by C. Gockel
“So someone would have to ask Carey, if they wanted to marry you?”
Sara smiled despite her concerns. “Someone would. But then Carey would have to take it to the Old Man. He’s god on this vessel.” Sara looked up at him. “If someone was to ask and the Old Man said no, it wouldn’t be because someone was…not one of us. There would probably be another, well, reason.”
He cupped her face with his big hands. “He knows, doesn’t he?”
Sara lowered her lashes. She slowly nodded. This wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t know.
“It’s complicated things. Old Man is worried about the Gadi now.”
“They recognized you, too?”
Sara nodded glumly. “It was a bad moment.” She looked down. “They just see her, not me. They don’t realize I’m not her. Not even close.”
“The colonel is a good man.”
“Yeah.” She leaned against him again. “Yeah, he is.”
“So, if someone wanted to—”
“Propose marriage?” she prompted.
“Yes. How—”
“On our planet, the guy gets down on his knees and begs like a dog.”
“Really?” He sounded repulsed. Maybe he felt her grinning. He pulled her back, so he could see her face. “What’s a dog?”
She had to laugh then. “Oh, Fyn. I do love you.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Yes, it’s very good. If it were, say me, you were wanting to propose to, it means that your chances of getting a positive response are excellent. Though—” Sara frowned. “I should have let you say it first. In our world, if a girl says I love you first the guy usually runs like a rabbit.”
Fyn thought for a moment. “What’s a rabbit?”
She smiled. “If I promise to explain dogs and rabbits later, and shut up, will you kiss me again?”
He looked at her, humor flashing in his green eyes. “I can’t kiss you until you promise to marry me.”
“Oh.” She lowered her lashes for a moment, the lifted them again. “I’ll have to think about it.” She started to count to ten, but he grabbed her at five, holding her face just out of reach of his mouth. She mock sighed.
“Fine. Man, some people are so—”
He didn’t ask her to shut up and kiss him. He made her.
Which is what she’d wanted all along.
Chapter Thirteen
Fyn wasn’t sure how to arrange a meeting with the Old Man, so he decided to talk to Carey first. He tracked him down in the cafeteria. Fyn filled a tray and sat down across from him. They ate quietly for a few minutes.
“So, I want to marry Donovan. That all right with you?”
“Sure—what did you say?”
Fyn looked at him, his fork halfway to his mouth. “I want to marry Donovan. She says you have to give permission.”
“I thought you’re already married?”
Fyn blinked. “Not anymore. Fiona revoked the bonding.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a minute. “You and Donovan. Wow. Marriage is pretty huge. Are you sure you’re ready for this? I mean, you’ve only been single a few hours? Don’t you want to, I don’t know, go with it for a while?”
“No.” He’d tried single for many long, lonely seasons. It wasn’t that great.
“You know this has to go to the Old Man, right?”
“That’s what Donovan said.” Fyn hesitated. “She said he might say no.”
“Really? Why would he do that? Okay, you’re from different galaxies and she’s died twice…but that’s no reason to turn you down.” Carey grinned. “I’ll try to make the case for you, but my heart’s not in it, bubba.”
“Are you one of those guys who runs like a rabbit if a woman says she loves you?” He wished he knew what a rabbit was. Sara had a lot of things to show him.
Carey looked surprised, then he grinned. “Probably. Kind of thing that sends a shiver down my back.”
“Where is Donovan?”
“Probably with Briggs. Old Man grounded her, you know.”
No wonder she’d looked so stressed last night.
“So, you’ll let me know?”
Carey nodded. “I’m meeting with him later. I’ll ask him then.”
Instead of a few days, the Gadi ship appeared on tracking the next day. Gaedon didn’t exactly catch them on the hop. The Old Man had started prepping to host them as soon as they returned to the sector. Didn’t mean he wasn’t surprised and a bit dismayed. Or that he wouldn’t have liked more time.
He sent Carey to talk to Sara. “Old Man thinks it would be a good idea if you were there to meet their ship—in your dress blues.”
Sara thought for a moment. It was actually a clever play. If it looked they were hiding her, it would only reinforce the idea that Sara had the key.
“Of course, sir. When should I be down there?”
“1400. He wants to know what size escort, too.”
Sara thought for a moment. “Just one jarhead should be plenty.” She smiled. Gaedon wasn’t a dummy. He’d get the message.
“You’re not going to be nice again, are you?” Carey asked.
“No, sir.”
“Oh.” He almost looked disappointed. “I talked to the Old Man about the other matter. He’s thinking about it.”
At least he hadn’t turned them down outright.
“Thank you, sir.”
“He wanted me to talk to you about it, but he didn’t tell me what to ask you.” He frowned a bit.
“He probably wants you to ask me if I’ve thought it through, considered the differences, things like that.”
“Oh.” He was quiet for a moment. “Well, have you?”
“Yes, sir.”
He nodded. “Good. I guess that’s all then.”
Sara saluted, hiding a grin. “Yes, sir.”
She went to her quarters and changed into her dress uniform, then made her way down to the transport bay. The jarhead was already waiting for her.
