by Lynn Stevens
“Sorry,” I said, turning the cart back on and driving to the next hole in deafening silence. I’d never understood that phrase until that moment. Even the birds were quiet. For once in my life, my brain wasn’t working. No thoughts at all.
We finished the third hole and then the fourth, not saying a single word. My game disappeared. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I still played better than Dad. By the ninth hole, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Are you never going to talk to me again?” I asked when I climbed behind the wheel. Dad and Mr. Perday laughed in front of us as they lazily put their clubs in the back of the cart.
“I don’t know what to say,” Erik said, his gaze straight ahead.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” I choked on the words, but I needed to confront myself. Just talk without thinking. That was good because my brain still hadn’t kicked in again. “I guess that was my way of forgiving you, because I’m not mad anymore.”
Erik chuckled gently. “That’s good. If you were, I’d be even more confused than I am now.”
My heart sank. It wasn’t an outright rejection, but it was close enough. He laughed, and that was never a good sign. It bothered me that it didn’t give me any relief.
“Do you regret kissing me?” he asked. He still wouldn’t look at me.
“Yeah, especially since this is your reaction.” I turned my head toward him. “It’s okay that you don’t like me like that. I’m not even sure why I did it. I think it was... you were so honest and passionate when you jumped down my throat. Nobody’s ever that honest with me. Everyone glosses over their feelings just to make everyone else feel better. I guess I wanted to show you I appreciated it.” I shrugged and turned back toward the front of the cart. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s more to it. I’m just as confused as you are.”
Dad and Mr. Perday climbed in their cart and started their way to the next hole. I turned the key, but Erik put his hand over mine.
“Don’t follow them just yet,” he said.
When they were out of sight, I turned toward him. Erik cradled my face in his gloved hands and leaned in, kissing me softly. I reached out and tugged him closer. He deepened the kiss, and I opened myself up to him. I lost myself in his gentleness. He didn’t push me. He didn’t shove his tongue down my throat. It was cautious, teasing, soft and sexy at the same time. My heart raced around my ribs. The kiss ended much too soon.
“We better catch up,” he said, a little breathless.
I nodded. My hands shook as I started the cart and drove toward the next hole. I tugged at the edges of my gloves. My fingers were clammy and restless. I wanted to reach out to him, but I was terrified.
“So you like me?” I asked as I slowed the cart to park it behind our fathers’.
“Yeah, a lot,” he said still a little breathless. “You like me?”
Turning toward him, I smiled. Stop lying to yourself. Tell him the truth. “A lot. I think that’s why I was so mad at you.”
Erik smiled back, the first real smile I’d ever truly seen on him. It was the most beautiful thing. Erik Perday was happy. I never wanted to see him unhappy again.
“I get it. I told you because you had a right to know and I didn’t want to lie to you or hide anything from you anymore,” he said, reaching out and squeezing my hand. “What do we do now?”
“Well, more kissing would be good, just not here.” I grinned like a freaking idiot, but I couldn’t stop it. I think I was truly happy. This wasn’t like when Theo kissed me in Paris. That felt good, but this felt right. Jesus, what about Vicky? Was Erik playing the same game Theo did? I didn’t want to believe that. Focus on the positive. “Maybe tonight?”
“Like a real date?” He raised his eyebrows. “I pick you up and we go somewhere like a movie or dinner? I’ve never actually dated anyone.”
I climbed out of the cart, meeting him at the back by our clubs. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. I... spent so much time focused on one person when that fell apart...” He shrugged, but there was a deep blush crossing his face and tinting his ears. “It just never happened.”
I waited until everyone had teed off. My ball soared in beautiful arc, landing with a soft bounce at the end of the fairway.
Mr. Perday whistled. “You might actually have a chance to win the tournament with her, Brent.”
The grin on my face spread into a smile that hurt my cheeks. That was high praise from Erik’s critical father. Dad harrumphed and said nothing else.
