by Rosa Swann
“I’ve been trying that for two weeks...” He curls in on himself more. “I’ve not found a way yet. If we mate now, I’ll have to leave university and come back home. If you move out to where I go to university, you’ll have to take some low-paying job and start all over again. With the starting salary you’d be able to get in the city, we won’t be able to afford a place to live. So that still means I’d have to drop out of university to get a job too. In which case, it’ll be much easier if I just come back home, that way at least you’ll be able to keep your job.”
“We’ll find a way.” I try to sound as strong and calming as possible. But he’s right. I hate it, but he’s right.
How can we do any of this in the positions we’re in right now? This is why we can’t mate yet. This is the exact reason why we can’t mate right now. I want to ask for help from someone, ask them what we should do, but I already know the answer. There’s only one thing we can do, not mate yet and try to survive the next four years.
But I can’t stay away from Seb for that long, as the last weeks have proven. When I’m with him, I want to hold him, mark him, make him mine. When I’m away from him, being with him is the only thing I can think of and we’ve seen what happens if we’re apart for too long. Neither of those options are viable options for us.
Hell, why do I have to be too young? Why is everything so complicated? Would it have been easier if I did go to college or university? Or if Seb had also started to work? Would it have been easier then?
Chapter Six
Seb
It feels good to be in Destin’s arms, when I feel him all around me and like he might be able to protect me, that he might have a way to solve our problems.
But he doesn’t have a way to solve this, and neither have I. Even when I try to search for solutions, solutions to not wanting to mate young, or how to delay mating and things like that, the search results have been... They’re not good.
There are people who swear by some type of new medication, it supposedly ‘pauses’ the need to mate. But if I then read about people who’ve used the medication, or who have been forced to use it, it doesn’t sound promising. Some people say it doesn’t take away the mental stress, it just takes away the physical effects, and mating is as much about the mental side as the physical side. So that’s not a solution. It’s no use that it would suppress my physical need for Destin, when I’ll still think about him every moment I’m not with him, when he’ll still take up all my thoughts. It’s no good.
I wish I could just stay here, in his arms, forever. I feel safe here, listening to his voice, to his breathing. He’s always made me feel safe. I used to call him my big protector, and we used to joke that it was like he was my personal guardian.
But now I respond to his Alpha-being when we’re like this and something inside me really likes that. It’s stronger than before, this sense of calming, of calming down when I’m around him, a knowing I’ll be protected at any cost.
I open my mouth, taking a deep breath, and then try again. “We need to talk to someone, explain what’s going on.”
“We can’t.” Destin’s voice is rough. “We already know the answer they’ll give.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “But we can’t keep going on like this either. What will we do when the weekend ends? We’ll both have to go back to our homes. You can’t stay at my place when you visit me, and if I stay over at yours... They’ll find out. There’s just... I don’t see a way out.”
My stomach tightens when I think of how my mum, my Beta mum, was not much younger than I am now when she had me. She turned eighteen shortly after I was born. Will I repeat the same pattern, getting pregnant early and having to give up the life I had dreamed of?
Mum left me at Daddy’s place when he was looking after both of us after I was born, and Daddy and Dad ended up adopting me because Mum really couldn’t take care of me. But I don’t want... I don’t want something like that. I want... I want a life, a career.
I never thought that I might end up in a similar situation as Mum. But she had her older brother to rely on, I don’t know who I could ask for help, who we could ask for help... Maddy can’t help us, she also lives in the apartment over the cafe, so it’s not like she’s got better options for us. I’m the eldest in my family, so nobody to reach out to there. And while Mia has a lot of older siblings, they all still live at home too, or in student housing.
I look up at Destin and then slowly start kissing him. Just slow, careful, kisses. I need him. I need him to comfort me, and this is the way my body wants to be comforted. He helps me turn around on his lap so we’re sitting face-to-face, and I feel my cheeks heat up as he looks at me intensely, before he kisses me back.
His hands are warm and strong on my hips, holding me steady, holding me in place. The kisses go from slow to faster, rougher, a mixture of tongue and teeth. Like we’re desperate for each other, desperate for the sensations, desperate for something I don’t know how to express.
When we break the kiss, Destin carefully helps me off his lap. “Come on, I’ve got a better idea.” He takes my hand and then pulls me along to the bedroom. He must have made the bed at some point, as it’s no longer bare, and it’s really warm and inviting in the room.
He closes the door behind us and turns me to him. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do, but maybe we should take things a little slower. Just because we’re in the bedroom doesn’t mean anything more than that it’s probably more comfortable to make out on a bed than on the couch.”
I nod, my breath caught in my chest and it’s like my skin all over my body flushes at the look in his eyes. I reach out and open his work clothes, slipping my hands under the fabric, putting them on his chest, the t-shirt he’s wearing still in the way. He’s so hot, so warm, I want to disappear into that sensation, so badly.
