by E. L. Todd
I stepped aside and let him in, not wanting Pepper to overhear our conversation in the hallway.
He walked in and took a look around. “It looks exactly the same. Like nothing’s changed.”
“It doesn’t feel the same. I’m used to having a roommate. Now it feels weird to live alone.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He stepped farther into the room with his hands in his pockets.
I glanced at the back of his neck, expecting to see the chain from his necklace even though I knew it was long gone.
After he surveyed the living room and kitchen, he turned around to face me. His arms slowly folded in front of his chest, and he stared at me like he expected me to say something first, even though he was the one who’d dropped by without warning.
“I don’t hate you. I’m sorry for saying it.” Despite how angry I was, I knew that was a low moment for me. My emotions dictated my behavior, and I’d said terrible things I didn’t mean. “I’m still angry, but I don’t hate you.”
His eyes softened, like my apology was important to him. “Thanks…that means a lot to me.”
“I’ve just been struggling with this relationship for a long time. It’s hard for me to see you with her. It’s awkward and gross in a lot of ways. But I need to let the past go and be more mature about it. I’m hurt by your betrayal, but I need to be supportive of Pepper…especially when she was so supportive of me.”
“I’m glad you feel that way. She’s been through a lot and deserves to be happy.”
“Yeah…I know.”
He stepped closer to me, his head tilting toward the floor. “Pepper and I are great together. I won’t go into the details, but I’ll say that we make each other happy. She makes me feel…alive. But you’re my family, my brother. As much as I want to be with her, she’s not worth it if I have to lose you. So, if you want me to end things, I will.”
His statement made me speechless. “You’re serious?”
“Yes.” He lifted his gaze and looked me in the eye. “It’s difficult being in a relationship with someone when your brother hates you for it.”
“I said I don’t hate you—”
“But you know what I mean. It’s a big deterrent for us. And as much as I want her, I don’t want to lose my brother just to keep her. It’ll make me sick to my stomach, but I’ll do it. I’ll have to be honest with her and not protect you when I break it off, but I’ll do it. I don’t want you to think you don’t mean as much as to me, because that’s not true. I love you, Colton. I’m sorry if I didn’t do a better job of showing it. You know I’m not an affectionate or emotional man. It’s hard for me to describe the way I feel. Sometimes I just assume my feelings are obvious, but now I realize how presumptuous that is. Anyway…if that’s what it takes to make this right, I’ll do it. Is that what you want?”
If he’d asked me this weeks ago, I would have said yes instantly. I wanted these two people far away from each other. But now, that was the last thing I wanted—and not just for Pepper’s sake. “No…I don’t want that.”
“Are you sure? Because if it is, you need to tell me now. I can’t get any deeper into this relationship. If I do, I’ll never be able to walk away.”
“No. I really don’t want that.” As the words left my lips, I felt the relief stretch across my body. All my anger and rage disappeared. The betrayal from Finn seemed to turn numb. “You and Pepper are happy together…and I’m happy for you.”
His eyes softened slightly, even though there was still a guarded expression on his face. “Really?”
I nodded. “She showed me your necklace.”
His expression didn’t change. With a wide-eyed stare, he looked at me for several seconds without even taking a breath.
“I know you wouldn’t have given that to her unless she meant the world to you.”
He finally released the air he’d been keeping captive in his lungs. “Because she does. If someone told me a woman would make an honest man out of me, turn me into a monogamous and pussy-whipped son of a bitch, I wouldn’t have believed them. And I wouldn’t have believed I was happy either. But here I am…giving away the most valuable thing I own.” His head tilted to the floor again, his eyes turning glossy with unspoken memories.
“I really don’t have a problem with it, Finn. At least, not anymore.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me, the relief obvious. “I was worried you would never be okay with this.”
“I was worried too. But seeing the way you feel about each other…makes me realize my thoughts on it don’t matter. If this relationship is special, then I need to put aside my feelings and be supportive. I’m not happy with the way things happened…but I forgive you.”
“That’s such a weight off my shoulders, man.”
“Yeah…” Holding on to anger was a lot more work than it was worth. It poisoned my blood with every beat of my heart. It turned me into a bitter person, someone I didn’t want to be. Maybe I was right for feeling betrayed, but I didn’t feel right being the reason they couldn’t truly be happy. “When Pepper told me she was in love with you, it immediately killed my anger. All I could focus on was what she said. She doesn’t say stuff like that. She doesn’t feel stuff like that. With Jax, she could barely tolerate a relationship, but then she stood out in the rain sobbing her heart out, telling me she was so head over heels in love with you, she didn’t know what to do with herself. I couldn’t be angry at her, not when she was baring her heart like that.”
Finn stared at me with wider eyes, his chest rising and falling with the deep breaths he took. They slowly sped up even though he didn’t blink once. “She said that to you?”
“Yeah.” She hadn’t said it to him? When he gave her his necklace, I just assumed that meant he was just as in love with her. I wouldn’t come between two people madly in love. My feelings were irrelevant.