We finished the round. I won by three strokes. Dad was quiet until he saw Theo’s father in the clubhouse. He mumbled something and took off toward Mr. Tudor. Dad slapped his shoulder and I could’ve sworn Mr. Tudor grimaced. It must have been my imagination because the men grinned at one another a moment later.
“Hey,” Erik said, squeezing my hand. His skin was warm against mine. I squeezed back, then he let go. “Seven tonight?”
I nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastically. “That’d be great.”
“I’ll pick you up,” he said, leaning in so nobody else could hear us.
My chest swelled. I had a date. With Erik Perday. This was insane on so many levels. Then why was I so happy?
Chapter Fifteen
I lived off the high of my evening plans for the rest of the day. After babysitting - let’s face it, that’s what I did – the little kids, Rex put me through the paces. We tweaked my swing, and I added another ten yards with the driver. My entire body ached. After playing an early round of eighteen holes, then playing with the littles, Rex’s workout just about killed me. I wasn’t going to let that bring me down.
“There’s a tournament in three weeks,” Rex said as we ate salads in his office. “I think we should enter.”
“You gonna be my caddy?” I asked with a grin.
He snorted and kept chewing his lettuce. “If you want. Fee to enter isn’t too bad. I know the course. You could kill it, if your head’s in the game.”
“How much is it?” I asked, expecting it to be more than he said. “You think I’m ready?”
“I think you’re ready to compete at the level of this tournament.” He put his fork down and brushed his hands against one another. “It’ll be a good experience. Big trophy if you win.”
“Trophies are good.” I stabbed the last bit of tomato and popped it in my mouth. “Serious question, will you be there?”
“I said I’d caddy.” He raised his eyebrows. “If that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do.”
“The Great Rex Vargas caddy a teenager? Won’t people talk?”
“That might be a good thing. I’ve never taken on a serious student before. Good press would benefit you.” He leaned in and put his elbows on the table. “Unless you want the boyfriend to caddy, but I’d warn against that. He’d be a distraction.”
“Erik’s not technically my boyfriend,” I confessed, dropping my plastic fork in the empty container.
“Could’ve fooled me,” he said with a laugh. “Regardless, it’s not a good idea. Even if your relationship isn’t official, he’ll still distract you. But we can have another job for him. I think he’d like that.”
“I’ll ask him.” I closed the container and put it in the trash can behind me, then took Rex’s and did the same. “What do I need to do to enter?”
He handed me an entry form, already filled out including his status as the caddy. He knew I’d ask him, even if it was joke. I grinned.
“Think I can win?” I asked as I skimmed over it.
“Absolutely. It’ll look good on your resume, a place to start at least. When you’re the LPGA Champ, that course will brag that your first win came there.” He stood and nodded toward the window. “I’ll be there in a moment.” He turned his gaze back to me. “Three weeks. You’ll be ready.”
Nodding, I smirked at him. “We’ll crush the competition.”
“That’s my girl.” He patted my shoulder and stepped around me to help the guy at the window.
> My heart swelled. I’d make him proud. I’d never made anyone proud of me.
It was almost three by the time I got home. Mom’s car sat in the garage, but Dad’s was gone. I wondered if he’d ever left the club. Sometimes I wondered if he’d prefer to live there than at home with the rest of us.
My phone buzzed in my bag. I glanced at it and shook my head. Brendan had been quiet the last couple of weeks. Now I knew why. I swiped open the message and photos kept rolling in. He sent about thirty.
Brendan: Puerto Rico! It’s so gorgeous.
Me: You skipped school?
Brendan: Online classes can be taken anywhere, sis. Live a little.
Me: You’re crazy. Love you. Hot date tonight.
Brendan: I want details. But not too many.
Me: I’ll call you tomorrow.
Brendan: You better.
