Vivian’s finishing up a dinner meeting with some investors. She’s going to call me later this evening. I can handle that. I can wait a few hours as long as I know I’ll eventually be able to discuss my issue with her.
Phoenix and Harley are stepping out of a cab as I’m approaching the building. He waves, a huge smile on his face as he bounces through the front door of the building. Harley’s bent over, paying the cab driver, oblivious to the fact I’m staring at her gorgeous ass.
“Hey,” I say, startling her. She drops her wallet on the sidewalk, the contents spilling everywhere. I immediately kneel and begin picking things up.
That’s when I notice her driver’s license. It’s from Nevada. I haven’t asked her where she’s from yet. It hasn’t come up in conversation. There’s a lot I don’t know about her still, and I don’t want to scare her away from sharing with me by asking too many questions too soon.
“Sorry about that.” Handing Harley everything I picked up, I smile at her, but she just stares. Deep in my eyes. I can see the fear and anger swirling around, but there’s something else there too. Something I don’t get the chance to figure out before she turns away.
“What do you want, Alex?”
It’s a loaded question. I know she didn’t mean it that way, but I can’t seem to answer any other way than blurting out the truth.
“Nothing. Everything. Something in between. I’m not sure. What do you want?”
“That’s not what I was asking. Why are you out here? Are you stalking me?”
“If I were stalking you, I’d be a little less obvious.” That gets a smile out of her, a small one, but I’ll take what I can get. “I was headed back from the center.”
“Daphne okay?” You can hear the concern in her voice. She may be upset with me right now, and Daphne too, but she cares about her wellbeing.
“She’s fine. I wanted to talk to Vivian about what happened today with Daphne. How she treated you and made assumptions. I want Vivian to hear it from me that nothing is going on between us and—”
Anger flashes in her eyes. “Why don’t you let me handle my boss. And for that matter, your sister. At least where I’m concerned. I’m not a helpless woman, Alex. I can take care of myself.”
“So you’ve already talked to Vivian and explained to her we were neighbors?”
“No, not yet,” she mumbles, opening the door and heading up the stairs without waiting for me. “I will.”
“Tonight? Tomorrow? Next year? What are you waiting for?”
I can’t help but push her. Selfishly. I want this situation to be over. I need to know Daphne hasn’t screwed anything up for Harley. That her job is secure. And you’d think she’d want to make sure of that as well.
Harley stops on the top step, then turns to face me. We’re nose to nose, and the urge to pull her to me and crash against her lips is all-consuming. She’s wearing red lipstick today. It reminds me of the color of licorice, and I imagine she’ll taste as sweet.
Maybe I want her to talk to Vivian so I can finally kiss her and not feel guilty about it. About having dirty thoughts every time I see her. Yeah, that.
I can see there’s something she wants to say or something she wanted to say, but she’s gone silent. She’s staring at me with uncertainty in her eyes. There’s an internal war raging inside her, and she’s not sure which side of the battle she wants to be on.
14
Harley
* * *
Kiss me.
I want to say it out loud. Beg him to get it over with. I know it’s going to happen. I’ve been thinking about it constantly, dreaming about him at night. It’s not a question of if I plan to let him but rather when he makes his move.
The anticipation is killing me.
Maybe I should make a move on him. I guarantee he won’t push me away. But I’m pissed at him. He keeps making life harder for me. At home. At work. Right now.
I’m questioning my morals. I know it’s wrong to get involved with him, but there’s no preventing it from happening. I’m drawn to him in a way that can’t be described with words. I can feel it deep in my soul.
I’m already invested in finding out more about him. I want to know everything, and not because it will help his sister. My reasons are purely selfish.
This is a first for me. I’ve never let anyone get this close before. Never really let anyone in. For more reasons than I can count, and some I’d deny if asked about. I’d lie to save my ass, but the truth threatens to slip past my lips every time he’s around.
“Harley,” he whispers, raising his hand and placing it on my hip. His hold is as gentle as the look in his deep-brown eyes as his thumb slowly circles the inch of bare skin between my dress slacks and blouse.
“I’ll tell Vivian,” I say, leaning in closer without thinking, my body drawn to his.
“When?” He’s eager for an answer. I can’t blame him. Once I confess all to Vivian, she’ll surely remove Daphne from my care and assign her a new counselor.
The line in the sand will disappear. We won’t be on opposite sides. There will be no conflict of interest. I could pursue him if I wanted. Kiss him without feeling like the world around me is falling apart.
Or maybe it still will but the fear of losing everything I’ve worked for will be gone at least.
“Monday morning. I’ll tell her everything.”
“There’s not much to tell. Yet.” The promise in his voice causes a shiver to run up my spine, a welcome sensation when it comes to Alex.
Will there be more to confess by Monday? Is that what he’s saying? Is he making his move? Should I be preparing for a confession of multiple sins?
“Don’t answer when she calls you back,” I state, shaking clear the thoughts of his body pressed against mine. “She’ll make you talk, and I want her to hear this from me.”
Pulling his phone from his pocket, he powers it off. “Done.”
