“Be safe,” she whispered and heard the telltale click. She sighed heavily and stared at her phone. His warm eyes looked up at her and she felt her heart clench painfully. Staring up at the ceiling, she clasped her hands together tightly and clenched her eyes shut.
“Please God, I don’t think I could settle for less than his heart because I already know he has mine. Keep him safe for me and bring him home,” she prayed desperately.
10
November 2015
Tyler, Texas
Lily felt completely drained and distraught. She’d not heard from John since that call and was worried out of her mind. She’d gotten a few letters here and there from him but they were all dated weeks ago. Beautiful pencil sketches from the pad of paper she’d sent him. He’d captured a graceful rose from his memory perfectly. Radar had apparently sat as a model and she could see the scar where her eye had been, as well as her jovial tongue hanging out to the side. He had a talent for capturing the moment.
Part of her listened to that little voice in her head screaming that John had been using her until he’d gotten out and now that he was back in the states – that beautiful man had found someone else. She could practically picture her in her mind too. She bet the woman was a supermodel with long blond hair and a Barbie-esque waist. She picked up a pencil, gave her hair a twist and stabbed it through the chignon viciously, wincing as the lead contacted her scalp.
Wasn’t this wretched silence over with yet?
What if something had happened to John?
That was the only thing keeping her from calling his mother. She didn’t want to be the one to tell her that John hadn’t called or had gone missing. Had he been hurt during patrol? Was he still stuck over there in Afghanistan? Had they deployed him somewhere else against his will? She poured over the newspapers in the teachers’ lounge looking for any articles or information. She googled his name randomly, but that only brought up her favorite video of him.
It was the last day before Thanksgiving break and she was so relieved. She wanted nothing more than to sit down with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and cry herself into oblivion. Her mind was a vicious thing…almost insidious.
He’s gone.
He was married, you fool.
He played you and you fell for it.
Lord? If you’re listening -is this a test because I’m so afraid of failing or doubting your plans for me, she prayed heavily with a sigh. Lily heard the announcement over the intercom and felt almost wooden. She got to her feet, nearly tripping on her flowy handkerchief dress made of wispy scarves. She loved this dress and rarely wore it, but after last night’s bout of crying she decided she needed a pick me up. She felt light and feminine in it, combined with a pair of nude flat ballet shoes. It was comfortable and appealing, a far cry from her sweaters and long denim skirts.
“Line up everyone. We are heading to the auditorium for presentation and will dismiss from there. So, grab your back packs, book bags and lunch boxes, because we won’t be returning to the room, got it? You’ll go straight from the bell to your bus, exiting through the double doors of the auditorium. Car riders, you’ll line up on the wall and we’ll take you out. Any questions?” Seeing no hands, Lily filed them out of her classroom and down the hallway. She stood at the door, urging them inside and instructing them to take a seat.
Maria and Lily stood towards the back, watching the children until the principal took the stage. Tapping on the microphone, she began to speak about the upcoming holiday and introduced the theater class performing a skit of the first Thanksgiving.
“You okay kiddo?” Maria whispered to her. “You look like you’ve not been sleeping well sweetie. Is everything okay?” Lily really didn’t want to do this now.
“It’s fine. I’m just a little tired.”
“Are you doing anything special for the holiday? Are you cooking, or do you want to come over? We’ll have a big table set up. My husband’s family is in town and I’m cooking for everyone.”
“No, I appreciate it. I think I’m just going to stay in and rest. Maybe watch the parade or something. I need a little down time.” She absently listened as the music ended and the Principal returned to the stage, introducing a guest speaker. For a moment, Lily’s heart stopped as she felt her stomach heave in anticipation. Everyone knew or had seen the YouTube videos of reunions and for a brief moment she wished/hoped/prayed it was for her.
Nope.
Nopety. Nope. No.
Phooooey!