I hopped out of the car and hurried inside. This happiness high was new to me. I wished it was already seven. The memory of my brief kisses with Erik lifted me higher. He was gentle, slow, and it was perfect. Erik kissed me like he wanted to make me happy. Any other guy I’d kissed just wanted to get from point A to point V.
“Brent?” Mom said wearily before I stopped in the kitchen.
“No, just me.” I stopped when I saw her. For someone who’d spent two weeks at a spa, she looked like death warmed over. “What’s wrong, Mom?”
She put on her perfect plastic smile. “Nothing, honey. Where’s your father?”
“Don’t lie, Mom,” I said, sitting on the stool beside her. “What’s going on?”
She stared down into the coffee mug warming her hands.
“Mom?” I shrieked a little. “What’s going on?”
She sighed and turned to face me. “Andrea, it’s not your concern. This is between me and your father. And it’s nothing. Really. I’m just tired from... traveling. Do you know where he is?”
“Last time I saw him, he was at the club.” I stared at her. “We played a round this morning.”
“I’m glad you’re spending time with your father.” She stood and took her still full mug to the sink, dumping it out.
I snorted. “Not so much. He talks to Mr. Perday more than me. I don’t think he was happy I beat all of them today.”
Mom put her mug in the dishwasher. “All of them?”
“Yep. Dad, Mr. Perday, and Erik. We’re going to crush that tournament next weekend.” I glanced at the tournament entry I’d put on the counter beside me. “Speaking of tournaments, there’s one in three weeks I’d like to enter.”
Mom turned toward me, a grin playing at her lips. “Really?”
I wanted to keep Rex a secret, just because I didn’t want Dad to shut it all down. He’d either do that or weasel his way into being Rex’s best buddy. Mom, she was a different situation. I wanted to be able to trust her. And trust begins with an offering of sorts, right? “I kinda have a coach. He thinks I can go pro.”
Mom raised her eyebrows and her lips thinned. “Who is this coach?”
I leaned back from the vehement tone in her voice. It was downright scary. “Um... Rex Vargas. He owns Myers Driving Range.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “When did this happen? Does your father know?”
“Last week, and no,” I said. What was with the third degree? She was the one who took off to a spa.
“Because?” she asked, dragging the word out until it sounded like a hiss.
“Because?” I snapped. Seriously? She dipped her head and I knew I had to tell her. “Why would he care? Dad doesn’t know anything about my life. He doesn’t care about anything I do since I don’t wield a mighty penis.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. Probably shouldn’t have said that.
Mom laughed, long and hard. “While I don’t condone such ... colorful language, I can’t deny the accuracy of that statement.” She inhaled to calm her laughter, but a silly grin remained. “And I’m sorry I overreacted. I just want to make sure you’re not being ... taken advantage of.”
“Rex is great, Mom. Trust me.” I tried to smile at her, but it was hard. “I just wanted to hold on to this little bit of... happiness? I think that’s what it is.”
“I understand, but I would like to meet with this coach. And I need to know how much he’s charging you.”
“Nothing, not really.” I shrugged and her eyes widened. “No, it’s not like that. He has a kids class on Saturdays that I teach. Well more like babysit because they’re all five. That’s where I was after golfing with Dad and the Perdays. It was kind of fun.”
“It can’t be that easy,” Mom said. “When’s your next lesson? I’m coming with you.”
“Mom!” I jumped off the stool and slammed my hands on the counter. “I’m not a baby. I can take care of myself. Trust me.”
“I do trust you. It’s him I don’t trust because I don’t know him.” Mom ran her hands through her blonde hair. Her nails were chipped. I noticed then that her roots were showing. What kind of spa did she go to? It wasn’t worth the money regardless of how fancy it was. “I won’t embarrass you. Just let me know you’re safe.”
“Why now?” I asked, a little haughtier than I should’ve. I’d been making my own decisions for as long as I could remember. For the most part, it was always me and Brendan. Mom was the societal creature who flitted in and out of our lives, never really there unless the nanny called off. Brendan graduated then it was just me. “Why do you care now?”
