, Quod erat demonstandum. Did not you therefore raise Contributions for me, nay pay them your Self? what plainer acknowledgment could you make of my being really the greater Man of the Two. Prythée what does any vassal in the Empire do more to his Lord?
Charles. Pough, this is meer Sophistry.
Clenard. Real Truth, bond fide, but pray go on in your own way.
Charles. Why, I tell you the Eyes of the whole World were upon me, Every body enquiring into my Designs, and Solicitous to be informed of my Measures.
Clenard. And every body wishing You were a Thousand Mile off when ever you left your Kingdoms, which you might have governed quietly; and every body Praying heartily for your Exit out of that World, which you Harrassed and Tormented.
Charles. You break in upon me too soon. What Two glorious Days were those in which I put the Armies of Solyman and Barbarossa to (light? How compleat was the Victory of Pavie, when I took Francis the First Prisoner, and how memorable the Saccage of Rome, when I got the Pope into my Clutches! the Jest pleases me stil when I think out. That I detained Il beatissimo padre Clemente close Prisoner, when I put my self into Mourning for my Victory, and Ordered public Processions to be made for his Deliverance.
Clenard. To crown your Happyness, pray think of some other of your great Days. That for instance when you returned from Africa soundly beaten, by the same Barbarossa you just now quoted. That Day when you were driven from before Marseilles over the Alps, with the loss of above Thirty thousand Men. Or, that when you were forced to raise the Seige of Metz, when the Wits of the Age were so merry with You as to give you for Devise a Sea-Crab, and your own Plus ultra turned into Plus citra for the Motto; When they painted your Eagle chained to your Hercules’s Pillars, with Non ultra Metas at the bottom; and not to trouble you too much (for I could put many days of Mortification into your Calendar) what think you of that distinguished One when you gave your self up to the bonne foy of your old Antagonist Francis, and in the middle of a seeming Triumph was in bodily fear lest he should use you as scurvilly as you had done the Pope. And now after all your Wars carryed on in Germany for your pretended Catholicism, you were forced to conclude a Peace in favor of the Protestants: And after all the Designs against France, you were not able to recover even what that Crown had gained upon You.
Charles. Aye, now Thou talkest like a Philosopher indeed: Must we not all bear our Crosses and Disappointments in life?
Clenard. Yes, but there is the greatest difference in the World between bearing and creating them. The first arises from the Malice of Fortune, the latter from the Effects of our own Folly; for one we ought to be Pittyed, for the other blamed.
Charles. In every state of life, Friend Clenard. a Man is subjedt to Mistake; and as the Attempt is higher, the blunder is more visible but (Error excepted) if we cast up our Accounts there is no Comparison between the greatness of my Fortune, and the Obscurity of Yours.
— my share
In equal ballance laid —
Flings up the adverse Scale and scorns proportion, as Prior says in a Hymn of Call[i]machus.
Clenard. Prior may say what he will in Verse, that Hymn was all Enthusiasm, all Heroes Stars and Gods. In prose I am sure he is of another opinion. But what does his Master Horace say, and no body can say it better?
Est modus in rebusy sunt certi deni g fines Quos ultra...nequit consist ere rectum.
For once I translate it for you, because possibly you have forgot your little Latin you had One equal bound there is, one stated line, Which shou’d the Justice of our Adi confine:
There right resides, what goes beyond is wrong; Grows idly vast, and trails absurdly long.
Now you Heroes never mind this Rule, you always over shoot the mark, or to express it more properly, you do not see the object you Aim at. Yee are so intent upon Conquering that you have no time to govern: Reason should direct your view, but ambition dazles it. So you never attain your Desires, because you never sufficiently consider what will satisfy them.