A firefighter came out and discussed his daily duties. He brought his uniform jacket and a hose, taking volunteers to come up and put on the items to see how heavy they were. Lily could have kicked herself. She’d seen the flyer in her box that they were combining career day and the Thanksgiving skit into one due to the shortened week.
Several other people filed out onto the stage. A doctor, a lawyer, a mechanic, and a soldier. Her heart clamored and she felt herself gasp harshly. No, that wasn’t him. The walk was all wrong, and he didn’t have dark brown hair.
“Sweetie, you okay?”
“Yes – sorry. I was trying to keep from coughing. I don’t want to disturb the-“and Lily saw it like a dream out of the corner of her eye, stopping mid-sentence. A tall, lean policeman walked out in a uniform with a rather large German shepherd next to him. She recognized that stride from the video clip. The proud way he held himself and the way he stood at attention when he got center stage to the microphone. A sharp command had the dog immediately sit next to him, ears alert and staring straight ahead. Lily could not breathe. John was here!
HE WAS HERE!
“Hello everyone,” his strong voice began before hesitating. Her heart leap in her throat and she felt tears rush to her eyes. She saw his throat work as he swallowed before speaking again. He was nervous, and she was fascinated by the faint lopsided grin as he spoke clearly.
“Hello everyone, my name is Officer John Griffin. I am here to speak with you today for a few reasons. I was recently deployed in Afghanistan as a bomb and ammunitions expert. In my line of duty, Radar and I were assigned to patrol the hills looking for any explosive devices. Radar has been with me for eight years now and earned her name quickly because when she is asked to fetch, her ears perk up just like they are now, and she will find whatever she is looking for. Each and every single time. Now, you don’t just become a bomb and ammunitions expert overnight. It takes years of practice, learning, skill and courage to know that each job you do must be precise or it could be your last. So why am I up here as a police officer? Well, when you learn a skill – like any of these wonderful trades up here- you become desired…”
John cleared his throat and blushed at the word usage, yanking at his collar. Lily almost giggled aloud. The man was more adorable in real life than she ever imagined in her dreams or fantasies. “You become a desired person in the field and it sometimes translates into other jobs in the future. A military man may move to a civilian job if available. So, when Radar and I left Afghanistan – we left as a team. I was blessed to find a job in my field easily. First a soldier, then as a K-9 officer. Life throws a curveball and you can be whatever you want to be. Sometimes, you are fortunate enough to have a change that brings you into a new direction, a new life. Now, who would like to come up and pet Radar?”
Several children’s hands shot into the air and Lily fought to keep from running to the stage and making a fool of herself. She watched fascinated as he interacted with the children and explained Radar’s eye, giving a few commands to show off before letting her free to run around. The children shrieked happily, and Lily marveled at the control John had, his eyes watching the large animal carefully and giving several shouts sounding almost foreign in order to calm the dog down as she walked around the room and in-between the aisles to be petted.
“Radar, return!” John commanded, and the dog immediately spun around and raced up to the stage. “When you become a K-9 officer or soldier, the dog is now your family – an extension of yourself.
The need for communication is so great that it becomes second nature and you read each other’s body language. She can tell when I am upset, and I can identify when danger is near by the way her ears perk up, or the way she moves or growls. I will be at the station on the north side of town and you are welcome to come by to see Radar at any time. Now before I go…” he trailed off and smiled widely.
“Would Miss Hogan’s class from last year please stand?” John turned to the Principal and spoke. “I want to thank you so much for this opportunity to speak to the school and to thank these students for mailing our troops. Please give them a round of applause.” The room filled with a loud roar of clapping before settling down.
“This group made the difference in so many soldiers’ lives. It takes a beautiful soul to take a moment out of their day to write and let us know we aren’t forgotten. My group received several letters over a several-week period and it meant the world to us. I want to thank you and Miss Hogan for writing -encouraging you all to do so. The impact it makes in our lives is a true miracle. Now, where is Miss Hogan?”