“You can’t leave it off all weekend,” I protest, not wanting him to disrupt his entire life just to avoid one phone call.
“I’ll survive.”
There’s no doubt in my mind he will. Since meeting him, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him on his phone. Not that I’ve been on mine when he’s around. Unless work calls, which they don’t very often, I primarily use my phone to play games or pay bills. I’m not on social media. I don’t tweet everything I’m doing.
Rule number one when you’re hiding is to do everything you can to avoid being found. One of those things would be to live off the grid. Under the radar. Whatever you want to call it.
Social media, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook… it’s like being center stage with a spotlight shining brightly on your life. Not exactly living low-key.
Plus, there’s no one I want to reconnect with. No one I want knowing where I am. No one who needs even a glimpse into my life. The faux pas it is.
It’s the same reason I haven’t changed my mailing address. The reason I still possess a Nevada driver’s license. The reason I don’t open credit cards. The only bills in my name are the utilities and lease on the apartment, both of which I pay with a re-loadable debit card my paycheck is deposited to.
If someone were looking for me, all signs would point to Las Vegas. They could check every casino on the strip and wouldn’t be able to find me. I’ve covered my tracks the best I know how, and up to now, it’s worked. It won’t forever, but that’s why we don’t stay in one place too long.
Life will catch up with us, and when it does, I have an exit strategy. The biggest part of the plan is to not get attached to anyone. For Phoenix to not fall in love with someone we will eventually leave behind. Because when we leave, we won’t be able to look back. I’ll change my phone number and cut all ties. No matter how hard it will hurt.
“I should go inside,” I finally say, realizing the gravity of the situation I’m in right now. I’m close to blowing up everything I’ve worked for. No matter how much I want Alex, it shouldn’t happen. I want it to
, know there’s no stopping it, but if I had the strength, I wouldn’t let it. The problem is, for the first time in a long time, I’m not in control.
Removing his hand from my hip, I turn, stepping onto the landing. I can feel his presence behind me. He’s close and then he’s gone. I hear his apartment door shut before I even open mine.
As soon as I’m safely inside, I suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Phoenix is staring at me from the couch, a quizzical look on his face.
“You okay?”
“Fine, bud. Wanna watch a movie?” I ask, tossing my purse on the kitchen counter and opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
We’re out.
Soda, it is, then.
Nope. None of that either.
Damn. I’m going to have to make a trip to the grocery store tomorrow. It’s my least favorite adult activity. I hate spending money on things that disappear in a matter of days. Even if you do need those things to survive. Grocery shopping feels like a waste of time. You do it only to have to do it again and again. It’s not like buying clothes where you get multiple uses out of one item.
“You like him a lot, don’t you?” Phoenix asks, handing me the remote as I take a seat next to him, pulling the blanket over my lap. I keep the air conditioning set higher than most homes, our apartment barely cooler than the temperature outside, yet I’m still cold most of the time.
“He’s nice,” I say, avoiding directly answering his question.
“I like him. He’s fun to hang out with, and he has the coolest games. We should invite him to the beach tomorrow.”
Shit. I promised Phoenix we’d build a sandcastle tomorrow. If we don’t get to the beach early enough, there won’t be any room to set up. And as of right now, I don’t have anything to bring with us. Nothing to drink. No bread for sandwiches.
I suck at this parenting thing sometimes.
“Bud, I hate to say it, but we have to go grocery shopping tomorrow. We can go to the beach on Sunday instead.”
“But I told all my friends I’d be there,” he whines as I search through the channel guide, attempting to find something kid-friendly to watch that we haven’t already seen a dozen times.
“I’m sorry. Maybe they’ll be there on Sunday too.”
“No, they won’t. We already made plans,” he protests, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting.
“Can’t you call them and see if they can come on Sunday instead?”
“They’re all getting dropped off. Can’t I just go down there by myself?”
Ah, this again. He’s at an age where he wants more freedom. I get it. I had more freedom than all my friends when I was his age. I was taking care of my mother and myself. Then, a few years later, I was taking care of him too.
I want that for him. To have the freedom to be a kid. To not have to worry about anything other than hanging out with his friends, playing video games, and going to school. I made the mistake of letting him go to the beach alone a few times last summer. We hadn’t been here long, and I knew no one would be looking for us yet. Now… I just can’t risk it.
“We’ll talk about it in the morning. Right now, let’s find a movie and relax. No matter what, we need to get up early and go to the grocery store.”
Phoenix lets out a sigh but doesn’t press me. He knows our situation. He knows there are reasons he can’t do certain things. I’d like to think he’s understanding, but that would be stretching the truth. He gets it, but he doesn’t like it. You try explaining to an almost teenager why he can’t have a cell phone when all his friends have them. Or why he has to lie to everyone when the truth probably wouldn’t make a lick of difference to another twelve-year-old.
It sucks. It’s hard. I hate it. So does he.
Fuck my life.
I send Phoenix in ahead of me while I pick up the mess I’ve made. He’s not speaking to me this morning, upset that I told him he wouldn’t be able to go to the beach, so his only response was a grumble followed by the slamming of the apartment door.