This is the Cause of all those troubles which you bring upon your Selves and the rest of the World. There is something in what is called Heroic Virtue, which exceeding the measure of Nature from Sublime turns to rediculous. When You were a Boy you used to run your Sword against Cæsar or Sertorius in your Mothers Tapistry; hopeful Symptoms indeed! and when you grew bigger you Attacked people who had done you no more harm than those figures in the Hangings. In short you Heroes are too forward Children to stop at being sensible Men; And while you abuse the Trust which Providence reposed in you in setting you to preside over the rest of your Species for their Safety and benefit, you Debase your Selves beneath the lowest Rank of your Fellow-Creatures. By Jupiter Ammon, your great Predecessor, a drunken Cobler that gets Ten Children is a more useful Member of the Commonwealth, than a hott headed Prince, who without any other cause then that of his own Pride, leads as many hundred to have their Brains knocked out.
As to the common excuse of enlarging your Dominions, while You are doing it, you ruin your Subjects: I have some Verses for You on that Occasion.
Recruits and Arms abroad cause Home-bred wants, The Monarch Triumphs, but the Nation faints.
His hungry Fame that Corm’rant Bird devours, The Harvest Destin’d to the public stores.
New-gather’d Lawrells load the Victors brow, But Senates aw’d with lower Homage bow.
With Io’s while they swel the general Voice, Watch’d they are Loyal, and constrain’d rejoice:
Their secret sighs belye their loud Address; They speak their Masters Fame, but wish it less:
Ty’d to his Chariot-wheels at once he draws His Enemies Ensigns, and his Peoples Laws.
His own Success the Soldier last bewails, Above his Pride his Countrys Love prevails; He dreads the Pow’r he did too long sustain, And sees the Sword he drops new-forg’d into a Chain.
Charles. Why this is a meer Libel, Clenard. down right Sedition every word of it. If I was serious with You, I would tell You, You are a dangerous Person, and ought to be laid in a gentle Confinement, for the good of the Public.
Clenard. Ha, ha, ha, You really make me laugh. Dont you imagine that we think such as You dangerous Persons, only that for our Private Safety we dare not say so. Am I to be laid up because you cant bear Truth P I tell You that for the good of the Publick you should all have your Swords taken from You as if You were actual Lunaticks, and not be suffered to go a Madding with this Rattle of a Globe to play with. Believe me you grope thro the World with your Scepters, like blind Beggars with their Staves; and are moved and directed by the Neighing of a Steed, and the sound of a Trumpet, as those by the barking of a Dog, and the tinckling of a Bell. What a Changling was Cyrus, when he left a fine Country, where he might have Governed quietly, and run over Hill and Dale into a Worse Climate to attack a Woman who had never injured him? and what a figure did he make when one of Thomyris’s Chamber maids Show’d his grim Phyz in a bloody bason? How rediculous was Alexander when he blubbered for another World to Conquer? and what did Hanibal get by vexing half Europe, but to be made the subject of a Declamation for my Boys? To talk once more of Your own Extravagancies, Dear Emperour, when you had given your self such incredible troubles, and made that Universal bustle in Italy, what did You bring home but your own Name of Charles le Quint, corrupted by the Venetian pronounciation into Harlequin, a little restless Fellow with a black Muzle, a Patch-work Coat on his back, and a lath Sword in his Hand, Assaulting All he met, leaping thro every Mans Windows, and disturbing the business of his House? And have you not been Represented under this foolish Character in all the Fairs throughout Europe; That Franckfort not excepted, where you valued your Self just now for having been Crowned. In one word, Human Nature is a very poor thing, Neighbor Charles; Dispotic Power never ought to
be Trusted with it, considering what sad Effects Ignorance, self Will & Flattery may produce. I am astonished that an Absolute Monarch does not Degenerate into a meer Driveller.
Charles. Well, I will not shew my Anger against this Word-man. O brave Clenard. why this is all —
Hydrops, — Ny£licoraxy Thorax, et Mascula vervax.