“Mind your manners, Andrea. I’m still your mother,” she snapped. Anger shook her features, distorting them into an older version of the woman I’d seen every day. “Or I’ll take the car and you’ll have no choice in the matter.”
“Seriously?” My mouth hit the floor, bounced back up and then hit the floor again. “Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re being disrespectful,” she yelled.
“I didn’t know being honest was being disrespectful,” I screamed back. For good measure, I stopped my foot on the white tile floor.
Mom pinched her nose for several seconds then turned her gaze back to me. “I get it.” She breathed slowly, calming her nerves. “I haven’t been the best mother. There’s so much you don’t understand, but I want to change that. Andrea, you’re my only daughter and you’re almost grown. Next year, you won’t even live here. And I’ll be alone, not knowing anything about you other than you really hate to shop with me.”
“It’s not you, it’s your friends. They’re always around when you take me shopping.” I swallowed and opened my heart. Dr. Levine told multiple times to be open and honest with my parents, even if they didn’t like what I had to say. “I hated that we’d go somewhere together and you’d end up talking more to them than to me. I hated that I’d get your attention for ten minutes out of two hours at the mall. I hated that you’d look past me to see anybody else. I never hated being with you.”
Mom sobbed and rushed around the counter to pull me into a bear hug. “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said, not feeling near as teary as her. I felt drained, empty. Admitting that took a lot out of me.
She pulled back and held me by the shoulders. “Why does the name Rex Vargas sound familiar?”
“He won the PGA Championship twice and there’s a picture of him and Dad in the living room.” I smiled thinking about our chat today. “He seriously believes in me. So, the tournament in three weeks? It’s one of the last of the year. I want to play. It’s not affiliated with anything, but it will be good experience for next spring. Can I?”
“Only if I can be there,” Mom said. Hope filled her eyes.
“Of course.”
“Is this what you want? What you really want?” she asked, her fingers digging into my shoulders.
“I think so,” I shrugged away her grip. “I want to try, at least.”
“Then we try. I’ll do whatever I can to help you.” Mom smiled, and the years dropped away from her skin. “I know it’s too late in some ways, but I want to do wh
atever I can to make sure you’re on the right path. I’ve already failed your brother.”
“How? Brendan’s happy in Chicago.”
“He is. But I failed to protect him and now he doesn’t want to come home.” Her eyebrows wrinkled as she frowned. “He loves you. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t,” I said, trying to ease her mind a bit. Brendan and I would always have each other’s back, even if it was through digital communication. That would never change even if there were hundreds of miles between us. The grandfather clock in the sitting room donged loudly like it did at the start of every hour. “Crap.”
“What’s wrong?” Mom asked as I ran out of the kitchen.
“I have a date,” I shouted over my shoulder, taking the stairs two at a time.
“I want to meet him,” she shouted back.
Laughing, I slammed the door to the bathroom, stripping as fast as I could. Yeah, I still had three hours until Erik picked me up, but I didn’t want to rush the wardrobe or the makeup. I wanted to look my best.
And I asked my mother for help. Her face lit up as we went through my clothes to find just the right outfit, not too dressy and not too casual. I’d never seen her this way, not ever. Everything had always been a deferment to my father. Maybe that’s why she really flipped when I admitted I hadn’t told Dad about the golf lessons. Years of habit were hard to break. She’d thrown out an olive branch in her own way. It was up to me to grab it.
The doorbell rang at seven on the nose, just as Mom finished glossing my lips to a shine.
“You look beautiful, Andrea,” she said as she met my gaze in the mirror.
“Thanks, Mom.” I smiled, and for once in my life, I felt beautiful.
Mom had applied my makeup with a professional’s touch. The barely there look suited me. We’d decided to go with a blush silk sleeveless top with a pair of white Bermuda shorts and gold open-toed flats. Mom had run to her jewelry chest and grabbed simple gold drop earrings and matching necklace.
