by Clara Nipper
Marny sucked air. “That’s low. You said you’d never call me that again.”
“Emergency measures, what can I tell you?”
Claw was short for Claw Mark, which I nicked her after Marny fell for a married man, and in my heartfelt attempt to talk her out of the affair, I told her that she would only be a claw mark on the guy’s back, nothing more, which is exactly what happened.
“I hate you.”
“I know, baby. Where’s the scene?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Like hell. What are you doing to me?”
“Something wicked this way comes and you’re in the middle of the road.”
“What?” I scratched my head.
“One word: Goodson.”
“Make sense.”
“Watch the news. I’m not saying.”
“Spill, heifer.”
“You’re lucky I told you this much.”
I punched my phone dead and heard an ominous creak. When I looked up to see if a tree limb was going to impale me, a load of slush pounded me to the ground.
“Goddammit!” I yelled. “Fuck this motherfucking job, this motherfucking town, this motherfucking ice storm, and this motherfucking blackout!”
Sophie opened the door and smothered a laugh when she saw me crumpled on the ground. “Do you mind?” she asked haughtily. “The baby is sleeping! And this is a family show.”
I stood up shakily, brushing ice from my clothes. “Fuck you twice.”
“You had the chance.”
I debated about grabbing her or telling her off, but instead just said tiredly. “I know. I blew it.”
Sophie’s face softened and she looped her arm through mine. “Come on. I’ll make some soup and a bourbon for you.”
“Sounds great. Forget the soup.”
Chapter Seventeen
I was nursing my second bourbon that Sophie had simmered hot on the gas stove when my phone rang. I was wearing sweats, holding my steaming mug, sitting in front of the fire, wrapped in a comforter.
“Yeah?” I said sleepily.
“Rogers! What the fuck are you up to?”
The DA. I sat up, the comforter falling away. I took a gulp of my hot bourbon, sweet fire licking flames from my belly to my brain. “Could you be more specific?”
“You and Perryman better come to my office ASAP.”
“Jimbo, at the moment, I am not available.”
“Not available? You better come see me this afternoon or I’ll have your badges.”
I stood up, forgetting the chill. “On what grounds?” I said, but the phone was already dead. “That sorry shack of sit,” I slurred.
“What’s up?” Sophie sat across from me, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in her hands.
“That’s no substitute for me,” I said, grinning goofily.
“Give it a rest, willya, Chief?” Sophie said. She gestured to my cell. “What’s going on?”
“That no-balled bitch DA just pisses me off.”
Sophie drank from her mug, her eyes closed in delight. She licked the chocolate moustache from her lip. The cut under her nose was healing well. “Mmm, better to be pissed off than pissed on.”
Sophie’s remark tickled me unexpectedly, and I cackled then as if a cork had been popped. Laughter burst out of me. It burbled and barked, circling and rising, leaving me breathless and Sophie wide-eyed. “Are you happy?” I asked, suddenly serious.
“Are you?”
“Hell, no. I’m too smart to be happy.”
“Or too stupid,” Sophie said meaningfully.
That sent me into a snorting fit of laughter again. Sophie cautiously moved my bourbon out of reach, which made me laugh more. My cell rang.
“Rogers.” I hiccupped.
“Are you going to see the DA?” Perryman said.
“No way in hell. It’s icy, the office is closed, and I’m full of firewater.”
“Big Chief, you are a degenerate.”
“Perryman, you’re a drip. I don’t have to ask if you’re going in.”
“I’m not.”
I sucked air. Sophie finished her cocoa and went to the kitchen. “But he said he would have our badges,” I said, impressed.
“On what grounds?” Perryman said.
“That’s what I said!” I crowed, retrieving my bourbon and wrapping myself in blankets again. Suddenly, I wished Perryman liked me. “Say, you want to head over here for a drink?” I sipped mine and smacked my lips.
“Have you lost your mind? Is that all you think about?”
I watched Sophie as she returned and curled up by the fire with a croissant. “No, I think about one other thing,” I said.
Perryman groaned. “You nauseate me.”
