* * *
I wake up in the hospital, Crow sitting on a chair next to my bed, him holding my hand. My mind is fuzzy for a little while, and then everything that happened comes back to me.
Jasper.
Billie.
Crow coming to save me from being next on Jasper’s list.
What I don’t remember, though, is how I got here, or why I’m even here.
“What happened to me?” I ask Crow, my voice groggy.
I try to sit up, but Crow stands and gestures for me to rest again. “You fainted,” he replies, his voice raspy. He avoids my gaze, and by that action I know something is wrong.
“Why won’t you look at me?” I ask, squeezing his hand. “Crow, it’s me. Whatever it is, just tell me. Did Jasper get away?”
He shakes his head. “No, babe, this has nothing to do with Jasper.”
“Then what?” I press.
“You had a miscarriage,” he says, voice hitching. He sits back down and finally looks me in the eyes, and I can see how red they are.
He’s been crying.
I’ve never seen Crow cry before.
It takes me a few seconds to process what he just said. A miscarriage? “I was pregnant?” I ask, blinking slowly.
He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. “The stress of what happened with Jasper...”
I was pregnant, and I had a miscarriage. And I didn’t even know that I was, so I couldn’t even enjoy the moment, or the surprise.
When will Jasper stop taking from me?
Covering my face with my hands, I take a few deep breaths.
How cruel this world can be. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother, and just as I had given up on that idea, I was given what I’d always wanted and also had it taken away on the same day. I didn’t even know if I could ever get pregnant, especially while on the pill, and now I’ve landed myself in this mess.
I don’t even know what to say right now. I’m speechless.
How much can one person take?
I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and now my obsession with finding Dad’s killer has made me lose the one thing that might have made me feel whole again.
When I cry, Crow cries with me.
Nothing else could have kicked me more while I was already down.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Later that week, I sit on the floor in the shower, just replaying that night in my head. What could I have done differently? What would have happened if Crow and Temper hadn’t shown up? What if I didn’t stay late at work? Would I still have lost my baby?
The guilt and regret and the what-ifs are just eating me inside.
Crow comes in with a glass of red wine and I turn off the shower, hop out and drink it greedily. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Anything else I can get you?” he asks, pushing my hair back off my face and staring down at me. “How are you? Don’t shut me out—I need you to talk to me and let us get through this together.”
It was his baby, too, and I know he’s just as sad as I am. Maybe because he knew how much I wanted it, and how much shit life has shoveled at me this month alone.
Maybe because he wanted it, too.
I nod. “I will be. I just can’t stop thinking about it and wishing I never stayed late.”
“I know,” he whispers. “But we don’t know what could have happened. He might have followed you, and we might have even lost you. We just can’t think like that, okay? You’re fine, and that’s all that matters to me. I don’t know what would have happened if I lost you, Bronte. I can’t lose you.”
I know exactly how he feels, because without him, I would be incomplete.
“It just hurts, so badly,” I whisper.
“I know,” he replies, kissing my temple. “I know. I wish I could take the pain away from you. I’d do that in a heartbeat. I’d carry all the pain for the both of us.”
I believe him.
“I don’t even know how I got pregnant,” I say. “I’m sorry, Crow. I told you I couldn’t and then this happened...and—”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he says to me.
“The doctor said there was a low chance that I’d get pregnant because of everything going on, with my problems with ovulation and being on the pill. It was such a small probability he didn’t even think it’d happen. He also said...”
“What?” he asks, squeezing my hand.
“He says the abnormal cells have returned even though I only had the surgery months ago,” I say, swallowing hard as I try not to get emotional about it.
“Bronte—”
“I’ve accepted that was a possibility. The abnormal cells just keep returning, and there’s only so many times they will remove them before wanting to take the next step. But now, after knowing I can get pregnant... Maybe I could put it off. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a little hope for me?”
“Babe, you need to tell the doctor to do what they need to do to keep you safe,” he says, scanning my eyes. “They know best. We can worry about everything else later. Right now, I just need you safe. Do you understand me?”
“I do.”
And he’s right, there’s no point putting all of this off.
But it hurts.
I was so close to getting what I’ve always wanted, and with a man I love more than anything.
I know it’s not just me in this relationship, though.
“Would you want a baby with me?” I blurt out, realizing I’ve never even asked him how he’s feeling right now.
“Of course I would,” he replies, brow furrowing. “There’s no one I’d rather have as the mother of my child, and I know that’s what you’ve always wanted. But my number one priority is you, Bronte. Without you, my whole world is gone. Later, we can worry about babies. We have a lot of time to figure out what is right for us. What’s meant to be will be. Right now, though, I just need my woman safe.”
I wrap my arms around him and cry into his neck. I know his words make perfect sense, but they don’t make it hurt any less. I’m giving up something important to me.