Thanks, bud.
He could have at least left it open for me. Brought me back a bag that wasn’t ripped open for me to carry in the groceries I’ve spilled everywhere but no, he’s going to act his age this morning and pout.
This is going to be a fun day.
Just what I wanted. A moody kid with nothing but time on his hands.
If the store hadn’t been so busy, we may have made it home sooner. It took almost two hours to get through the store with so many other shoppers crowding the aisles and another half an hour to check out. Then, the cab driver took forty minutes to get to the store to pick us up when he originally quoted me fifteen.
What should have been an hour-long trip turned into an almost four-hour adventure. One I’d rather not repeat. It’s close to one o’clock, and Phoenix was supposed to meet his friends at noon. That’s why we left as early as we did. I was trying to make him happy, but once again, life slapped me across the face.
“Need a hand?”
Looking over my shoulder, I find Alex standing on the top step of the landing, staring at my ass. How do I know that’s where he’s looking? Because he’s not even trying to hide it.
I’m down on all fours, and even though his question is directed at me, his eyes are not.
“Yes,” I state firmly, catching his attention.
Without an apology, Alex begins picking up the groceries closest to him, which happens to include a box of tampons. I should feel embarrassed, but I don’t. It’s a natural thing, but I’m also not about to ask him to run to the store and buy them for me anytime soon.
I focus on the boxes of macaroni and cheese that I suspect were the downfall of the plastic bag. Stacking them neatly, I put them outside the door and turn my attention to the oranges still rolling around. Once I’ve wrangled them, I stuff as many as I can in the pocket of my hoodie and grab the boxes of mac.
With his arms loaded, Alex manages to open my apartment door and walks in without being invited. Not that I’m about to object. He has a good portion of what I purchased today. Three bags of cheese, cookies, lunch meat, bread, and more.
“Thank you,” I say, carefully opening my arms and letting everything fall to the counter. He mimics my actions and begins opening cupboards, putting things away. “I can do that, but I appreciate the help.”
“It’s no big deal. I don’t mind.”
But I do. I have a system. Everything has its place. I don’t speak up, not wanting to sound ungrateful for the help. I can always organize later.
We work in silence, dancing around each other in the compact kitchen until the counter is clear and all the bags Phoenix brought in are emptied.
“Thank you again,” I say, leaning back against the counter as Alex places the last box of cereal on top of the fridge.
“Anytime. You can repay the favor when I go shopping next time. It’s not easy when you don’t have a car, is it?”
“No, it’s not. You get used to it. You make smaller trips. Stop and pick up necessities more often. I’ve been a little preoccupied at work lately, so this was a bigger haul than I’m used to.”
“I’m sorry if I’m partially to blame for that.”
“You’re not,” I lie. His presence has thrown me off kilter completely, but he’s not the only reason I didn’t realize we were low on groceries. “We’ve been busy the last few weeks. I swear, the season changes and people decide they want to get help. We have an influx of new patients about twice a year. Once at the start of summer and again between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
“Nothing like being around your family to make you want to fall on a bad habit, right?”
If only he knew how accurate that statement was. At least when it came to my family. And if I were the type that wanted to let loose, to get my fix, I would have been able to no problem. No one would have been there to catch me when I fell, though.
“Something like that, I’m sure. They each have a different reason for needi
ng help. Each trying to escape something or someone. All we can do is listen and give them the tools to do better, one day at a time.”
I truly believe that. Sometimes, all they want is someone to listen, someone to help them kick their addiction. Even if they don’t want to admit it, they don’t want their lives dictated by drugs or alcohol. They want to take back control.
My job is to help them. That includes Daphne and my feelings for Alex are interfering with me doing my job to the best of my abilities. He has me distracted all hours of the day. I need to get a grip on how I feel about him so I can focus. My only hope right now is Vivian. Maybe confessing all my sins will set me free…
15
Alex
* * *
She’s so fucking amazing. In every way.
When I first met Harley, I was drawn to her in an animalistic way. She’s a goddamn queen. Sexy as fuck. One look at her and I wanted her for one reason and one reason only.
Then she spoke, and the deep, sultry sound of her voice solidified that I wanted her in my bed, beneath me, calling out my name.
But the more I get to know about Harley, the more I’m drawn to her in other ways. I don’t just want to fuck her. I want to get inside her head and maybe, one day, her heart. It’s a little soon to think about all that, but it’s hard to ignore her many other amazing qualities.
Hardworking. Caring. Genuinely sweet.
I should walk away before I ruin her. Because I’m starting to think I will. Or she’ll ruin me. Either way, one of us will end up hurt. One of us will never recover. And it’s not fair to the other person.
Because I can’t give her what she wants. I can’t be honest with her. I can’t tell her the entire truth.
And I know she’s hiding something from me too.
I can’t walk away from her, though, from this. From the way I feel when she’s around. So I do the one thing I’ve been thinking about doing since I walked the beach this morning, searching for a little clarity.
Half Truths: An Opposites Attract Romance Page 10