“They’re on approach now, ma’am.”
Sara smiled at him. “Thanks.”
The Gadi bird was really pretty, though again, without any sacrifice of function. She did a quick check of its systems. Not bad, though not as fast as their stuff. Weapons were all energy based. Shields were interesting. She’d like a closer look at them.
She and the jarhead came to attention as a ramp on the back lowered slowly. Two men in full uniform stalked to the base of the ramp and stopped, their backs ramrod straight.
Commander Gaedon emerged, flanked by two more men. When he saw her waiting, he checked briefly.
“Welcome to the Doolittle, sir. If you’ll step this way, I’ve been tasked to escort you to Colonel Halliwell.”
Gaedon looked at her for a long moment, then at the single guard. Humor lit in his eyes.
“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Captain.” He bowed, the movement both grave and courtly.
She’d think he was stuck in the past—if he hadn’t just walked out of a freaking space ship.
Sara nodded her head as importantly as she could manage. She still didn’t know how to curtsey.
“I’m surprised to see you here.”
As he turned to walk beside her, she said, “Colonel Halliwell thought we might be less intimidating if you saw a familiar face on arrival.”
“It is a face I am not sorry to see again. I would like to thank you for your restraint.”
She shrugged a bit. “I liked you when you weren’t being a Delta Sierra.”
His brows arched. “Delta Sierra?”
Sara looked at him, her eyes going wide. “I’m not sure how to explain the term. It’s very technical.” It probably wouldn’t be a good idea to call him a dumb shit, even if he didn’t know what it meant. Or if he did.
She stopped at the elevator and pushed the call button. “We call them elevators.”
He looked around. “Your ship is very functional.”
It didn’t sound like a compliment. Sara hid
another grin. They all entered and the doors closed.
“Not as pretty as yours,” Sara agreed, punching their floor, “but it works for us.”
“I was hoping we might have a chance to talk, Captain.”
“As long as it isn’t about Miri or keys, I’d be happy to, sir.” She gave him a friendly look, but there was steel in her gaze. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. “After you, sir.”
He stepped out into the corridor. She could tell he was frustrated, but that was just tough. He was on her turf now. She followed him, with his two guys and her jarhead on their six.
“You are correct about something, Captain,” he said.
“Really? You sure?”
He smiled. “You are very different from Miri—or at least our legends about her.”
“Maybe I take after my father—” Sara felt her insides jerk. Her father. How come she hadn’t thought about him before? All her thoughts, all her attention had been on Miri, but it took two to make a baby. Sara was relieved to reach their destination. She directed him toward the right door and hit the button to open the doors. He stopped to look at her, clearly trying to find the right words. He didn’t know there weren’t any.
“The Colonel is waiting, sir,” she said, gently.
He finally nodded and went in, with the escort in tow. It was a relief to have the door close between them. Sara headed back to her quarters to change. As she rounded the corner, she almost ran into Fyn. He stopped, gave her a once up and once down.
“You have legs again.” He grinned at her.
“These are my dress blues. I’ve been escorting the Gadi Commander.”
“That’s what Carey said. I thought I’d wait for you. He said you wouldn’t be long.”
“No, the Old Man tries to keep me out of rooms that Kilburn will be in.” She smiled up at him, wishing the corridor weren’t quite so busy. “You’re just coming off duty?”
He was flying her bird again. She was trying not to mind too much.
He nodded. He was looking at her like he wished the corridor were empty, too.
“Let me get changed and we can go grab a gut bomb.”
It took her less time to shed the dress uniform, than it took her to get into it. She was hungry. As they walked toward the cafeteria, she said, “Carey says he talked to the Old Man, but he hasn’t decided yet.”
“At least he hasn’t said no.” He hesitated. “What will you do if he says no?”
Sara looked at him. “I don’t know, maybe beg like a dog.” Now it was her turn to hesitate. “He might say yes, but make us wait. This has all happened pretty fast.”
It was hard to believe she’d only known Fyn a couple of weeks. It felt longer, though there were times when his gaze shadowed and she realized he’d lived in a dark place for a long time. Sometimes she almost asked him about it. She didn’t because she knew there were things you talked about and things you didn’t. Not everything had to be got out in the open to be dealt with. Evie understood that, though the school shrinks never did.
“Are you not sure?”
She stopped. “Wouldn’t be doing it if I wasn’t.”
Sometimes the shadows in his eyes scared her. The past could trip you up if you weren’t careful, but Evie always said, love is a leap into the unknown. You either jumped or you didn’t. If you stood at the edge, trying to see where you were going to land, you’d miss it. Her head might have doubts, but her heart wanted to leap. Fyn was a dangerous man, a man with secrets, but he felt like home. Looking into his face and feeling her heart speed up with delight, she finally understood why poets wrote about love. Love wanted to spill out, if not into public view, being still too shy for that, then the page was a perfect alternative—if one had the skill for putting into words all the crazy, wonderful feelings.
“Are you all right?” Fyn asked. He looked puzzled.
Sara blinked. “I’m good.”
“Shall we go eat then?”
She realized they weren’t walking. “Right. Sorry.”
