Todd sits opposite him; their knees touch. “That’s not fair. For you to feel that way, I mean.”
Daniel shrugs.
“But you’re really supposed to be there. I mean, I don’t know anything about swimming, but just watching you compete I can tell that you’re great. Anyone can see that. It’s like you were born to be there.” He squeezes Daniel’s knee, the way he got his own squeezed such a long time ago. “You shouldn’t have to put up with that treatment. It’s not right. But please don’t feel like you’re the faulty piece and not him. He’s the one who’s somewhere he shouldn’t be. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Being discriminated against can never be your fault.”
Daniel looks down, and Todd swallows when he presses his nose into Sandwich’s fur. For several breaths, Todd thinks he’s messed up. When Daniel looks up, his eyes are glassy. Todd’s hands itch to reach out in a hug.
“I think I would’ve been okay with that on some level, if it wasn’t for my dad being an asshole when I got home after the meet.”
Todd hesitates. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“There’s not much to say, really. He basically told me that I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of things that are bound to happen.” He takes a breath. “Not with those words exactly, but that’s the meaning of it. He doesn’t mean it like that, and I know it. I think it’s his way of encouraging me, and he thinks he’s making me stronger by saying that. But my hearing loss isn’t a burden to other people.”
“No, it goddamn isn’t.” Todd squeezes Daniel’s knee harder. He has no clue what else to say, but Daniel continues anyway.
“Sometimes I can just brush it off, but at times like today, I just can’t stand him. I felt like I had to get out of there.” Daniel lets Sandwich go when she starts to struggle against his grip. Without her, he looks more vulnerable. “I really appreciate this. That you could have me over with such short notice.”
“Any time. My parents love you.” Todd hesitates, because he also knows that his dad can be limitless when it comes to certain things. “I tried to explain to my dad that you’re not my boyfriend, but I’m not entirely sure that he believed it. Just so you know, if you talk to him at some point and he says something weird.”
“Come again?” Daniel says. “You explained what?”
“That you’re not my boyfriend. I don’t think he believed me. I wanted to tell you in case he says something weird.”
To his surprise, Daniel’s face splits into a grin. It’s the most genuine thing Todd has seen all night. “Don’t worry about it. He seems like a cool guy.”
“When he wants to be,” Todd amends, because compared to what Daniel’s dad said, his own is definitely great. Then, he remembers Daniel catching him signing under the table at the restaurant where they had lunch. “So, um, I don’t know if it was tactless of me, what you saw in the restaurant earlier and, um, the cards all over my home.”
Daniel’s eyebrows climb. “The what?”
“My bad attempt of practicing signing under the table and trying to learn.”
“Why would you have to apologize for that?”
“I don’t know. It’s a habit I’ve developed, to practice the few words I know when I come across the objects. I’ve discovered that menus are really good for that.”
“Todd,” Daniel says. “You don’t have to apologize for learning how to sign. I appreciate that you do that. You don’t have to do it under the table in a restaurant to hide it from me.”
“I just felt stupid. I’m not very good.”
“Well, if I tried to learn Spanish right now, I doubt I’d be very good at it either. It takes practice and a lot of patience.”
Todd nods, but Daniel needs to know that there’s a little more to it than that. “I did tell you that I don’t have the easiest time with theoretical stuff, right?”
“Sorry?”
Todd repeats the question.
“Right,” Daniel confirms.
“So, I’ve been trying to learn for a while. I want to do my part. It takes a lot of time for me, and I don’t want you to think that I’m not trying, because I am, it’s just—”
“Todd,” Daniel interrupts. He squeezes Todd’s fingers; his gaze grows warm. “You’re not trying to make me someone I’m not, and I’m okay with you the way you are too. Today, seeing you practice some signs and seeing these cards that you’ve made… It makes me really happy. Really, really happy. It’s okay that some things take time.”
Relief punches through him. He wishes he could kiss Daniel right now. He wants to. He squeezes Daniel’s fingers back instead. “I just want you to know that I’m doing my best.”
“That’s more than enough.”
For a moment, they only look at each other, and Todd wants to kiss, touch, anything. But he can’t. When Daniel’s gaze falls on something behind his back, Todd lets out a breath.
“You still have the painting,” Daniel points out, and, when Todd looks over his shoulder, there’s the oil canvas he was working on the last time Daniel was here.
“Yep,” he says, after turning back to Daniel. “Why?”
“You still won’t let me buy it?”
Shaking his head, Todd smiles at Daniel’s disappointed frown. He won’t sell it to him, but he’ll definitely give it as a Christmas gift.
They don’t talk much after that. Daniel is pale, dead tired from a bad day and having to concentrate so hard on reading lips, and Todd really can’t blame him for that at all. He has days when he doesn’t want to see another human being’s face.
Daniel plays with Sandwich, and Todd tries to finish up some last-minute flashcards for his studying for finals. It’s late when he looks up and finds Daniel dead to the world on the floor with Sandwich curled on his chest.
