by Linda Ellen
No such luck.
“Tobias, did you tell her you love her?”
His eyes popped open and he raised his head and stared at her.
“Don’t give me that look. You think everyone in town couldn’t see? Your feelings have been written all over your face since that first day, son.”
That made him angry. The reason why, he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but nonetheless…
“If everyone in town could see that, then why couldn’t she? Huh, Ma? Tell me that!” he exploded with more force than was necessary. It wasn’t his ma’s fault.
Nettie’s expression softened, her eyes full of love and a wisdom far beyond his twenty-five years. Walking over to him, she laid a gentle hand on the back of his head, smiling down at him where he sat, still at the breakfast table with his uneaten bowl of oatmeal pushed away.
“Son, we females are different than you men. We need words. Pauline needed to hear you tell her what is in your heart. All the kisses in the world can’t take the place of three simple, but magic, little words,” she added with a mischievous twinkle.
He didn’t bother to deny that he’d kissed Pauline. But, why should he be the first to say these magic words? She’d never told him what she was feeling. That is, except that she thought of him as her brave hero. Right now, he felt anything but heroic. He felt lower than the bottom of the Missouri River.
Dropping her hand, his mother turned toward the sink and began washing the breakfast dishes. Over her shoulder, she tossed one more nugget of wisdom in his direction.
“Son, my advice is—don’t let her get away without telling her how you feel about her. She has a right to know.”
A right? That phrase pierced his heart like an arrow. He was being unfair to Pauline by not speaking his feelings? Would it make a difference?
With a dry swallow, he pushed up from the table and went to the back door. Deep in thought, he slowly buckled on his gun belt, positioned his Stetson on his head, and then paused with his hand on the knob.
Over his shoulder, he said, “I’ll be back tonight.”
He didn’t see his mother turn and stare thoughtfully at the screen door as it drifted shut behind his swift departure.
Her brother was fuming. “What’s taking so long? Why doesn’t the engineer get this train started?”
Before she could answer, a man and woman Pauline had seen at the church a few times and who were currently occupying the seat directly across from them, looked up from his newspaper and her knitting.
“Oh, didn’t you know?” the woman offered. “They’re taking the Hobbs Gang to Nebraska City today. Why, it’s all over town.” The two exchanged a quick glance, and then the woman added, “My dear, I would have thought you knew that, seeing as how you were one of the ones those awful men had taken captive in the schoolhouse. Dreadful business that was, gracious me,” she added as she reached for the newspaper her husband had just put down and began using it as a fan.
“Oh,” Pauline whispered, feeling completely out of sorts. She’d been so caught up in her own problems, she hadn’t given another second’s thought to those men once they had been marshalled into handcuffs and taken to the jail.
“The outlaws are going to be on the train with us?” Dwight grumbled.
“I believe they will be separated from us,” the man offered helpfully. “Usually, this spur only carries one passenger car, but I noticed it has two today…”
Just then, there was a commotion outside and everyone in the car stretched to get a glimpse out the windows. The five outlaws, each one with his hands cuffed behind his back, were being escorted by seven lawmen. Some were armed with handguns while several others carried rifles as they walked past the first rail car’s windows to the one behind.
While Pauline was watching out her window, the one named Loomis, his head bandaged, was strolling along as if he didn’t have a care in the world when he happened to glance up and spot her.
“Why, hey there, Missus Deputy! Goin’ somewhere?” he hollered, making Pauline’s skin crawl. She immediately recoiled as the feeling of his arms locking her against him with the knife against her neck came rushing back to the fore.
Before she could sit back in her seat, out of his view, Tobias, who was walking directly behind the man, shoved him roughly. His jaw was set hard under the shadow of the brim of his black Stetson. Brightly, the morning sun glinted off his polished deputy’s star.