“That’s right before the baby in the baby carriage, right?”
“Over and out.”
Sophie offered me half her croissant. “I don’t want that girly food,” I said.
“Only you would be such a pig to make food sexist.”
I grinned. “I think you look real sexist in those jeans.”
Sophie shook her head, her eyes flat. Alistair entered. “Sophie, I found an open Chinese take away on Seventy-first Street. Is that far?”
“God love the Orientals!” I said, my stomach roaring.
“It might take a while, but we can get there.” Sophie stood, brushing off crumbs. “Can you be trusted not to have an orgy or burn down the house?”
“Absolutely not,” I said.
“Cheeky bugger!” Alistair laughed.
“Maybe I should stay and guard the bar…the silver…the matches…the bedroom,” Sophie said.
“No, you’re coming. I don’t know where to go. Jill, mate, keep your nose clean, all right?”
My mouth twitched. “Nose? Sure.”
“Lovely, let’s go.” Alistair held out his hand. “Get a wiggle on, Soph.” With a final worried glance, Sophie let him lead her out of the house.
My phone rang. “Marny! Tell me something good!”
“I’m fighting crime with my twat.”
“Of course you are. The most powerful pudendum in Gotham City. How are you doing it this time?”
“Just flipping through these crime scene photos. You never see a good mani-bush on a vic. Have you ever noticed that?”
I scratched the scab on my forehead. “Now that you mention it, you’re right.”
“That’s what I’m saying! By regular waxing, I’m ensuring that I’m not a victim. Ergo, grooming equals safety. I’m stopping crime with my Brazilian.”
I snorted. “Good for you, McGruff.”
“Meet me on the street in ten.”
“I’m at a…” my voice caught, “friend’s.” I coughed. “Hazel Street.”
“Got it. Be ready.”
Chapter Eighteen
While I waited for Marny on the stoop, I cursed the clouds that were gathering and thickening like dark blankets drawn over the scalding cold day. “Goddamn,” I said, blowing on my hands. “More ice coming.” As if to punctuate that statement, a tree down the street cracked in two and crashed to the ground, splitting the heavy silence like a cannon. I heard Marny’s car bumping along the ice ruts long before I saw her. She was a clumsy driver even on dry roads. I went to the curb and she tried to stop, but her car kept sliding down the street.
“Help! Jill! Help!” I heard Marny shriek. I walked alongside the car as it slipped and bucked over the frozen street. Marny struggled, trying to turn the car and stomping the brakes. She lowered the passenger window. “Do something!” she yelled as I easily kept pace with the coasting car.
I laughed. “Yes, Master!” I put my finger on my nose and wiggled it.
“Goddamn your Native soul to hell!” Marny screeched.
“Way to convince me to help!” I said then carefully quickened my step until I was in front of the car. I walked backward as the car kept sliding forward. I took a deep breath, put my hands on the hood, and pushed against the car. I dug my boots into
the pitted ice. The car pushed me forward several yards then stopped. “Now what?” I grunted.
“Just stay like that until the ice melts.” Marny called from the driver’s seat.
“This is the worst meeting I’ve ever been to!” The car’s weight pushed me forward a few more feet. “You could’ve just sent a memo!” A cluster of branches crashed to the ground ten feet away, spraying us with ice chips.
“Get in!” Marny said.
“And do what? I’m not going to complete your Thelma and Louise fantasy for you, honey. I can’t let go or your car will glide straight down that hill.” I gestured with my head to the steep grade a block away. “If I could find a rock, we could try to block your momentum that way, but I don’t see anything. We need to try to steer your car into an ice bank or up into someone’s yard.”
Marny’s teeth were chattering. “What do I do?”
“What did I just say?” I said. “I’m going to move to the left and try to push your vehicle into that driveway on the right. You do what you can at the wheel to help. Ready?”
“No!” She said. I moved anyway and fell on the car’s left front panel with fierce determination.
“Turn! Turn!” I yelled, shoving. My feet scrabbled as if I were on ball bearings.
“I’m trying!”
