A frown creased his forehead. “That doesn’t seem right.”
“It isn’t, but work was hard to find, and if I wasn’t willing, there were plenty of other girls who’d be happy to have a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. So you see, there really wasn’t time for courting at all.”
“So you decided to write to me?”
“Not exactly,” she replied. “I expected to live the rest of my life in service. My sister was expecting a baby. One day I got word that the baby was coming. I left the house without permission. When I got to my sister’s rooming house, I found out both she and the baby had died. I hoped I could get back to the Tollivers’ without anyone knowing I’d been gone, but when I returned, Mrs. Tolliver was waiting for me. She told me to leave immediately. I had nowhere to go, no family left, and very little money. I saw the advertisement and went to see Miss Miller. She showed me your letter so I decided to write.”
“Where did you live until you left to come here? What did you do?”
“While I waited for your response, Miss Miller was kind enough to allow me to stay with her until your letter came.” She smiled. “And here I am.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” John said. “So you have no family left now?”
She shook her head.
“I’m glad you came to me. At least you understand what the girls and I are dealing with.” He reached over and squeezed her hand.
His touch sent a wave of sensation up Miranda’s arm and through her entire body. No man had ever touched her before, and her heart began to race. Was this what it would feel like for any man to take her hand, or was it just John’s touch that made her react this way?
She so wished she could ask Lily. Maybe she’d know, although she couldn’t remember Lily ever mentioning a suitor either. Neither of them had had time for any life outside the Tolliver house. Once she was settled, though, she’d write to Lily and ask her.
I do understand,” Miranda told him. “My parents were killed when I was fifteen, and even at that age, it was so hard to cope with. I can’t imagine how those poor little girls must be hurting right now. How do they feel about you marrying again? Are they worried about having a new mama?”
“To be honest, I’m not sure,” he said. “It’s been almost a year now, but they don’t seem to be healing. In fact, they seem sadder now than they were in the beginning.”
“That’s strange,” she said. “Time usually does help to heal, especially in young children.”
“I hate to say it but I think it might have something to do with my aunt.”
Miranda’s brows arched. “Your aunt? How?”
He gave her a wry smile. “Let’s just say she’s ... strict. She believes in routine, in firm discipline and that children should be kept busy. Idle hands, you know?”
“I don’t know much about children. Perhaps she’s right.”
“Nancy … that was my wife’s name … Nancy and I believed in discipline, too, but not to the extent Aunt Ruth does. Were your parents strict?”
“They were, but in some ways, I was lucky. My sister and I had responsibilities and chores, but we also had freedom to be children. I explored the woods behind our house, I swam in the river, I played games with the other children I knew.”
“What about your sister? Didn’t she play too?”
Miranda chuckled. “Heavens, no. Beth didn’t like to get dirty. She preferred to stay inside with Mother and sew and read.”
“That sounds like Hope and Ellie. Different as night and day.”
The drove in silence for a few more minutes before he spoke again. “Were you and your sister close?”
Miranda’s throat tightened and tears welled up inside her, but she tamped them down. “We were. Even though we were so different, she was my best friend. My mother lamented the fact that I wasn’t more like her, though. I couldn’t be the lady Mother wanted me to be.”
Miranda realized she’d said more than she’d intended. She couldn’t tell him that she’d grown up always being second best, how her sister’s fragile beauty and small stature had always made Miranda feel inferior, about how her mother had always pointed out how lacking she was and that no man would ever want her because she wasn’t pretty or the right size.
“It doesn’t sound like you had a very happy childhood.”
She didn’t want his pity. “Oh ...” She let out a laugh that sounded brittle to her ears. “I only meant that my childhood wasn’t perfect, nothing more. I do, however, believe it’s the responsibility of the parents to make it as perfect as possible for their children. And that includes fun, and making sure the children know they’re loved unconditionally.”
His smile faded, and she wondered if she’d said something wrong. “Of course, if you prefer a stricter routine—”
“No,” he interrupted. “For a second or two, you just reminded me of Nancy.”
Something in the tone of his voice told Miranda that the reminder wasn’t something he was happy about.
***
He’d made a huge mistake in sending for a bride, John thought, casting a quick look at the woman beside him in the wagon. She was far too pretty, and the second he’d taken her hand in sympathy, desire had surged through him, a sensation he’d never expected to feel again.
Miranda was going to be his wife. She was going to live with him, and lie beside him every night for the rest of their lives. He’d never love another woman the way he’d loved Nancy, but Miranda seemed like a good woman. There was no reason they couldn’t have a good marriage.
His heart would always belong to Nancy, but it would be so much easier to remember that if Miranda wasn’t so pretty. And so … nice.
At the same time, he wanted a woman who was nice, who would grow to love his children as much as he did, and would care for them and teach them. He shrugged inwardly, realizing it was impossible to have both.
His thoughts consumed him as they traveled the well-worn trail between Sapphire Springs and Austin.
“I was hoping your children would be with you when you came to meet the train so I could start getting to know them.” Miranda’s voice filled the silence.
