by Fields, MJ
The more questions I get, the more I have to lie about why I go home two days a week and never hit spring break with friends or accept offers to go with Lindsey to meet her family.
Years ago, I made a promise to my mother that I would get through college. There were a few months I thought that would never happen. I thought that all my hard work through high school to get great grades would have been an unrealized dream— for both Mom and me. When everything changed and I was reminded that promises were not made to be broken… no matter the circumstance.
Lindsey bursts through the door, her arms loaded with coupon inserts, and excitedly announces, “I grabbed them all.”
I look at my phone. “We have three hours to clip before I’m gonna need a power nap.”
“Day one, we have five new tees, so less time and money spent on doing laundry. And we each made a hundred and fifty dollars. Tonight, we’re going to make at least that. And, with all these coupons, we’re going to be able to stock up our closet and donate some things, too.” She sets them on the bed and smiles. “Lots of health and beauty coupons in this week’s flyers.”
“You make it sound so exciting.”
“Oh my God, it is. The less dependency I have on the ’rents, the less I feel I owe them.”
* * *
“You look cute tonight,” Lindsey says as we walk down the road that is already lined with cars of all kinds, namely expensive, toward Baller.
“Pfft, I look cute all the time.”
She gives me the side eye, and I figure out a way to make this outfit choice have nothing to do with one Max Steel. “It was on sale, and I had a twenty-dollar reward coupon; got the whole outfit for ten bucks.”
“Was it last season? Because I haven’t seen any fall clothes on sale. They’re just hitting the racks.”
I defend my high-necked tank top under my oversized navy boyfriend cardigan and jeans with, “This isn’t a fall outfit.”
“Okay, so winter?”
“It gets cold at night. And—”
“I love you, Mila, but seriously just stop.”
“It is.” My voice squeaks.
“The parties here are always stifling hot, and the bar at Baller is in the basement.”
“Basements get cold.”
“And Max Steel makes you hot, so—”
“If you mean hot like, as in a fever, from the stomach bug, or a horrible case of diarrhea, yeah, he makes me feel like that.”
“So, if I don’t hook up with Beau, then I could sink my spurs into Max?”
After almost tripping over air as Lindsey laughs at me, I tell her, “Have at it.”
“Have at it, but?”
She’s seriously pushing my buttons.
“Don’t bring him to our room when I’m there,” I state.
“All righty then.” She quirks a brow, and I completely ignore the inquisition her expression holds.
* * *
After an hour of nonstop filling cups, I hear that voice, that quiet, husky tone with a bit of badass ask, “Blue, what the hell are you wearing?”
Before I have a chance to answer, Lindsey tells him, “She gets cold easily.”
“Yeah?” He looks me up and down.
“Do you have a cup?” I ask, trying to not be a blatant bitch, but also not giving him any ideas, either. Because that would be disastrous.
“He can have mine.” A girl from one of my women’s study classes from last semester leans toward him.
“Nah, Mila’s got me covered, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but mittens here will give you more than a cup, if you know what I’m saying, Steel. I’d stick with a sure thing if I were you.”
He leans in, his elbows on the concrete bar, getting a little too freaking close, but I refuse to step back. “Do I need to be clearer with my intentions?”
Now I do step back. “That ship has sailed.”
“Then I guess I need to blow harder on those sails, Blue.” He winks then walks away.
“I cannot deal with the likes of him.”
“I always pegged you as a gentle lick and less blow kind of girl.” Chase Lincoln smiles.
Filling his cup, I shake my head. “You were one of the few residents on Ball Bag Lane who didn’t cause me to throw up in my mouth … right up until a couple of seconds ago, Lincoln, and there you had to go and ruin it.”
“My bad. Let me take you out to dinner and make it up to you. How’s tomorrow night?”
I set the cup in front of him. “Busy.”
“Sunday.” He pauses. “No, wait, you disappear on Sundays. How about lunch on Tuesday?”
“How about no?” I say as I take another empty red cup.
“I could make it worth your while.” He says all sweet-like.
“Lincoln, my ten-dollar bullet takes care of any need I have, so how about you—”
“Heard you’re giving this gig up when you turn twenty-one.”
“Jesus, Lindsey,” I mumble.
“Not looking for a relationship, Mila. Think of it more as a business opportunity,” he says, dropping a twenty on the bar. “Think about it.”
“Business opportunity?” Lindsey grabs the twenty and shoves it in her pocket. I let her oversee the money. There are times I forget and some other drunk college student, on the other side of the bar, takes liberties. Last time it happened, I almost went over the bar at Steven Walley’s girlfriend. He’s the head of Other Side, a name coming from the fact that it is literally on the other side of the tracks from JU, and she was saving us from losing that job.
She smiles at Lincoln. “I’m listening.”
“Cute, Lindsey, but you know what happened to Little Red Riding Hood when she went into the woods alone, right?” he asks.
“The Big Bad Wolf ate her.” She grins. “I’ll take my chances. Give it to me, Lincoln.”
Oh my God, Lindsey is flirting.
His eyebrows shoot up. “Give it to you?”
She mock-gasps. “Not like that. What kind of girl do you think I am?”