Lily felt Maria stand up next to her and drag her up bodily from the plastic chair she’d been sitting in. Static made her dress cling to the back of her thighs and she yanked at it distractedly while trying to keep from falling over her own feet. That was all she needed, a staticky-wedgie making her dress creep up awkwardly as she got to meet her dream man! Her guardian angel was probably snorting and crying with laughter right now as she yanked at her dress.
It was probably a good thing Maria had a hold of her arm, because she wasn’t certain her body would cooperate. Her knees felt like Jell-O and she was pretty sure they were knocking together, but she couldn’t hear it over the thumping of her heart. Maria wouldn’t have any of it and the smile on her face told her she also recognized the man whose picture had decorated her phone and computer monitor for months.
Lily’s eyes met John’s and the room seemed to fade away behind her. That warm smile and sparkle in his eyes was just for her. It was real and not imagined, hauntingly beautiful to behold with the stage lights shining down on his light brown hair. He extended his hand towards her and she saw it trembled, yet his smile was confident – encouraging. Lily stepped up onto the stage and realized she barely came to his shoulder as he looked down at her.
“Miss Hogan wrote a bittersweet letter reminding me what life was about and how much I missed home. I needed that and was lucky enough to have gotten her letter before a miracle happened,” he told her softly, staring at her. His hand tucked a curl behind her ear making her swallow hard at the quiet intimacy of it all. “My miracle. Now, I’ve got a promise to keep: Lily, will you join me for dinner tonight?”
Feeling her eyes tear up at his tender smile, she nodded, unable to speak. The massive roar of applause would have drowned out any words she’d said anyhow. The principal walked over and pointed just off stage, mouthing the words ‘wait over there’ to them. John grasped her hand and walked off stage with her away from the warm spotlights. Once in the shadow, he leaned down and softly kissed her cheek, lingering for the briefest moment.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” he whispered softly. She barely heard him over the sounds of her heart pounding nervously. It was devastating to smell the crisp, clean cologne on him and feel the whisker of his jaw as he did so. His eyes crinkled and curled up at the edges as he smiled at her.
“It’s nice to meet you too. I think I’m shaking and might faint,” she admitted and bit her lip, feeling silly. He gave a throaty laugh as Radar barked happily, watching and putting a paw up to shake hands.
“Me too, truthfully” John told her shyly. “This ol ’lady wants to make your acquaintance and keeps pawing at my foot for acknowledgement.” She saw that he had several scratches on the leather of his shoes confirming his words. Nothing seemed to phase the small bubble around them as they met in person for the very first time. He was more than she could have ever hoped or imagined.
Lily knelt down and held out her hand, shaking the large paw dutifully. She’d seen the sketches of Radar and smiled tenderly at the spot where her eye had been, remembering the trauma in John’s voice that day and knowing how close the two were. Lily snapped to attention as the bell rang, signaling the end of class.
“Don’t disappear on me!” she mumbled aloud, thinking that this might be all just a hallucination or some fanciful dream. He was here, with her. “I’ve got to help with bus duty. But please, don’t leave. If you want to wait in my classroom -its room 204 just down the hallway. But please don’t leave,” she repeated and blushed.
“Wild horses couldn’t take me from here,” he told her with a warm, encouraging smile. “Go ahead, I understand about having a duty to perform better than anyone.”
* * *
John watched Lily walk away, ushering the children out of the auditorium and marveling at the soft, gentle way she managed them. She was more breathtakingly beautiful in real life than in photos. When she walked forward up the aisle, he couldn’t breathe as he was certain an angel was drifting his way. Her translucent golden skin from time in the sun made his fingers curl with want and abject fascination as he held out a hand towards her. The moment she lay her delicate fingers in his hand, he noticed how feminine they were compared to his and instantly felt grateful yet humbled that this beautiful creature had taken the time to speak with him – to be there for him. He couldn’t help but stare at her.