His hands moved to his hips, and he turned his head away, his mind working behind his eyes.
“When she told me that, I couldn’t be upset with her. Pepper is so pragmatic that falling in love isn’t easy. She’s picky. She’s patient. But with you, she dove in headfirst. Seeing you walk out with some other woman made her hysterical. And if that’s how she feels about you, I refuse to stand in your way. And knowing you feel the same way…just makes me realize that this relationship is bigger than the three of us. I have to let it go…and move on.”
He continued to stare at the wall, still breathing hard. He didn’t seem to hear anything I’d just said.
“Finn, you alright?”
He finally turned back to me, his arms lowering to his sides. “Yeah…just thinking.”
I moved to the couch and sat down. “You want to take a seat?”
He lowered himself into the armchair, the place where he used to read when he lived there. His eyes were still wide and empty, like my news caught him off guard. He finally cleared his throat and looked at me. “I’m glad that we can move on from this… It really bothered me. I couldn’t live with you hating me. I never thought I would be the kind of man to be disloyal in that way…but I couldn’t stay away from her. It wasn’t about sex or attraction. It was about something much deeper.”
“Yeah, I can see that now. I insulted you when I said you would just use her then toss her aside. I should have taken your feelings seriously. I’m sorry I didn’t. I was cold and unfair…and I apologize for that.”
My brother stared at me, his hands on the armrests. “It’s okay, Colton. I get it.”
“Now that I see you together, I realize this is the real deal. And if that’s the case, I should be happy. This way, Pepper will always be part of my family. I’ll always see her for the holidays. Her kids will be my nieces and nephews. If you think about it that way, this is the best-case scenario for me.” I got to keep Pepper as close as possible. Her last name would always be my last name. And we really would be family. Her children would have my DNA. Instead of being upset by Finn’s betrayal, I should see all the good in
it. Wasn’t it better for her to end up with my brother instead of a guy like Jax, who had a problem with our closeness?
“I think you’re getting pretty far ahead, man. There’s no need to talk about marriage and kids. We are nowhere near that right now. We’re just spending time together.”
“But if you love each other, then that’s where this is going.”
He turned his head and stared at the blank TV.
“And I’m glad that’s where it’s going. That’s what I’m trying to say. I really think I’m okay with this now. When it was just you two hooking up, it made me uncomfortable. You risked our relationship for something you could have with any other woman. But knowing you guys are in love is a totally different story. It’s a good story.”
He rubbed his fingers along his jaw, his eyes still on the TV.
I watched my brother, unsure what to make of his mood. “You’re awfully quiet.”
He slowly turned his head back to me. “I just…don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t think there is anything to say. We’ve buried the hatchet. We can move on now.”
“Yeah…and that’s great news.” He gripped the armrests and nodded his head slowly. “But there’s something that concerns me.”
“What?”
“If I don’t marry her, aren’t you just going to be angry with me again?”
“No, I didn’t say that.”
“That’s how it sounded.”
“No. I’m just relieved you aren’t using her. This is a real relationship with a future. You guys have real feelings for each other. I basically feel like a father who wants you to have good intentions toward her. Now that I know you do, I’m happy. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
He nodded his head slowly. “Got it.”
Now that the conversation was over and the whole thing was really behind us, I felt better. “Zach and I are going to a Mariners game tomorrow. You want to come along?” I hadn’t spent any time with my brother in a long time. I’d ignored him or screamed at him whenever we were in the same room together.
He relaxed at the change of subject. “Sure. That sounds like a good time.”
“You could bring Pepper if you want. She likes baseball.”
“Nah. It’s been a while since we’ve done anything together…just the two of us.”
8
Pepper
I stepped inside Mega Shake and found Colton sitting at our usual table. He had two orders of food in front of him and two root beers.
“I love it when you get here before me.” I sat down in the plastic swivel chair and grabbed my burger with both hands.
Dressed in a black suit and tie, he looked like the powerful lawyer he was. “Because I pay for the food?”
“Yep. And I don’t have to wait.” I took a bite and felt the juiciness between my teeth. The buns were toasted to perfection, with just enough oil to add to the flavor. The condiments were in perfect proportions to the meat-to-bun ratio.
“I need to be late more often, then.”
“Hey, I let you borrow that salt.”
He rolled his eyes. “Salt that’s three years old.”
“Whatever. Still worked, right?”
“My spaghetti didn’t taste funny, if that’s what you’re asking.”
I grabbed a handful of fries and shoved them into my mouth, losing my manners because this man was used to all my flaws. “How was work?”
“Nothing worth talking about. But I do have something else worth discussing.”
“Tom?”
“No. Better than that.”
“You got a gift certificate for Mega Shake?”
“No, not that either. Finn stopped by my apartment last night.”
“He did?” Finn had been right across the hall from me, but he didn’t stop by before he went home? Or he didn’t he call me and tell me about this conversation?