Hello, Lindsey 2.0. I laugh to myself … and I spend the rest of the evening making sure my back is to Max, trying to ignore that he’s here and realizing just how ready Lindsey is to make the most of the next two years of college.
And for the next two hours, I live in the blissful existence that I forced myself into two years and eight months ago, a world where I wasn’t a part of Max Steel’s life, yet he was a constant in mine. And that works until I hear a clearing of a throat and know immediately who it is. I give Lindsey the look, the one that says, “Take care of this,” as I have the entire time.
“I want you.” His voice has a bit of a slur to it. “Not her, not the dozen or so girls around here offering up ass. I want another go at you, Blue.”
I whip around and scowl at him. “Seriously, I am working, and I’m not interested. Not at all.”
He scrubs a hand over his scruff, probably trying to hide his infuriating smirk. “Then we have a problem, don’t we?”
“One of us does, and guess what? It’s not me.” I take his beer, refill it, set it on the bar, and tell him, “Bottoms up, Max. You’ll move on.” And I think, you did back then.
He slams the entire cup then sets it on the bar. “Nope, still want you.”
“You have no idea who I am any—”
“I know exactly who you are. I remember how you smell, how you tas—”
“Lindsey, I’m stepping out for a minute.”
“But it’s busy and—” She stops when she sees Max standing there.
“I would appreciate it. I don’t need this whole place looking at me like a wounded animal after the great Max fucking Steel has shown interest in me.” Anger overtakes me as I look at all the faces now staring at me and decide fuck it. I raise my voice. “Because I’m not interested in him, or any of you!” Then I storm out, feeling sick to my stomach because, straight-up, this cannot be my life, not now that I have busted my ass to make my life work.
“
I fucked up, Blue!” he yells from behind me. “I did, and it took but a second to realize it.”
I stop quickly and turn on him, and he all but runs into me.
I plant my hand on his chest and attempt to push him back. “You had a dozen other colleges to choose from, and you end up here!” I step back because he’s not budging.
He stretches his arms out wide and says, “The wind blew my sails in this direction and fate—”
“Listen to yourself! You … you … God, Max, you’re drunk!”
“Nothing wrong with having a good time once in a while, Blue. I remember what you look like when you were having a good time and how sexy you sounded when you cam—”
“The cafeteria worker at Seashore who everyone picked on raised me; took that job and the ridicule from your kind so I could go to school there because I was a ‘gifted’ student. But not gifted enough to get into the schools I knew would offer me scholarships, because you, you got in all of them and fucked up my chances, and then you turned them down. Two kids, Max, two kids from each school is all most colleges admit. You and that asshole, Effisto, had to try to outdo one another based on ego and ruined everyone’s chances!
“And a good time? My father’s good time killed my mother, just like you almost killed you and your cousin. My aunt is that woman in the cafeteria, and while she continues to put her dreams on hold so I can become something, I will do just that.” I poke myself in the chest. “My people mean something to me, and for the last time, you don’t, so fuck off!”
He holds up his phone. “You blocked me.”
“Yeah, I sure did. If only it was that easy to block you right now.”
He looks back at his phone. “Last thing you said is we need to talk. You just spewed a whole lot of hatred my way, you just talked, so now it’s my turn.”
“Two years and seven months too late.”
“I liked you. Like really fucking liked who you were.”
“I’m not that insecure kid anymore.”
He shakes his head. “Never seemed that way to me, and I liked you enough that, after we fucked, I begged you to go on a date. I’ve never asked a girl on a date; they’ve always asked me. And I certainly didn’t have to beg, so yeah, Miller, you’ll hear me out.”
“Answer one question for me.”
“Ask me twenty.” He smiles like this is all just fine.
“Is this the first time you checked to see if I slid into your inbox?”
“After the accident, I wasn’t—”
“Driving drunk isn’t a fucking accident; it’s a choice!”
“Blue, can I trust you?”
“Fuck no, you can’t trust me. I’d knife you in the back if I could get away with it.”
“Kind of harsh, yeah?” he asks with way too much amusement in his voice.
“You condescending prick. Fuck you.” I begin to walk past him.
He blocks me. Of course he blocks me …
“Let me ask you a question now.”
“I do, and you’ll leave me the hell alone so I can do my damn job,” I snap.
He leans in too close for comfort and whispers, “If I wasn’t drinking, and maybe something got slipped in the water that I sipped on while at the bar to pick up Amias, be his DD, would you still be treating me like this, Miller?”
“Is that the story your million-dollar lawyer spun to get you off, Steel?”
“It’s the fucking truth. This isn’t one of our dirty little skits to pass back and forth in class. This is real life, Mila.”
Never have I ever heard Max sound, seem, or act vulnerable, but I will not be fooled, not again. “If I trusted you, I may buy that story, but I don’t.”
Phone still in his hand, he holds it up and hits a button.
I once again attempt to move past him. “I have to work!”
“Hey, Amias. I know it’s late, but I need you to clear things up for Miller. She’s thinks I’m full of shit about the accident.”
“Max, you wake up my kids, I’m gonna kick your ass.” I hear Amias freaking Steel.
