Nathan looked me in the eye before the doctor placed the swab in his mouth, and I got goose pimples all over my arms and legs. I knew the result of this test would seal our fate. I’d have to prepare myself that I might have to venture into the uncharted territory of single parenthood any day.
Alfie sat down with a smug look on his face, so I wandered over to the windows and pretended to be admiring the view. I couldn’t bear to watch.
Luca was due a feed and wailed at the top of his lungs as the doctor tried to collect the sample. It wasn’t easy. He was wriggling like an eel, but the doctor eventually managed to run the swap around the inside of his mouth and his lower lip. I put my baby up on my shoulder to comfort him then glared at Nathan for making me put the poor child through this. It was completely unnecessary. I would hardly have admitted to him that Alfie was Luca’s father if I was in any doubt.
Having allowed the swabs containing our DNA profiles to air dry, the doctor placed them in the sample collection envelopes before sealing them. ‘I’ll be in touch when I have the results. The clinic releases the reports at four o’clock on the designated day,’ he said. Then he left us with our thoughts.
91
Gemma
‘I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your silver tongue.’ Jethro smiled, before relaxing back in the velvet armchair next to the fire.
The sound of Jethro’s voice recaptured my attention, so I glanced up from my lap, and he caught my eye. I’d zoned out for a moment. I was sitting on the sofa swirling my pink grapefruit gin and tonic around in the glass while doing my best to ignore Alfie’s flattering commentary. He’d been laying the compliments on with a trowel all evening, in a blatant attempt to win me over and I was bored of listening to him drone on.
‘Has Alf managed to sweet-talk his way into your heart yet?’ Jethro paused momentarily to gauge my reaction, so I stared at him with a deadpan expression. But despite the look on my face, he continued talking. ‘It doesn’t look like Gemma has fallen for your charms yet. I think you’ll have to try a bit harder son!’ Jethro took a sip of his drink before steering the conversation onto a touchy subject. ‘Alfie adored his mum. You never got over her death, did you?’ Jethro glanced at Alfie, but Alfie looked straight through him. ‘It’s time to let go of the past, Alf. Otherwise, you’ll always have trouble forming relationships with women.’
‘Since when did you become a counsellor?’ Alfie asked in a sarcastic tone. ‘Thanks for the words of wisdom, but you won’t be offended if I don’t follow your advice, will you? Anyway, you’re a fine one to talk. You didn’t set me a very good example, did you?’
Jethro looked taken aback as though he’d been punched in the face by Alfie’s words.
‘The truth hurts, doesn’t it?’ Alfie added.
Jethro turned his attention back to me and continued talking as if his son wasn’t present. ‘Alfie needs a strong woman like you, Gemma. He doesn’t want someone to go along with everything he says. His mum was a people pleaser. She was weak, and he saw what that did to her.’
‘My mum wasn’t weak. If she had been, she’d never have been able to put up with the shit you put her through. You destroyed her because you were out shagging anything with a pulse. You weren’t even discreet about it. I would never treat my wife like that.’ Alfie spat his words straight into his father’s face, and the energy in the room shifted.
Their conversation stunned me to silence. Tensions were running high. Was it all about to kick off? I sat there for a moment, lost in my thoughts. To speak or not to speak, that was the question? But as I suffered from an incurable case of foot in mouth disease, I thought it was probably best to stay quiet for the time being. Even though I wanted to intervene, I decided it wasn’t my place to say anything. I couldn’t trust myself not to make the situation worse by blurting out the wrong thing. Sometimes my words came out like a runaway train, and I didn’t always filter what I said efficiently. I could be impulsive. That had sometimes enabled me to make the best decisions ever and sometimes the worst. So instead of trying to pacify the situation, I stayed tight-lipped and hoped they didn’t perceive my silence as rudeness.
‘I can see why you’re besotted with Gemma. Make sure you treat her well,’ Jethro continued, undeterred by Alfie’s outburst.
‘That’s rich coming from you after what you did to Mum.’ Alfie put his tumbler of Jack Daniel’s down on the mantelpiece and locked eyes with his father. He was spoiling for a fight.