“Yeah. We had a long talk. I apologized for the mean things I said to him.”
“That’s good. I’m sure that meant a lot to him.”
“Yeah, he said it did. We talked for a long time and buried the hatchet.”
“Really?” I asked, finding that too good to be true.
“Yeah. When I realized how serious you guys were, I decided I needed to drop the whole thing. He said he would end things with you if that’s what it took to make me happy, but I said that was the last thing I wanted.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“So, we finally made amends and agreed to move on. We’re seeing the Mariners this afternoon.”
“Wow…it’s nice that you guys are spending time together again. I never thought this day would come.”
“I just needed to get over it. Instead of focusing on how much his betrayal hurt, I needed to focus on the good things. With the two of you being serious, that means a lot of good things for me.”
“Like?”
“If you guys ever got married, we would actually be related. Our kids would be cousins. We would still spend all the holidays together and never have to worry about a guy keeping us apart. You would be my sister-in-law. That’s pretty cool.”
I smiled when I heard the sincerity in his voice. “Yes, that would be amazing. I would love that.”
“I would too. So, I’ve decided to focus on that.”
“It’s a pretty picture.”
He grabbed his burger and took a few bites. “You guys don’t have to worry about me anymore. Now you can be whatever you want to be, no strings attached.”
“That’d be nice. I’d love to have game night or do something else fun. It seems like all of us don’t hang out anymore because everything is so complicated. It’s such a relief that it doesn’t need to be that way anymore.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“More importantly, I’m glad the two of you are brothers again. He really loves you.”
“Yeah…I know he does.”
I sipped my soda and felt the weight disappear from my shoulders. Now I didn’t have to tiptoe around Colton anymore. I could spill my heart out to him and tell him how much I loved Finn, how happy I was every single day. “Finn and I went to this dinner party that his work hosted—”
“He took you to a work function?” he asked in surprise.
“He gave me his necklace, but you find that surprising?”
“Good point.” He kept eating. “What happened there?”
“That stupid skank Layla happened.”
“Ooh…that bitch.”
“She was wearing the most inappropriate dress for a work event, an obvious hook, line, and sinker for Finn. She strutted up to him, did the whole thing where she flipped her hair and batted her eyelashes, making a move on him right in front of me.”
“Please tell me you slapped her.” Colton grabbed a handful of fries. “She needs to lay off Finn. She’s been trying to get his dick since he moved here.”
“I didn’t need to. Finn said I was his girlfriend, and that chased her off.”
“Wow, another thing I didn’t expect Finn to do.”
“Neither did I. But that’s what he said…and I melted right on the spot. We’d never really talked about the future up to that point. I didn’t want to scare him off because I knew he was weird about commitment. He’s been drifting around his whole life. I knew if I let him warm up to the idea on his own, he would get there. And he did.”
“I can’t believe this guy is my brother. He’s a whole new man.”
“I know.”
“And I like this version a lot more than the old one.” He kept eating, seeming truly relaxed, as if discussing Finn really didn’t make him uncomfortable.
“Me too. Then we were at dinner the other night, and we ran into Jax.”
“Ooh…that must have been awkward.”
“Finn was in the bathroom at the time. Jax said he was sorry for the way he ended our relationship, not that I care because I haven’t thought about him much since we broke up. Then Finn came back, and shit got re
ally awkward.”
“I bet,” he said with a chuckle. “Finn isn’t a man you want to piss off.”
“No, he’s not. Jax left, and Finn was irritated I didn’t mention Finn and I were dating. But I didn’t have a chance. The whole interaction took place in two minutes.”
“Finn had a chance to tell Layla…”
“But he works with her all the time. Hopefully, I’ll never see Jax again.”
“Good point.”
I picked up my burger again and ate half of it before I washed it down with my root beer. It was such a relief to feel like friends again, the kind that could talk about anything, especially the people we were sleeping with.
“I wonder when he’ll tell my parents.”
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”
“I think my parents would be really thrilled about it. They love you, and they’ll love finding a way to keep you in the family.”
“I hope so. I was worried they might just think it’s weird…”
He shrugged. “When they see you together, they won’t think it’s weird. My mom has always been afraid that Finn would never settle down. She’ll be able to realize that he’s found someone, especially someone she likes.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’ll let him decide when he’s ready. The key with Finn is not to push him into anything—let him get there on his own.”
“I think he’s already ready,” Colton said. “That necklace meant a lot to him, and he didn’t hesitate to give it to you. That could only mean one thing.”
My fingers absentmindedly came into contact with the necklace, thinking about the morning when I woke up with it clutched in my hand. Finn gave it to me freely, for no reason at all. He didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, but I could see it in his eyes. Even if he didn’t tell me he loved me or even felt that way yet, he obviously felt something special for me. In his eyes, I was one in a million. I was his. And he wouldn’t give away his necklace unless he thought he would still see it every day.
I didn’t need to hear his pledge of love to know how he felt.
Not when he declared it in his own way.