The car moved inexorably forward, carried on the smooth, slick grooves of ice, our meager human efforts yielding nothing. I groaned and pushed so hard I thought my bladder would burst. Instead, I fell flat on my belly, biting my tongue. The car cruised lazily on without me, just missing my outstretched hands.
“What now!” Marny screamed as the car gained speed.
“Either go down with it or abandon ship!” I said, swallowing blood.
The driver’s door blew open, and Marny’s expensively booted legs flailed in the air like a confused spider’s.
“Jump and roll!” I said.
“This is Chanel!” Marny said.
I shrugged. “Die pretty!”
Marny flung herself onto the ice as the car crunched on. She rolled awkwardly, losing her hat and scarf. I walked to her, picking up her things. I helped her up, and we held on to each other as we followed the car to the crest of the hill.
“Beautiful,” I said, chuckling, as the vehicle nose-dived down the steep street and gained speed.
Marny, white-faced and open-mouthed, watched. “Jesus, please help me. Please. If you do, I promise—” Marny’s voice was cut off by the crash of her car into a downed tree at the bottom of the hill. “Crap on a cracker,” she said.
“At least it didn’t go into the river,” I said brightly.
“Fuck off.”
“Your daddy will buy you another Beemer.”
Marny poisoned me with her stare.
“No one was hurt!” I added.
Marny jerked her hat and scarf out of my hand and retorted, “No thanks to you. And look at me!”
“Now hold on. You’re the one who can’t drive and decided it was an emergency to see me.”
Marny’s eyes blazed. “To help you!” She covered her face with her wadded scarf. I embraced her.
“Come on, settle down,” I soothed her. “We will go back to Sophie’s, call your insurance company, have a drink, and you can tell me everything.” Marny nodded against my chest. As I started walking, I felt hard pellets peppering my scalp, lodging in the stiff brush of my hair. “More ice,” I said.
Marny looked down the hill one last time at her totaled car. With a hiccupping sigh, she turned her back and walked away with me. “It’s the end of the world,” she said, her voice tiny and sad.
Chapter Nineteen
“So what’s up?” I asked after I had wrapped Marny in a blanket in front of the fire and gave her a mug of tomato juice I had heated and improved with the liberal addition of Stoli. Marny’s clothes were draped over the fireplace screen and steaming gently.
“Well.” Marny took a long swallow. “This is putrid by the way.”
“Oh no! Can I get you something else? A hot toddy with organic honey and freshly squeezed lemon juice and bee pollen? Perhaps a scone with Irish butter and homemade jam?” I flicked her on the head. “Talk.”
“Your boy Goodson is a major contributor to Jim’s campaign. There will be no filing. And you’re looking good for getting fired for insubordination.”
I sniffed. “Good luck to him. What else?”
“I was picking you up to go to a scene. Call just came.”
“Robbery? Drugs?”
“Double homicide. Looks like a fire and two bodies.”
“What the fuck!” I screeched, noting with embarrassment, my voice’s resemblance to a howler monkey. I punched my phone. Goddamn these contraptions! I make two calls and it has to be recharged. “St. John! I’m still on the force, aren’t I?” I said to the chief. “Then why am I being told about jobs I’m not on by sassy little ADAs with legs for days?”
Marny, who was sipping her drink, choked with laughter. She blushed, pleased, and curled into a tighter wool ball. “They couldn’t reach you. They sent Honegger,” she said.
“Uh huh, yes, I see. Got it.” I smacked the phone down. “They couldn’t reach me. They sent Honegger.”
“You don’t say?” Marny smiled dreamily. “This junk is gaining favor.” She waggled her empty mug.
“Fuck that!” I said, adrenaline screaming through me like lightning bolts. I was dancing like a boxer. “We’ve gotta go!”
“You need to relax,” Marny slurred. “Called Penelope lately?”
I leaned over Marny and breathed fire into her face. “I. Said. Fuck. That.” I ripped the blanket away from her body. “Let’s go!”
Marny grabbed the blanket back. “Uncool, Jill.” She swaddled herself into a cocoon. “Got a car?”
