“How…are you?” she nearly stammered.
He furrowed his brow and slanted to see her profile clearer. Not that the three feet between them in the car obstructed his sight. Under the passing streetlights, he could scrutinize her properly. The same short, pixie-cute black hair as always. Creamy, light cocoa-colored skin. Full pink lips, the lower part wedged between her teeth. Those high cheekbones and pert nose below her wrinkled brow. He dropped his gaze lower and appreciated the low cut of her sweater, noticing how rapidly she breathed, heaving her huge—
Cool it, man. He ignored the attraction that never simmered for her and focused on her mood again.
“Come on, Lena. What’s wrong?” It was time to cut the BS. What’s bothering her?
“Huh? Nothing.” She tore her gaze from the road long enough to blast him with one of her too-easy smiles. He preferred the real deal, the slow-to-curve but blinding bright grins of real happiness.
He deadpanned at her. “You do know I can tell when you’re lying. I’ve known you too long.”
She rolled her eyes then and huffed. “You do not.”
Hell, she had him there. He was no mind-reader. But he liked to think that after knowing her for twenty-some years, and secretly adoring her for damn near most of that time, that he could at least read her well.
She cleared her throat after a moment of silence. “You didn’t answer me. How’ve you been?”
Now when she repeated it, the stammer—and nervousness?—was gone.
He took a deep breath, still thawing out his lungs from the wait outside, and nodded. I’ll figure this out later, baby. Don’t think I’m letting this go. Because if something was bothering her, he’d do whatever he could to help her.
“I’m all right,” he admitted. “Work has been really annoying, but when isn’t it?”
She hummed a noise of disagreement and he raised a brow at her. That was more like the girl he knew, never readily agreeing with him.
“Mine isn’t.” She turned to give him a small smile. “I love my work.”
He nodded and faced the window, preferring the scenery of the city speeding by. Anything but to face her on that topic.
Aaron had no doubt Lena enjoyed managing the skating rink the Moores owned. She frequently commented about her satisfaction with her job and workplace, and there was never any indication she was lacking in her employment. But Aaron knew it wasn’t her dream. It hadn’t been when they were kids. When he’d been addicted to hockey, always at the rink for practice and when she’d been dedicated to perfecting her routines under her dad’s coaching. Back then, all Lena had ever wanted to do was skate. Professionally, someday. Hopefully the Olympics. Now, she was stuck to deskwork, being an admin there instead of—
“Now it’s my turn. Are you okay?” she pressed.
“Huh?” He shifted in his seat, unzipping his coat as he acclimated to the warmth of the SUV.
“You’re quiet.” She turned the heater down.
“Yeah. I’m good.” Or he would be good, if he could ever stop his remorse over the past where she was concerned.
“How was the drive here?” he asked, watching the snow fall outside. He’d been waiting under the awning of his building, but he’d still had to shake off the snow on the short walk to her car. They expected more precipitation throughout the night as well.
“Not bad. Sorry it took me so long to get here. I was slowed down by the usual idiots not paying attention to the road or forgetting how to drive in the snow.”
He gritted his teeth. Talking about careless drivers wasn’t something he wanted to get into.
“But we’ll make it. Late, but we’ll get to the cabin just fine.” She settled back into her seat more and he again wondered what could have this usually laidback woman so tense.
“Just…drive safe.” He didn’t want her to tease him about lecturing her, as she often did when he spoke like that, so he changed the subject. “Anything new going on with you?”
The navigation system chose that moment to announce a direction, but he could have sworn he heard her mutter, “Like you should ask that.”
“What was that?”
She shook her head and gave him one of those half-ass smiles again. “Nothing.”
Crossing his arms, he zeroed in on the nothingness of the windshield. They’d entered the expressway, and the dark navy of the sky spotted with an abundance of white dots was the perfect blandness to zone out to. Something, there was something off with her. A break in the usual comradery they always seamlessly shared. He couldn’t help but feel that when she’d picked him up, an elephant had climbed into the backseat. Something…disturbing their easygoing friendship. An elephant wearing an invisibility cloak, because he had no idea what had her acting so odd.
“Nothing new?” he checked.
“Not really.” Then, after a tense moment of silence, since she’d pretty much killed that line of chitchat, she cleared her throat and asked, almost hesitantly, “What about you?”
“Same old.”
Her humph confused him. It was just like that time he’d sent her a teddy gram thing in grade school. He’d written with his non-dominant hand, signing the valentine to her and not wanting her to know it was him. Only, she’d guessed who it had come from. How, he had no clue, but it was déjà vu, her seeming to know something she shouldn’t.
What is it?
“Did Molly and Jason make it up there okay?” he asked.
Lena giggled and the light sound lifted his mood no matter how funky this inexplicable awkwardness was. “Justin. His name is Justin.”
“Right.”
Still with a smile in her voice, she said. “For the hundredth time, his name is Just-in. Justin. Not Jason.”
He waved his hand dismissively at her. “Close enough.”
“Hardly!”
