by May Archer
“You’ve been grieving,” Cort pointed out. “And you’ve taken on a pretty huge responsibility at Seaver Tech.”
“Yeah. I also ended things between Drew and me pretty easily, though, and I haven’t dated anyone seriously since him.”
“Well, Drew’s kind of a douchebag, so I don’t know if it was fear so much as good judgment,” Cort drawled.
Cam laughed, and the sunlight played over the defined muscles of his abs, the freckles on the tops of his shoulders. Christ, the man was gorgeous. Cort had to look away again, pretending the water was fascinating.
“Fair point,” Cam allowed. “But, should I have tried harder? Was I running away because things got real?”
“Did you love him?” Cort’s chest was tight as he asked the question, but Cam’s answer was immediate and unequivocal.
“No. Never. Not like that. He was a friend. Another brother, almost. But I wonder if maybe I sensed he loved me. Maybe it scared me subconsciously.”
“He didn’t.”
Cam turned to look at him in surprise. “How do you know? I mean, you’ve seen him at his worst. He’s not always a jerk.”
“Nah.” Cort shook his head firmly, completely confident. “He didn’t love you. Not really. Not the all-in kind of love.”
“And you know this how?” Cam’s voice was amused.
“Because if he had, he wouldn’t have let you run.” He felt Cam’s eyes on his face and he took a deep breath before turning to meet them. Their gazes locked and the words were pulled from his belly. “I wouldn’t let you run.”
Cam’s nostrils flared, eyes wide, as parsed Cort’s words. He shook his head slowly. “I don’t want you to, either. I’m trying not to.”
“You’ve been thinking about it?” Cort clenched his hands into fists because he wanted to reach for Cam, right then and there, crush him against his chest, hold him in place.
Cam swallowed and glanced down. “I have some trust issues, I guess. Comes with the name. And then the thing with Sebastian…” He glanced up at Cort. “Anyway, I’m trying. I said I’d give you a second chance, and I am, but it’s a lot,” he whispered. “And I know you still have secrets. What’s the phone about, Cort? What’s this investigation about, if it’s not work? Does that mean it’s personal? Because it seems really personal. I know it’s not all classified FBI bullshit, either.” His voice took on a warning edge, cautioning Cort not to play that card again. “For one thing, the FBI has plenty of ways onto this island which don’t involve me.”
Cort huffed out a breath, opened his mouth to say something, but Cam cut him off.
“I want to know. I do. But tell me not because I’m asking, or giving you an ultimatum. I need you to tell me because you want to, when you want to. Does that make sense?”
It made a scary amount of sense. He wanted Cort to show him the same trust Cam had been showing since their very first meeting. But the truth about Damon, what they’d learned about the plane crash - weren’t entirely Cort’s secrets to share.
He ran a hand over his jaw, feeling the rough stubble against his palm, and mentally cursed his brother. Where the hell was Damon? Why hadn’t he made contact? The familiar anger was creeping back. Damon had disappeared from his life a year ago, and now Cort’s loyalty to his brother was fucking things up with Cam.
Cort himself was fucking things up with Cam.
He exhaled. “Cam,” he began. But once again, Cam stopped him from speaking.
“It can wait, is what I’m trying to tell you. I—” Cam sucked in a breath. “I’m going to trust you to tell me when you can. I won’t wait forever, not even for very long. But a little longer, perhaps long enough. Okay?” Cam’s eyes were huge as they burned up at Cort.
“Just like that?” Cort whispered.
“Ah…” Cam chuckled slightly. “No. There’s no just like that about this. It’s really, really hard for me. But I think you’re worth it. This – us, is worth it.”
Cort was suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. God, the strength in this man, his man, was humbling. It brought Cort to his knees.
It came to him like a burst of sunlight off the water. He needed to show Cam, to demonstrate in some small way how much he did trust him, and how Cam was worth everything to him, too.
Cort scrambled to his feet and held out a hand for Cam. “Come on.”
Cam looked from Cort to the water and back again. “But we haven’t even gone in the water yet.”
“We can do it later. Come on.” Cort hefted Cam to his feet, then dipped down to grab the toiletry bag and towels.