Oh, god. Taking pictures of people sleeping is way too creepy, but if it wasn’t, he would, so that he could capture this moment with a good conscience. Instead he allows himself to look for a while, to take in the rise and fall of Daniel’s ribcage and the way Sandwich’s nose twitches in her sleep. Carefully, he removes her from Daniel and puts her into her cage. She’s so tired after all the playing that she barely opens her eyes before she goes back to sleep.
Daniel, on the other hand, blinks rapidly as soon as Todd’s fingers touch his shoulder. It’s less intimate than touching his cheek.
“Hey,” Todd says and can’t help but smile when Daniel’s eyes find his. “I think my bed’s more comfortable than the floor.”
Daniel looks around as though he hadn’t realized that he’s on the floor. Then he nods.
“Come on.” Todd helps him to his feet, and Daniel winces when he stretches his legs. He undresses swiftly and apparently doesn’t care that he hasn’t brushed his teeth. Todd knows that level of exhaustion.
He watches as Daniel slides under the covers, and suddenly his own body aches to go to sleep. “I’ll be on the couch,” he tells Daniel, smiling, when their eyes meet.
Daniel frowns and pats the empty spot next to him. “Get in.”
“It’s really not a bother,” Todd says, but then Daniel folds down the duvet on the side closest to Todd and pats the mattress again, and Todd knows that it’s okay. They’ve shared a bed before. He just had to make sure that Daniel really is okay with it today too.
“Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.”
When he comes back after brushing his teeth, Daniel is asleep again. The case for his hearing aids and his wristwatch are on Todd’s nightstand. He shifts, still unconscious, when Todd gets in. The bed is already warm and welcoming after the cold, hardwood floors. Just as he’s drifting off, Daniel mumbles something under his breath, probably in his sleep, and Todd smiles to himself.
When he wakes again, Daniel’s face is pressed against his neck, and hot breath is tickling his ear. Todd swallows. He’s woken up with
his own face pressed against Daniel’s arm, sure, but this is so intimate.
Glancing at Daniel’s wristwatch lying on his bedside table, he finds that it’s still way too early to get up and decides to go back to sleep despite Daniel spooning him.
In the morning, Daniel wakes first and Todd wakes a second later when Daniel moves away from him and then reaches across him. There’s the sound of something snapping shut, and then the sounds from Daniel’s hearing aids before he’s gotten them in place. Blinking, he finds Daniel sitting up in bed, hair in disarray, and with marks from the sheet on the side of his belly.
“Good morning,” Todd says, and signs it at the same time. Daniel smiles as he signs it back to him.
“Did you sleep well?” Todd asks.
“Yes. Did you?”
“I did. I was really tired, so it wasn’t like I had trouble falling asleep.”
“Me either, apparently,” Daniel snorts. “I can’t believe I fell asleep on your floor.”
“It’s happened to me more times than I can count,” Todd says. He stretches under the sheets, loving the way his spine pops and limbs protest. “I hope I didn’t kick you while I slept.”
“What?”
“I hope I didn’t kick you.”
“You kick me at least twice every night,” Daniel tells him and then he smirks. “But it’s not too bad.”
Todd has to look away when Daniel stretches his arms over his head. When he turns back, Daniel is still looking at him.
“You should know,” Todd says. “We’ve shared a bed several times.”
Daniel smiles, then. “Why spend time on making extra beds and more laundry, when this is completely fine?”
“You’re not the worst bed partner I’ve had.” Todd does his best to keep a straight face.
“Do I even want to know?”
“Probably not, honestly.” Todd specifically remembers the time in high school when they had five people in a queen bed after a horror movie marathon. The bones in his back must have aged ten years during that night.
“I’m glad to hear that though. Sadly, you’re probably the worst one I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, my god,” Todd groans and shoves a pillow at him. “You’re the worst.”
“I’m also not serious.”
“You’re lucky or I’d let you go home without breakfast.”
“Do you have plans today?” Daniel asks.
“Just covering for Mrs. Floral for a couple of hours at the gallery, but other than that, nothing.”
“Working?”
Todd nods. “For a couple of hours.”
“Do you mind if I stick around?”
Todd looks at him. Is this about his dad or does he just want to hang out more? Either way, he’s always up for spending more time around Daniel. “Sure. You can either come with me to work or stay here. It’s your call. My parents will probably be around if you stay here, though.”
“What?”
“You can come with me to the gallery or stay here. But my parents will be around.”
“I’ll stay here. I’m sure Sandwich can use a friend.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you about her peeing, though.”
“I’m starting to think you made that up.”
Todd wants to be around when Sandwich pees on him the first time. It’s going to be wonderful. It’s really not a question of if, but when.
They eat breakfast alone at first, but Dad shows up for a third cup of coffee and lingers. He seems to enjoy talking to Daniel.
“So you’re going to Harvard?” he asks, which is apparently something he caught in yesterday’s conversation and types something on his phone before showing it to Daniel. It must be the same question he just asked, because Daniel replies,
“I hope I’m going to Harvard, but I don’t actually know yet.”
Dad types on his phone again, and Todd manages to catch a They’d be happy to have you.