Her warm brown eyes reminded him of a myriad of fall leaves with brilliant shades of dark black, browns and even a bit of gold. He saw that she wore the blue earrings that he’d sent her, making his heart skip a beat. The earrings made him feel like he’d made an impact or had reached her somehow, marking her that she was his girl.
She was a miracle to him and he swore to himself to make sure she never regretted contacting him. He’d felt compelled to kiss her cheek and did so without a thought as she had stared up at him enraptured. He loved her expressive face and found himself smiling as he recognized that emotion. His own soul burned with the attraction to her and saw it in her eyes.
John waited dutifully in her classroom, drinking in the atmosphere. It reminded him of her in so many ways. Colorful, warm, caring and exuberant in soft undertones that made you want to be there, yearned to be in her aura. He noticed that behind her desk, she had a small gathering of dried roses hanging upside down and tied with a red ribbon. Were they the roses he’d asked his mother to send? He knew he was enamored of the person who he believed her to be and wanted to reach out, to show her he cared. He cared for her mind and heart, not for the shell that Lily kept downplaying. She said she was plain over and over again, yet here she was in the flesh and he was floored by how glorious a woman she was. Soft delicate curves were hinted at in her dress and made her look so very exquisite.
John smiled and shook his head. She was making his brain mush and wax poetic as he came up with word after word mentally to describe his miracle lady. His woman. Lord, I pray you guide me so I don’t mess this up, he thought as he caught a glimpse of her out of the window. Her smiles, the way she knelt down to tie a child’s shoes and waved at the buses made him feel such a burst of warmth. John was infatuated with Lily and he knew it. She was love incarnate and he wanted to bask in her radiance.
Lily returned several moments later and came to an immediate halt as she entered her classroom. John was more breathtaking in person than she’d ever dreamed. She saw him staring at the chalkboard, reading, his arms crossed over his broad chest. Radar had taken the time to lay down on the cool tile floor and take a nap. Her tail gave several thumps as she entered her classroom, letting her know that she was aware of her return. John’s head turned towards her and she saw the recognition in his eyes, the possessive hot look that made her limbs weak.
“Sorry I took so long,” she blurted out and blushed. He made her feel all bumfuzzled and mindless. She hated to look like a fool, yet when she saw him or spoke with him, she was just muttering whate
ver crossed her mind. It was like the filter for her mouth had been broken or had a big huge heart shaped hole in it allowing just whatever to flow right out like water.
“I don’t mind.”
“I bet this is so boring. I mean, it’s an elementary school and it’s been a while since you’ve been in one, right?” Lily slapped her forehead as the words just poured out unwittingly. “You know I didn’t mean it like that, right?”
“It was accurate. I just turned thirty-nine last Wednesday, so yeah- it’s been a while.” he said with a warm smile, taking a step towards her and holding out his hand. Lily reactively stepped towards him, drawn like a magnet, before stopping. He stopped and stood there with his hand extended before letting it drop back to his side, a wariness in his eyes.
“Aren’t you nervous? Worried? Anxious?” she asked tenuously, the fear and trepidation in her voice. She was afraid to get attached to an idea she’d become fond of; what if there was a massive let down? Could she handle the heartbreak?
“I’m exhilarated, thrilled and scared to death,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair and looking away from her for a brief moment. His straight hair fell back around the crown of his head, feathering in large waves that made her yearn to reach right out and see if it was as soft as it looked.
“Then why are we putting this pressure on ourselves, putting ourselves through this?”
“Do you want me to leave?” John asked tightly, and she saw his shoulders clench as if he was guarding himself or had just be struck. She wasn’t rejecting him, just a little overwhelmed by everything. It wasn’t a slow trickle of emotion raging in her, it was like someone had turned on the fire hydrant. Overwhelming rushes of feelings that she wanted to analyze, categorize or savor.
“No, I just want the nerves to go away. I so enjoyed the happiness in our words both by letter and by phone. Does that make sense? I want the joy betw-“
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