Amias. Freaking. Steel.
“You’re out of your mind if you think—”
“Miller, he wasn’t drinking, but he’s all in his feels about coming forward with this. Makes him a bit sensitive, so—”
“Max, move,” I hiss.
I hear Amias chuckle from the phone then say, “Miller, you ain’t got a chance, babe. If he’s into you, all you can do is hold on tight and enjoy the ride.”
“I certainly do have a chance. He doesn’t back off, I’ll slap him with a restraining order.”
Amias cracks up. “Fuuuuck, Max, that’ll be a first for our crew.”
He looks me up and down, smiling, and replies, “She wants me.”
I throw my hands in the air in frustration and finally stomp past him.
As I walk toward the house, I hear Amias say, “Make sure she knows the first chick you crushed on is still in your life.”
Old Trucks, Hot girls
Max
“Lemme get this straight.” Beau chuckles. “She threatened to slap you with a restraining order, and you think this is a good idea?”
“At least, tonight, I didn’t have to pretend my ankle was dicked up to catch a ride.”
“You get that we’re lying in the back of a truck, without the driver’s knowledge, and I’m pretty sure, in these parts, we could catch a felony because of this shit, right?” he asks.
“She’s all bark, no bite.”
“You better be pretty damn sure about that, man.”
I look over at him. “You’re a good-looking guy. I—”
“Look, man, I said I wanted to see it, not play with it.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You still tripping over my dick?”
“Fuck no,” he huffs.
“Easy, Boone.” I try like hell to stop laughing, but it’s really damn hard. “What I was trying to say, before you took it in a different direction, is you know when a girl wants you. I know damn well Mila wants me.”
“Fuck …” he sighs.
“What?”
“As if living in the dorms wasn’t punishment enough, they knew about your mental health issues and stuck you with me on purpose.”
I laugh my ass off, and so does Boone. Then, when the tires squeal and the truck jerks left, taking a turn at an alarming speed, the realization that I fucked up kicks me in the ass … Nope, not a kick, but I’m pretty sure my ass just got cut on some rusty metal. Then the truck comes to an abrupt halt, the engine dies—well, sputters until it dies—the door flies open, and Mila says, “I know you’re not dumb enough to hide like a little bitch in the back of my truck when I told you that you haven’t a shot in hell, Steel.”
“Mila,” I say as I vault myself over the side of her ride. “I think your ride bit me in the ass.”
“Saves me from kicking you in it,” she says, hurrying toward the quad.
“Bro man, your ass is bleeding. Either you got your monthly or Mila has a voodoo doll.” Beau chuckles.
I don’t stop to check out my ass, in fear she will hightail it out of there and we won’t be able to clear up our mess.
“Wasn’t ready for that turn; got caught up on something.”
Mila stops, and I watch her shoulders rise and fall in an exaggerated huff. Then she asks, “When was the last time you got a tetanus shot?”
“You wanna give me one?” I ask, jogging up to her.
“As much as I’d like to never hear your voice again, lockjaw would be a slow and painful death.”
I look over her head at Boone, who throws his arm around Red. “Told you she’s into me.”
“Must be the pierced dick.” He laughs.
“Wait—what?” Red asks.
“Did it himself, too.” Boone chuckles.
“You what!” Mila yells.
I wink at her. “Trust me, Blue; it’s still epic.”
“Wait—what!” Red yells, but this time at Mila, who is glarin
g at me.
“Sorry, Blue,” I say only halfheartedly because, at the present moment, I’m a bit buzzed and a bit confused, but a lot pretty damn sure I want people to know we have a past.
She looks at Red. “It was, like, two minutes.”
“But you—”
“A story not worth sharing. Slipped my memory.” She looks back at me. “And definitely not something I’d want to live through again.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “It was a lot longer than two minutes, and I promise you, when we get to round two, I’m gonna make damn sure it’s a story you’ll want to shout from the rooftops.”
“That’s never going to be me, Max. Never. So, again, leave me alone and live your life the way only Max Steel can. One without regard for anyone else but himself.”
When I hasten my steps, Boone grabs the back of my shirt like he’s got it like that.
I turn on him and snap, “Put your hands on me like that again—”
“And you’ll be thanking me in the morning, again.”
“The fuck are you talking about?” I snap.
“Bro man, you just blew her spot. She and Freckles are gonna go talk like girls do. Mila’s going to talk about what an asshole you were, and Lindsey is gonna get all those fucked-up romantic notions swimming around in her head about second chances and how she should give you one. Mila’s gonna be all like fuck him.”
“No shit, so I need to—”
“Then she’s gonna go to bed and think about what it was like fucking you, and if you were any good, she’s gonna want it again. I’m sure this Sal guy she has back home isn’t doing it that good if she’s getting this worked up over you. I mean … fuck, Steel, I’ve been a dick, like fucked sisters dick, but they didn’t act like I ran over their dog or some shit. Mila, she’s real fucking pissed, so something deeper is going on. Step the fuck back, let her come to you. If she doesn’t, then you make a plan. But tonight, you’re done.”
Pissed at him, but not because he’s wrong—hell, he’s probably right—I walk toward our building.