Daniel looks at the screen, and a small, almost shy smile spreads across his lips. “Thanks.”
It’s strange leaving Daniel behind when he goes to work. The gallery is slow per usual, but Todd has grown to appreciate it in a new way. In a few weeks, he won’t be able to come back here. Is Daniel still interested in the space? If they can’t keep the gallery, making it into a meeting spot for kids who are deaf or hard of hearing is the best option Todd can think of.
With a lump in his throat, he welcomes a patron. His copy of History of Modern Art is lying on the counter. He should bring it home. It’s been here since just before midterms. He hasn’t had use for it since, with all his flashcards and notes from his classes, but it’s the newest edition, a good eight hundred pages, and it cost him a freaking fortune. There’s no way he’s leaving it behind.
The bell over the door chimes fifteen minutes before he’s off duty, and he assumes that it’s Mrs. Floral until he glances up and finds Daniel strolling through the doors. Compared to how weary and tired he was last night, this is a completely different person. He’s smiling; the air around him is carefree. He signs hello when he steps inside the door, and Todd repeats it.
“Sorry to bother you at work,” Daniel says and leans against the counter with both arms. “I just figured that the weather is nice, and I could maybe pick you up and treat you to lunch?”
“Not a lot happening here anyway.” Todd gestures around the empty reception area. “Lunch sounds great, but you don’t have to treat me.”
Daniel’s cheeks are red, but right now, Todd doesn’t think it’s just because of the cold outside. “It’s a thanks. For yesterday.”
Todd resists the urge to touch him. “You don’t have to thank me. I don’t mind being there for you if you need someone. Actually, I’m happy to help.”
Daniel smiles then. He’s got such a great smile. If he had an excuse to see Daniel more often, he would, just to talk and see him smile. He’s brought back to reality when Mrs. Floral comes in, waving to them over a takeaway mug. She beelines for the office with a smile that makes Todd want to blush.
“Has this been here since last time I was here?”
Turning back to Daniel, Todd finds him holding his book. Was the gallery tour around midterms? Possibly. “I think so. I studied for that midterm here with the book and then just used my notes before the actual test. I should probably sell it back. We only used it for the first half of the semester. Such a waste of money.”
“I didn’t catch what you said after selling it back.”
“We only used it for the first half of the semester. It was such a waste of money.”
The expression on Daniel’s face is unreadable, and Todd wants to ask, but he doesn’t know how. Why was your face doing that weird thing just now? doesn’t seem like a good way to put it.
“What do you want for lunch?” Daniel asks before Todd has a chance to get his brain in order.
“I know this tiny burger place that’s really good.” Just as they’re about to leave, Todd having grabbed his coat, he adds, “We couldn’t save the gallery.”
A second later Daniel wraps him into a hug so tight that his bones protest, but Todd doesn’t mind. He thinks that maybe, eventually, things will be okay.
Chapter Eight
Todd can’t quite let go of what Daniel said before they parted that Sunday.
“Have you asked anyone for help?”
He hasn’t. Mom and Dad don’t know. Actually, no one knows except Mela and Daniel, and Evan knows a little. It’s possible that either one or both of them have told Jesse, but he doesn’t know for sure. Asking for help is the last thing he wants to do. That’s letting everyone know that he can’t do it on his own. It’s admitting defeat, isn’t it?
He kicks a stone as he walks down the sidewalk, having just left the gallery. It’s so empty now, the walls naked and bare, and the kids are up
set a lot of the time.
It’s getting dark, as the coming winter has made the days shorter and the evening come faster. He pulls his coat tighter around himself and picks up the pace. It wasn’t this cold this early last year, was it?
Mom and Dad aren’t around when he comes home. He has a vague memory of them mentioning going away for a few days, but he’s been sweating over finals whenever he’s home, so he hasn’t been paying attention lately.
He suspects that asking for help now would be useless anyway. What could anyone help him with? The gallery is closing, and that’s that. Still, it would suck if he found out later that there was something he could have done. He knows himself well enough by now; something like that would break him, and he wouldn’t be able to let it go.
He doesn’t know how many times Mela has told him to stop letting his stupid pride get in the way. So maybe it’s time.
He sends a group text to Mela and Daniel.
< Hey, so the gallery is most likely going to close up as you already know. A bunch of artists left us for another gallery. Do you guys have any ideas of what we can do to save it? I don’t want this to be happening.
He tries to not sound desperate, but he isn’t sure if he succeeds. In less than a minute, Mela replies.
> They’re in swim practice for another hour, but let’s set up a crisis meeting at my place and we’ll brainstorm until we have a master plan
Todd swallows the lump in his throat, because he knows that she’ll do her utmost. But he also knows that she has finals, too, and she’s putting that aside for him.
He calls her immediately.
“Can you come over right away?” Mela asks as a greeting.
“Yeah, but is it okay? I know you have finals.”
“It’s fine. I actually plan my studying.”
Todd rolls his eyes, but it’s really just to keep himself from being too mushy. “Okay, I’ll be there.”
“I’m sure Daniel and Jesse will turn up after practice.”
Brush Strokes Page 21
