God she missed this; the security that blanketed her by his mere presence. The way he swamped her senses with his nearness. If it weren’t for that persistent little reminder flashing brightly in the far recesses of her brain, McKenna might very well have given in to him right then and there.
“What do you want, Murphy?” McKenna deliberately called him by his last name, trying to prove to him as much as herself that he wasn’t going to get away with intimidating her or whatever it was he was trying to do.
“You.”
McKenna’s eyes jerked open, meeting his, and she noticed he had moved a fraction of an inch back allowing her to see his face clearly in front of her.
“Me?” she laughed. “You want me? Well, you have a damn funny way of showing it.”
That got him moving. She inhaled desperately as he walked away, pacing back and forth just a few feet from her but enough that she could refill her lungs with much needed oxygen.
She waited for him to speak, but he didn’t. He began walking through her house from one room to the next looking at everything in detail. Gripping the countertop, she forced her feet to remain planted firmly where she was. She would not follow him. She would not. Eventually, he would have to come back to the kitchen, and if she was lucky he would leave.
No, she didn’t want him to leave.
Yes, damn it; she did want him to leave.
Inhaling slowly through her nose and exhaling even more slowly through her mouth, McKenna tried to figure out what the hell she did want. How could she possibly let him walk in here and treat her as though nothing had happened when she deserved an apology at the very least?
Two weeks damn it. Two long weeks he hadn’t called or emailed or texted. Nothing. Not a single word and all of a sudden she ends up face to face with him and he suddenly wants her again.
McKenna heard the sound of his footsteps as he came back into the kitchen and she calmed herself enough to let go of the counter and turn to face him. Only this time, when she turned around, she was gifted with the sight of his back... as he walked out the door to the garage, closing it quietly behind him.
What the fuck?
~*~*~
Tag knew he shouldn’t have come. He knew that he in no way deserved any of McKenna’s attention, yet the second he saw her at XTX, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from needing to know she was ok.
Well, goddammit, now he knew.
He kept moving, his feet eating up the sidewalk as he made his way back to his car, hoping like hell he would be able to get in it and drive away before he did something as stupid as turning around, going back inside and pushing McKenna against the wall and taking her with the intensity that he felt coursing through his entire body.
He was just stepping into the street when he heard a door slam behind him, her heels clicking on the concrete and then her voice when she screamed at him. Screamed.
“What the fuck are you doing, Tag Murphy?”
He smiled but kept his back to her. Now she was calling him by his full name.
Debating on whether he should turn around, he just stopped where he was. The sound of her heels clicked furiously on the pavement as she walked toward him. The woman was fast.
When she appeared in front of him, he straightened. McKenna got to him in ways he damn sure wasn’t comfortable with. It wasn’t until he had been perusing through the knick knacks and pictures, getting a better glimpse of who she really was that Tag realized that. Or rather remembered that.
It was the main reason he had pushed her away so forcefully that day in his private room at the club. He was scared shitless about what she made him feel. That she made him feel. He didn’t want to feel anything because he had gotten so damned used to not feeling at all that it bothered him more than he cared to admit.
“You’re leaving? Just like that?” Her eyes pierced his, and from this far away, all of the colors merged together, but it was the brilliant blue that sparkled like a gas flame. She was furious, and he’d be damned if it didn’t make her just that much fucking hotter.
“I shouldn’t have come,” he finally said when she didn’t stop looking at him.
“No, you shouldn’t have. But, damnit, you owe me an apology.”
Tag saw the moment she realized she had said too much. She was right though. He did owe her an apology. Hell, he owed her more than that, but he couldn’t figure out a way to tell her without giving too much of himself away. He refused to fall for this woman.
Absolutely fucking refused.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered halfheartedly.
Yes, he was a world class asshole, but he didn’t know what else to do except try to piss her off to the point that she pretended that this never happened. Same as he was. Tag didn’t want to feel more for her, didn’t want to lose himself in one woman because that would only lead to him losing himself somewhere along the way.
He wanted to go back to the two weeks where he managed to stay as far away from her as possible because it made things just that much easier.
And he was a fucking liar.
“Fuck you, Murphy,” McKenna screamed before storming back up the driveway.
Fuck him? Why the hell did he let her get to him like that? He knew he should keep moving toward his car, but damn his legs, they turned and did the exact opposite of the instructions from his brain.
By the time he caught up with her, McKenna was back inside her house, and he managed to stop the door just when it would’ve slammed in his face. Pushing it open, he let it crash into the wall before reversing the motion and slamming it closed.
When she turned on him, fire smoldering in those brilliant multi colored irises, he lost every last ounce of his control. Stalking her, he managed to control himself long enough to slam her into the wall without hurting her before he crushed his mouth to hers, letting the intoxicatingly sweet taste of her kiss burn through him like wild fire.