He slides his hands over my arms up, to my shoulders, and then up to cup the back of my head, cradling me, and my body tightens when his eyes glaze over for a moment as he licks his lips. Oh, wow. Wow. I’m so hard at that look in his eyes that I want to reach down and adjust my dick to a more comfortable position, but I don’t, the need to touch him is still stronger.
Slowly, he lets go of me and helps me take my sweater and my shirt off. Then he opens my jeans and pulls them down, before helping me out of them and my socks. I shiver, standing there in just my boxer briefs. I’m not sure if it’s from excitement or if there’s still a slight chill in the air.
My dick is so hard that I barely believe it. We’ve barely done anything more than kissing, and he helped me undress, but I feel like I could come at any moment.
When he lets me go, I climb on the bed, under the covers, partially because I’m awkward, to feel like this in front of Destin, but also because I’m nervous about what we might do next.
He gives me a heated grin, and strips his clothes off until he’s in just his boxer briefs and then he climbs in bed with me. Next to me, against me, side by side, both nervous.
I let out an awkward laugh and turn, sliding into the crook of his arm and put my head on his chest. He’s so warm, he feels so good. Skin-to-skin is the best feeling in the world.
His fingers play over my back, sliding up and down, and I trail my fingers over his chest, down over his rock-hard abs, something I’ve never managed to get, something I’ve always been a little envious of. Then I reach the top of his boxer briefs and I freeze, too nervous to keep going.
Before I can chicken out, Destin takes my hand and puts it fully over his hard cock, the thin fabric of his boxer briefs the only thing in the way. My own dick jumps at that thought and I let out a moan. Fuck, he’s big. I’d forgotten how big he is. It’s like he’s even bigger now than he was last time. I flush as I slowly spread my hand and then wrap my fingers around his cock, over the fabric of his boxer briefs.
Destin lets out a hiss and his whole body goes tight. “Fuck. That feels really good.” His laugh is breathy and when I look up at him,
my heart swells at the look in his eyes. Yes, this is right, this is good.
Then, as this happy feeling inside me grows, like my heart is taking in all the love he’s giving me, something else passes behind his eyes. That same look he had this morning, a hunger, but also a need that’s hard to explain, and a flash of panic goes through me. No. It can’t be that. It’s just that these feelings we’ve got for each other are still so new, that’s why they’re so bright and strong. We’re just getting used to having sexual feelings for each other, that’s all.
Then Destin flips us over so I’m on my back and he’s hovering over me, one arm bracing next to my head and he’s looking straight into my eyes, his cock lined up right along mine and I can feel the hear of his excitement through the fabric of our boxer briefs. He slides his other hand down my chest, the sensations hot, like he’s leaving behind a trail of fire, until he reaches my boxer briefs, and slides his fingers under them, wrapping his rough hand around my dick.
I close my eyes, my hips bucking up into his grip and I hold onto the fabric under me tightly, as I almost come right then. Fucking hell. How can something as simple as him touching my dick feel so good? How can all of this feel so good?
As I’ve got my eyes tightly closed, feel how he comes closer, his breathing on my skin, and then his lips are on my shoulder. First, they’re just light kisses, before I feel him suck up a mark on my shoulder.
“Destin...” I push at his chest to make him move away, which he does, staring down at me with a desperate lust in his eyes and I realise that the reason my skin is flushing the whole time, the reason my mind is starting to get cloudy, is not just because I’m awkward or because this is our first time.
Oh, fuck. No. No...
This is not about brand new feelings, or still needing to get used to them. This is deeper. This is much, much deeper and the one thing we’ve been trying to avoid... The one thing we’ve been trying to not let happen.
The one thing that would make any plans we can come up with void...
Fuck, no.
Chapter Seven
Destin
Seb whispers my name and pushes at me, an edge of something in his voice. When I look down at him, confused, panic seems to settle in his eyes. That breaks through the haze in my mind.
“What’s wrong?” I pull my hand back and touch his cheek carefully. “Did I do something wrong? Do you want me to stop?”
He shakes his head, tears appearing in his eyes. “If you don’t leave right now, we’ll never have a choice again...”
“Seb?” I stare at him, not sure about what he’s saying. Why would I have to leave? I just want to love on him, I just want to touch him and keep him close... I just want to have my mate in my arms. I just need to be close to my mate. There’s no way I’d leave him, not now, not now I’ve finally got him with me.
“I think I’m going into heat.” His voice is rough and panic shoots through me.
Oh. Fuck...
That explains the fog in my head, or why it’s hard for me to focus on what’s going on. That explains why I feel so strongly about needing to be with him right now.
I drop onto my back, still keeping my arm over his chest, not able to let him go. My body is still turned on, but the thought that this is bad, that this is not a good situation, is getting through the clouds in my head somewhat.
“Condoms?” I push the word out, trying to remember if I have any with me, but I don’t. I did buy some last week, but they’re still at home, in my bedroom... I didn’t think that I’d need to have them in my truck for quick access and I didn’t think to grab them when I impulsively decided to visit Seb yesterday.
