Beauty Queens and Cruises: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 4)

by A. R. Winters

  But as it turned out, I didn’t need to hurry after all.

  Chapter 8

  After about a minute of jogging down the hallway, I was out of breath and annoyed. I decided to slow down. Diana could just wait until I got there. I wasn’t going to kill myself trying to make it on time.

  I was walking around the outside of the ship, on the constitutional deck. It was always beautiful outside this time of the morning, when the sun had just risen, and the air was salty morning fresh.

  I was just passing the Boulevard Café, with its cheerful owner Mimi, when something caught my eye. I stopped to watch.

  At one of the tables, below the shade of a potted palm tree, were two of our young beauties. One of them was Clarissa Jones, the protege of Martin Wood. She was sitting with one of the other contestants I had met the day before, the short blonde girl, Kimberly Dawson.

  They were at a table together, close enough that they could take selfies. They were holding up their coffee cups and taking picture after picture, adjusting their facial expressions to try and attain the perfect duck face.

  But it wasn’t just the two girls that had my attention. What really caught my eye though was one of the other customers.

  Wearing a large hat, almost like she was in disguise, was Ruth Allen, the angry feminist and stage-invader.

  As the girls took their pictures, Ruth Allen was snaking an arm out between some potted trees to hold up signs behind them. The two girls were so focused on their own faces they didn’t notice. But I did.

  As I stared, Ruth held up a large white sheet of paper upon which was scrawled in black marker: Save Me From Myself. As one photo was finished, she replaced the makeshift sign with another one: I Am More Than A Body. And then another one: Brainwashed Meat.

  I briefly contemplated stopping, telling Ruth not to ruin the pictures, and letting the girls know what was going on.

  But I knew it would cause yet another massive scene. And I didn’t have time for that. Anyway, Ethan had kind of taken on the responsibility of Ruth already. I would let him know what she was up to later, and he could try having another quiet word with her. This one hopefully a bit more effective.

  Before I set off again to meet Diana, I checked my phone. Apparently while I’d been running, I’d missed a call and received a voice mail. I bet I could guess who it was from.

  Annoyed, I shoved the phone back into my pocket. Diana could very well tell me her message in person. And I’d have to find out who had leaked my phone number. Customers weren’t supposed to be given staff members’ cell numbers.

  Just past the Boulevard Café was the door I was seeking, and I reentered the interior of the ship, following the signs to the conference center. I hurried down the final flight of stairs and arrived at the conference suite.

  This particular location had also been the scene of our last special event, a murder mystery, where we had decked out several of the rooms as a library, a lounge, and a diner.

  During our time back in port though, workmen had been aboard and removed the murder mystery sets and now one room was filled with all the accouterments that beauty pageant contestants apparently required. Though I would bet a hundred dollars they wouldn’t be satisfied.

  I went to the door of Conference Room B, which now had an additional sign added to it. The new signage read, “Swan of the Sea Beauty Pageant Contestants.”

  When I entered the room, it was pitch black. The conference suite was all internal, and so there were no windows out to sea to light the room naturally. When the lights were off, they were really off.

  “Diana?” I called out, my hand skimming across the wall for the light switch.

  With a flick, I turned the lights on, and the overhead fluorescent bulbs came to life. I gazed across the room and laughed.

  Diana was there all right, but she’d fallen asleep. I wondered what had happened to whoever was doing her pampering. I imagined they were pleased when she dozed off and used the opportunity to sneak away. I couldn’t blame them.

  I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of Diana, dozing away on the massage table in the empty room. I’d think of a funny caption to put under it later.

  After putting my phone away, I decided I’d better do the decent thing and wake her up. And then I’d have to find the hair and makeup people too. No doubt Diana would have some serious complaints about being allowed to fall asleep.

  I walked across the room, smelling the delightful scent of lavender candles. They had an immediate calming effect, and I idly thought it would be a good idea to keep them around whenever we had to deal with the contestants. Though they might all end up falling asleep like Diana. But would that be the worst thing in the world?