Maintaining a small semblance of sanity wasn’t an easy feat, but Tag waited to see whether she would shove him away. But she didn’t.
No, McKenna Thorne stole his breath when she pulled his head roughly, crushing her mouth to his in a tangle of lips and teeth and tongues. They battled for control of that one sweltering kiss for long minutes until they were both panting as they fought to suck in air.
He lifted her, pressing her against the wall none too gently when she began to climb his body, their mouths fused together, ragged groans being torn from both of them as the fury raged into a conflagration of lust and need.
Tag couldn’t get enough of her, and he figured she felt the same when she began thrusting her pelvis against his raging hard on, grinding against him until he was furiously working to release his slacks, at the same time he was trying to hold her. It wasn’t that she was heavy, but there was so much movement, her hands snaking between them trying desperately to remove his shirt. When it was apparent she wasn’t having any luck, he heard the sound of buttons snapping, popping off and flying against the wall behind her.
By the time he freed his cock, she was clawing his back with her sharp nails as he slid his hand between their bodies, lifting her skirt and ripping her panties. As soon as he had access to her wet, warm pussy, Tag slammed his cock into her repeatedly.
Here they stood, her against the wall, his hands holding her ass as he plowed deeper, with ferocious need while she continued to claw him, holding him to her as their mouths sought everything they’d denied themselves for the last two weeks.
It wasn’t gentle, or sweet, or any of those romantic words that would describe two bodies coming together. This was an all-out fucking, and they were both intent on more. Their bodies were coated in perspiration by the time McKenna whimpered, breaking her mouth from his and dropping her head against the wall, screaming his name as she came in his arms.
Tag had no choice but to follow when her internal muscles clamped down on him painfully, his orgasm ripping him damn near in two, leaving him absolutely and infuriatingly altered down to
his very soul.
Chapter Thirty Four
*** ~~ *** ~~ *** ~~ ***
McKenna hadn’t been positive her legs would hold her once Tag put her feet back on the ground, but somehow she managed. The relentless way they had gone at each other left her feeling just a tad dizzy. Never, not one time in all of her life had she ever done that. That type of up against the wall, take it because you want it, soul shattering sex was foreign to her.
Now that she’d had it, she knew she was going to want it again.
With Tag.
Which didn’t help her cause any.
Damn it.
She managed to readjust her skirt - although her panties were a lost cause - as Tag was pulling his pants back over his hips and buttoning them. His shirt was about as long gone as her panties thanks to her need to rip it clean off of him.
Now, as they stood facing one another, their breathing coming back to the realm of normal, McKenna had no idea what to say to him. The silence was strained, and more than a little awkward, which only made McKenna want to fidget. She mentally forced herself not to.
She couldn’t help but ask herself the obvious question: Was this makeup sex? Or was it just I-can’t-get-you-out-of-my-system-but-I’m-damn-sure-gonna-try sex.
She knew which one she wanted it to be, but she also knew that what she wanted and what he wanted were two entirely different things.
“McKenna,” Tag said gruffly.
That was all it took to break whatever small bubble of hope that had swelled up in her chest for all of a minute. The way he said her name was the equivalent of slamming her head against a brick wall, and everyone knew you could only do that so many times before there was permanent brain damage.
She turned and walked away. She didn’t run, and she didn’t even walk very fast, but she did move with purpose. Straight to her bedroom where she grabbed a pair of clothes from her dresser before heading into the bathroom. She was going to take a shower, and when she got out, she could only hope Tag would be gone.
Twenty minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom at least calmer than when she went in. She needed to eat something and then she was going to head over to Sensations, Inc. to see if she could assess the damage a little more with a clear head.
As she walked through the living room, she clutched her chest in shock because seeing Tag sitting there was more than she expected, and honestly, it scared the shit out of her. Along with the brief flash of terror from not expecting him to be there, another emotion surfaced; one she didn’t want to even consider.
With his head in his hands, she wasn’t even sure he knew she was there. She was almost certain he didn’t because this was Tag and he would never allow anyone to witness him looking so... vulnerable.
Her heart pounded harder, but this time it wasn’t from fear. Once again, it was that damn hope surging out of the blue and threatening to make her look like an idiot one more time.
Did she say something? Should she clear her throat and let him know she was standing there?
“Come sit down,” he said before she could string together enough words to make a coherent sentence.
Reluctantly, McKenna moved closer to him, but she didn’t sit beside him on the sofa. She chose to sit on the edge of the chaise lounge she much preferred. Once she was seated, she waited to hear what he would say next.
God, she hoped it wasn’t an apology because based on what she witnessed outside, he really sucked at those.
“Will you come stay with me for a few days?”
His question couldn’t have been more unexpected than if he had asked her to marry him and have his babies. She couldn’t mutter a single word because her heart was suddenly ten times larger than only seconds before. Was he asking her because he realized that there was something more between them than just intense, blinding lust?