“I’ll remember. Someday. Or maybe I won’t have to. It’s not like he’s going to stick.”
To each their own, but there was no secret Molly flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend. Often. He didn’t want to think about his sister’s love life, but as long as none of the guys were asses to her, she could do what she wanted.
“Hmmm. I don’t know. This one’s different.”
He gaped at Lena. “Huh?”
“She’s never taken a guy to the cabin on our weekend.”
True. For as long as he could remember, his parents made it only for them. Mom would take her knitting, Dad would putter around with the fireplace and take a lot of naps, and he, Molly, and Lena would hang out. Once they all had their driver’s licenses, it became more of just the three of them. Sometimes they’d bring friends, but never significant others. Like it was tradition or something.
“But…”
“She’s really smitten.”
He sighed. “That’s such an old-fashioned word.”
“Well, it’s true. And she’s not getting any younger.”
“She’s only twenty-eight!” Same as Lena. Both girls just a year younger than him.
“That doesn’t matter. When a girl’s clock is ticking, it’s ticking.”
“Oh, God.” Maybe he’d need to check out this Jas— Justin guy a little better. Make sure he was good enough for Molly. Like she can’t tell for herself? He shook his head. To each their own. Still, he knew his sister’s record. Jas— Justin shouldn’t get his hopes up.
“Are you saying there’s going to be a wedding soon?” he teased her.
“Um… Well… Maybe?”
He shot upright and peered at her, his mouth open. “No way. Molly’s going to marry this guy?”
“I don’t know!” Lena threw him an alarmed look. “Maybe?”
“Has she said something to you?”
“No, not really.”
He sank back to his seat. “Then why’d you answer so weird? About her having a wedding?” He scoffed. “You’re making me think I’m missing out on something here.”
He’d felt like that since he’d gotten in her car. Never bef
ore had they been this discordant with each other. Once, he’d experienced an awkward spell, at her college graduation. He’d almost confessed that he was interested in her as more than just friends, only, he didn’t get the words out. They’d just stayed there, lodged in his throat and trapped in his heart. Because he’d simply had a lapse and had forgotten that a girl like Lena would never want a guy like him. A strong survivor of a woman would never forgive him for what he’d done so long ago.
And that’s never going to change.
“She likes the guy. And as to whether or not they’d get married before October, I don’t know.”
October? What’s so important about October?
They sat in silence again, a dangerous space for him to muse too much about the little they had said.
Molly was getting older and maybe wanted to settle down? That was cool. But he was even older, and as for settling down, there was only one woman he wanted to do that with. The sexy, athletic woman driving the car.
Still, he had to wonder if he’d take his love for her to the grave. If in ten, twenty years from now, they’d still be just friends, or worse, old friends of the family. Because just as he hadn’t back then, he had no grounds to ask for anything from Lena. He was grateful enough he had her friendship. Although, if she knew what role he’d played in the incident that ended her skating career, he doubted he’d even have that.
But how long could he linger like this? So close but so far away from her. And it wasn’t just the physical distance, him in the city and her back home in town. His CPA work could be done anywhere, even remotely. He’d remained in the city instead of returning home because he thought it might help. That if Lena found someone, it wouldn’t sting to see her happy with some lucky fool in town. That if she moved on and got married and had kids, that he could suffer less from afar.
The gap between them would never be bridged if he couldn’t tell her how he felt, though. It was all on him.
And I’m not man enough to go there.
Besides, he had to admit with not a small amount of disappointment, she’d never once expressed interest in anything but friendship. Even when the incident that ruined her life occurred, she’d been interested in Todd, her sophomore boyfriend.
Not Aaron, though. Never him.
He glanced at her paying attention to the road like the confident, diligent driver she was. Soaking in her warmth as she chatted about a rebellious teenager she was helping to coach at the rink, he couldn’t help but admire her beauty. With her witty and intelligent commentary, she dazzled him.
How is she not taken? All these years…
He’d wondered it so many times. Unless she was shy of commitments, why was she still single?
After he’d made sounds of agreement and listened to her talking about the student and general goings-on of the rink, he couldn’t hold it in.
He slanted in his seat, stretching his long legs deep into the ample space of the footwell, and blurted, “Have you ever thought about getting married?”
She reared her shoulders back at the same time she parted her lips. The car sharply shifted to the left and skidded. Licking her lips, she straightened the car back in its lane. Still breathing hard, she checked all her mirrors and out the windows.
All right, that was out of the blue. But why the deer-in-the-headlights reaction?
“Huh?” she asked, only now chancing a dubious glance at him. Like he’d spoken something insane.
“Have you ever thought about getting married?”
“Me? Where’s that coming from?”
He shrugged. “Just curious.” They’d talked about it in the unaffected way kids did long ago. When they would ask each other what they want to be when they grow up, or what they thought they’d do with their life, that seemingly unmeasurable length of time that was so vast to youngsters.
“Funny you’d bring that up like that.”
He frowned at her reply, not understanding the accusatory tone at all. Was it insensitive to be that direct with her? They were old friends and knew almost everything about each other, or he hoped they did.