“Shut up, Loomis!” he growled, flicking a quick look over to the window. For a moment, suspended in time, those blue eyes connected with hers, and like before, Pauline felt a flash of something emotionally as powerful as a bolt of lightning. The sheer force of it made her gasp. Then, just as quickly, he was gone. He’d walked out of sight with his prisoner.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she sat back, her heart throbbing erratically. For what must have been the hundredth time, she wondered, Why, Tobias? Why didn’t you want me? Why didn’t you want to stay married to me?
“It’s all right, sis,” her brother murmured gently.
She turned and allowed her anguish to show in her eyes as they collided with his concerned look. Before she could stop herself, she whispered, “Why, DJ? Why didn’t he want me?”
His dark brown eyes, so like their father’s, immediately hardened to an inky hue. “Because he’s a dang fool, that’s why. Obvious, isn’t it?”
“Excuse me, dear, but…” their fellow passenger interrupted, “aren’t you the new deputy’s wife? I thought I recognized you from church…”
The new deputy’s wife…if only I still was… More tears seeped in to blur Pauline’s vision and she sucked in a breath. “Excuse me, I need to…” she mumbled as she pressed her fingers to her lips and jumped up from her seat. She rushed down the aisle and down the outer steps, hurrying toward the outhouse behind the depot.
Charlie, the station master, watched her sail by, skirts flapping against her legs as she ran, and called out, “Better hurry, ma’am. Train’ll be pullin’ out in a few minutes.”
She waved a hand in his general direction.
Once inside the relative privacy of the small, wooden structure, she collapsed onto the closed seat, yanked her hanky out of her reticule and burst into tears. Tobias would be traveling in the train car right behind her…all the way to Nebraska City.
Every time she thought she had seen him for the last time and had hardened herself to the reality of it, there he was again.
Would this torture never end?
Its shrill whistle announcing its departure, the train jerked to a start and the lawmen exchanged glances. Sitting as they were amongst the lawbreakers, Toby was relieved they had a thirty-four-foot passenger car all to themselves. He would have hated if they’d had to keep a tight rein on the outlaws with passengers seated in the same conveyance. If Pauline was put in danger again because of me…
One thing he knew for sure—he would be thankful when this transport was over, as it was always nerve-wracking to be on the move and not know what possible danger might be lurking up ahead. The sheriff and constable, with forty years of experience between them, had strategized their plan to the best of their capabilities, and were taking no chances. Nevertheless, thirty miles of lonely track stretched between them and their destination.
They knew the gang had more members—namely Dino Loomis and Ezra Beebe—but there was always the possibility of more, especially since they had no idea regarding their whereabouts. Although it would be foolish of them to make an attempt to free their cohorts with so many armed men on guard, outlaws weren’t exactly known for their intelligence. They could dynamite the track and pick a spot for an ambush.
Toby had settled into the seat just inside the door, facing the prisoners, where he had a clear view out the windows on both sides. Now, however, he found himself staring at a button on Loomis’ shirt as he let the image of Pauline’s beautiful face, pale and frozen in shock behind the dirt-streaked glass of the train’s window, float through his memory.
He’d known she was on the train, but he hadn’t expected to look up and lock eyes with her that way. The force of their gazes colliding had sent a shockwave ripping through his body from his chest to his heels. If only he could tell what she was thinking.
“Hey, Tobe’,” his fellow deputy, Keith, greeted as he sat down next to him on the bench.
Toby managed somewhat of a smile for his recent partner. “Hey, Keith.”
“Man, I don’t mind telling ya, I’ll be glad when this lassoed bunch is handed over,” the younger man unknowingly echoed Toby’s own sentiments as he sat back and crossed one leg over the other—boot on knee—and carefully rested thereon the rifle he’d been assigned to carry.
“You and me, both,” Toby mumbled, wishing the man would find another place to roost. Nursing a foul mood, he sure didn’t feel like talking.
The deputy lapsed into blessed silence for a few minutes as they both allowed their eyes to scrutinize each prisoner, and then scan the scenery passing by outside the windows. Then, Keith slouched down in the seat and turned his head toward Toby.
