by Kaci Rose
Even now, every night she pulls me from these nightmares and grounds me back to the present. But today, I have new memories to think of, and keep me going. Her sitting on the couch in my room talking to me. Just her and me.
I think back to the summer vacations we'd spend together. Paisley, her brother, and I would go to the beach and play in the water before we'd walk down to the pier and do some fishing.
She would be right there with us, digging up worms and handling the fish. She wasn't afraid of anything. An added bonus, she was also pretty good at cooking the fish we caught.
More often than not, we would catch enough for dinner that night. Then, we'd head home, and she and her mom would cook us up the fish we caught, or her mom would save them for dinner the following night, if she already had dinner going.
One summer her family took a beach vacation and invited me with them, and I’ll never forget the bikini she had on and those intriguing tan lines on her body.
I was over at her house more than I was mine. It was easy to pass it off as hanging out with her brother, but really it was because I wanted to be near her.
Thinking of those long summer days with Paisley calms me enough that I can drift back to sleep.
She said she’ll be back. I look forward to the memories she’ll give me, but I don't have enough hope that she can fix me.
Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Paisley
It's been a few days, since I've seen Easton, but today, we’re heading back to Oakside, and as soon we hit the driveway, Molly sticks her head out of the window. She loves it here, and I can't blame her.
I peek in to see Lexi, but she's on the phone. Without missing a beat, she grabs Molly's treats, gets her one, and gives Molly a good rub down, before handing me the bag and mouthing 'sorry' to me.
I just smile and leave, letting her get to work. I take a few minutes longer than normal to calm my nerves, before we head upstairs.
After leaving Lexi’s office downstairs, my first stop is to see Easton. He's still staring out of the window, but Molly takes off and runs right to him. She sits down in front of him, and he reaches to pet her. Then, she carefully climbs into his lap, resting her head on the arm of the chair and looking at me, as he starts petting her. I swear she forgets she’s supposed to be working because within minutes she’s asleep.
When he doesn't make any effort to look at me, I begin to feel like I'm intruding on his time with Molly. I don't know where we stand after my last visit. I had completely forgotten he doesn't like being touched, and now, I don't know if he even wants me in his space.
"Do you want me to leave her here? I can come back later." I ask him.
"No, you can stay." His voice is scratchy from not being used.
I nod and sit at the end of the couch, closest to the door and furthest away from him.
"Sorry I was rude... the other day. I just... can't stand... being touched." He says slowly, like he’s thinking of each word before he says it.
"I know. Lexi gave me a bit of your background."
His face goes hard with tension and maybe anger.
"Calm down. It's standard for those of us who work with therapy animals. We have to know what to expect for our safety. I don't know the details just what you’re being treated for. For instance, Molly jumped into your lap, but what if you were healing from a leg injury? It could harm you, and I wouldn't allow her to do it."
He nods, and then silence fills the room again. I've noticed he listens a lot more than he speaks, but I want him to talk. His deep, gravelly voice does something to me and makes my body tingle.
"Why don't you like being touched?" I ask.
He’s hesitant to answer, so I push a bit more. "I don't need a lot of details or a sob story. Is it because you don't like the feeling, or is it a trigger?"
"Both. It makes my skin crawl," he says.
Finally, we’re getting somewhere.
"But you’re okay with Molly," I say, more as a statement than a question.
He looks at me, "Yes... and you." He says hesitantly.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm surprised Lexi didn't tell you. I don't talk to people other than my doctors and Noah, and I don't allow anyone, but my doctors in my room. My nurse only a few times."
"No, Lexi didn't tell me," I say lost in thought. "Why don't you like people in your room?"
He looks back out of the window for so long I begin to think he isn't going to answer my question.
Finally, he says, "I don't want any of this to touch you, Paisley."
I close my eyes for a minute and soak in that he finally said my name. He remembers me!
"While you were gone, I grew up, Easton. Before I started coming here, I took Molly to the hospital for a few years. I've seen a lot. Let me help you."
He's quiet again before speaking.
"When the only people who are around are there to hurt you, it conditions you to think a person nearby means indescribable pain, and that anyone nearby wants to hurt you. Though, it's different with you. I'm calm. You don't make me anxious like the others do."
I don't know how long he will be open to talking to me, so I figure I should take advantage of it, while I can.
"Why are you always looking out of the window?"
Again, he doesn't answer me right away, and I wonder if he's back in that room alone or just thinking of exactly what to say.
"I couldn’t see anything outside much less the sun for over a year."
I think about how horrible it must have been for him, knowing he was a prisoner of war and kept where he didn't have contact with anyone, unless they wanted to hurt him. During his captivity, he didn't know if or when he’d see simple things like the sun again, or if he’d even ever be free, and it makes his behavior understandable.
To him the sun and the outside are a reminder of his freedom, and no matter how fast the demons of his past are trying to catch him, he’s still free.
Maybe, it's time to switch to lighter subjects. So, I ask him, "What food do you miss?"