“Is everything okay?” Cam demanded, as Cort practically pulled him up the steps and along the path to the house. “Seriously, Cort, slow down and talk to me here. What’s the hurry?”
Cort spun Cam around when they reached the house and pushed him up against the cool surface of the building, caging him in with his body.
“The hurry is… I want to fuck you right now, and I want to get you up to our room as quickly as possible. That okay with you?”
Cam’s eyes widened and his gaze flicked to Cort’s mouth.
Oh, the temptation! But Cort knew if he started kissing Cam now, in five minutes they’d be fucking against the house in front of God and everyone. And honest to God, even that wouldn’t have deterred him if they had lube and a condom handy.
“Yeah,” Cam breathed. “That’s absolutely fine with me.”
Cort smiled, even though he was pretty sure it was more like a grimace. His cock was pressing uncomfortably against the fabric of his shorts in a way that was quickly becoming unbearable. “Get your butt upstairs, then,” he said, and when Cam turned to do just that, he couldn’t resist swatting the man right on his perfect ass.
He sprinted up the stairs after Cam, following the sound of his soft laughter.
Cam unlocked their room and threw open the door, tossing the key onto a small dresser, then turned to watch Cort.
“Now what?” he demanded breathlessly.
Cort carefully closed the door, locked it behind him, then stalked towards Cam, throwing the towels and bag to the floor. He backed Cam against the tall post at the foot of the bed again and wrapped his hands around Cam’s waist. “Now, I’m going to put my mouth on you.”
Cam sucked in a breath and lifted his hands to reach around Cort’s neck while Cort devoured his mouth. He loved the way Cam felt against him - smaller, slighter, but with a lean strength and force of will that shone through in the way he lifted himself onto his toes to kiss Cort back more fully. Cort shifted his hips, pushing his hardness against Cam’s stomach, and felt him shiver with excitement.
Cort grazed his mouth lower, hitting the spot between Cam’s neck and shoulder that he knew drove the man crazy. He licked and sucked right there, just over the faint mark remaining from what they’d done earlier, feeling something enormous bubbling up through his chest at the sight. Cam threw back his head and moaned, and Cort felt his dick twitching in his trunks. Like Pavlov’s dog, he’d already been conditioned to respond to that sound, and he loved it.
One of Cort’s hands roamed down to palm Cam through his shorts. Cam was already hard, and responded to the stroke with a needy gasp which made Cort sink to his knees and strip Cam’s shorts down lightning-fast. Then Cam was in his mouth, the salty taste of him on Cort’s tongue.
It was like last week but better, because he knew Cam now, and knew he’d do everything possible to make sure they had tonight, tomorrow, and all the nights after that.
Cam’s hands were threading through the long strands of Cort’s hair, his fingertips strong on Cort’s head, and Cort loved that, too.
Tonight wasn’t about asserting his dominance. He had achieved that earlier, and it had been awesome. Cort loved knowing Cam didn’t submit because he was weak, but because he craved Cort’s control and was strong enough to yield to that want. Now he wanted to show Cam something different.
He gave one last enthusiastic pull, then broke off, ignoring Cam’s whimp
er.
“Shhh. I don’t want you to come like this,” Cort said against Cam’s ear. “I want something else, baby. Now be a good boy and stay right here while I get what we need from my bag, and then you’re going to give it to me.”
It hadn’t been a question, but Cam nodded anyway, panting. He wrapped his hands around the post behind him obediently. “If you need condoms and lube, they’re in the kit by the door,” he offered, as Cort went to kneel by his suitcase.
Cort glanced up at him in surprise and switched directions, grabbing the kit off the floor. “You brought condoms and lube to the beach?”
Cam shrugged. “I thought they might be necessary.” He frowned. “Wait, is that why you dragged me up here?”
“Maybe.” Cort gave him a smile as he threw the kit on the bed. “But that’s okay. Sex on sand is one of those things that sounds better than it really is.” He shuddered.
Cam huffed in frustration. “I wouldn’t have cared.”
Cort’s smile became a full-on grin. He shucked his trunks, throwing the stupid burner phone on the nightstand, and grabbed Cam’s hand pulling him around to the side of the bed. “But you won’t be the one on the bottom this time.” He threw himself down to lie on his back in the center of the bed.