But he’s right, I need to be here, and I need to follow the medical advice given to me.
“I’ll speak to the doctor,” I say after I’ve stopped crying.
“Good,” he whispers, sounding relieved.
“And Crow, thank you for always having my back,” I say. “I never understood the term ride or die until right now. And I never knew that anyone other than my family, people who are blood related to me, would ever be there for me on this level, and that I could trust someone entirely like I trust you.”
His eyes fill with love. “I’m crazy about you. Of course I’m going to do anything to look after you and make sure you’re going to be here, right by my side.”
I drink half the glass of wine. “I have to admit, I didn’t see this one coming. It’s hard to mourn something that was such a surprise, but here I am.”
And it hurts so damn much, I don’t even know how I’m functioning right now.
“It would have been the best surprise, but it wasn’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean we won’t get our time, our happily ever after with a family,” he says, kissing me and then leaving me to get dressed. My life has never had so much going on in it before, not even when I was Nadia’s assistant, and I don’t know how I keep getting myself into trouble.
It’s like just when you think something is over, something else pops up. My dad would have said that anything that happens, anything that scares you, is character building.
The problem is, I don’t know who I’m going to turn into if my life keeps going like this. I don’t want to lose who I am, but I’m going to need to adapt, become harder and stronger.
Crow is like a superhero, and I’m not even at sidekick level yet.
“C
row!” I call out.
“Yeah?” he replies, sticking his head into my bedroom. “More wine?”
I smile. “I’d love some more wine, but that’s not why I called you. I was wondering, could you teach me how to shoot a gun?”
He studies me for a few seconds, mind working, before he replies, “Yeah, I can teach you how to shoot a gun.”
“And some self-defense?” I press.
He nods. “Of course. Anything else?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “Can you come and keep me warm?”
He smiles and steps into the room fully, pulling off his T-shirt and showing off that beautiful body of his. I watch as he slinks around the room, removing his shoes and putting them in the corner with his clothes, until he’s naked and slides into the bed next to me, kissing my cheek.
He just holds me all night, and it’s just what I need.
* * *
“I’m so sorry he got to you before we got to him,” Neville says, reaching over and touching my arm. I didn’t tell him about the miscarriage, because he feels guilty enough, and I know how that feels.
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Apparently Uncle Neville had planned on storming into Jasper’s house the next morning and taking him down.
The next morning.
That’s how unlucky I am.
There was a holdup because Jasper had left town and no one could locate him for a few days there. He had only returned the same day he came after me at the garage.
I think we underestimated him.
“It’s not your fault,” I say. “And he’s behind bars now, so that’s something. I hope he gets put away for a very long time.”
“He will be. And when he gets out...let’s just say I’m someone who likes to hold a grudge,” he replies in a dry tone.
“What’s happening with your...business?”
He hesitates before answering. “After recent events, I can’t trust that my family will be left unharmed if I walk away. I don’t think there is any walking away in this...line of work. On the top is the only place that’s safe for me. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but trying to retire made me lose my only sibling, and I don’t want to lose anything or anyone else. Right now I have power. The power to protect Abbie, and you, and anyone else I love. If I let go of that, I don’t know what will happen. I’m trapped.”
I can see it from his point of view. I guess it would be hard to walk away. He’d probably have to leave the city and move somewhere else, somewhere where no one would know him. “You do whatever you need to do. But I’m always here if you need something.”
He smiles at me like I’m being cute, but I do mean it. “I appreciate that, Bronte.”
“Your daughter is dropping in for lunch tomorrow if you want to come and eat with us,” I say. “We’ve all never caught up properly before. I think we need to start doing that.”
“I agree,” he says. “I’d love to have lunch with you both.”
He leaves, promising to return tomorrow, and as I continue working on my computer, one thought crosses my mind.
Is life going to be normal now?
Crow walks in, another bright printed shirt spread across his large, muscular body. “Babe, you want to go for a quick ride? Prez wants me to go and pick up something, and I thought we could go to the range and have a shoot. You wanted to learn, and I’m going to teach you.”
I grin.
I don’t think my life with a Knight is ever going to be normal, and I love that.
I love him.
* * *
The next few months just whizz by. I get the payout from my dad’s will, I rent out his house, and I make a huge donation in his name to the children’s hospital. I give a chuck of money to Nadia, so she doesn’t have to stress over money anymore and can keep her business going. She initially refused, but then only agreed when I became a silent partner. So now I partially own the business that I was laid off from. Crazy how life works, right?
I try to give some to Abbie, but she declines, telling me she has enough money. Jasper ended up in prison, serving a long sentence for murder, and Jean is safely out of town with her daughter.
“Do you feel safer now?” Nadia asks me, sitting at my work desk at Fast & Fury and eating carrot sticks and hummus.