A slow smile lifted his lips. “I did plan to bring them with me and they wanted to come, but Aunt Ruth thought it would be best for them to stay at home where they could stick to their routine. Four hours or so is a long time for them to sit still in a wagon.”
“That’s true,” she agreed. “I’m sure I’ll be anxious myself to move around by the time we reach town, so for a child, it would be doubly difficult. I’m sorry I don’t know more about children, but I’m eager to learn and I promise I’ll be the best mother I can be.”
He turned to smile at her. That was all he could ask. “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful mother.”
“So they’re with your aunt now?” she asked.
He nodded. “She’ll keep them until tomorrow so we can have tonight to ourselves.”
She turned away, but not before he noticed her cheeks flush again. He admitted to himself that he found her modesty appealing, and he wondered if she was as innocent about the intimacies between men and women as she appeared to be.
“I’m looking forward to meeting them,” she said. “What are they like?”
“They look exactly the same and they’re so close it’s like they’re two halves of the same person, but ...” He chuckled, then continued. “On the inside, they’re different as night and day. They’ve changed since their mother died, though. They’re sadder now, quieter, and they don’t really take an interest in anything. Hope is so quiet that sometimes it’s as if she isn’t even there.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about raising children, but I do want to help them,” Miranda said.
“I think you’ll do just fine,” John commented. “Ellie has started to come around a little, but she’s not the same happy-go-lucky little girl she was before. Of course, Aunt Ruth makes it hard for her to be that girl.
“Tha
t’s understandable after a loss like that,” Miranda put in.
“Ellie used to be outgoing and loved being around people, well, she was until her mother died. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and whatever she was feeling, everybody around her knew about it. She’s not like that now, though. Hope, on the other hand, has always been a bit quieter, a bit shy. She tends to hold her feelings in until she feels comfortable with strangers. But they both loved to be busy and do new things. I hope one day they’ll feel that way again, especially now that you’re here.”
“I’ll do my best.”
He looked at her then, saw the sincerity in her green eyes. A sense of calm washed over him. Everything was going to be all right.
Well, except for the fact that he was attracted to the woman who was going to be his wife, and the fact that he was already starting to like her more than he wanted to.
Chapter Five
Miranda’s heart thumped in her ribs as she waited at the back of the church for John’s friend, Pete, to return from telling the minister and John that they were ready. John had sent Pete to bring her to the church, and as she’d climbed the steps into the church, she’d asked him to walk her down the aisle since she had no one. She really didn’t want to face strangers alone.
She’d never been comfortable being looked at, and especially since these people were John’s friends. She could imagine the whispered words of criticism behind their hands.
“Ready?” Pete asked, tucking her hand into the crook of her elbow. “The music’s about to start.”
Her legs were trembling so badly she was afraid she’d fall down and make a fool of herself. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, she let Pete lead her down the aisle, her eyes fixed on the stained glass window above the altar.
She didn’t even look at John until she stood in front of the minister and John took her hand. He smiled down at her and she pasted a smile on her lips. The preacher’s words faded as her mind drifted to the man standing beside her, the man who was going to be her husband within a few minutes.
He was so much more handsome than she’d expected. He’d said in his letter he wasn’t the ugliest man in town, but she was sure there were very few men in town, if any, who could hold a candle to him.
His hair, black as coal, glistened in the rainbow of light coming through the window. Although it was short, which she assumed was proper as the owner of an establishment where food was served, it curled at the ends, and a few curls tended to dip down his forehead.
But it was his smile that made her heartbeat stutter, his voice that sent a tingle through her when he spoke to her.
Suddenly she realized all eyes were on her. Her face flamed.
John leaned closer and whispered to her. “This is where you say you do. At least I hope you’re going to say you do.”
“Oh ... yes ...” She turned to the preacher. “I do.”
The preacher grinned, and a few seconds later, he pronounced them husband and wife and gave John permission to kiss her.
Her breath caught in her throat. She’d never been kissed before, and to have her first kiss be in front of so many strangers made her feel positively weak.
Her gaze locked on his as he cupped her chin and lowered his face to hers. His lips gently brushed against hers, yet the effect was as if he’d branded her. She’d never felt such an intoxicating sensation before, a sudden urge to be closer, to press her lips against his ...
Suddenly, he drew away, a frown creasing his forehead as he gazed down at her parted lips. Had the kiss been so terrible for him? Perhaps since he’d been married before, he had expectations she didn’t know about.
A moment later, his smile was back and the preacher introduced them as Mr. And Mrs. Weaver.
Miranda stood quietly beside John as a tall thin woman and two little girls rose from the front pew and approached them. He crouched, gathered the girls into his arms and bussed their cheeks. Then he got to his feet he introduced her to his aunt.
“I’m happy to meet you, Mrs. Edmonds,” Miranda said, offering her hand.
“Ruth is fine,” she replied. Miranda had been around enough of the Tollivers’ friends to recognize the disparaging tone in her voice. It seemed John was oblivious, though.