Cam blinked, and then blinked again. “What?”
Cort unzipped the bag and found the lube and condoms right on top. Bonus points to Cam for efficiency. He threw the bag on the floor and pressed the supplies into Cam’s hand.
“I thought maybe this time you’d want to…” He tilted his head to the side and, as always, Cam understood him without words.
His eyes flew wide. “Me? You want me to…”
Cort nodded. “Yeah. Oh, yeah. But only if you want to.”
“No! I do! I mean, most guys assume I don’t. But I didn’t think you… I mean, we never really discussed it, but I got the impression you didn’t like to bottom?” Cam was alternately looking down at the lube in his hand as though it held the secrets of the universe, and staring at Cort’s face like he was trying to read Cort’s mind and make sure he was really okay with this. It was adorable.
“I must admit, I haven’t had the best experience with it,” Cort admitted, stacking his hands beneath his head on the bed. “I’m not sure I can do it without being bossy, and honestly? I wasn’t sure whether you’d actually want me this way.”
“But then, why?” Cam put his knee on the mattress and leaned over Cort, running one hand up from Cort’s stomach to his chest. “You don’t have to.”
Cort put his own hand over Cam’s where it rested against his heart. “I want to,” he said.
Cam seemed to receive the message, because his eyes turned liquid blue. He knelt beside Cort and ran his fingertips across Cort’s skin. Cort shivered. He reached up a hand to touch Cam’s spiky brown hair and then traced his fingertips around the shell of Cam’s ear.
“Come here and kiss me,” Cort said. Not a command or a demand, but an invitation, one Cam eagerly accepted. He braced his hands on either side of Cort’s chest and leaned down until their lips met. The same as every time he’d kissed Cam, Cort felt his core incinerate, with hot tongues of flame running up and down his back. But unlike the crazy, hurried wildfire that had engulfed them the previous week, this burn was slower- a controlled fire, heating, melting, forging them into something different, something brand new. He couldn’t stop looking at Cam, mapping the gorgeous freckles on his skin, the contours of his cheeks.
Cam lifted his knee to straddle Cort’s waist and sat back so he could run his hands along Cort’s skin - through the blond hair of his chest, down over his abs, and back - in increasingly long sweeps. On one pass, Cam let his hand roam up over Cort’s neck to tangle into his long, golden-brown hair. He braced the other hand against Cort’s chest, and their gazes collided.
“Have I ever told you I love your eyes?” Cam demanded.
Cort shook his head, unable to form words.
“I do,” Cam whispered, lowering his head to bite at Cort’s stubbled chin.
Cort swallowed hard. He’d been seriously trying hard to keep his hands out of this, to give Cam the unbridled access and control Cam had given to him, but he had to abandon the effort. He lifted his hands to frame Cam’s face and brought him in for a fierce kiss.
Cam broke away a second later, pressing a kiss to the same spot he’d bitten on Cort’s chin. “You’re sure?” he whispered.
There were few things Cort had been more sure of in his life. “Yeah, baby. I’m positive.”
Cam nodded, his eyes serious, suddenly nervous. “I do want this, Cam,” Cort said again, more forcefully. “With you.”
Cort watched the flush climb up Cam’s face. So beautiful.
Cam pushed up on his hands and crawled backwards down Cort’s body, dropping tiny kisses over his chest as he went. “I love your chest. I love the way you’re so much bigger than I am.”
He moved lower, and his mouth traced the Cort’s hipbone. Cort exhaled in a shaky moan. “I love the sounds you make, too,” Cam whispered. “Like you really want me.”
“I do,” Cort responded, then he arched his back as Cam’s mouth moved lower again, his warm tongue licking up Cort’s shaft. “God, you make me so hard. All I have to do is see you, watch you smile.”
It was too much. The heat of Cam’s mouth and the needy sounds Cam made as he moved above him, drove Cort mad in a matter of moments. He dimly heard the snap of the lube container, then Cam’s fingers were stroking around his opening, probing gently, pushing inside him. The sensation was so much more intense than he remembered from the few times he’d tried this half a lifetime ago, but that made sense, didn’t it? After all, Cam wasn’t like anyone Cort had ever known before.