“Or I could stay here with you,” he continued, looking up at her now.
There was an influx of nerves that rioted in her tummy, likely from a horde of tap dancing butterflies, but McKenna still couldn’t form a sentence. She was smiling too. Smiling because she just couldn’t believe this was the same Tag she knew so intimately.
“And if not, let me hire a bodyguard for a few days.”
The bottom dropped completely out of her stomach, and McKenna suddenly felt... nauseous.
“A... bodyguard?” Damn her stupid, stupid heart for thinking that this man was capable of feeling a damn thing.
“Yes. I’m worried about what Crawford might do next,” he explained as though he hadn’t just ripped her heart into a zillion tiny pieces before grinding them into the hardwood like dust.
McKenna swallowed. Hard. Then she stood. Once she was sure she wouldn’t either fall over, or go after him with the closest sharp object, she turned toward the kitchen and didn’t stop until she was no longer in the same room.
Stopping at the counter, she had to take a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. She would not cry. No matter what, she would not cry. Not in front of him.
Damn it! She wanted to scream from the pain that had ripped through her from her own stupidity.
“McKenna,” Tag called from behind her. “Are you ok?”
No, dammit, she was not ok. She would never be ok again because the idiot that she was had mistakenly given her heart to this man knowing that he just didn’t want it. She suddenly whirled on him.
“I want it back!” she cried out, tears streaming from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to hold them back.
“Want what back?” Tag looked confused, and she wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time.
“My heart,” she told him with as much conviction as she could. “I want it all back. Every single minute I spent with you, every single kiss I shared with you. I want them all back. You don’t deserve them.”
Tag didn’t move, and McKenna felt like an overemotional lunatic, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“You need to go.” Finally, something that made sense. “You need to leave, and I don’t want your help. I can take care of myself.”
She turned away from him, sobbing like a baby with her face in her hands. When she heard the door click shut behind him, McKenna crumbled to the floor.
~*~*~
Tag sat in his car, staring at his house. He couldn’t bring himself to get out of the car just yet because he still wasn’t sure why he was here. He was half tempted to turn around, go back to McKenna’s, pull her into his arms and tell her all of the things he knew she wanted to hear.
Watching her heart break because of him was the worst thing he could have possibly imagined. And the worst part of it all, he did care about her. Hell, he would almost venture to say he had fallen for her, but he didn’t quite believe it.
How? How could he possibly have fallen for her?
What they had was nothing more than an extremely passionate case of lust. That’s all it was. He hadn’t known her long enough for it to be anything more. Right?
There was no such thing as love at first sight, and he wasn’t capable of giving a woman all of the things his father had given. His entire life. His happiness, his sense of self. All of those things his father had given his mother and the day that she died, Tag watched his father damn near die right along with her.
He wasn’t the man who would be able to give to one woman because then there would be nothing left for anyone else. Just like how his parents were. He knew they loved him because he was their son. But the love they had for one another blinded them to anyone and everyone else.
It might have taken years, but his father somehow found another woman that he would devote his entire life to, which in the long run, left Tag without. Cole had never understood Tag’s issues because his mother still, to this day, doted on him and loved him the way a mother should, even if their relationship was rocky.
Tag didn’t have it in him. He couldn’t give everything away. Where would that leave him? Who would that make him? He would no longer be the man he had worked
so hard to be.
Instead, he would be nothing.
Except, when he thought about McKenna, he sensed that there was something he was missing. When it came to her, even in the short amount of time he had known her, he knew that she had changed him. And instead of losing himself, he seemed to understand more what he was capable of.
Putting his forehead against the steering wheel, Tag wanted to curse himself for being such a jackass. He could come up with more excuses, but it only went to prove one thing.
McKenna Thorne scared the shit out of him.
Why? Because he felt too damn much for her.
Ever since their eyes met that very first time, he knew there was something about her. And each and every encounter since then only proved that she was the one woman who could so easily take his heart and smash it like glass beneath a jackhammer.
He couldn’t afford to care for someone like McKenna. She was too outspoken, too ornery, too funny and cute and smart. She was too everything that he wanted but didn’t know whether he could actually have.
Tag wished like hell he had a sad story to tell, one that would explain why he feared commitment the way he did, but from the outside looking in, even his parents’ love for one another didn’t seem like a sad story. Since Tag had refused to ever allow a lover to get close, he couldn’t even blame a broken heart for the fear that consumed him.
Forcing himself out of his car, Tag went inside his house heading right for the shower. It was high time he got his act together because this was not the man he was. And he didn’t have time to contemplate love.
Because he had already decided... it wasn’t for him.
Tag walked into the club a couple of hours later, wanting nothing more than a couple of hours where he didn’t have to think about anyone or anything. The second he spotted Luke, he knew he’d come to the wrong place.
“What’s up?” Luke greeted with a handshake when he approached.
Infatuation - A Club Destiny Novel Page 23