“I don’t have any...” Seb’s eyes shoot from side to side, going over the room, like he’s trying to come up with a plan, but then he reaches up and keeps my arm to his chest with both of his, so I can’t move away.
“Mine are at home.” I stare at him, my stomach all twisted up. While I’m trying to find the energy to get up, to walk out, maybe even go buy condoms somewhere, part of my mind can only think of how much I want Seb, and how I can make him mine right now, immediately. How he’ll forever be mine if I could only mate him, mark him, right now. Nobody will be able to rip us apart if I mark him. But another part of me knows that if I do that, I’ll only bring him pain, and I don’t want to hurt him.
“Fuck.” He closes his eyes, tears sliding into his hair. “If you leave right now, you can... We can...”
“I won’t leave you here alone. You need someone to look after you. You need someone to bring you food and things like that.” No. No. I can’t leave him. I can’t. The longer I stay here, the stronger the need to stay with him becomes, the harder it will be to ever leave him.
“I can call... “ His voice wavers and then he looks at me. “I’ll call my dads, or Mia, or one of my uncles. They’ll come take care of me. If you leave now, they won’t ask questions, they won’t have to be suspicious, at least not much. That’s the only way we can avoid this.”
“And then what?” I slide closer to him again, pulling him against me, my arm under his head, his head tucked under my chin, his fingers desperate on my back, gripping me tightly. “Your daddy or one of your Omega uncles, they’ll immediately know what’s going on. They’ll know why I, your Alpha best friend who shouldn’t be too influenced by a non-mate’s heat, can’t stay to take care of you. And they’ll... Everything will change.”
As we’re talking, his scent is getting stronger, surrounding me even more, making my head even more clouded than before, making it hard to think. I try to stay in control, but my instincts are getting harder to suppress.
Seb is softly shaking his head, but his grip on me is not lessening. “Everything will change anyway, no matter what we do. But if you leave now and call someone... We’ll have a chance.”
“A chance for what?” My voice is harsh, hard and I close my eyes tightly. “A chance of pain? Of trying to avoid each other? A chance for me to break your heart even more?” I can’t do it. I can’t leave him. I know that I should, I really should, but I can’t. Not now, not ever.
“We’ll have a chance to not become a statistic. A chance to not let our lives be defined by what we are instead of who we are.” But no matter how hard he’s telling me to leave, he’s clinging onto me tightly, his nails digging into my back and he’s holding on so tightly that his arms are shaking. How can I leave him when he’s like this? How can I push my responsibility off to someone else? No.
I have to do this myself. If this is how things are going to be, then I will take responsibility. He’s my mate, I have to take responsibility for both our futures. There must be a reason that I went over to his place last night, that I couldn’t stay away any longer. There must be a reason for all of that and I’m not giving up now.
“You’ll never be defined by what you are, only by who you are.” I kiss the top of his head and then slowly move down. “I promise you. We’ll make it work. I won’t leave you, not now, not ever.”
Seb’s arms around me loosen a little and he slides onto his back. He looks up at me with confusion in his eyes, before he closes them, reaching up to me and wrapping his arms around my neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I kiss him on his lips, his skin hot against mine, and I give into my instincts.
We’ll deal with the aftermath later. Right now, this is the only thing I can think of, he’s the only one I can think of. I need him more than anything I’ve ever needed. I have to take him, make him mine. He’s mine. I’ll take care of him, however that will be. I’ll do it.
Because he’s my Omega and I’m his Alpha.
I slide my hands down his body, like I’m trying to memorise every last part of him, and in the back of my mind, I realise that I am. I’m scared of our future, of what might happen, so I have to make the most of the little time we have right now. I quickly get rid of his boxer briefs, and then mine, making me gasp as our cocks are side by side, bare, finally truly touching.
Seb rolls his hips into my hand, and then reaches down too, his fingers on my cock slippery from our precum, and he starts tugging. “Destin...” He moans, his eyes closed. “Please... I can’t wait. Please...”
“I want to make it last.” I lean over him again, trying to get as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. “I want to make this last as long as possible. I want to make this good for you.” As much as I can anyway, before I get overtaken by my instincts...
“No.” He gasps, his breathing heavy. “We’ll have all weekend for that. But now...” He holds onto me tightly. “Please. I can’t stand this feeling. Please. Just get it over with.”
“Seb.” I stare at him, confused. He makes it sound like it’s some bothersome task that he has to finish, like us mating is something that he has to do, a chore, like it’s not...
Then I remember that an Omega in heat can only focus on one thing, on getting mated, especially with their fated mate around. His heat is so strong right now, that need for him is so strong right now. If we get the edge off, then we can take it slower next time. My body already gets tight at the thought that there will be a next time, even though our first time isn’t even over yet...
“Okay. I love you. I’ll do anything for you.” I nod and kiss his shoulder, slowly moving down as I slide my fingers past his balls and to his crack.
He’s all slippery and I get harder, just at that sensation. I slide my finger over his entrance and he grips at me, letting out small whimpers as he moves his hips, trying to get more friction.