Clenard. Upon my word, good Emperor, I am glad to find You understand Your Grammer so well, for I shal be with you upon that subject too presently. But first of the first, as I have heard your Story pray give me leave to tell you mine, it shal be very short. You said that the Eyes of all the World were upon you; Now, I had my Eyes upon all the World: When I was known for a very famous School-master, I travelled thro Flanders, Germany and Spain as well as You. I passed into Africa, not indeed with half so much noise and Tumult, but with more Satisfaction and safety. In short I contented my self to Visit those Countries in which you were never quiet because you had not Conquered them.
Charles. I must confess that jogging on in a Passage Boat or a Stage-Coach with three or four Friends is but an odd way of Travelling; a Fleet and an Army are delicious Attendants.
Clenard. Aye Charles, but what other Company had You? fear that the Bread-Waggons should not come up in due time, doubts lest the Magazines might be surprised. Restlessness and want of Sleep lest Your Design should either be Revealed or prevented; Besides your two Intestine Comrades the Stone and the Gout.
Charles. There is too much Truth in what this pert Philosopher says, but I must bear up to him for the sake of my Honor, that dear honor, which makes us too often Commit a second mistake in defence of the first — Well, Friend Clenard. you are stil harping at a Comparison between your way of Living and mine. Would you inferr from all this, that every Man in an inferior Station has an equal share of happyness and Glory with those who hold the first Seats in the World?
Clenard. Every Man has, Charles, for as to happyness he must form it himself, and this is soon done, when the necessarys of life, very few and easy to come at, almost within every Mans reach, are once Acquired. As for Fame, which you all run mad after, it is not in any Mans own power to purchace it. It depends upon the good will and free gift of other People; and is only got by a Mans behaving himself so, as to oblige the World to speak well of him. So let the Emperor and the School-master do what they will, One will be called a Tyrant, the other a Pedant, unless they really deserve the contrary. But prythée let me go on. I read books, promoted Knowledge, I was kindly received by my Friends where ever I came: I was invited into Portugal; past, as I tell You, into Africa in quest of Oriental Manuscripts; brought Mahometan Servants back with me, gave them their Liberty, taught them Latin, made them Christians, nay got some of them advanced to the Dignity of Priesthood, an honor to which you with all your Interest aspired in vain, while your Tutor Adrian, a Brother Grammarian of mine, obtained it: and became more a Master to You, when you were now grown up a Man and an £mperor, then when you was simply Charles of Gaunt, and a little Boy under his Ferula.
Charles. Egad that last was a home thrust. I must not let him perceive I feel it so sensibly. Once more, I tell thee, there is as much difference between our Actions, as between our Stations and Qualities. Fails, Clenard. real visible Fails, are on my side. Thy Glory is only Speculative; meer imagination. To alter the Constitution of Provinces, to raise or Depose Princes, to give War or Peace as I pleased: This has laid the Foundation of a lasting renown for me, and a Monument upon which Fame must sit for Ever.
Clenard. You are a little in the Clouds, Charles, something upon the Ph[oe]bus as the French call it, but I shal fetch you down immediately. A very easy way of reasoning may set our Actions in the right light. Suppose I should walk my Children over other Mens Gardens, let ’em pull down the hedges, root up the Melons, and rob the Orchards; what would People say, but that I was a Senseless Creature, and a drunken Sot? but yet when One of you Princes takes a fancy to burn whole Towns, and lay the Provinces round them desolate, you seem satisfyed when you Answer, it was for your Glory. This my Predecessors have Preached to Yours for Two Thousand Years past, and very few of You ever mended upon it; the when you are near Death, when the Clouds of Prejudice and Ambition are dispersed, and as my Master Plato says, the Soul sees things with a quicker and clearer Eye, some of You have been forced to acknowledge the Truth of these Maximes.
Charles. But this is meer Preaching, Domine Clenard.