Keeping his arms around the girls’ shoulders, he looked down at one of them. “This is Ellie,” he said. Shifting his gaze, he added, “and this is Hope.”
Ellie gave her a hesitant smile, while Hope held back, sliding out of the curve of her father’s arm and hiding behind him.
The girls were adorable, both with hair the color of cornsilk, eyes wide and bright blue. She wondered if she’d ever be able to tell them apart, at least by appearance.
Emotion tugged at Miranda’s heart. Immediately, she knew it would be so easy to love these children as her own.
Ellie took a step toward her and gazed up at her with pursed lips and frown lines appearing between her brows. “Are you our new mama?”
“I am,” Miranda said, giving her a wide smile. “Is that all right with you?”
She didn’t answer for a few seconds, then nodded. “Why do you got brown spots on your nose?”
Miranda saw Hope’s lips quirk in a tiny smile. She was about to explain to Ellie that the spots were freckles when Ruth’s sharp voice interrupted. “Ellie! Don’t be rude!”
Hope’s smile disappeared. Ellie jumped, startled. Fear filled her eyes.
It was plain to see that the girls were afraid of their aunt. So this was why John had decided to marry. She didn’t blame him one bit.
Ellie’s head lowered. “Sorry,” she said quietly.
Miranda wanted to take Ellie in her arms and assure her she wasn’t offended. She also wanted to tell John’s aunt that Ellie’s question was a perfectly normal one, but she didn’t think it would be wise to interfere in how Ruth cared for the girls, at least not yet. She’d never had children, so she had no experience in dealing with discipline, and by the expression on Ruth’s face, she suspected the woman would be quick to point that out. “It’s all right,” she said gently to Ellie. “Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow?”
Ellie nodded. “Okay.”
“Come along, girls. You can see your father later.” Ruth whisked the twins away. Soon Miranda and John were surrounded by well-wishers and it was impossible to think about anything except memorizing names and who was related to whom. Did John know absolutely everybody in town?
It seemed to take forever, but finally, the crowd thinned out. “They’re heading to the hotel for our wedding supper,” John told her as he ushered her out of the church and along the boardwalk toward a three-story brick building near the center of town.
“We’re having a wedding supper?” she asked, surprised. She’d expected that their first meal together would be with his family.
He nodded. “I was going to cook myself but a few of my friends wouldn’t hear of it. They were determined we should have a proper wedding supper and then they proceeded to invite everybody in town.”
“Oh ... well ... that was very nice of them ...” She couldn’t imagine anyone she knew ... well, except for Lily ... taking on extra work to do something special for her. The people in town must think highly of John, she reasoned. Warmth stole over her.
John chuckled. “Everybody loves a celebration, so whenever there’s a good excuse, you can count on everybody pitching in to make it happen. You must be hungry by now, so we’ll stay long enough for you to eat and then we’ll go home. How does that sound?”
Miranda had been so nervous she hadn’t thought about food, but now that he mentioned it, she realized she wasn’t just hungry, she was starving. As if her stomach wanted to emphasize it, it rumbled. Loudly.
Mortified that he’d heard the gurgling sound, her eyes flew open. He was laughing, the deep timbre of his voice sending a warm tingle through her. Tiny laugh lines appeared in the corners of his eyes, and even though her face felt hot, she let out a giggle. “I do like to eat,” she said
with a grin.
He wrapped her hand in his. “Then let’s hurry before all the food is gone.”
***
“You don’t look happy, my friend,” Pete said, coming to stand beside John at one of the tables in the hotel dining room while Miranda chatted with two of the ladies who’d helped organize the supper.
John had been pleasantly shocked when they’d entered the hotel dining room. The owner, Josiah Ferguson, had closed off the dining room to everybody except the wedding guests. Tables laden down with food lined the walls of the room, and small tables covered with white tablecloths dotted the space. One longer table was set apart, and the owner had told him that it was reserved for John and his bride.
“I’m fine,” John replied. “Been a long day is all.”
“Sure is a surprise to me that you found yourself another woman who’d put up with you. But then, you were smart enough to find a woman who doesn’t know you.”
John sent his friend a withering glance. “Guess that’s why you don’t have a wife yet. You’re not smart enough to find one that doesn’t know you.”
Pete chuckled. “She sure is a lot prettier than you thought, isn’t she? It’s a good thing, otherwise I hate to think what any children you have would look like if they took after you.”
A twinge of jealousy stabbed John. If Pete wasn’t such a good friend, he’d be irritated that he was commenting on his wife, even if it was a compliment. In this case, though, he knew Pete didn’t mean anything by it, and even though he hated to agree, he had no choice.
“I hope you’re ready to move on, else it’s not fair to the lady to let her think you’re going to have a real marriage.”
John had been thinking about that very thing. When he’d written the letter for a mail-order bride, he’d intended to have a strictly hands-off marriage. Now, he realized he didn’t want that at all, and it bothered him more than he wanted to admit that he found Miranda desirable.
Mail-Order Miranda (Brides of Beckham) Page 4