She shook her head and scoffed. “Yeah, I do—did.”
“Did?” Past tense.
“I did want to get married once,” she admitted.
“What changed?” he asked as his heart cracked off another chunk for her. And who’s the lucky bastard? When did she ever meet someone to want forever? She never said a word about a guy in her life, and Molly never hinted at a boyfriend either.
She kept her lips too tightly together before she bitterly asked, “What changed?”
Why is she saying that like I should know?
Should I know?
Did I do something to stop her from being with someone?
Then it hit him. He had broken her up from a guy, long, long ago.
Aaron had only one fault, a single huge bad decision that could cost him Lena forever. Something he struggled to forgive himself for. That incident in high school with Todd. That idiot she was dating when she was a freshman. Todd? Him? Still, after all this time?
Todd was just her silly little teenage crush. Right? And after Aaron had ruined their relationship…Lena never found anyone else?
He rubbed at his forehead, wishing he could jump out of the car to escape the guilt that swallowed him.
Not only did Aaron destroy her dreams of being a skater, he’d damaged the one relationship she’d even wanted.
Chapter Three
What changed?
Lena seethed, breathing through flaring nostrils at Aaron’s question.
What changed?
It was salt in the wound.
You changed. You got engaged! You found some other girl to make the happiest woman on earth, dammit!
She just barely refrained from slamming her hand on the steering wheel. Frustration was a mild word for her mood at the moment.
What changed. Funny you should ask.
But the more she reacted in anger, blaming Aaron for her unhappiness, an annoying, nagging voice in the back of her mind challenged her.
But I could have said something. Back in high school. During college. At graduation parties, birthday dinners, holidays. Hell, any day of the last fourteen years, I could have said something to him. Told him how I felt.
That silence and shyness were on her. Mentally griping at him made her feel…petty.
And now, it wouldn’t matter if she said anything. He was taken, and clearly not interested in her if he had chosen another for his bride.
Regret. Frustration. Anger. Sadness. It all warped into a tornado of stress. Enough that when they were stalled again in traffic, probably due to another accident, she decided she needed some space. Room to vent and let her emotions settle down. He didn’t deserve her wrath.
“I don’t think I’m going to get us there tonight.”
He tore his attention from the windshield. “You want me to drive?”
“No.” She pointed at the navigation screen on the dashboard. Little red X marks littered the illuminated path they were to travel along. Accidents reported all over. Construction delays. It was just too much. They’d be lucky if they made it to the cabin before midnight at this rate.
“It’s coming down even more now,” Aaron said, peering out the passenger window at the snow steadily cascading from the sky. He’d taken his coat off an hour ago and she couldn’t help but watch the play of his muscles as he twisted away from her. She’d had plenty of practice ogling his strong body—without his notice, of course. From a lanky boy’s strength to a solid man’s power, she’d witnessed his sexy physique all through the years. When they were teens, and he’d get hot and sweaty playing hockey. Or, worse, when they’d go swimming in the Hamptons’ backyard pool. And once, when she and Molly were college roomies, and he’d been staying over, visiting, and getting out of the shower in the bathroom she’d thought was empty—
Okay, add increasing, uncontrollable lust to the list of reasons we can’t stay in this car a
ll night like this.
“Maybe we should pull over for the night and start out early in the morning,” she suggested. “There’s gotta be a motel along the highway somewhere.”
He nodded with a heavy sigh. “Safer to stop in this weather too.”
There he went about road safety. Again. Aaron was a risk-taker by nature, for everything except this. He was like a grandfatherly sage about driving cautiously. Still, he was right.
Forty minutes later, they located a franchise motel and trekked into the lobby. With the crappy weather, they barely had any vacancies. In fact, all they had left was one single room, with one single bed.
For all the years’ worth of fantasies Lena had entertained of ever sharing a bed with Aaron, it wasn’t like this. With the impossible fact he belonged to someone else.
So, if she was grumpier than usual when her backpack somehow unzipped in the backseat and made a mess of her things, or when some snow slid up her sleeve as she closed the SUV’s door, that was why. And if she was over-eager to buy the last bottle of wine from the gift shop, that was why.
She’d thought it was torture staying in the car with him, but a room, a single bed? That was going to be a true test of her heart.
Aaron, in the way he always could, picked up on her don’t-mess-with-me mood. He was quiet and patient, staying out of her way as they entered the room. The only words he spoke were when he asked if she minded if he showered.
“Go ahead.” She finalized her statement by flopping onto the bed. He quirked a brow at her and she regretted the snippy tone she’d used.
It’s not his fault. He never knew I loved him. He’ll never know, either. This is my problem, not his.
“Maybe we can order room service later?” he said as he strode toward the bathroom. “Or pizza?”
“If they’ll even deliver tonight,” she called to his back. As soon as he shut the door, she sighed and unscrewed the cork to the wine. Yeah, it wasn’t even a decent bottle. But it was alcohol. And that was all she needed for dinner.
On the Way to the Cabin Page 2