“So…what happened between you and the little missus…if you don’t mind me asking?” He hurried on when Toby speared him with a clearly aggravated look, “I mean…you don’t have to tell me, but…it sure looked to me like you two were headed to happy-ever-after land, if you know what I mean.” When Toby didn’t answer, the younger man persisted, “I sure wish I could find a pretty little gal who would look at me the way she looks at you, Keller. All dewy-eyed like you’re the best thing since the telegraph, as my old man used to say. Why, shucks, I’d be the happiest fool in Nebraska.”
Toby said nothing as he ground his back teeth together, his jaw muscles bunching with his emotions. He really didn’t want to have this conversation with someone he’d only met weeks before. They weren’t exactly bosom buddies.
“Somebody said she’s going back home with her brother…” Deputy Determination continued. “Did she tell you she don’t want to be married to you anymore? I mean…she just said it, like flat out?”
Toby swallowed with difficulty, and shot Deputy O’Neill a glare. Unfazed, O’Neill merely returned the stare and even blinked a few times, innocently.
Finally, Toby grudgingly admitted, “I didn’t ask her.”
The other man’s eyes rounded in pure surprise and his mouth fell open. “You didn’t ask her? Why the he—” he cut off the word and coughed. “Why the heck not? You don’t want her to stay?”
“Leave it alone, O’Neill,” Toby warned, his tone ominous.
It didn’t intimidate the other man in the least.
Keith merely shook his head and reached up to scratch his head under his hat as he scrunched his lips in thought. “Well, don’t that beat all. You’re just gonna act like a sap-headed dope and let her slip right through your fingers. Ain’t you the brave deputy trained by the Wyatt Earp of Champaign, Illinois? Why…I’ve seen you shoot faster than the blink of an eye, and I heard about the time you saved your girl from a snake. Here you got you a bride as perty as a spring mornin’, but you’re too scared to try and keep her… Heck, I’d like to ask her out myself if you don’t even care enough to want her to stay with—”
For Toby, that blew the top off the boiling pot of his temper. Shooting up off the bench, he clenched his fists and glowered at the other man, blurting, “Of COURSE, I want her to stay, you idiot! Wha’dyou take me for anyway, a dang fool? I love her!”
Blinking at his own outburst, he turned his head and saw that every eye in the car was directed his way…some expressions were surprised, some concerned, and some amused and smirking.
Feeling his face heat up and knowing it was probably beet red, he looked back at his fellow deputy to find him with a goofy smile and a peculiarly satisfied expression infusing his face. A flash of insight revealed to Toby that his new friend had intentionally bated him, hoping for just such a reaction—and he’d fallen for it—hook, line, and sinker.
With a soft snicker, obviously having accomplished what he’d set out to do, Keith leisurely grasped his rifle, unfolded his long legs, and stood up, facing his fuming friend.
Grinning like a man with a new Farmer’s Daughter joke, he clamped a hand on Toby’s shoulder, and laughed. “I’m not the one you need to be saying that to, my friend. She’s right back there in the next car—” he added with a nod in that direction. “You’d best get at it, while the gettin’s good. If you don’t—you’ll be kickin’ your own keister for the rest of your life.”
Flummoxed, Toby stared after him as he walked up the aisle, whistling a happy tune, and chose another position to keep watch.
Pauline had read the same sentence at least fifteen times. She just couldn’t keep her mind on the story.
With a sigh, she closed the book and lowered it onto her lap as she once again relived the moment when Tobias had peered through the glass at her, and the intense reaction those eyes of his had ignited within her being. Why couldn’t he have felt it too?
Her brother looked her way, raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth to say something when the door at the end of their car opened. Their backs to the door, Dwight looked over his shoulder and froze, his eyes widening.
Before Pauline could register his reaction, she heard footfalls slowing and felt the prickle of awareness as the person stopped by her side. She didn’t even have to look up, she knew who it was. His warmth was so familiar, not to mention that clean, masculine scent she adored.