  “Diana? Diana?” I called softly as I approached. She didn’t stir. She was dead to the world.

  “Maybe if you hadn’t stayed up so late leaving me rude phone messages, you wouldn’t have dozed off,” I said quietly under my breath. Knowing my luck, she would wake up and hear every last word of what I’d just said.

  I took another step closer. Nope. She hadn’t heard.

  She was still out like a log.

  “Diana?” Nothing. I was close to her now. “Diana!” I basically shouted the final time. But she still didn’t stir.

  Maybe she was awake, but she was ignoring me. That didn’t seem too unlikely. I could certainly see her giving people the silent treatment as a punishment. Or perhaps she had in earplugs. I got closer and peered at her head but couldn’t see any sign of aural obstruction.

  “Should I come back later!? That might be best. Right, Diana!?” I basically shouted the whole sentence to no avail.

  My stomach rumbled. I hadn’t eaten anything and I wouldn’t have minded loading up a plate in the International Buffet.

  At least once on every cruise, I liked to sneak a meal in there, photographing it and claiming it as work. It beat the staff mess, that was for sure. Gently rubbing my stomach, I decided I would make one last effort. Then I was swapping Diana for dinner. Well, breakfast.

  I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a little shake. Her skin was cool and soft and I briefly thought that this must be what it would be like to shake a lizard.

  Then another thought crossed my mind: people weren’t supposed to be cold like lizards. They were supposed to be warm like a… person.

  “Diana?” I said again, now frantically squeezing and shaking her shoulder. “Diana!”

  Then I noticed something that gave me a shiver. Underneath Diana’s neck was a long strip of fabric. It hung down on either side of the table, reaching almost to the floor.

  I gently lifted up Diana’s head. It was like lifting the head of a particularly heavy mannequin.

  “Oh no,” I said to myself shaking my head in disbelief. “Not again.”

  Around Diana’s neck there was a red line, which had clearly been left by the long piece of fabric hanging off the table. She had been strangled. I lifted up one end of the fabric, and then I realized what it was.

  It was the sash that Diana had been wearing the day before, the one with her name written across it. She’d been murdered with her own beauty pageant sash.

  Suppressing the urge to scream, I stepped back rapidly.

  It was almost automatic for me. I pulled out my phone and dialed Ethan.

  “Ethan? Listen. It’s Adrienne. You’re not going to believe this, but…”

  Chapter 9

  Ethan and Dr. Ryan Wilson arrived together, along with four more security officers.

  Unfortunately, this was not the first time someone had died on the Swan of the Seas and everyone knew what to do. Due to the average age of cruisers tending to the higher end of the spectrum, deaths at sea were a somewhat common occurrence. But the deaths of young or middle-aged passengers were very much a rarity for most cruise lines.

  While Ethan and his team began securing and sealing off the area, Dr. Wilson examined Diana—or the body, as I was already beginning to think of her
.

  In some ways, it’s worse when someone you don’t like dies, because you find yourself feeling guilty at not being all that upset. At least I always did.

  “Adrienne, what happened?” asked Ethan when he was satisfied his team knew what to do.

  We were definitely in professional colleague mode and not date mode as I explained to the first officer that Diana had left me two messages overnight, and that she had told me she was coming here for an early morning pampering session and wanted me to catalog the results.

  We were standing near the center of the room, some distance from the massage table where the body was being photographed by the security team and examined by the doctor.

  Ethan spoke to me in a calm, professional tone, but it was with an underlying current of sympathy. Finding a body wasn’t exactly a cakewalk for anyone involved.

  “So you arranged this pampering session for her?”

  “No. Not me. To be honest, I don’t think I would go out of my way to give her any special treatment.”

  Ethan folded his arms in front of his chest, a thoughtful look on his face.