Jethro smiled at his son. ‘I’ll hold my hands up and admit I was a lousy husband, so learn from that and don’t make the same mistakes I did.’
Jethro hadn’t risen to the bait, but Alfie must have hit a nerve because his face became expressionless. This had always been a sensitive issue in their house. He’d had to live with the guilt that he’d been responsible for his wife’s untimely death. He’d treated her so badly; he drove her to drink. Knowing it was his fault, his three children had grown up without their mother was a huge burden for Jethro to carry.
Alfie downed the drink in his glass before he stormed out of the room.
‘Women come and go all the time, but you’ll only ever have one mum in your lifetime,’ Jethro said as soon as Alfie was out of earshot. ‘It broke his heart when Nora died. Grief is a powerful emotion, and we all react differently, so don’t think badly of the way he’s just behaved.’
For once, I didn’t think Alfie was out of order. It made sense that he’d feel strongly about his parents’ relationship. But I could also see Jethro was a prisoner of his past wrongdoings and it was something they were never going to see eye to eye on.
Jethro fixed us both a refill and began telling me about his youth. It was almost as though he wanted to tell me the background to his troubled relationship with Nora to justify the way he’d treated her. By all accounts, he’d been instantly attracted to Rosa the moment he saw her shortly after she arrived from Italy when she was eighteen years old. She’d come to England with her sister and brother-in-law to find work and was living away from home for the first time.
‘My dad gave Bernardo the opportunity to run a new Italian restaurant that he was opening in Southend on the condition that the ownership stayed a secret. Dad wanted everyone to think it belonged to Bernardo. Even Rosa and Donatella were kept in the dark. I assume the reason behind that was because Dad was cooking the books.’
Jethro explained that Rosa was young and shy and used to blush every time he came into the restaurant. He was sure she was attracted to him, but he took too long to make a move on her and his old rival Gareth got in first and stole her heart.
Jethro broke off when he heard Alfie’s footsteps approaching. His attraction to Rosa wasn’t the best subject for us to be discussing under the circumstances. Alfie breezed through the living room and fixed himself a drink at the bar.
‘I don’t think I ever told you that Levi and Gareth used to be friends,’ Jethro said when Alfie put his glass down on the mantelpiece and stood with his back to the fire.
I’d found myself hovering nervously on the edge of the sofa and wondered if I should excuse myself so the two men could talk in private, but decided against it as the conversation was about to get interesting. There was no better way to bond than by sharing an old family secret, I thought. Was this Jethro’s way of apologising to his son, without actually having to say sorry?
‘No, you didn’t, because you never speak about your older brother,’ Alfie replied in a frosty tone, but it was clear Jethro had his full attention.
Jethro composed himself before he recounted the story of the night his brother died. Gareth and Levi were walking home after a house party when a car mounted the kerb and rammed into them. Gareth escaped unscathed, as Levi took the full force of the crash. The high-speed hit-and-run left Levi with severe head injuries. According to Gareth, he phoned for an ambulance, but Levi drifted in and out of consciousness as they waited for help to arrive. Levi was rushed to hospital but died as a result of his injuries. He wa
s only twenty. Jethro looked visibly moved when he finished speaking and paused while he took several sips of his gin.
‘The police searched for the driver, but he’d fled the scene. Gareth was the only witness.’ Jethro’s lip curled as he spoke. ‘He told officers that he’d been drinking heavily and was so shocked by what happened he couldn’t remember many details. My family felt he knew more about the circumstances that surrounded Levi’s death than he was letting on. They thought the car that mowed my brother down was driven by someone from a rival family. My dad wanted Gareth to name names. But no amount of torture provided him with any information.’
A shiver ran down my spine. Poor Gareth. I couldn’t begin to imagine what they’d put him through.
‘Did they ever catch who was responsible?’ Alfie asked.