Swallowing nervously, her eyes flicked over and she saw the edges of his pants sheathed over his boots and his pearl handled gun.
“Deputy Keller,” the couple in the facing seat acknowledged him. She didn’t dare look their way. She felt him move, probably tipping his hat, as he mumbled, “Morning Mrs. Condor. Mr. Condor.”
Then, he moved again. “Christiansen,” he murmured.
“Keller,” her brother responded, but laid his hand over hers in a silent show of support. Without looking his way, Pauline knew her brother was probably glaring at her hus—her former husband.
Refusing to look up, she unconsciously began picking at the corner of the book in her lap and pressed her lips together in an attempt to keep them from trembling. He seemed to be waiting for something, which made her heart pound with uncertainty. Then she heard the creak of his leather gun belt and she realized he was squatting down.
“Pauline? Can I speak with you for a minute…alone?” his beloved voice asked near her ear. Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded and finally turned her head to look at him. He was so close…
The expression in those blue eyes sent tingles over her whole body and without conscious thought, she offered her hand for him to take and assist her from her seat.
They walked toward the other end of the car and he helped her settle onto the bench next to the door, waiting until she corralled her skirts, and then sat down beside her.
Tobias seemed nervous. He was fidgeting and couldn’t seem to stop himself from clearing his throat. Pauline strived to not get her hopes up that his intentions were to do more than merely apologize for how things had ended.
When he didn’t say anything for several dozen heartbeats, she prompted, “Yes?”
His eyes immediately rushed to fuse with hers and she felt the force of their connection like a wave of heat from an oven. His unguarded look revealed his inner thoughts—hope, bashfulness, uncertainty—prompting her heart to contract and her mouth to go dry with longing. Wishing to try and put him at ease, she murmured, “What is it, Tobias?”
Tobias moistened his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. It was as if he were trying to organize his thoughts, or he wasn’t entirely sure where he should start. Finally, he said, “I…I’ve never said this to a girl before…” He stopped, giving his head a shake as if to rebuke himself for saying the wrong thing, and then started again. “Pauline…I know we’re not married anymore, but…” he blew out a loud sigh, squared his jaw, and continued, “I don’t w
ant you to go back to Louisville. I want you to stay…here…with us—” he grimaced, “with me. Aww, doggonit,” he groused.
Part of her consciousness was amazed that her confident, smooth-talking Tobias seemed to be tripping over his own tongue. She’d never seen him so flustered. Even facing down a knife-wielding outlaw, not once had he even flinched. Now…he was trembling!
Then, before her eyes, a fire of determination seemed to ignite inside of him. His eyes positively flashed with its force. As one hand lifted to snatch his hat off his head, he moved out of the seat and dropped to one knee!
She sucked in a gasp, her heartbeat surged and then took off in a gallop that could have passed the locomotive and beat the train to Nebraska City with time to spare.
Grasping her left hand in his and pressing it to his chest, Tobias looked straight into her eyes and declared, “I love you, Pauline. I have since practically the first day we met. I don’t know why I couldn’t just come right out and say it—but I’m sayin’ it now. I love you. With every drop of blood in my body, every breath I take, all the way down to my bones, I love you. The thought of you going back to Louisville is killin’ me, honey. I can’t let you go without askin’…” he took a deep breath and then blurted, “Pauline, will you be my wife again—for real this time? Will you…will you marry me…say your vows while you’re lookin’ in my eyes? White dress, flowers, preacher, and everything?”
He seemed to be holding his breath, not moving a muscle, his eyes desperately searching hers as he waited for her answer. Having been basking in the fact that Tobias had said he loved her, she suddenly realized she hadn’t said a word, and he still didn’t know how she felt about him.
The biggest, most relieved smile took over her lips as she leaned toward him. “Oh Tobias—I love you, too. I have since the first time you looked into my eyes and uttered, ‘How do’ Pauline’. And YES, I’ll marry you again, for real. Yes, yes, a thousand times YES!!”