She could feel him giving her puzzled looks, but she just kept walking. There were some things you told a man and some things you just didn’t. She may not know a lot, but she knew that.
Fyn watched Sara, as another night of booming came to an end. What was the silent song she played most nights when she finished? Fyn pulled up a spare stool and sat down next to her. He reached over and turned her keyboard on, catching the last few notes. Sara jumped at the sound. She looked at him for a moment, then down at the keyboard, as if the sound had called her back from somewhere.
“What is that? I’ve never heard you sing it.”
She looked down again, with a slight frown.
“Oh. Um, it’s from a musical called Phantom of the Opera. Christine sings it at her father’s grave. She misses him.”
“Would you sing it for me?”
She hesitated, and he could tell she didn’t really want to, but finally shrugged. “Okay.”
She bit her lip for a moment, then her fingers flexed and settled on the keys. She hesitated again before she started to play and sing. Her face didn’t change, it stayed remote. Her voice was soft at first, but there was an intensity to her singing he hadn’t heard before. Then, her voice rose, seemingly without effort, until it filled the room.
It wasn’t a song about lost love, but about lost family, about being alone and trying to figure out how to deal with it.
It was a window into just how much Sara hid from the world, maybe she even hid from herself. The song grew softer again, then faded away. There was a pause and then she played the refrain as single, sad notes one last time. She took a deep breath, then looked up at him and he could see her shake the past away.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to go drama queen again. You’ll have to watch the movie sometime. Romance, drama and a deformed—but still very hot—guy. Pretty girl for you.”
She turned off the keyboard with a decisive gesture and stood up, her smile not quite natural yet—as if her past hadn’t quite let her go. Without speaking, he drew her into his arms. She stiffened for a minute, then relaxed against him. He wished her past could have been different. The picture of that thin, sad girl haunted him. And yet…if her past had been different, she wouldn’t be who she was now. Maybe she wouldn’t be here.
His past didn’t want to let him go either. He could feel the tentacles from both trying to tear them apart. She clung to him like she sensed it, too. His time with the Ojemba—and his hate—had taken him to a pretty dark place, he realized now. He hadn’t completely lost himself, but he wasn’t proud of the person he’d been. Grief wasn’t an excuse. It wasn’t even a good reason. Not anymore.
He stroked her hair, wishing he could smooth her pain away as easily.
A movement, or maybe it was a feeling of being watched, made him look toward the doorway. The old man was there with the Gadi commander. They both had odd looks on their faces, though the Gadi’s was definitely the oddest. Halliwell reached out and pressed the control that closed the door.
She tipped her head back, looking at him with a bit of worry in her eyes.
“Are you all right?”
“I love you. Don’t think I told you.”
She smiled, but he could see weary in her face and eyes.
“It’s nice to hear, but that doesn’t really answer my question. What’s bothering you? Is it the song? Because it’s just a song. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Doesn’t it?” He arched his brows, holding her gaze.
Her lashes flickered, but she didn’t look away. “Not everything I sing is all about me. That would be really shallow.”
“So the fact that you play it night after night means…nothing?”
Her lashes flicked down. “Well not nothing. Just not everything. I don’t consider the years wasted. Didn’t usually have the time or privacy to cry—”
“But you miss them.”
She smoothed the fabric of his shirt, her lips slightly pursed.
“I don’t know if missing is the right word. I was so young when they died. It’s more like a hole a longing to know more about them.” She rubbed her chest where her heart was, but he didn’t think she realized it. “Do you remember your parents? Did you know them?”
He nodded. “They died not long after Fiona and I bonded.”
“Obviously coming here, finding out about Miri has left me with a lot of unanswered questions. Empty cities and the long dead not a lot to work with.”
“Something else has happened, hasn’t it?”
She sighed. “But you make it all seem okay again.” She looked up and smiled at him. He touched her cheek, watching color bloom in her face. That’s what she did for him, too. His world had been tilted, but she’d made it straight again.
“You’re tired. Still having trouble waking?”
“Actually, I think I just have too much on my mind.” She stretched. “I like being in love. I hate missing any of it. I just lay in bed grinning like an idiot.”
That wasn’t the whole truth. He could see the shadows hanging on at the back of her eyes.
“So, I’ve been invited to LaShaunda’s wedding. Was wondering if you’d go with me if we make it back to earth in time?”
“That’s Evie’s daughter? The one who—”
“Doesn’t like me? That’s right. Not sure why she wants me there, but I figure Evie’d like me to go. You’d look great on my arm. And there is also the fact that no one expected me to have a man on my arm, let alone a hot one.”
He arched his brows again. “Hot?”
“Smoking hot, actually.” She licked her finger and touched him, jerking it back with a sizzling sound. She grinned.
He hesitated, and then said, “What’s a wedding?”
Her eyes widened a bit. “Didn’t I explain that part? I guess I didn’t. A wedding is where a marriage happens.”
“I see.” He thought about it for a minute. “Why is she waiting so long?”
“Well, some weddings are very fancy. There’s the church, flowers, food, music, picking out a dress, inviting people in other galaxies…”