Clenard. No matter if it be so, as long as I keep to my Text. As to your Fails therefore (all Errors excepted, as you just now desired) the best would dye almost Stilborn without my Midwifry. Take this as a Maxim, Fails depend upon words: The greatest Monarch and most Fortunate Captain, allowing his Cause to be most strictly just, and the Event equally Fortunate, is obliged for the recital to a dealer either in Syntax or prosodia. The Out lines & Drawings are only seen in the bare action of the Hero; but ’tis the Scholar that adds the heightnings and Colouring that gives the Beauty, nay faith, in great measure the very life and Substance of the Picture. So that this lasting Monument, of which you seem so fond, is founded upon the pleasure of us Grammarians; and your Fame might sit there long enough cooling her heels, silent and dispirited, except we find Idea’s to move her Vigour, and put sounds into her Trumpet. Did you never mind a large Ship going out of Port, Charles, with her Sails all spread, and her streamers flying? how insensibly yet how soon, her Bulk deminishes to the £ye of those who stand upon the Shoar, till as the distance increases She becomes quite lost: After this if you would know the Intrinsic Value of the Goods She carryed out, You must apply your Selves to the Surintendants and Customers that keep the Register.
Charles. Well, what then?
Clenard. Why then one of you great Men is just that s[t]ately Vessel. And You go out of the World as she goes out of the Harbour. You are launched into the Ocean of Eternity, with all your Escutcheons and Bandirolls about your hearse; and probably you may have four Marble Virtues to support the Monument you were speaking of just now. But alas! the Funeral Pomp is soon Diminished, worn out & forgotten! Age and Accident deface the Tomb; and it is only one of us Scholars that must take an Account of your True worth, and transmit it safe to Suceeding Generations. Not to go to old Stories how many of You Heroes dyed unknown before Agamemnon, because none of their Contemporaries writ their Story; or how Alexander wept for fear he should not be as advantageously treated as Achilles was before him. What could Elizabeth of England, or Henry le Grand of France have done, without the Assistance of a Camden or a Perefix? Yet these were Grammarians, Charles, meer Traders in Gerunds and Retailers of Supines: What need any more Examples? the thing is Meridtano sole clarior, as we say in our Declamations. Cæsar indeed could describe what he saw, and Antonius could tell how he thought. On my Conscience, I think, there are not above three or four more of You, that are Exceptions to my General rule.
Charles. Spoke in the Style of a Grammarian! but prythee Man what signifies telling and describing in comparison to acting & Governing. Words are your Province, Deeds are ours.
For under favor, Sir, all this while You live upon us, You only write what we perform. Your Chapters and Tomes are divided by our Wars and Treaties; The first Book ends where one of Us Dye, and the next begins with his Successors Coronation.
Clenard. We live upon You! quite otherwise. We could live better without You. It is upon your Account that we suffer, that we are accused so often of Flattery and partiality. When we have conversed with Classicks that leave the noblest Dictates of Morality upon our own Minds, and have inculcated Virtue and Honor into our Youth; We could give the rest of our Time to the contemplation of Nature and study of Philosophy. We can live and be encouraged any where, Nay have a part in the Power in all mixed Governments and Reputelicks. Places let me tell You, where one of You would meet but a very cold reception, and make but a very foolish Figure, Just the Reverse of what you say is true (to speak it in as Civil terms as I can) the Obligation is from You to Us. For your own part, the you did not take your Lati
n very kindly, You owe it to the care of your Tutor Adrian that you can Spell; and if You’l believe him as to the Point in question, he had one greater vexation than that of teaching a Dull Boy, for he had it Engraved on his Tomb-stone, that he knew nothing more grievous in life then to Reign. Wolsey (a down right Schoolmaster at Oxford) Governed his Harry the Eighth, as absolutely as ever I did my Boys, and even shared the Regal Dignity with his Soveraign, the Harry was of the Heroic strain too, of a temper not unlike your own. And another of my Profession upon the like Occasion had done pretty well with one of your Successors in Spain. So that you see a School-master can Instruit, nay Personate a King. But vice versâ it is very seldom observed, that a King makes a good School-master, Pray take notice that when any