Cam’s fingers went away, and Cort was dimly aware of him opening a condom, adding more lube, preparing himself. Cort instinctively tensed when Cam’s guided his cock to Cort’s entrance, but he forced himself to relax. He welcomed the brief burn, the pressure, because he wanted Cam inside him more than he’d known he ever could. His moan mingled with Cam’s as he pushed himself home, and he welcomed that, too. That signs they were together in this.
And then Cam started to move, and Cort cried out. “Oh! Christ, Cam! More. Again!”
Cam’s hips moved faster, Cort gripped the bedspread in both hands, anchoring himself against Cam’s thrusts and the spiral of pleasure threatening to overload his mind. He’d had sex, he knew what pleasure felt like. It had never been like this. He felt special and cherished, things he’d never known to want before.
Cam hitched out a breath and said, “Cort? Baby, I can’t hold on,” his voice wrecked with passion. Cort brought his hands up to Cam’s cheeks, and pulled him down for a wet, thorough kiss. “Then come for me. Come for me, Cam.”
Cam thrust hard one last time, then his hips froze, his face contorted in pleasure. Cort nearly lost it right there. “You’re so beautiful,” Cort told him, still cradling Cam’s gorgeous face in his big hands. Cam, still breathless, leaned down to kiss him once, pressing his lips into Cort’s as though imprinting himself there, then he pulled back abruptly. A second later, he was swallowing Cort all the way down to the root. Cort was so primed, it was pretty much all he could take. The suction of that gorgeous mouth, the firm pressure of those lips around his dick, and Cort was coming, coming, coming down Cam’s throat.
Cam dealt with the condom, then climbed back up Cort’s body and stretched himself out against Cort’s side.
“That was amazing,” Cam offered, as though he wondered whether Cort would agree.
Cort wrapped his arms around Cam, who tucked his head under Cort’s jaw, and told him the absolute truth. “It was perfect. You are perfect.”
They lay without moving or speaking for long minutes while their breathing evened. The sun cast progressively longer orange swathes across the bed, the fan on the ceiling slowly rotated, and Cam sank more deeply against Cort, his eyelashes fluttering against Cort’s chest as he bl
inked.
“We should really clean up,” Cam said without moving. Cort chuckled.
“In a minute, baby. We’ve plenty of time.”
Cort was aware this was the calm before the storm - the silent phone on the nightstand was a constant presence in the back of his mind. He knew he and Cam had a lot they still needed to discuss, and soon, but he was hopeful in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe, never.
Chapter Seventeen
Cam was supremely comfortable, laying on the warm sand in the sunshine down in the hidden cove on St. Brigitte. His eyes were closed, but he could hear the distant crash of waves on the shore and birds calling as they dove for their supper. Everything was perfectly peaceful, and in a moment or two, when he felt like opening his eyes again, he’d grab his book and towel, and head on up the path to see whether it was time for lunch.
His stomach growled. Okay, so maybe it was closer to dinner. Bas, Drew, and Amy hardly ever left him alone this long, always forcing him to play some stupid game Bas was a dead cert to win. His stomach rumbled insistently again and he sucked in a deep breath. His mom and dad were probably wondering where he’d…
Reality hit him like a tidal wave - first the slow shadow falling over his mind, an awareness in his hind-brain, warning him something was off in his thinking, and then, before he could brace himself, before he could move or protect himself, the full realization crashed over his head and sucked him under.
They were gone.
His father, with his keen intellect and take-no-prisoners confidence…
Amy McMann, with her razor-sharp tongue and kind smile…
His mother, with her soft eyes and quick wit…
No one would ever again wonder where on earth Cam had got to when it was time for dinner.
No one would remind him things would get better.
No one was waiting for him anymore.
He was utterly alone.
He was sobbing before he opened his eyes. Chest heaving, stomach cramping under the weight of his grief, he sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees. It was shattering, this pain – uncontrollable desolation so vast he couldn’t contain it as it welled up from his lungs and sank down into his bones. He buried his face in his hands and let the tears roll down past his fingers.