Jethro shook his head. ‘Nobody was ever charged with Levi’s murder. Gareth reckoned he felt guilty that his friend died, while he’d escaped unhurt. He told Dad he would do anything he could to make amends with our family. As far as Dad was concerned, Gareth’s card was marked. He blamed Gareth for Levi’s death. It was only a matter of time before Dad would seek revenge. Getting even with a person who crossed the firm would usually follow the same pattern. Their target’s abduction would end with a dead body bearing the signs of torture rather than a negotiated release. But this time, Dad didn’t want Gareth dead; he wanted to prolong his suffering.’
Alfie nodded in agreement. ‘Being the victim of a contract killing would have let him off too lightly.’
‘Gareth soon showed his true colours. The coward moved to London for his own safety after the beatings became too much for him to handle.’ Jethro smiled.
Alfie stood looking into space as he mulled over what had happened to his uncle. ‘So how did Gareth end up with Rosa?’
‘Gareth had to move back because he couldn’t afford to live in London. He dossed around doing odd jobs to get by before becoming a delivery driver. He met Rosa when she signed for an order he’d just dropped off at the restaurant.’ As Jethro spoke his lips visibly thinned.
‘I’m surprised Grandad allowed him to come back. Gareth was taking the fucking piss. Talk about rubbing salt into the wounds,’ Alfie said.
‘Gareth tried to stay under the radar and by the time we realised he was back, he’d already hooked up with Rosa. We reluctantly left Gareth alone because she was part of the restaurant’s cover. But revenge was still bubbling under the surface. We hadn’t been on good terms with him since Levi died. It was only a matter of time until we’d get even. I was delighted when I finally got the chance to stitch the bastard up.’
92
Nathan
Although I knew the DNA test would confirm that Alfie was Luca’s biological father, I wouldn’t be able to accept the outcome until I saw the findings on the report. I could tell Gemma was pissed off with me for insisting that we were all tested, but I was desperately clinging to the remote chance that Luca was mine even though, now I thought about it, the baby was the image of Alfie.
It was hard to describe how I was feeling. Anger, hurt and disappointment were all jostling for the place at the top of the list. Life was complicated. Trust was a double-edged sword. It was painful when someone you loved betrayed you but equally hurtful when the same person didn’t trust you enough to confide in you in the first place.
Moving forward, our marriage wouldn’t survive without it. But since I’d discovered that Gemma had lied to me again, she’d destroyed the peace and harmony we’d worked so hard to rebuild. There was a thin line separating what secrets were acceptable to keep and which ones would haunt your partner for life. Gemma hadn’t mastered the art of knowing which was which yet. By withholding something so important from me, I felt an enormous sense of betrayal. It would be hard for us to come back from this.
I lay awake, staring at the ceiling as I tried to process my thoughts. Gemma had lied to me about Luca’s paternity, so my self-esteem and ego had taken a battering. Having come to terms with the fact that she’d cheated on me, I now had to accept that my wife had got pregnant by another man. That wasn’t an easy thing to do and felt like the final insult.
But at least she hadn’t been unfaithful to me again. Loyalty counted for a lot in my book. Now that I’d had time to absorb the information, I knew I didn’t want things to turn toxic between Gemma and I. She was my soulmate. There had only ever been one woman for me, and that was Gemma. I didn’t know how we were going to get over this, but I didn’t want to lose her.
I still loved Gemma with all my heart, so I’d have to try and sort things out with her. I’d regret it if I let her go. I knew what the outcome of the test was going to be, and despite the absence of blood ties, I still wanted to be part of Luca’s life. He might not be my biological child, but I could never reject him. In my mind, I would always be his father. I loved him the same now as I did before Gemma confirmed my worst nightmare. You can’t just switch off your feelings. They hadn’t changed at all. Alfie might be Luca’s biological father, but I was his real dad. I’d bonded with the baby, and loved Luca as if he were my son.
Gemma was Luca’s mother, and I was pretty sure she would get custody of the baby if Alfie took us to court, even if she had to allow him visitation rights. He might be Luca’s father, but that didn’t mean he could take away my opportunity to be Luca’s stepdad.