Man eminent in my Profession Dies, it is pretty hard to get his place supplyed. But as to Principality, if it is Hereditary, your Son be he good or bad, a Youth without any experience, or a Child in a Cradle, succeeds You. Nay in most places your Daughter, who probably never yet stirred out of her Nursery; and in an Elective Government, when ever a Vacancy happens You find twenty People ready to fill it: A broken General, a Younger Brother of a Princely Family, a Nobleman that has Estate enough to buy it; any Body in short. So true is it, that every Man thinks he can Govern, and few know that they can Teach. I’l go a little further with your Majesty, since I have you upon this point. Your very Titles, Your Serenissimus and Augustissimus are superlatives created by the Power of us Grammarians. Rex Germinae, Hispaniarum, Hungariay Bohemia &c: Then on to Archtdux Austriae Dux Burgundiay Brabantia &c.Then to Princeps Suevia and Marchio Sacri Imperiiy Burgaviay Moraviay and so away with it till one is out of breath. Now, what is all this but so many words fitted civily to their respedlive genitive Cases; Of which if one be wanting, or misplaced, you can neither eat your Dinner, nor sup quietly in your bed, till you have raised new Imposts, and waged new Wars to obtain Satisfait ion for so considerable an Affront. And after all that you can do in these great Affairs, you are forced to address your Selves to Grammarians and Heralds, Your recorders of words and Sentences, that they may be pleased to set You right again. And when ever You have Thought and Conquered with your Ruyters Sc Swashbucklers, are you not obliged to call us in again to draw up your Concordâtes, Your and Diplomata. How simply would you look even upon your own Money if your Titles round it were wrong spelt, & is not a piece of false Grammar in any Article sufficient to spoil a whole Treaty? Quo ad hum sets one Man upon the Throne, and sends another into Exile: Quo ad hanc makes all the Mariages and Divorces upon which the Succession of your Kingdom depend: and for Quo ad hoc it has cut out more bloody work then either the Trojan or Carthaginian Wars. We have had an Account from the other World within this Twenty Year that even the spirit and word of an Agreement made between one of your Successors and his Contemporary Princes made and broke the partition of all your Dominions. Two Latin prepositions Trans and Cum joined with Substantiation (a word invented by Us Schoolmen) were the Cause of all your troubles in Germany; and the same Contention is stil on foot the it is now One hundred and fifty years Since we were discharged from having any part in it. And I am credibly informed by an English Divine, who is just come down heither, that there is at this very time a Schism in that Kingdom concerning the Doxology. There is Et and Et on one side, and Per and in on t’other side. And happy is for that whimsical Nation, if their two Universities may be able to compose the difference. To cut the Discourse short; Great Charles of Austria, Swords Conquer some, but Words subdue all men. Since as you say you love Facts, my Dear Emperor, before we leave this subject let me instance one Fact to You, which neither You nor I can ever forget. When the Misfortunes of the Landgrave Philip of Hess had made him consent to Sign a Treaty with you (grievous enough for him in the best sense, for by it he was obliged to submit to a Confinement, from which he thought your generosity would release him as soon as your Vanity was gratifyed in his Personal Submission) To perform his Treaty he presented himself to your Majesty. The Princes of the Empire by whose Perswasion he had done this, and he himself imagining, as I say, that the Confinement was required only, pro formâ, that it would be very short, nay but for a Night, and that too spent in feasting and Play. But the next Morning your Chancellor, whom they expected to bring the order of Release for this unhappy Prince, declared in your Name that they were all Mistaken in the matter, and that the Confinement was understood to be Perpetual. As the matter was looked into, this difference was found to arise from an Equivoque in two German words: Einig, some, was agreed to in the Article, and Ewig, perpetual, was inserted in the transcribing it. Now, Charles, for the power of an n and a w, here is the Grandson of Maximilian of Austria and Mary of Burgundy, the Man in whose blood the Spanish and German Monarchies are United, playing a trick for which a Public Notary in the smalest imperial District would be Censured. And, to say no worse of the matter, the Emperor both as to his Sense and Honor depending wholly upon the Grammarian.
Complete Works of Matthew Prior Page 54