I stopped and slumped into a wingback chair. “Fuckle.”
“We’re back!” Alistair said. He and Sophie entered with their arms loaded with sacks. “Brilliant. More unexpected visitors,” Alistair said and held out his hand to Marny. “Alistair Bellingham.”
“Marny Marlowe. Enchanted.” They shook hands.
Sophie looked at me, alarmed. “How do you two know each other?” Sophie said, her voice shrill. “I mean…are you two…er…”
“Bloody brilliant, Soph,” Alistair laughed.
“No,” Marny answered with a finality that closed all questions.
“Not yet,” I said with a leer, “but soon.” I crossed my fingers and held them in front of Sophie, who grimaced.
“Let’s eat.” Alistair sat next to Marny and began opening sacks and passing out egg rolls.
I swatted mine away. “I need your car,” I said, standing expectantly and holding out my hand.
“Are you daft? It’s fierce out there,” Alistair said, crunching a wonton.
Sophie appraised me from head to foot. She made me feel dirty and unkempt. My scalp and neck itched like I needed a trim to my flattop, my eyes felt gummy, my breath sour, my body flaky and stale, my clothes mismatched, ill-fitting, and ripe. “No,” she answered, her voice like liquid chocolate.
“Why?” I said. Alistair and Marny looked from Sophie to me and back as if they were following a tennis match. It was obvious this was deeper than the car.
“Because I need you where I can keep an eye on you. Whatever this is; it can wait until tomorrow when the weather and visibility might be better,” Sophie said silkily, not meeting my blazing gaze.
“Fuck that!” I shouted. “We’re not married! You don’t own me!”
“But I do own my car.” Sophie grinned and set a carton of fried rice in front of me. I kicked the rice, launching it into the air as if it were a confetti bomb. Rice rained down on the three of them and the carton landed several feet away and skittered on the wood floor.
“Then I’ll call a taxi!” I yelled from the kitchen.
Sophie, who hadn’t reacted to my fit, kept eating and answered, “Fine.” Alistair and Marny wisely stayed silent. Marny picked r
ice out of Alistair’s hair. I jab-dialed a taxi service. I got a recording that they were on skeleton staff and if I left a message, they would get back to me as soon as they could. “Goddammit!” I hated being in the kitchen away from the fire. It was cold. I turned up all four gas burners on the stove and lit them with my Zippo. I found a phone book in a drawer and decided to call a limousine company.
Someone answered on the first ring. “This is Guido.”
“Yeah, I need to hire a car for the evening. How fast can you get here?”
“Now, hold on.” It sounded like Guido was sucking his teeth and settling in for a protracted negotiation.
“What?”
“Just how much are you thinking of paying?”
“Whatever you need. Get over here, pronto. The address—”
“Whoa, tiger, where’s the fire? This your prom night?”
“Listen, Vinnie—”
“Guido.”
“Who cares? I’m a homicide detective with a totaled car and I need to get to a murder scene fast. So whatever you need, combat pay, hazard pay, you got it. And you better start driving before I arrest you for being an asshole.”
“Did they finally make that illegal?”
“Great, a driver and a comedian.” I gave him the address and hung up. I returned to the living room, smiling smugly. “Okay, Marn, we’re all set. A car will be here in about thirty minutes. Marny?” She was fast asleep on the couch, a few grains of rice stuck in her hair.
“Let her sleep, mate. She’s had a hard day; she told us about her car,” Alistair said.
“Everybody’s days are hard right now,” I said. “Look at us, cooped up here on top of each other, in sleeping bags, candles, and takeout.”
“You don’t like it, you can go home,” Sophie said.
I thought of my dark, cold house with its electric stove, electric heat, electric hot water heater, no candles, no woman, and silence so thick it was cotton in my ears. I laughed crossly. “No, thanks.”
I sat in an overstuffed wingback and stared at the fire until I heard a horn honk outside. “Don’t wait up,” I said as I gathered my wallet, keys, badge, gun, cigarettes, Zippo, flashlight, phone, and coat.