  “If it wasn’t you who arranged this, then who could it have been?”

  The question had barely been asked when a possible answer presented itself.

  “Good morning!” said a bright and cheery voice, accompanied by the double-paced clicking of high heels across the floor.

  We both looked at Kelly Cline as she walked quickly into the room. Today she was dressed in a bright orange figure-hugging dress along with matching orange heels, and orange plastic bracelets on one wrist. She had a happy smile on her face as she marched across the room, oblivious to what was behind Ethan and me.

  “Kelly,” I said, stopping her in her tracks by taking her by the arm and giving it a squeeze. “There’s been an incident. It looks like one of the pageant judges—Diana Penn—has passed away.”

  Kelly peered around me toward the massage table, then looked up at me, her face twisting in confusion.

  “But we’re not doing a murder mystery cruise. We’re doing a beauty pageant cruise. That was last time.”

  I looked her in the eyes and shook my head at her, slowly and seriously.

  “Oh... oh... shoot!”

  I released Kelly’s arm and Ethan caught her attention.

  “Kelly, did you arrange a pampering session for Diana?”

  Kelly peered around Ethan to stare at the body behind him again, and then looked up at him, face aghast.

  “No! Pampering session? What pampering session? We have makeup artists and a hairdresser and a few assistants for them, is that what you mean?”

  “No,” I said. “Not that. Diana was specifically invited for a one-on-one pampering session before the start of the day’s activities. At least that’s what she told me.”

  Kelly looked confused and stopped talking, her face scrunched up in thought. Ethan stretched out his arms to his side and shook them to loosen the tension.

  “If none of you arranged the pampering session, then I think it’s safe to say it was a trap to get her in here and...” he jerked his head toward the body.

  “Murder her,” said Kelly helpfully, even though it didn’t need to be said.

  “Right,” said Ethan. “Can you check with your staff, just to make sure that no one did arrange this? Is there anyone else it could have been?”

  Kelly and I exchanged glances. I shook my head.

  “Sam was helping out too—” began Kelly.

  “It wasn’t her,” I said, interrupting. “I saw her last night after,” I caught Ethan’s eye and gave a half-smile, “our dinner was interrupted. She didn’t mention arranging anything like that. And anyway, if there was a pampering session, then there must have been someone arranged to do the pampering. But I bet when you check with the masseuse and makeup artists, they won’t have a clue about it.”

  “Yes, I expect that’ll be the case. But of course I’ll ask them all anyway. Leave no stone unturned, right?”

  “Kelly?” I said, tapping her arm. Once again, she was peering around Ethan to stare at the body behind us. When I’d regained her attention, I continued. “We’re going to have to rearrange the schedule a bit. And someone’s going to have to inform her fri—the other judges.” From the interactions I’d seen between the judges, it didn’t seem like they were exactly ‘friends.’ Nonetheless, they would need to be informed carefully.

  “Yes. Oh, it’s awful. I’ve got a trillion things to do already,” said Kelly shaking her head sadly. Sad at the extra work she was going to have to do rather than for the deceased though, I thought. “I’ll let you know the scheduling adjustments later.”

  While she was talking, Kelly’s phone let out a chirping beep. She peered down at it with a wince.

  “Gotta go! I’ll call you all later!”

  And as fast as she had arrived, Kelly Cline hurried away, a flash of orange as she rushed off to her next emergency.

  Ethan said, “I need to get a copy of the phone messages Diana left for you, so please don’t delete them, okay?”

  “Yep, no problem.”

  “Sir! Over here!” came a voice from one of Ethan’s security team. “Take a look at this.”

  He gave an apologetic smile and went to see what the man had found.

  Ethan’s mention of phone messages had reminded me of something.

  I had another, newer phone message, which I had earlier assumed was from Diana. If it was, it must have been her very last. I pulled out my phone and pressed the button for the voicemail.

  When I accessed the message, I was surprised to hear not Diana’s voice, but my friend, Cece’s.