A huge weight suddenly lifted from my shoulders as I made my decision. I wasn’t prepared to give Gemma or Luca up without a fight. The problem was neither was Alfie. I’d have to consider my next move carefully. Once the storm had passed, I was going to pick up the pieces and salvage what was left of our marriage. I was determined that Gemma and Luca would always be a part of my life. If we could get through this, we could get through anything life threw at us.
93
Gemma
‘Why have you got the hump?’ Alfie asked with an amused look on his face.
Although he didn’t know it yet, he was about to bear the brunt of my bad mood. I didn’t even try to keep some civility in my tone, and my words came out barbed like angry flesh-tearing thorns. ‘I think you know the reason.’
‘I’m sorry, Gemma, you’re not making any sense. You’ll have to elaborate.’
‘OK, if you want me to spell it out, I’m fed up of listening to you and Jethro prattling on. You both seem to have conveniently forgotten that I’m married to Nathan and I have no plan to change that, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t keep suggesting that it was only a matter of time until the two of us became a couple.’
‘I hate to point out the obvious,’ Alfie said, his voice laced with sarcasm, ‘but you’re forgetting one important factor. The decision to stay together isn’t yours to make. There are only so many times a man will stand by and let a woman make a fool of him before he’ll throw the towel in. I know Nathan’s a bit of a doormat where you’re concerned, but even he must have some pride. You’ve completely humiliated him this time. You must have a very high opinion of yourself if you think he’ll still want to be with you after the way you’ve treated him. Once the test confirms he’s not Luca’s father, I very much doubt he’ll want anything to do with you.’
Alfie’s words were designed to hurt me, and he’d achieved that goal, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know that. He didn’t need to plant a seed of doubt in my mind, though, it was already there. I’d intended to give Alfie a piece of my mind, but he’d dominated the conversation and turned it on its head, to the extent that I’d barely been able to get a word in. This was a prime example of Alfie at his best. He couldn’t resist trying to control and manipulate the situation while preying on my vulnerability. I couldn’t be bothered to continue speaking to him. The harsh reality of what lay ahead was causing me to feel stressed without Alfie trying to wind me up.
‘I don’t have the energy to humour you any more. I’m going to check on Luca,’ I said before I breezed out of the kitchen.
I crossed the hallway and began
climbing the stairs to the guest suite, with my heart thundering against my ribcage. My head was reeling from the painful things Alfie had just said.
‘Have I upset you?’ Alfie called after me.
His words made me stop in my tracks, and I stole a glance at him over the edge of the sweeping staircase that curved back around on itself. ‘No,’ I replied, but that wasn’t true. I was so grateful my voice didn’t crack with emotion.
‘You probably won’t believe me, but I’m sorry.’
Although what Alfie had just said was positive, he stood gazing up at me with a smug look on his face. He didn’t even try to hide it. His facial expression undermined any good intentions his apology might have had, proving the point that it doesn’t matter what you say but how you say it.
Luca was sound asleep, so I sat on the window seat and stared out at the floodlit manicured lawn. No matter how much Alfie tried to exploit my weakness and use it against me, I couldn’t let him succeed in wearing me down. But it was virtually impossible to stay strong. Our conversation had left me feeling very insecure. Alfie always managed to find subtle and not so subtle ways to make me feel like this.
I mustn’t waste time feeling sorry for myself. The most destructive vice a person could have was self-pity. If I allowed myself to get in that mindset, it would destroy everything around me. I couldn’t afford to give my misery an inch, or it would take over, and that would leave me feeling more deflated than I already did. It was time to harness the power of positivity and regain my fighting spirit. I had to focus on the good things in my life, not the bad. The only person who could make my situation better was me. I couldn’t change the fact that Nathan wasn’t Luca’s biological father, and there was a very real chance my husband would never be able to forgive me for keeping that from him.
The best thing I could do was accept the outcome, even if that meant us going our separate ways. I should have the dignity to move on without him. I knew that was going to test the strength of my character, but I’d have to summon every bit of determination I had. Once Alfie realised I was going to raise our son on my own, that would wipe the smile off his face.
Tangled Lives Page 27