"Pizza." He says without hesitation.
"A home cooked meal?" I ask.
"Yes, your meatloaf particularly."
"The food here is pretty good," I say.
"Yes, but it's all healthy stuff."
"Ahhh, not comfort food," I say understanding.
My phone rings, and I pull it from my pocket.
"Shoot. I'm late for meeting my mom for what I'm sure will be another thrilling lecture of how I'm wasting my life by not giving her grandbabies, and a low down of every single man she knows. She's given up on finding me guys my age, and the last one she tried to set me up with was a fifty-year-old, which freaked me out." I realize I'm rambling and stop.
I don't miss the corner of his mouth tilt up. It's the closest I've gotten to a smile, so I’ll take it.
"Time to turn the tables, and Molly gets to be my support dog now. Mom hates that I insist on bringing her with me, because it means we can only eat at a certain place and only outside, but Molly is my best friend, and having to walk her is the perfect excuse to bow out early."
I stand and call Molly over to me, who reluctantly comes to my side.
"I’ll be back on Monday. Can I stop in and see you then?"
He nods, and I head out with Molly. Normally, I'd feel bad about not seeing any of the other patients, but none of the guys need as much help as Easton, and I really feel like I’m making progress.
I stop in to see Lexi and Noah before I leave.
"So, you didn't tell me Easton doesn't let anyone in his room," I say.
"We figured you would find out the way the rest of us have.” Lexi shrugs.
"Actually, no. He lets me in, and I sit on the couch, when we talk," I say.
They look at each other.
"He doesn't even let me in," Noah says.
"He explained a bit about it, and why he doesn't like people near him or touching him. I get it. I'm sorry I didn't get to any ot
her patients today, but he was talking, and I just wanted to keep him talking, while I could."
"That's okay. You’re back Monday, right?" Lexi asks.
"Yes. Oh, is Easton on any special diet?"
"Nope, he's also not a picky eater from what we have seen. Why?" Noah asks.
I just smile and wink, "I'm late for a meeting with my mom. See you Monday!"
On the drive to the restaurant, I realize neither of us mentioned my brother. I decide not to tell my mom about Easton. I can refer to him as another nameless patient. I'm also not sure I want to tell my brother about him yet either. I’ll play that one by ear. Though, I like having my time with him where he’s opening up, I do know at some point I have to tell my brother.
"You're late. Which guy did Molly get attached to this time?" Mom asks, as she leans down to pet Molly, before we sit at the table.
"A new guy, actually. He was a POW and is struggling. She's been spending most of her time with him." I say honestly, just leaving out the name.
"Oh, poor thing. I've read some of the things they do to POWs overseas, and it’s just horrible. I don't blame the guy for having a hard time, but Molly seems to help?"
"Yeah. He doesn't like being touched, but he lets Molly climb in his lap, and he pets her and seems more at ease with her there. Like he knows she’ll guard him and let him know of any danger."
"That's good," she nods.
We have lunch, and the meal goes surprisingly well up until talk of my brother hits.
"So, I guess some of your brother's old school buddies are in town. They’re getting together at our house to have a pool party, and I think you should come. You might know some of them, and it would be good to catch up. You can even bring Molly, if it would make you feel better," Mom says.
"I guess I should just be happy the guys are my age this time," I say, and Mom doesn't even hide her smile.
"I’ll think about it. I want to try to work a few extra shifts at Oakside to help this guy out. I guess he's talking to me more than anyone else, and if I can be of some help, I want to be there."
My mom accepts that, and we wrap up lunch.
She walks me to my car and gives me a hug.
"Just think about coming. I think it will be a good thing for you. Even if it's just a few dates that don't go anywhere, just getting out will do you some good.”
"Thanks, Mom," I say, rolling my eyes.
For some reason, on the way home, the only person I can picture myself on a date with is Easton.
Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Easton
Gunfire. Always gunfire.
I can't get away from it. This time seems more intense than the last time, and it takes longer to pull up Paisley's face, but when I do, I start to relax.
Trying to shake off the remnants of the dream, I flip the lights on, go sit on the couch, and focus on the room. I'm not there. I'm here at Oakside in the room Noah designed for me. The room with a view and leather chairs and a sofa. The same sofa Paisley sits on, when she visits.
I'm beginning to calm down, where there’s a knock on my door. My head jerks up to find Noah.
"What are you doing here so late?" I ask, as I glance at the clock by my bed. It's two a.m.
"We got a new guy in yesterday, and he isn't doing well at night. I was here checking on him and saw your light on. Another nightmare?"
I just nod.
"Want some sleeping medicine?"
"No, I'm trying to get away from the pills. Even when I take them, I still have nightmares and feel more trapped, like I can't wake up. I don't like how I feel the next day."
"I get that. When I was in the hospital, I got off them, too. I didn't sleep much, but then one day, I drifted off with Lexi in my arms, and she kept the nightmares away. She still does."