  “Hey, where are you? I found the weirdest thing and I can’t figure out what it is. It’s annoying me. Since you’re such a hotshot detective, why don’t you get over here and help me figure it out? I’m in the section with the beauty pageant contestants, just above the conference suite.”

  I shook my head in amusement. So she thought I was a hotshot detective now, did she? I’d never thought of myself like that before, but I supposed it was kind of what I had been doing ‘on the side’ recently.

  And it looked like I might have to again.

  There were no police out here at sea, just Ethan’s security team and whoever else he got to help him out. Which usually happened to me.

  Thanks to my role as a social media manager, I could travel freely about the ship, talking to anyone and everyone, without suspicion. It was the ideal cover for surreptitious investigations—which on a cruise where everyone is supposed to be having a great time is a necessity. We never want word to get out to the passengers when something bad has happened.

  Curious as to what had attracted Ethan’s security guard’s attention, I stuffed my phone into the pocket of my jeans and walked back closer to the body.

  On the second massage table was Diana’s pile of clothes, and it was next to this that the two men were standing. Ethan was tentatively holding something with gloved fingers. He’d come prepared.

  When I realized what it was he was holding, I stared at it, my eyes widening in surprise. It was just a coincidence. Surely. It had to be.

  “Adrienne? Are you all right?” asked Ethan.

  Suppressing the shudder that wanted to crawl down my spine, I gave him a tight smile.

  “Yeah. Is that a... Millie And Me Choc-Orange bar?”

  “It sure is.”

  I knew it.

  The chocolate bar he was holding had been removed from Diana’s pile of clothes. She must have had it with her. The reason I was so shaken up by it though was unrelated to Diana Penn or her demise.

  A little over a year earlier I had been kidnapped. At the time, Millie And Me Choc-Orange bars were my absolute favorite. I loved them. Couldn’t get enough of them. They were quite uncommon in the US because they were imported from Switzerland, but I could’ve eaten it up like there was no tomorrow.

  Right up until it was the only food my kidnappers gave me.
r />   They’d stolen a whole box of them from the counter of a diner, and it was all I had eaten for an entire day.

  Needless to say, Millie And Me Choc-Orange bars were no longer my favorite candy bar.

  In fact, just seeing one had almost brought on a panic attack. Thank goodness they weren’t exactly common these days.

  “I’ve got to go,” I said to Ethan. “I’ll get you the phone messages later.”

  “Okay. Let me know if you think of anything else, or you come across anything that might be informative as you go about your day.”

  “As always,” I said over my shoulder as I left them to it.

  Ethan was lowering the candy bar back to the massage table as I left the room. I had to duck under a line of yellow plastic security tape in order to do so. His men were getting pretty efficient at sealing off crime scenes.

  Trying to give myself a little pep talk as I left the area, I told myself that I wasn’t going to let a little candy bar upset me. Diana probably just liked them. It was definitely a coincidence. There was no way my stalker had deliberately contaminated the crime scene just to taunt me.

  Unless of course…

  “No,” I said to myself urgently, under my breath, tapping myself on the leg with my fist. I couldn’t let my thoughts run away with me like that. I had to stay positive.

  It was just a coincidence that I needed to put out of my mind before I let it really get to me.

  I wasn’t going to think about the stupid candy bar anymore.

  Instead, it was time to go and see what Cece had discovered.

  Chapter 10

  I found Cece outside of one of housekeeping’s storage cupboards, near the section of rooms allocated to the beauty pageant contestants. It looked like she was taking a short break between cleaning rooms. She was leaning back against the wall behind her with her eyes closed.

  “Hey, Cece,” I said as I approached. I could smell fresh linen and pine-scented cleaner as I approached. She opened her eyes and greeted me with a smile. She sensed something was up immediately, and her smile began to fall. It must have been my weary tone, or maybe just the expression on my face.