“I do,” I admit to her. “But I also feel even safer knowing I can now operate a firearm and do basic self-defense. If something happens, I can try to fight back, not just have to run away like last time and hope for the best.”
I’ll never allow myself to be that weak and vulnerable again. I learned that the women at the MC all know basic fighting skills, and they all know how to shoot a gun. I think it’s left me feeling a little more confident now, and I will continue to take classes to keep getting better and toning up my new skills.
Crow comes up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders, massaging the knots there.
He’s been my saving grace through this whole thing. He has pulled me through the depression after losing the baby, something I still struggle with every day, but I’m still able to smile, to go to work, and to enjoy my life.
And I owe that all to him, and my own strength.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Three Years Later
“Quinn Frieda Billie Crow,” I say out loud, looking at the little bundle in my arms. She might not be of our blood, but I love her just like I would my own, and have since the moment I found out we were going to be adopting her. “She’s so cute, Crow. I can’t even deal right now.”
“I know,” Crow agrees, kissing the bottom of her little foot. “She’s perfect.”
I did end up having to have a hysterectomy about eighteen months ago. I wasn’t ready to give up my dream of being a mother, especially when Crow and I got married soon after Jasper was sentenced. It was my dream outdoor wedding, to my dream man, and I always knew that we would expand our little family somehow. Adoption ended up being the option we went with. We applied as soon as I had my surgery, knowing it could take some time. Crow was on board from the beginning, and he has never held it against me for me being unable to give him a biological child, or ever made me feel any less of a woman.
I love him for that. He has been so amazing through the whole thing, so patient and open to all options and avenues.
When we contacted an adoption agency, we were told it would be a long process. We were lucky enough that a young mother chose us to be the parents of her beautiful little girl. We saw Quinn’s birth, something I will never forget, and now we get to take her home. Molly, Quinn’s biological mother, wanted a closed adoption, and we’ve given her that. I know the time will come when Quinn will get older and want answers, and I need to prepare myself for that, but for right now, we get to raise this beautiful little girl as our own. I’ve never loved anyone more.
It’s crazy how life can change. I couldn’t be happier right now, with my dream man and a beautiful daughter of my own.
Crow kisses me and then opens his arms. “Are you going to share her?”
“I guess,” I grumble, handing her over to him. “I’m just so in love with her, it’s hard to even let her out of my arms.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” he says to her in a baby voice. “You are going to be so loved, little Quinn.”
* * *
Abbie and Temper drop in that evening, and Temper gives me a stack of money as a baby present. “You don’t have to give me money, Temper,” I say, looking to Crow. “That’s a lot of money. You know a card or something would have been fine.”
He waves his arm. “This is a Knight baby, and we’re all going to make a big deal. Use the money for whatever you want. Start a bank account for her. Take her to Disneyland. Whatever.”
“Disneyland?” I repeat, laughing. “I’d love to take her to Disneyland Paris one day. This would cover the trip.”
“There you go. Perfect,” he replies, grinning.
“You know Abbie already bought us a lot of stuff and wouldn’t take the money for it.”
“There will be plenty more coming,” Abbie adds, slowly rocking Quinn.
“She looks good with a baby,” I say to Temper, arching my brow. “A little too good.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” Temper replies, rubbing the back of his neck.
Abbie’s cheeks start to redden. “Calm down there, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
Temper holds Quinn next, and he looks so awkward I can’t help but laugh. However, the big, burly man is so gentle with her. It’s adorable to watch.
After Abbie and Temper leave, Nadia and Cam drop in, and then my uncle. Once they’re all gone we order in some food and brace ourselves for Night Two with a newborn. When Crow suggests I have a little me time, I take a long, relaxing bath, using my new Baby Yoda bath bomb, closing my eyes and thinking about how goddamn wonderful my life is right now.
When the water turns cold I get out of the bath, dress in some pajamas and find Crow and Quinn in the living room. She’s asleep on his chest and he’s watching reruns of Supernanny on TV.
“Taking notes?” I ask, smirking.
“Actually, I am. Our daughter is going to be nothing like these little kids,” he proclaims, wincing as a little girl hits her mom. “Yeah, there’ll be none of that. She’s going to show respect and not be a little brat.”
I sit down next to him. “You know all toddlers are naughty, though, right?”
“Yeah, but there’s naughty and then there’s that,” he says, pointing at the screen with the remote. “Does this time-out thing really work?”
Feeling amused, I watch him freak out a little at all things parenting. “We’ll be fine, Crow. And so will she.”
“With you as her mother, I have no doubt,” he says, turning his head to look at me. “And with her beauty, I’m also probably going to end up in prison at some point, but you know what? I was probably headed there anyway.”
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