"You got lucky."
"Yeah, I did. I thought my life was over. I mean, have you seen me?"
Noah has shared his story with me. He was in an IED blast and saved Lexi's brother, but in doing so, he ended up with burns on the right side of his body from his hairline down to his foot. He had some plastic surgery to smooth out the scars on his face, but I've seen him in short sleeves a few times, and the scars on his arm are still pretty twisted from the burn.
"I had given up and wanted to be dead, and then in bounces Lexi, who wouldn't let me. When you find the right person that you can talk to, that you can share all your demons with, and she helps you fight them? Then you hold on for dear life."
I just nod. I know what he’s saying, but I don't think Noah realizes how lucky he got with Lexi.
"Rumor has it you know Paisley."
"Rumor?"
"AKA my wife." He says with a huge smile on his face.
Noah and Lexi recently got married in a small ceremony. They flew to his hometown, got married one weekend, and then came back. He told me he plans to take her on a honeymoon, once Oakside is up and going a bit longer.
"Yeah, Paisley was my best friend, Leeland's, younger sister. I lost touch with Lee once I joined the service." I tell him.
"And..." Noah prompts.
"And what?"
"What are you leaving out?"
I sigh, "I always had a crush on her. She’s strong, independent, and beautiful. Too beautiful to let all this touch her." I say, resting my head in my hands and stare at my feet.
"But she's already helped you more than you realize."
"What?" I lift my head to look at him.
"I'm standing in your room."
I look over at him. He’s a good four feet inside my room, and the anxious feeling hasn't set in.
"This is the first time you’ve let me in your room. Don't block her out just because she's Lee's sister, or you feel you need to protect her. She's been around here and around the hospital, so she's seen worse than you. I've seen a lot worse, too. Just be open to her."
I shake my head.
"Okay, let me ask you this. When you woke up from your nightmare tonight, who was the first person you thought of?"
I look at Noah but don't answer. I don't have to, because he knows the answer. It's always her.
"That's all you need to know. Your bedside clock has an option for white noise with several different versions. Try it out and see if you can get some sleep." Noah says, before turning to walk out, closing the door behind him.
Noah is one of those friends who is blunt and honest, and he doesn't sugarcoat things, which I like. That also means he tells you things you don't always want to hear.
I go back to bed and mess with the white noise machine. One of the sounds is ocean waves. Turning off the lights, I go back to sleep with the sounds of the ocean, and this time my dreams are filled with Paisley in a little bikini.
I know I need to talk to Paisley about Leeland, but right here, right now, I can pretend it's just her and me for a while longer.
Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Paisley
I'm on my way to visit Easton today, and Molly is so confused why we’re going through the front door, instead of the side door and not stopping to see Lexi.
I head into Easton's room, and Molly goes right to him. Like always, she stands in front of him, until he pets her, and then she climbs into his lap. Though today, his chair isn't facing out of the window, it's facing the couch, putting his right side facing the window and his back to the wall.
He watches, as I close the door behind me.
"Shh. I have contraband." I say, smiling huge.
I set my bag on the coffee table, pull out the lunch I made for him, and then hold it up.
"What is it?" He asks.
"My meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, and a few rolls," I say, as I slowly walk over to him and hand the bag to him, careful not to touch him.
"There’s silverware in the bag," I say, as I sit on the couch.
Easton opens the bag up and pulls the containers out, placing them on the table next to the chair.
"You want me to tak
e Molly? She won't go for the food, but she does make it kind of hard to eat."
"She's fine." He says, taking a bite.
He closes his eyes, as he chews. "This is better than I remember it."
A few bites in, he looks over at me.
"This won't get you in trouble, will it?"
I just shrug, "I might get the Lexi face, but nothing else."
"The Lexi face?"
"She has this stern 'do as you’re told and don't argue with me' face. I've seen her use it on a few patients. It's kind of scary."
He eats a bit more, and then holds up a roll. "Can she have some of this?"
"Yep, and she’ll love you even more than she does now for it," I say.
After a few more minutes, he looks at me again, and then finally addresses the elephant in the room.
"Does Leeland know you are here?"
"Nope. Does he know you joined?"
"Yeah, we lost contact after my first deployment."
He finishes eating and starts putting the containers away.
"How many deployments were there?"
"Three."
"I wish I'd known. I would have sent letters and care packages. You'd have had more baked treats than you'd have been able to eat."
Standing, I hesitate, "I can come get that. I'd rather put it back in my bag than chance Lexi seeing it."
He nods, and I move slowly, taking the bag and then sitting down again.
"East, when was the last time you left this room, not related to your care here?"
"I haven't left at all. They all come here."
"You know you’re safe here, right?" I say, and right before my eyes, he starts to retreat back into himself. Molly picks up on it and rests her head on his chest, looking up at him.
"I know you know that. That came out wrong. I meant to say, do you feel safe here?" I try to pull him back.
